Your lips are on mine kissing like the first time only this time, your lips aren’t moving like mine

   slowly,
        tasting,
             dancing at the right speed while yours…..

yours aren’t moving the way mine do feeling as if we are intertwining

yours are moving to its own beat trying to ****** while mine are trying to melt into yours

This feeling is fading like the hair covering your age

it’s not growing
        slowly slipping away into nothing

Now you’re saying that you love me but your actions are getting closer feeling me not out of love but lust

You’re craving….. craving something you’ve watched and can pretend it on me so you can experience this feeling with them

Them meaning the ones you’ve seen the ones you’ve talked to told what to do so when you tell me to touch my body it doesn’t feel the same because you may be telling me but you’ve also told them

You don’t love me
you love the fact that you’re with someone who is younger.
***** still tight body still young just like the others you lust over

Now im sitting here in our bed the same bed you’ve seen them in and I can’t get this feeling out of my head
So
Why is this different?

When caterpillars are born
They just, they all look the same
Just like how babies are born
Coming out of their mothers
Womb, they cry, scream,
They feel helpless.

But we were taught at a
Young age that we need
To be independent, but how
Can we be independent if
We don’t feel like we are
In our own body
Just like how caterpillars are
Colored to to resemble their
Surroundings. We hide behind
A mask, we pretend that
Everything is okay
But there are teens out there
Reaching for that blade or
Another bottle just one more
Time

But that one time
May be their last breath

Caterpillars make
Cocoons just like
How teens hide in
Their rooms,
They say I’m fine
But if you look into
Their eyes you
See darkness, there’s
No life left in them

It’s hard, we say we
Don’t need help but we’re
Screaming for it


We hide in our cocoons and
We comfort ourselves but it’s
The wrong kind of comfort
We rely on that bottle or
That blade rather than someones
Ear or their shoulder

We hide who we are
We want to fit in so
We pretend to be beautiful
We pretend to be happy
We put up that wall, just like caterpillars

We don’t see our true
Colors
We don’t see how
Beautiful we are

The darkness is scary

But we...we give up
Until we see that light,
That light saves us
It cracks open a new
Beginning

We put down that blade and
We put down that bottle
And we pick up
Our journals, and our pencils

Caterpillars come out on the
Other side, they bloom
We bloom, we open up our
Wings and take off
We become butterflies

it happened at night
December 20th 1969, my first ****
two kids in their car
you'll have to wait till

April 30th, 1967
i wrote my letter
bates had to die
nothing will get better

now take it back to 1969
last day of July
San Francisco Chronicles first letter
I bet everyone wanted to cry

it's now the 70's
still haven't been caught
i did talk to two police officers
maybe they didn't think of the distraught

i like the attention
and all the fame
to bad you don't know me
i wonder who you'll blame

I've killed a lot of people
I'd say 37 about
you still don't know me
are you losing all doubt

today will be my last letter
1974 in the middle of April
i wonder who will play me in my movie
whoever it is will be shameful

my case is unsolvable
no one cam believe it
they can't find me
i could always go back if i could commit to it

i hope you enjoyed my story
keep my case on track
everybody keeps on wondering
i am and will be the Zodiac

His voice, his smile, his laugh
     was dancing around her
                                     rambunctious mind
she remembered everything about him,
          but his smile made her fall in love
                                                          with him.
    The way his lips parted and the corners  
curled up
                        her stomach fluttered when          
             she saw it,
    but now, when she stares, she feels
                paralyzed
                                                  still
                         she can’t breath
  He’s gone but her mind, oh her mind,
         keeps racing
                                 blasting
         roaring.
                           She just wants it to end
             why won’t it end?

My tears watered the flowers in my
heart. It held them in and kept them
safe from the world until I met the
monster.

At first he made me feel alive like
I was worth something but he left me
and those flowers in my heart died.
they died with every dignity I had
left and my heart shattered.

It still is and I don't think it
will ever be the same. Those flowers
will forever be dead.

Her mind comes alive at 2 a.m.
That's when the monsters come out to play.
She shouts quietly "No,no,no!"
The tears come down pouring, her room is now flooded.
She is trying to stay above the water but her demons pull her down.
She feels like her old self again, numb, that's all she ever felt.
But she tried her hardest for months to stay above,she even promised, but she gave in and drowned.
Her demons have won, and it's only 2 a.m.

in an entire universe i thought that i'd never see you again, but you appeared and i dropped everything to be with you. you look happy and i got jealous. you moved on without even saying goodbye. silly me you never loved me it was all lust, that was all i ever got from you.
a thousand kisses i'd never get, a million hugs. all it was was a lie from your perfect lips. i longed for you for years upon years. i changed myself for you to be the person you needed in your life and all i got were lies.
i wanted you but you never wanted me. i sit here now knowing that i got a glimpse of you and you never saw me. i don't miss you i don't even want you but the thought that i could have had you will haunt me forever. we were so close but yet so far away.
in a million years i thought i'd never see you again but there you were. you always found a way to get back into my mind even if i never saw you.
by the music we used to listen to, i still do because it reminds me of what we had. even if i hear the name my mind instantly thinks of you. i used to think you were the best thing that ever happened to me until i learned what lying was to a girl. you never loved me and you never would. i went down a path that i shouldn't have and my life has changed in all those years. from upset to sadness all the way down the ladder to depression. a razor became my new friend and now pills. that was until i met him, he made me feel again.
i didn't know how it happened or when but he saved me from my own self-destruction. you dug a hole for mt to climb in, but he found a rope and helped me out, he was there for me when i wanted to die, he wrapped me in his arms and all i could think of was how you never would. i found the perfect guy for me and i saw a future. what i saw in you was lust and lust never last. i forgive you now, all the lying saying you love me, i forgive. for all those times at 2 a.m. when i cried over you, i forgive. even late at night when i thought my razor was my best friend, all those cuts were because of you and to tell you the truth i forgive you about all of that because of you i learned that even lust will bring you love and love is a lasting thing if you find the right guy and because of you i found him.
i still cry over you sometimes when i get those dark thoughts at night. you have your own folder in my mind that i will never get rid of but kept locked with all the other boys who broke my heart. i will never forget about you even if i tried. you are embedded in my brain, you have made me who i am today. the only thing i would want to say to you is i hope you find the girl for you and marry her because finding the love or your life is the best feeling in the world and i am glad i found mine.

She wanted love, but he only intended to get what he wanted. Silly girl gave him everything because he told her that he loved her,  but he left for someone else because he didn't want a girl who was broken.