I've seen the sun,
It's shimmery glow,
And felt it's warmth too,
And yet,
I still swim deeper,
Without knowing why this
Is what I do.

This morning
I woke up
Next to a stranger,
And when I found myself
Picturing your face
Instead of hers
I'm not sure if
I was more
Terrified
Or relieved
When I felt exactly the same.

It's so much more
Than the daffodil sunrise
Exhaling puffed purple trails of smokey
Cotton ball clouds
Reflected across the stitches
Of your hazel-green iris
That captures my attention so,
And refuses to return
My breath you've stolen.

It was last night,
To feel your cracked hand
Resting gently in my own,
The hum of your voice
Tied down an octave
Lower with a deary,
Flowery rasp escaping
The curve of your lips
So soft in the occasional
Murmur of streets lights
Winking past our speeding car,
The way your head
Fell cocked to the side,
Nuzzled in the knitted fibers
Of some patterned scarf
Draped around your neck,
It was last night
As I felt your fingers
Intertwine with my own
That I felt at home
In a world that spins
So fast,
So without worry,
Now, as do I.

I never knew
I was drowning
Until I took a breath of you
And saw colors again
For the very first time.

I caught the scent
Of rot
On my breath today,

I think something deep
Inside me
Died recently

And is withering away.

Tonight,
All I wanted to do
Was to stand in the center
Of my old high school football field
Lingering loudly in the shadows
Beyond my home,

And stare at the sky,
And scream,
Just ******* scream,

Because I am drowning
In my memories
And the flood
Needs to go somewhere.