I wish you knew how hard I’m trying.
How hard it is to get out of bed.
How hard it is to be around people.
How hard it is to crack a smile and pretend.
I wish you knew how much I loved you.
I wish you knew it’s not your fault.
I wish
;

The last night we spoke it felt like the birds would never chirp again,
The love lost silence after each sentence was what I picture the inside of a black hole to be.
You closed your eyes and cradled your head,
Sunken and broken,
We sat on the edge of our shipwreck at the bottom of an endless ocean,
I couldn’t patch the dams with my words,
The cracks were abundant.
Today I visit the iceberg we hit,
It is still mountainous,
And I am still not ready to tackle the climb.

I live in a one bedroom apartment.
Everything is going great until I have to pay Rent.
One day the electricity turns off;
I have no money to put off.
The next day the water turns off;
I have no money to put off.
Then a roommate shows up,
And everything turned off.
This roommate I have keeps me home,
He keeps me awake at night,
Screaming at the top of his lungs,
Begging me to come home.
When I get home I feel alone,
Then he starts to peel the wallpaper off the walls
Like pulling skin off the bone.
This is not home;
This is my home,
And my roommate...
Is depression.

I lay in awkward silence...
Intimancy all but taken from me.
My ability to shut down has become my personality...
I say a few words he doesn't understand.
He sees only what he wants to see.
He seeks only to pacify me...
Hopes all issues will just disappear.
He sees nothing wrong with how things are.
I am so lonely.
I shouldn't be.
I have basic needs that just never seem to get satisfied.
There must be something seriously wrong with me.
Am I broken?
In my throat forms a lump but I can not cry.
I am weak my greatest fear to be alone.
I can be with myself and spend time with myself but oh how I just want someone to love me.
Not in the family way not in the friend way but to look at me with desire and passion.
To put me on equal ground.
To really make me into their partner.
No one does tho.
I turn over to lay in awkward silence on my other side the rain falls outside...the sky at least knows to spill it's greif.

You're choking me.
Can't you see, I cannot breathe.
Can't you see, your words smother me.
Almost as if your hands were wrapped around my throat.
I can't swallow,
I try and spit at your words,
But you spit in my face.
You're choking me,
Give me some space.

Last nigtht I slept with my loneliness
It was better than sleeping all alone
It was better than nothing at all

She didn't leave in the morning
She made a great company
We shared the whole night
              with all her stories

We talk for hours until dawn's coming

Perhaps today I decide to invite her again
to have a coffee with her, go for a walk
Maybe I'm starting to fall in love of her
I can barely know what's on my head
so I can't tell what's on my heart

Maybe I'm start loving my own loneliness
and I find that kinda pretty sad

Two different worlds
Two seperate skies
And only one that they can see

Inside my mind
When darkness falls
There is no other soul but me

Alone I pace
In deepest night
And no one takes my hand

To lead me from
My shadowed tomb
Where I am doomed to stand

Ah, pray for me,
Though kindness helps,
For only love can save me now

A lonely girl
Lost long ago
Who does not trust, and knows not how

Too often left
Though many cared
And no one saw the pain inside

That lonely girl
The happy mask
Was made so carefully to hide

But now it cracks
The paint wears off
And someone soon is bound to know

And steps will tread
The lonely walks
Where only I’m allowed to go

Perhaps at last
Someone will break
The wall I’ve built around my heart

But no one will
For all have eyes,
And I have been too long apart

And so, alas
For here I stand
A lonely girl in a shadowed land.