Sometimes I’m tragically  sad
Unjustly so
And I’m tired of apologizing for it

I may never wrap my head around
What it was about you
That could make me run full speed ahead into that dead end

you ask me why i'm nervous
and in my head i reply,
i don't want you to uncover
the parts of me that i despise.

Time in heartbreak is a funny thing
It moves slowly but when you turn around to face the path you see that miles have rushed by.

My therapist blinks
Once
         Twice
“But you know that’s no good”

I stare thoughtfully
“Yes”

“Yes what?”

Yes, I know how many calories it takes to keep from fainting,
To keep the growling at bay
To stop the cramping
But that doesn’t stop my body from revolting every time I take a bite
It doesn’t keep the calculator from running
It doesn’t make unsafe foods seem safe


Because nothing stops the pain like physical pain. And up until this point nothing has ever felt quite as good as hunger.


“Yes I know I can’t skip breakfast and lunch”

But my bones know the truth.