When I grow old I want to sit on a porch with my husband
I want to stare into a field of flowers and not worry about anything
To have my children take me out to breakfast and laugh at my horrible jokes
Because by then I should have quite a few
I want to have a dog, maybe a golden retriever, or a German Shepard.
I would want to travel, go places I never thought I would go
Meet amazing people
Learn about culture I would've never dreamed about knowing
I would want to die in a loved ones arms, not alone in a home somewhere by myself.
I want to be remembered for something great!
I just don't want to be forgotten...

Who am I, really?
To tell you the truth, even I don't know
I'm an equestrian poet who takes good pictures
And enjoys a hot cup of tea
But who am I?
A girl who wakes up super early for no reason at all
Or someone who wants to sleep all day
Someone who wants to look perfect but at the same time someone who doesn't care
Why am I such a contradiction?
A caffeine addict who mainly drinks tea or cocoa
Well I guess all I can say is
I'm me

Joy

A warm cup of tea and seeing his smile
Perfect ombres and a comfortable couch
A song with a beautiful melody
You may be wondering what these have in common
They're all things that bring me joy

The scent of fresh blueberry muffins
The sunset on a warm summer day
Going to the lake
Clearly my prompt for the day was joy

Knowing someone loves me
Taking the perfect shot, photography of course
A nice warm bath and waking up next to you
All these things seem simple and ordinary
But to me they mean the world, and that's all that matters.

Red roses stare at me
Loud voices scream from the kitchen
My grandfather is dying
And they're paying cards
I guess he's not quite dying
But the pain meds make him loopy
And the lack of food and liquid
Make is voice scratchy and him
Unbearably thin
I'd be lying if I said it didn't scare me
I'd be a liar if I claimed to not love him
I guess I'm just not ready to lose him
Because I can't stand the thought of losing another loved one

Red roses stare at me
And I'm there with him
Holding him tight
I love you, Grampy
Please don't go yet...
Please don't go yet....
Please don't go.

I wrote this before my grandfather passed away in December, it was really hard losing him and we all miss him more and more each day.

I am not an alter
My love is not a religion
You cannot pray to my body for your desires
I breathe out regret
Breathe in oportunity
I cry anxiety
Bleed passion
I am not an answer to your turmoil
I am human
I wish for you to view me as as such
For your happiness
I wish you will one day find your religion in someone else's love
I wish you will pray to their body and you will wreceive what you most deeply desire
But I refuse to be your temple
Your shrine
The deliverer of your one true desire
I put too much work into being human to throw it away
To let toy deminishmy body into your sanctuary

I always think an Atlas can solve
my being lost.
but really,
those circumnavigators didn't know
where to draw the lines either.
they painted water where there was none,
and people drowned in thirst.
they convinced the powers that be,
that pencil sketches and charcoal etches
could separate people,
the way mountains do.
they convinced you,
that being in another shape on the map,
could border me to this spot.
they convinced me,
I need someone else's interpretation
of land, of the end of the earth, of sea,
to find my way.

I admit I do not understand
People staring at their hands

A tiny screen controls their eyes
Electronic lows and highs

Folks all wander to and fro
Directed by Pokémon Go

One's free will is all but dead
With Nintendo now deep in your head

It's great to be out in the sun
But, can you really call this fun

The best part though, I think to me
Is the collisions between man and tree

Before I saw you,
I thought that angels didn't exist.
Before I saw you,
I thought that hope was just a empty word, with a meaning that was ripped out of the dictionary in my mind.
Before I saw you,
I was lost, confused, wandering off the road that everyone at least, seemed to be on,
Seemed to know what a road was,
Even if they were on the "wrong one" as my preschool teacher used to call it but I think I was the only one who raised my hand in class and said-
"Teacher! That doesn't make sense!"
Before I saw you,
Music was just notes on paper,
Something for me to hum and string along on the viola.
Before I saw you, stories were just stories,
And not keys to worlds beyond my fairest imagination.
Before I saw you,
The key to the word "love" was locked
Thrown somewhere on a dirty train track that you fearlessly went on and saw and you brought the key back to me saying with a smile on your smudged face
"Here. I think this is yours."
Before I saw you,
I think I was just living life for the sake of living, just eating for the sake of surviving,
Just studying for the sake of pride,
Until I met you.
When I met you,
The world had color.
A fierce rouge for sunset and lipstick for women
a dark hue that wasn't exactly "black as night" as they called it
A gleaming, neon green that was the color of the hideous jumpsuit you wore for track just once
When I met you,
The word myself had a different meaning, and the broken dictionary that was in my mind fell apart.
When I met you,
I learned the meaning of catching all the Pokémon in the game Pokémon Emerald that I always borrowed, but never returned, but you didn't care, did you?
(Oh look the word Pokémon is in spell-check)
When I met you-
I learned how to write poems-
Mainly because you dragged me to that poetry writing class that you always went to.
When I met you,
I thought, beautiful
Infallible
Unbreakable
Until the day when you left me
Here alone in the dark.

I imagine your DNA replicating hundreds of times
per second. Imagine mitosis exponentially repeating
itself and a billion trillion of you dividing
and multiplying inside of your own body
logarithmically jumping by extremes and simultaneously
dying as fast as you're made. There is not one cell
in your body that was there seven years ago
there is not one cell in your body that is not
resisting DNA mutations caused by your smoking,
you could have had cancer by now, but I watched a documentary
the other day and they are curing cancer with HIV.
There are doctors out there saving lives and I
spend my time trying to figure out if I am capable
of love. I don't know the truth and can't lie.

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