I watched this year slip away
I lost my will to live.
I watched my bestfriend die slowly in front of me for months.
I couldn't do anything.
I watched myself push away everything I once loved.
I lost my goals and dreams this year.
Lost motivation.
This year I lost myself.
I wonder where I'm at.
All I know is I hope i find my way back.

2018 destroyed who I was and who I am.
Now I'm just another useless body.

Their she was
On the edge of the cliff
Wind whipping through her hair.
The sound of waves crashing.
She's surrounded by such beauty
Yet thoughts consume her
She can't enjoy the things she used too.
She wants to know who she is .
She wants to find that missing piece.
She wants answers.

She used to be human.
She use to have fun.
She used to be talkative
She used to be alive.

Her emotions run her life into the ground.
Her fun turned into pain.
Her voice doesn't have strength to talk.
She's alive, but only her body is here.

My time here is coming to an end.
I see the drop into nothingness.
I'm at the edge looking down.
A noose tied around my neck.
One foot off the ledge.
My final thoughts.
Am I finally going to be free?
Am I going to be happy finally?
As I step off the ledge,
Something stops me before the noose tightens around my neck.
He stands behind me.
Wrapping his arms tightly around me.
I'm here for you.
I say I just want to die.
He says your better than this. Your a fighter.
I'm worthless, a burden, and exhausting person to be with.
He says, I love you and all of your mess.
I simply don't understand.
I push and push for him to leave.
He stays.
I want him to be free from my disease.
My disease has it's grip and won't let go.
He stays and stays.
He fights and fights.
He hugs and hugs.
He loves and loves.
He is the one who saves me over and over.
Yet I stand at the edge always looking over, Waiting to leap.
He won't let me cause I matter to someone.
I matter.