I have had too many instances in my life where people have tried to take my voice from me and take my choice from me countless times .. I wasn’t able to fight back all this years ago when I got jumped in that bathroom and I wasn’t able to say no when I was under the influence coerced into what to this day most would call ****.. I should be stronger I should be saying **** everyone I should scream I’m at my breaking point…& my wits end with so many different emotions left to fend .. I’m a good person but I’m afraid I’m gonna go OJ Simpson once I’ve reached my limit . I’m tired of taking other peoples **** I’m tired of being too nice, some **** is really unacceptable, unnecessary and unforgivable. Who cares what other people think or feel when they have hurt me too? I’m tired of feeling for others when I should be worried about me . I’ve unpacked and healed so many traumas but there is a pattern that I’m attracting that needs to cease.. I’m scared of my true anger deep down cuz it can get crazy if it isn’t transmuted correctly but I got this. I know this , I need to express myself and have no regrets. Some people don’t think but surely I do . Surely I’m two steps ahead and above them at their ******* games but why do they choose to play games? This is real life not a movie .. they’re insane and I’m done blaming myself for other peoples projections they need to work on themselves. Shadow work at its finest. my ancestors and spirit guides always are gonna look out for me I’m a goddess not a Harlot so above all people should watch what they say or do to me. God gonna spin the block for me✝️

Lately I haven’t been feeling like myself and lately I’ve been wondering if certain things are still worth it. Does my man understand my worth and appreciate and accept me for who I am? I shouldn’t have to question myself every week about this. I want things to get better and I want us to be better but I don’t know what’s meant anymore . All I know is that I love him with all my heart and at this point my heart is hurting. It was too open too available for him and now it is just an open wound that only I can heal. Only I will know how to heal it and in time I pray things will
go well . But only god knows if we’re meant . I would never want this to feel like  waste of time on both sides and I don’t want to give up either. He wants to be mentally stimulated and apparently I haven’t been that for him. It doesn’t matter how much of a intellectual I am if we cannot see eye to eye . I’ve been a ride or die but if we cannot move forward we can’t fly high. I just have to trust my intuition because it always knows best lord knows I’ve been put to the test...

If I was to leave you right now I don’t think you’d mourn my loss the way I do yours.
I don’t think you realize what you have a lot of people wish they had.
I don’t think you know the amount of stuff I’ve decided to put up with to stay with you.
When you barely put up with me.
When the going gets tough you leave.
I’m too much to handle and that’s too much for you.
My emotions are high because you put me on this roller coaster .. I’m walking on eggshells just to get by.
But I love you so I chose to stay... I continue to stay because I feel you’re worth fighting for . But this emotional distress I keep going through will go on no more ! Because I will be out that door..

How could you end things so easily?
Was the love really ever there ? And
Did you ever really care? My heart
Is broken once again. Not once not twice but thrice .. you left me again. You’re
Verbally abuse and I’ve took this for long
Enough. I have to be done I have to get rid of you emotionally mentally and physically.
You just wanted to be done so bad over a
stupid argument .. shows your true colors
Shows me who you really are .. I deserve better than this.

Will I ever love again?
Or be afraid to fall .. all the love is in me and I give it to myself but to keep holding back how I feel in case of a mishap I wonder if I’m safer that way
I know myself and I know I can get attached easily so In order to protect myself I have to detach a bit not get my heart fully involved if the person can’t commit. I always know what I’m capable of and I don’t know about others . I’m still young and I’m still learning ..

Is it wrong to..
Feel too much
Do too much
Like too much
Love too much
Trust in your gut and your heart and soul trying to find control.
The balance between lust and fate
Love and hate . Searching finding loving learning ..
....wanting needing getting having ..