I wish I had said
"I love you"
Before it was too late
And your heart had moved on like a love lost in time...
I wish I had said
How I felt when you kissed HIM.
And how I wasn't only "excited" for your happiness...
I wish I had said
How your words made the weight on my heart
Disappear.
Into the dark depths of my love for you
With what woe I had experienced.
I wish I had said
Everything I wanted to
Instead of being afraid of your reaction.
I wish I had asked you
How you were feeling
Instead of growing apart from you
And running from my own feelings.
I wish I had said...
"I'm sorry."

Remember me?
I'm the girl you sent away,
Cause you were afraid for your REAL children's safety!?
What happened to "You're our daughter now."?
Did I mean anything? I mean ****?!
And you!
Remember me?
I'm the girl you molested!
After you said I could call you Daddy!
*******
You knew EVERYTHING that happened to me as a kid,
You shoulda known it would **** me up more than I already am!
And you!
Remember me?
I'm the little girl you *****!
While you were beating my mom and me!
You were getting so high, you probably don't even remember me.
But ****! You remembered when your friends came over! So why not?
And you!
I'm the girl you gave birth to!
But you never gave a **** about!
You only cared whether you were sober or not,
Or if your supply was doing ok...
Do you know you have a son too?
Oh yea, you do... But like everything else in your life,
You scared him the **** away too!
So now I have to pay?
I've already given blood!
What more do you ******* want!?
Haven't I given enough???
I mean really,
I'm a big girl now,
And I'm still paying for your mistakes somehow...
But you couldn't care less,
Cause you got what you wanted...
Maybe child support,
Or just some ******* you started.
I Just gotta know,
Did it pay off for you?
You lost so much,
You almost lost me too.
I almost KILLED MYSELF.
BECAUSE OF YOU!
And now I'm going crazy,
I've lost **** too,
For starters, my virginity...
But that wasn't my choice.
But it's all gone now...
And I still don't have a voice.
Second, Blood
**** and lots of it.
I've bled and shed for you,
And you ******* love it.
Third, my mind.
******* thanks a lot.
It disappeared one day
while you were smoking ***.
Do you know what you did to me?
Can't you see?
What the **** is wrong with you?
CAN YOU ******* REMEMBER ME!?

I was only four when it happened.
Late at night, when I was alone.
You preyed on my innocence and my weakness,
How could I know that it was wrong?
The things you did so horrible to me,
My soul and body were barred.
What you did to that little girl,
Left me feeling alone and scared...
You said it was to show your love,
By taking my body for your use.
But now I know what happened to me,
It wasn't Love, it was ABUSE!
All the ***** things you did to me,
Won't wash away with rain,
Nothing on earth will rid my heart
of this never ending pain...
I hope that you hurt as much as I do,
Or do you even remember what you did?!?
Nothing will make up for the pain you caused,
When I was just a kid...
The physical scars on my body,
Have since healed with time,
But my pain still shows on the outside,
Whenever the the child inside me finally starts to cry...
That little 4 year old girl,
Had to grow up way too soon,
And ALL of the hurt and pain you have caused,
Will forever be remembered every time I look at the moon.

I can't live like this. Everything is fake.
My life is a blur and I don't know how much more I can take. If you want, you can take what you want to, salvage this heart, and drive a spike into the X. You created an X where you killed me.
I can't live like this. The eyeliners gone and my tears can't be seen. The mask of black mascara and lines on my body from long time mistakes remain.
I can't live like this. The words that come out aren't supposed to and they're turned into screams.
I want this all to be a dream, and if you can, I ask you one thing - SAVE ME! WAKE ME! TELL ME IT WILL BE ALRIGHT!.. I'm going home soon. Suicide will be my ride. A blade at my side or an empty bottle. STOP THE PAIN! "Can you make it go away!?!?" "Can you mend a broken heart? Can you mend a shattered soul and revive me from death all at once?!!!???"
Save me from the dark, cause I can't live like this.

Try and see through me, save me from myself. Try to live like this. Lie through your breath! Try not to **** YOURSELF when you think of it!! TRY NOT TO BLEED AS A CRY OF RELEASE! When a razor blade is glued to your hand... Try not to starve as you lose pounds off your body, and try not to cry as you're doing all of this!!!!!!
This is my life and no one can do it alone. You need to see how torn from the bone, skin can look. How scars can form, and how you can hook a *** appeal when you're "innocent" and UGLY!? ***** about how much it hurts and complain to a mom that's not there and try to live like me and be alive at the same time: you think you can LIVE LIKE THIS?!?!?

With solemn eyes and long brown hair,
Her life is a slide of emotional care.
Yes's and No's, a bus in the air,
Lies and worries, no one dare.
To enter her life is to be drawn into her bare sliced up heart, and try to wear the lies on her sleeves...
She swore she would never do it again,
Ripped from the headlines,
Her best friend turned on her, and tried to pretend everything was alright in the end. It spiraled down, starting to bend, until she SNAPPED and the authorities would send her away and she cried herself to be... not crazy.
Upside down and inside out
You turned my heart
Round and about
Took it in, spit it out.
You killed me
And there's no doubt
I'm dead you see
I'm going home
Not alone
But going to a questionable home
Where no one knows
The real me.

Instilled in my mind
The long dark scars
That align my nightmares
The pounding on the door
The thrashing in the tub
The water turning red
Confusion settles in
Fix me... You shall try
But you'll never fix
A broken soul
You may mend the heart
But you can never truly fix
me.
I lied saying
I'm not broken
But the truth is
I'm shattered
This will be
Me
Instilled
My mind goes dark
A broken soul dies.

Quiet is deaf
Pure bliss in nothingness
If not for it's existence
I would be sane
The screams inside
Would fall to ears
Filled with the blood
Of nothing in a room
The sound would have
No meaning
A bird would have
no song
Everything would stop
And all would die
This is pure bliss
For of which I
Wouldn't hear
Quiet would have
no meaning
And cries would fall
On deaf ears.