The art I use has no meaning
I use be radiate happiness
Creating art is no longer in me
I willow away like leaves falling off during autumn.
People tried to push me towards my dream.
But my depression took it's grip.
And there went my dreams down a dark spiraling hole.

Art saved my life for the longest time.
As well as many other things.
But all the things I used to love and enjoy.
Are slipping out of my hands.
Then what will happen?
The dark cloud will consume me like it had many unknown others.

Do you care?
About any of the thoughts and feelings I have.
Do you care?
When my depression makes me isolate myself
Do you care?
About me at all.
Do you care?
About my suicidal thoughts.
Do you care?
When I cry.
Do you care?
If I'm happy or even doing ok.

Do you care?
That i try to support and love you, when I shouldn't.
Do you care?
Of anything I've tried doing for you.
Do you care?
That i still try to be your friend when you've left me at my darkest hours.

Do you even care.
I can't keep staying and trying much longer.
Just let me go so I can heal.  
You aren't a friend to me anymore.
Your just a stranger to me now.

There's a problem with our society
Worse than insecurities, depression, and anxiety
It's how we deal with these problems
Rather, it's how we cause them
If we disagree, we're just wrong
We're put down and told we don't belong
We've not been given a reason for what not to say
We've learned to just hold our thoughts at bay
There are kids who want to talk but fear the label
So they remain quiet and in line, feeling disabled
We wonder why they'd come to school with a gun
Yet we allow where these thoughts begun
There are things missing from our history books
Hidden by the sole judgement of how we look
Drown out the world with sound when alone
It's not their problem, but I don't have a home
A teacher never fails, it's you who takes the blow
But the greatest lessons we'll never know
They teach us the professional way
But we can **** ourselves with razorblades
We rather not talk about suicide
So we push the truth down even further to hide
We become a far more dangerous group of kids
Although it's our culture that forbids
Yet we glorify those of honor and praise
Celebrating them as they gave to the grave
Please don't be afraid of our opinion
But we think our culture treats losses like a win
Listen to me--these words are very convenient
Our opinion will not be lenient
Why is it we know them for their death
But otherwise, we don't care for their breath
We don't quite get what we're communicating
Death is a logical way is what we're saying
They begin to believe they're better off dead
But we must help them get through their head
Our voices are clear--we're demanding action
These people aren't worth it--they get a fraction
I mean no disrespect to who is left behind
But we must know this should not be glorified
We must understand what we're engraving
And the affects on how we're behaving
Do not give to the succession in a grave
But fight with us in the path that we pave
They need to know, together they will get far
This ambiguity is not who we are

I'm sorry
I've done it again.

They forced me to,
The voices in my head

Telling me I'm not enough
Worthless and a burden

No one's going to love me
And there isn't any point in trying.

They told me to
Go back to my blade

And seek comfort in the pain.
And that's what I did.

As I held my blade in my hand,
I felt the beautiful feeling of home.

Old memories fogged my mind,
The beauty of carving my skin and the pain that followed

It's an addiction
And also a hard one to get over.

I'm holding on to nothing
My grip slipped from the rope
I'm forever in this dark hole i now call home.
I'm the only one who can change that.
Yet,  I'm trapped by this dark mass that haunts me.
It follows me every where.
Some days it keeps its distance.
Other days it's holding me till I suffocate

The dark mass that consumed me.
Consumes many of us.
Some are stuck like me.
Others are hanging on the edge.
While others stand to help.
Some walk away.
This mass is important.
We all need to stand up and fight.

Why is it always you?
Why does it have to always be about you?
For once, think about others.
Did you know the night you abandoned me,
I almost killed myself?
Probably not cause you don't ask about me.
Did you know my dog has been almost 3 months?
You knew she was sick for months.
But you never asked about her.
It's always about you.
My feelings don't matter to you.
You use me till I'm dry.
You mentally ***** me up.
I'm so lost of what to do.
Your not a friend to me.
I'm just supporting you to keep you afloat.
I'm hoping one day you'll realize what I've done to make you happy.
To push you to achieve things.
Yet you ******* off when I needed you at my lowest points.
Yet, I'm still here.
I'm your safety net.
What will you do if I give out?
Your safety net is hanging on by a thread.
You better come to realization before my last thread breaks.

I watched this year slip away
I lost my will to live.
I watched my bestfriend die slowly in front of me for months.
I couldn't do anything.
I watched myself push away everything I once loved.
I lost my goals and dreams this year.
Lost motivation.
This year I lost myself.
I wonder where I'm at.
All I know is I hope i find my way back.

2018 destroyed who I was and who I am.
Now I'm just another useless body.