when the clouds pass me by I'm at peace
The stars spark joy,
the moon feels like a mirror
being in nature helps things become more clear
The wind holds my hands for seconds
and I feel like I'm being held
The ground beneath me tells me I'm strong
The rain that pours down on me
feels like hope and security
I want to believe it's who I'm becoming

I let fear fog up my mind
My thoughts yell at me "I'm trying!"
While my actions show me
I want to let the light in

but I fall into darkness
all too often I hide away
and avoid the open blue sky
because the rainclouds distract my mind

the sky-blue sheet above me
only inspires every thought
I try to avoid to blow through
and bring rain from within

I have value
It comes from within,
I know it's enough
I feel it under my skin.

It vibrates from me,
The power I hold
I'm special,
I'm something to behold.

I know I'm sensitive
It's something I used to hate
But now I'm embracing it,
There's a reason I'm this way.

So I stick to my routine,
I don't want to give up
I may fall down at times,
But I will not get stuck.

I don't want to listen to music anymore, I'm tired.
What is self worth?
I've been trying but lack value
No one sticks around, so now I'm out too

A wave washes over me
I tell it to go away,
It's so overwhelming
Feeling feelings everyday

I want to relax
But things feel too good to be true.
It's so nerve racking;
Waiting for things to fall through

Dear dad,

From you I learned that anger was scary.
You never expressed it in a way that wasn't frightening.
Anger was always directed at someone or something,
You often voiced threats and I could only nod along because I was so afraid.

Ever since the day you burned the bridge we made,
The string that kept me full of hope; burned and faded away,
I'd lie to myself for a long time,
I protected you my whole life.

Because of you, I don't know how to feel mad.
It rarely happens but when it does,
It's usually directed at myself.
Because I don't want to scare or hurt anyone else.

I can't use my voice when I'm angry
I cry and step away,
Or wait until I get to my car to scream
as I drive home and feel hateful.

I hate my anger...
I feel disappointed
I'll never tell you but
I wish you had done better.