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Johann Arteaga May 2019
You know, there's times
Where I just can't help
But feel inadecuate
at your side.

It's not your fault
Not at all
And it also isn't mine
Not really.

It's also not as bad
As I make it sound
It is something I feel though
Just a fact, that's all

Let me explain
With my usual
Ridiculously cheesy
Way of speech

You see my dear
You are something else
Quite unique
Truly out of this world

In you I see all the beauty
I've ever seen in life

I can see that light in your eyes,
When something makes you laugh

I can see beautiful waves in your hair,
Even when you say it's not that great

I can see the mischief in your smile,
When you are about to mess with me

I can see what I hope is love in your face,
Every time I say how much I love you

I see a lot in you

I see a lot more everyday

To me you are mystical, filled to the brim
With all that is magic in the cosmos
And all those things we wish were true

To me you are perfectly imperfect,
Moody, sour, mischievous,
Loving, trustworthy, understanding,
You are you, and you are what I love.

So that's why
When you feel down
Or sick
Or angry
Or just plain wrong
I often don't feel enough

That is because I always wish I could help
Even when I know you are fine on your own
(You are too strong to be otherwise)

I often wonder if I'm worthy of you
If I'm not boring or annoying or plain

I usually struggle to help you,
And you make me feel better so easily
(it's impressive honestly)

Enough with self pity though
Because if you have given me something,
That something is hope.

So it's alright if sometimes I feel inadecuate
Because I also feel you appreciate me anyways

It's alright if I can't always help
Because I also know you are stronger than most

It's alright if I'm not perfect
Because I know you know
And I hope you know I try very hard
And I just hope my love is enough.
A slighlty nonsensical blurb that I just felt the need to write. It didn't turn out very pretty, and that's okay, it was all impulse and no thinking too deep. And sometimes not thinking and just feeling is better.
Johann Arteaga Feb 2019
It's hard to think of me
As an optimistic guy
When I'm always worrying
About everything's that's bad

The truth is I'm not positive
It's just not how I think
It's easier to focus
On all that I fear

I jump from worry to worry
From sadness to nightmares
And let's not forget
Problems that aren't there

Yes, I'm not an optimist

And I never will be


But I'm a dreamer

And I always will be

While I fear a lot of things
I've learned to be brave
I'm always fighting
So my dreams I can save

Every other day I'll fall
Into sadness and strife
But hope is inside me
And it brings me to life

I get up every time
Again and again
Through countless battles
Success I will gain

So to you I say

Make your dreams catch aflame

Even if they turn to embers

With a little hope

They can burn all the same
I struggle a lot when it comes to being happy. I'm most definitely not an optimist, I always think about the bad things first and the good things often get drowned out by the darker thoughts. I worry constantly, about things like my friends or betrayal or the future. It's easy to get lost in all of that, but as cheesy as it sounds, it's true that light shines brightest when it's dark. One thing I'm absolutely proud of myself for is always holding on to my hopes and dreams, and even when I lose hope I find it again just as fast.

I like to think of it as a bonfire or something like that, where the flames may die down and then roar back up, but they never get put out.

I hope and dream, that every single one of us finds something to keep their bonfires lit.
Johann Arteaga Jan 2019
Last night we talked
About legends of old,
About space and our future,
And whatever it holds.

You knew exactly
What you wanted to do,
And I was scared to death
It wouldn't come true.

I'll admit I got nervous
about you and me,
our future is uncertain
and I wanted to flee

But you held me tight
My soul you secured
After a hug and some words
I was suddenly sure

Yes, the future is scary
I don't know what will unfold
But we'll face it together
Whatever it holds.
I won't think of the bad things that can happen anymore, and i won't imagine a future without you. I'll take the risk and be as naive as can be, I'll hold unto that dream of you and me facing whatever comes, hand in hand, until we grow old.
Johann Arteaga Jan 2019
Your cheeks
Your lips
Your passion
Your heart

Your body
Your breath
Your temper
Your spirit

Your shoes
Your nails
Your days
Your feelings

Your nose
Your hands
Your stare
Your tears


Your smile
Your laugh
Your words
Your soul



A little something for no one and everyone. Kept intentionally vague, so you can see who you wanna see, including yourself of course.
Johann Arteaga Jan 2019
Today I am drowning
In a sea of thoughts
An ocean of 'If only's
That last night have brought

I wish you were here
Lying right by my side
But I know that's impossible
For with my sleep you die

Your beauty is unmatched
Your voice, music I hear
Your perfection is fitting
As it's wholly unreal

That's why at night
I always want to scream
Because I'll see you
But in the end...

You're just a dream.
About an actual dream I had, of someone I'd never met in my life. It was too vivid, it left me stunned when I woke up. I couldn't go to sleep again until I finished this.
Johann Arteaga Jan 2019
As I sat by the edge
And stared down in wonder
I felt a hand upon my shoulder
A cold and familiar sight
It was Death, again by my side

She looked at me as always
With her usual smile
Even though, it had been a while
I took her hand in mine
For what felt like the hundredth time

She then asked of me,
"What is it now, my dear?
Is there something new you fear?"
A chuckle from my lips fell,
"Oh love, you know me so well"

She softly leaned against me
And lightly hummed in thought,
"I do, we used to talk a lot"
I remembered all my strife,
"Yes, before I got busy with life"

I saw her frown a bit
"I still think of you often"
At that her features softened,
"I know you do", she said
That she was glad went unsaid

She looked at me sweetly,
"I'm a patient woman"
And I was just a man,
I wouldn't live forever
"One day, we'll finally be together".

We smiled,

Both with love.

And me,

With hope.
Back when I wrote this it had been a while since I had last thought of dying. I was busy, too distracted to really sit and think of how bad I really felt, but eventually I had some free time, and naturally my thoughts drifted to this. I wasn't really sad, nor desperate to die, just empty, and more than a little tired. I thought of Death wistfully, like one thinks of an old lover who you never quite stopped loving, one who deep inside you still hope to see again.

I don't relate this with suicide, it's not what I wanted at the time. I wanted to rest, I felt tired of living, and as such daydreamed of the day far in the future in which I could truly rest in peace.

— The End —