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Dec 2017
in an entire universe i thought that i'd never see you again, but you appeared and i dropped everything to be with you. you look happy and i got jealous. you moved on without even saying goodbye. silly me you never loved me it was all lust, that was all i ever got from you.
a thousand kisses i'd never get, a million hugs. all it was was a lie from your perfect lips. i longed for you for years upon years. i changed myself for you to be the person you needed in your life and all i got were lies.
i wanted you but you never wanted me. i sit here now knowing that i got a glimpse of you and you never saw me. i don't miss you i don't even want you but the thought that i could have had you will haunt me forever. we were so close but yet so far away.
in a million years i thought i'd never see you again but there you were. you always found a way to get back into my mind even if i never saw you.
by the music we used to listen to, i still do because it reminds me of what we had. even if i hear the name my mind instantly thinks of you. i used to think you were the best thing that ever happened to me until i learned what lying was to a girl. you never loved me and you never would. i went down a path that i shouldn't have and my life has changed in all those years. from upset to sadness all the way down the ladder to depression. a razor became my new friend and now pills. that was until i met him, he made me feel again.
i didn't know how it happened or when but he saved me from my own self-destruction. you dug a hole for mt to climb in, but he found a rope and helped me out, he was there for me when i wanted to die, he wrapped me in his arms and all i could think of was how you never would. i found the perfect guy for me and i saw a future. what i saw in you was lust and lust never last. i forgive you now, all the lying saying you love me, i forgive. for all those times at 2 a.m. when i cried over you, i forgive. even late at night when i thought my razor was my best friend, all those cuts were because of you and to tell you the truth i forgive you about all of that because of you i learned that even lust will bring you love and love is a lasting thing if you find the right guy and because of you i found him.
i still cry over you sometimes when i get those dark thoughts at night. you have your own folder in my mind that i will never get rid of but kept locked with all the other boys who broke my heart. i will never forget about you even if i tried. you are embedded in my brain, you have made me who i am today. the only thing i would want to say to you is i hope you find the girl for you and marry her because finding the love or your life is the best feeling in the world and i am glad i found mine.
Written by
KW  20/F
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