I wish I knew those who cared enough
to read my thoughts

I wish I knew the ones who loved my thoughts & think it could challenge the most beautiful things

I wish when I cross people's minds they think of character, and intelligence

to be called smart, creative, or beautifully minded is my ultimate goal

that's all care for
that's all I dream for
in hopes for it to come

can I buy a ticket

to your mind

I would spend all I had just to see

everything you wish to achieve & all you desire to be

or would you give a ticket free

cause they say the best things in life are free

would it be a roller coaster

or would it be

an air plane ride gliding through the ideas in your mind

or is there no admission at all

no way to see what you are

because it's blocked with fear and the past

darling it may be the hardest part but

if you give me vip

fast lane

first class

i promise i'll love every second

and every part of the ride


If your minds an airplane could I also ask a favor

I would like a one way ticket

cause once i'm there and i know every part of it i still won't want to go back

i'll be waiting, my flight could be delayed due to something in the the heart of the plane

my roller coaster could be stuck on something

but i'll be patient

because i know
it will be the thrill of the night
or the thrill of my life

"follow your gut"

easy for you to declare

my mind says "no" my friends say "leave"

my guts says "GO"

so I do just that

           what is right

both I feel are right

both I feel are wrong

that's a hand full

maybe I'll just

stand still

I wrote many poems in my life
about boys, about life
The poems about you are the worst
they're the ones nobody likes
I can't get my feelings out when I write about you
I can't tell if it's because I don't have them or because they're too strong
and I'm trying to figure it out and see if what we have is wrong
should the worst poems be about the best person? Or should my worst poems be about the worst moments with the worst person for me
I don't know I wish you would just tell me

Asking silly questions
About places I no longer live
And people that
Maybe should have stayed friends
Who really burned bridge

Both of us
No innocence here
Who really threw first stone

More questions that don't matter
Naked answers drained of endorphins
Let me be the honey sweet mulled wine
Take me to dinner with your Prada
White girl no *** pearly teeth

Telling me really
'All men are pigs anyways my darling'
Making me her plump little Sunday swine
'Shall I feed at thy trough'
Earns me a red cheek'd slap

I am broken bruised used up body
You are an empty ruse
Used to suss me out
Fork in road tongued snake
Eating up all the leftover soul goodness

You can squeeze the life out of me
Smiling up at you grateful
My fallen angel Prometheus

Brooding over brews
Breathing over false prophet lines
It turns out I'm falling apart again
'You seem to be so in control'

Through the haze
Hiding in pristine dreams
Painting over the cracks
Sullen porcelain princess
Sin fest cease your ingress
Said the girl in fake flower print dress
She knows what's good
Like smoking in the back woods

Lesbian shirtless circus living room roomie
Sees through facade as if to say
It's all a farce

Understanding somehow
Secret inner nightmare
Don't know how to stop hiding
Can't forget

Try as I might
Only see things
In black and white
Really black spreading carrion bird
Vulture wings to pick clean to bone

No friend just a fake toothache smile
Who wants something
Too bad too late all used up
Throw away mate
Past best before date
Rotten meat parasite infested

Inevitable buried garbage pit fate
Dig it just big enough for
A dead little Elliot me
Be my Big Sur Billie
And ******* bury me

Cold winter camping
Frigorific night huddled around fire
Many coyotes auspiciously howling nearby
"Don't worry, they're across the water"
Still I wait at the ready with coyot-basher

Tents in snow shielded from peninsula
By tarps lashed together with rope and ply
"You'd probably die out here" says Oscar
Here meaning Newfoundland
Here meaning the Northern Pen.
Agreeing monosylabically

Nearly hypothermic thinking
Not so bad
Maybe stay another night (says the voice)
Sneak down to water
And jump in ice fishing hole

Oh yes mediating meditating medicating
Over blue baby guitbox
Tea and black Afghan
Remembering again
Old friend

Oh yass yass (imaginary drawl)
Memories come back stronger
I ask Sil 'hey Sil there a word for that?'
She stares back with icy eyes

(Steel blue) As if to say 'Why ask?'
And in asking this really asking
Wherefore and other trite inanities
Fleeting requiem distractions
Tired repeat eulogies