The dull grey world
the one that I see through my eyes
the one that has grief, greed, insecurity
A lot of bad things
and the stillness is overwhelming to me
because I feel nothing
the days go by and I feel nothing at all
I could hurt someone and feel nothing at all
but once I am inside
that home of which I am alone
I cry and I cry
thinking: "What have I done?"
I hear the sounds of my phone going off
and yet I don't dare answer it
I want to but I don't
not until I've done lowering myself even further
I try to be a better person
and I try to act like its fine
but it's weakness that I'm showing
and my feelings are fading away
I'm waiting for the summer
I'm waiting for it all to go away
If there isn't a better tomorrow
than tomorrow is just
another day

There was a girl that I used to know
She had beautiful bright hazel eyes and long, wavy brown hair
She was always so cheerful,
so kind,
good at making friends,
making the right decisions.
I saw that girl change though,
she started making up lies
hurting herself
making the wrong friends
wrong decisions
She cut herself to feel something
She drank alcohol to make her forget
to be someone else
She constantly hides behind a mask
and she hurts the ones she cares about
even when she knows what she is doing
I'm scared of what she'll end up being if she doesn't change
but she can't change
she never will
not until the very end
she isn't perfect
she never will be
that's not something that she wants
maybe she wants acceptance
no one knows
not even her
She's struggling to find another way
but she can't find herself because of how lost she is
She has a lover to care for
and yet she can't even stop herself from keeping things from him
she says she is alone
and he only tries to keep that thought out of her head
he even hurt himself to prove to her that
they will go through everything together
it doesn't matter though
not much of it does
the little girl that I used to know
doesn't exist anymore
her heart is still pure
but her mind and heart are fractured
she's just the dull centerpiece of the painting
surrounded by an environment
that she can't handle any longer
but she still continues on
because she knows someone needs her

Despite all the fighting and hiding things
You're still the one that I want
so please don't leave
I'd be alone without you
and I know that I can't live without you
You're the air in my lungs
You're the only one I breathe for
I can't love without you
I can't live without you
I'm sorry for making you cry
I'm sorry that I just didn't try
I can't do anything right
and I know all I'm doing is starting a fight