Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
i act like deleting texts
means deleting feelings

but i think i'm just avoiding them.
She's only 17 her whole life's ahead of her.
She hates school because the people they discredit her.
Her boyfriend tries to show her that's not how it seems.
But everyday she just gets lowered by her self esteem.
He tries to tell her every night will have a brighter day.
She even tried to over dose and take her life away.
She's feeling hopeless there sitting down beside her bed.
Then he takes his hand and places it beside her head.
He tries to hold her close but with every touch she still resists.
Then he sees the scars that burry deep within her wrists.
She's feeling numb, he starts to beg and plead and ask her why.
She says this way I have control of the pain she feels inside.
He's asking her how long it's been since you've felt this way.
Because you got me and I'm feeling so **** helpless.
She says its been a while I guess I needed better luck.
Then he screams at her and tells her Baby never cut!

Nobody seems to get you, you think you're on your own,
Well listen pretty lady you don't have to be alone.
So baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.
I know your heart is hurting, you think the road has end,
You may just feel the bade your holding is your only friend.
But baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.

The next day she's feeling better than the day before.
Even cracked a couple smiles as she walked the corridor.
But all that seemed to end she dropped her books as she went into class.
And every student in he room just seemed to point and laugh.
She couldn't take it anymore she sent her boy a text.
It said I love you with my body, soul and heart to death.
Te thought nothing typed I love you then he sent it.
By death he didn't know that she had literally just meant it.
She ducked the next class ran straight into the bathroom.
Thought to her self she wouldn't brake her promise that soon.
1 cut... 2 cuts... 3 cuts... 4
The blood just started dripping from the tub to the floor.
Her boyfriend had a feeling in his stomach that he hated.
Followed it and ran down to her house he never waited.
The front door was open, he heard the water running.
He stormed into the bathroom and his heart just started gunning.

Nobody seems to get you, you think you're on your own,
Well listen pretty lady you don't have to be alone.
So baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.
I know your heart is hurting, you think the road has end,
You may just feel the bade your holding is your only friend.
But baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.

He put her arm around his shoulder he's just tranna lean her back up.
Yelling out her name as he lays her beside the bathtub.
He feels his whole world just got hit from an avalanche.
Screaming out so heavily, somebody call an ambulance.
Felling mad angry like somebody led her on to this.
Her eyeballs are rolling, drifting out of consciousness.
Thinking to himself why the hell didn't she just stop at will.
The tears just keep on rolling as they head to the hospital.
Paramedics rush her in, the doctor calls emergency.
She's lost a lot of blood the place looking like a ****** scene.
An hour later, the doc walks in with a sour face.
And says excuse me for the words that I'm about to say.
I'm sorry for your loss, the boy just starts collapsing.
His own world, his own girl just took a crashing.
Saying to himself that it's his fault and that he let it up.
But baby...I thought you promised you would never cut.

Nobody seems to get you, you think you're on your own,
Well listen pretty lady you don't have to be alone.
So baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.
I know your heart is hurting, you think the road has end,
You may just feel the bade your holding is your only friend.
But baby don't cut, baby don't cut.
You can do anything, just promise baby you won't cut.
this is a song that i go by and ill be putting up alot more lyrics
.... Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 16 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 3 Days

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 8 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 5 Days

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days 17 Hours 13 Minutes

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 2 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 3 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 4 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Months 3 Weeks 2 Days

Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 30 Seconds
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Minute
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Hour
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 12 Hours
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Day
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 2 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 3 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 4 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 5 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Week 6 Days
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 1 Week
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 2 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 3 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Month 4 Weeks
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 5 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 6 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 7 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 8 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 9 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 11 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 1 Month
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 2 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 3 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 4 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 5 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 6 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 7 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 8 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 9 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 10 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 1 Year 11 Months
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 2 and a Half Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 3 and a Half Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 and a Half Years
Time Since I've Cut Myself: 4 Years 9 Months 16 Days 11 Hours

.... Reset

Time Since I've Cut Myself: 10 Minutes

You've done it a hundred times before
But just when you thought the day would come
When you'd lose track of time
You'd forget when it was
And you wouldn't have to count anymore
You thought you were free of it
You'd made it far enough
You thought you'd gone long enough
You thought it was over....

You fall right back to zero.
 Feb 2020 Kole J McNeil
Jo
FtM
 Feb 2020 Kole J McNeil
Jo
FtM
I've been painted pink the instant the doctors
Wiped me of red.
I looked like the boys I knew - our differences a
Color palette provided by Mommy and Daddy.
I was their little girl, their princess who wished
Her hair would stop growing,
Lest she be locked in a stone tower.
I didn't mind the dress so much then,
Not when it was the only difference between me
And them.

Magic mirror before me, is wrong all I'll ever be?
I shut my eyes, unable to stand my body bare.
My knight, your skin simply is not right.
I've read the mirror never lies.

Mommy and Daddy are yelling
About my butch haircut.
Our little girl the ****, they say.
I did it myself.
Mommy still buys me dresses,
Daddy tells her to spend the money on
Therapy instead.
Daddy asks about boyfriends,
Mommy tells him I don't have any because I
Hide my *******.
I tell them I'm all wrong.
They agree.
We're talking about two different things.

I don't change for gym anymore.
The girls are secretly relieved I won't be there
To cast a wandering eye in their soft bodies.
I'm relieved I won't be in the wrong locker room.

Mommy and Daddy don't like me
Telling them who I am.
I've finally found my way out of the tower and
The king and queen are upset because their
Princess never made it home, just the knight.
My little girl, Mommy cries.
I follow the point of Daddy's finger to the door
Until I'm on a bus bound for somewhere else.

I shift from Pangea into separate pieces.
Finally I have space to breathe.
Needles, knives, pills bend my body to my will -
It took Michelangelo three years to build David.

Mommy and Daddy believe me to be
A delivery man. They are expecting to sign off
On a television set, yet when they see me
Idle in the doorframe there is a hesitance, a hope.
But most of all there is silence.
Mommy cannot speak, her hand curls like a gasp
Around her mouth.
Daddy begins to cry, his eyes pale and blue.
I am hugged.
They don't say sorry, but I hear then whisper.
My little boy, they say. My little boy.
Empathy poem for class
 Feb 2020 Kole J McNeil
Gwen
FtM
 Feb 2020 Kole J McNeil
Gwen
FtM
I walk the halls and glance at everyone I see,
The girls who are hurrying to the bathroom to fix their makeup,
And the boys who check them out as they walk by.

Is there anyone else here who can't go to the bathroom, because I swear to God just the thought of it gives me a small panic attack.
Is there anyone else here who looks down and is disappointed everyday because I am small, chesty and my face is far too round.

I never check out the girls, nor do I run to the bathroom to fix myself,
I walk and look at how much I wish I was one of the guys,
Flat chested, tall, lean and not having to wake up 5 extra minutes to put on a binder.
Never hating that their voice along with their round face will have others calling them "She" for their whole life.

Never will they come home with aching ribs,
and feel the stab of being misgendered.
Never will they be told "but you still look like a girl,"
Even though you are trying so hard that you feel your mind wearing thin.
Why can't I just be what they want me to be?
rant or poem ish thing??
I woke up, panic attack in full swing. This wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to win. This wasn't supposed to happen!
Morning call to my best friend, we're sobbing into each other's phones. We fear. We fear because we're not cis or heterosexual. We fear for our brothers, sisters, and siblings lacking a title. I fear for what will become of the country I live in.
I promise I wouldn't stand for my country's flag any more as long as he is our "president". I can't respect someone who is accused of ****** a 13 year old girl. He is no man, he was a joke for the Internet to feed off of, until it became too serious and real. Until the day youths of the LGBTQ+ community woke up terrified for their lives because his Vice President would favor having a dead child rather than a gay child, until the day Muslim women questioned if they should wear their hijab anymore because they feared retaliation for their religion from xenophobes, until the day the the chance of hate crimes seemed like a more likely answer for bigots because someone isn't white, until the day laughs of mockery turned into tears of fright.
This monstrosity may only be with us for four years, but a hell of a lot can happen in four years. I don't trust this person to run our country, I don't feel safe. I feel exposed and abandoned by the rights I was promised. I wish to join hands with everyone else who is in my position, and let this sink in until the day in January comes, where he gets his wish, and is finally in control.
I don't understand how America allowed Donald Trump to become president. I really don't. I hope that everyone is safe and please take care of yourself. I'm so sorry for everyone who is scared to death about this election and I just want you to know if you need to talk, hit me up. I'd be happy to talk.
 Feb 2020 Kole J McNeil
Alaynah
Being black
Being LGBTQ
Being muslim
Just being me
Or you just being you

We’re all supposed to be on the same team
At least in my head
But some people are close minded
And want to see some of our teammates dead

Here’s something Jermine Hodge, a young black man said
“I’m just like you
a human
red blood
Emotions
a moving figure
Why should you treat me
Like I’m about to pull the trigger?”

Over the centuries blacks have been discriminated
Because of the color of their skin
Causing a whole population of HUMANS to become sadder
But at the end of the day we all bleed the same color
So why should what’s on the outside even matter?

Being black, that automatically means you deal drugs
And all the homies you hangout with, they’re just a bunch of  thugs
Who play with guns and are thieves
Who gets chicks knocked up with their baby and then just leaves

Black people are the ones who walk around with sagging pants
The ones who get bullied by the police over “suspected suspicion” and not remaining a “proper stance”

If they walk around in the wrong neighborhood it gives that scared white woman a good reason to dial
But really it’s just a good opportunity to flash the blue lights and racially profile.


People say brown kids were born to end war between the two races
But people who are racist at heart, won’t stop their cruel ways
just because they see more brown faces

I don’t experience racism?
That’s what they think
But I’ve gotten called the N word ‘cause
My skin isn’t like milk, it’s kinda like a mixed drink

And being gay? Nope “that’s a sin”
God forbid us to love who WE wanted
but little did he know love always wins

If you’re a man in love with a man,
You’re obsessed with fashion and have a high pitched voice
You see? We didn’t ask you we just insisted without giving any other choice.

And you’re a lesbian if you have tattoos, piercings and short hair
And act like you have nothing to lose
If you are in love with the same gender you don’t love god!
Imagine what it’s like to be in his shoes!

You can’t judge someone because of who they identify as or who they love
If it’s not affecting your life, it’s not something you should be concerned of

Now, Muslims.
I guess they’re all terrorists huh?
But I guess we judge an entire nation of people
Based off of a few unfortunate attacks and call out the whole religion. DUH

If you’re wearing a Burqa or Hijab you get judged and looked at because you’re
an assumed terrorist
Yes 9/11 was a tragic day but we can’t blame all Muslims because of it

People will criticize no matter what
But I can tell you what one of society’s errors is
The muslim that sleeps in my house every single night
IS NOT A ******* TERRORIST

White people get looked at as the racists ones
But I can tell you that this stereotype isn’t true
Because my white mom has many brown daughters and sons
And my white grandmother on my dads side has 21 children 18  of them being adopted black kids, she took them all in because they were so beautiful and held her heart captive.

Negrophobia, Xenophobia, Homophobia, and Racism
These are all made up things for glamorizing human criticism.

The point of this poem was to debunk what stereotypes do
Also to remember never let lies and other people’s beliefs stop you from being unapologetically you
Your blade kisses you like they never did
Your blade marks his love like they never did
Your blade is always there like they never were
Your blade proves you human like they never did
Your blade protects you like they never did
Yet your blade still hurts you like they always did
And your blade still leaves unpleasant memories like they have done too.
Ironic isn't it.
You come to your blade for relief
Yet the results are still the same
Except this time you're in control of the pain  you feel.
No one likes me.
(razor blade, razor blade)
Everybody hates me.
(razor blade, razor blade)
At 30, I feel more like 15.
(razor blade, razor blade)
I should dye my hair black.
(razor blade, razor blade)
And cut it into weird angles.
(razor blade, razor blade)
But I don't have enough black clothing.
(razor blade, razor blade)
And I go to church.
(razor blade, razor blade)
I don't know how to put on eye liner.
(razor blade, razor blade)
And I listen to country music.
(razor blade, razor blade)
Wow.
(razor blade, razor blade)
I even **** at emo.
Copyright Ellen Elizabeth Farris 2010- From Where I Find You
This blade controls me
This blade enters my skin without stuttering
This blade knows it's home within me
This blade hasn't yet cut too deep but has taken my life, you see
This blade is my life now
This blade slices through my skin like a hot spoon through butter
This blade draws art on my wrists and writes stories on my thighs
This blade will one day end my total existence
This blade is my addiction, you see
This blade has become my infatuation
This blade is wrecking me
This blade is scarring my skin with shiny white lines
This blade makes me joyous
This blade forces me to cut my activities short so it can cut my skin
This blade is my bestfriend, because when
This blade allows the red to run free of my flesh, I get giddy with excitement
This blade comforts me
This blade will be here 'till the end...
{m.r.l}

— The End —