Stuck in a world of total confusion,
Lights in my head keep me awake,
But all of this lives on the contusions,
Because of the devastation,
That lives on in it's wake.
It haunts my dreams,
It twists my feelings,
It lives on my nightmares,
It's not what it seems.
It's just out there,
Waiting for me to dare come talk with it.
I'm trapped under it's rough hand,
Tied to a ball and chain,
But I'm not supposed to be here,
That is very plain.
I put a smile on to please it,
I ask "How high?" When it says to jump.
I am what it tells me, it is my god,
And I can't stop when it says "enough".

Cause it will never mean it, either I know too much or not enough, then I'm stupid and unwanted. But when it comes to being me, I'm the one who started. Trapped in my mind, a world no one can find. Alone in the dark with it, it courses through my veins, and cracks through the bone so I will say it's name. It won't stop 'til I've given up. Sometimes I feel I've given enough and I want to quit, so temptation gives in, and I use it on myself and the cycle starts over again.

Looking in a mirror, I stare at a face that I don't know.
Looking around my room:
A hole in the wall
From a knife I almost
Drove inside of myself.
Scratches on my door
Pleas of help and reconciliation.
A bunny on my bed,
Stuffed with fluff... And my blades.
A mirror on the wall,
Almost covered with pictures of people
I HATE.
A bed with gashes
Again from my knife,
A dresser with a note inside
To all the people that find "me".
A blade in every drawer
Just in case I lose one.
Looking down at the pool of blood
Dripping from my hand
Falling to the ground
In an unconscious mess.
Looking in the mirror,
In a jacket tied tight,
Wondering "When will it end?"
Talking to the face I don't know.

Bad nightmares
Evil clowns
The worst fear of all
Is looking down.

"What a doll!"
"Porcelain"
"Perfect in every way!"
They never knew that she would go,
Mentally insane.
She was so convinced
That her life,
Was nothing but a waste.
Yet she was blind by the feel,
And the sickening taste,
of an evil love.

She had the love,
She had the life,
But Everything she lost.
For this bad love had no price,
No amount and no cost.

For what she had paid him,
Was her soul,
The ultimate sacrifice.
She had given her life to an evil man.  
For a piece of a happy life.

But she had given her life to him.
And her life was at an end,
Her survival was now sink or swim.
And she had no family or friend.

She was caught in the fall,
The wind in her face,
The feel of his breath,
With his chokehold embrace.
To escape it she ran,
With what strength that she had,
She returned to the spot where it all began.
Yet it was too late,
To return to her life.
She sold her soul,
And took her own life.

I got lost in the darkness,
And found HER on the way,
As I lay here in the dark,
I pray for forgiveness,
HER SINS haunt me,
Thoughts forever inside,
I lie here in the dark,
Wanting to DIE
Wanting to CUT
"WHY DONT YOU DO IT
YOU SCAREDY ****?!?!"
She pulls at my mind
Asking me WHY?
"WHY DONT YOU
PUT AN END TO IT ALL?"
My only answer is to cry:
"MANDY IS SO MUCH STRONGER THAN I!!!"

.AMANDA FALLS.

She saw it all go crashing down
On top or her small dream life
The acid of her mistakes
All of the dreams and heart ache
The tears and blood
Of sacrificed life
The skin was not meant to love the pain
Anguish and feel of a knife.

She honestly wanted to tell it all
The rise, the descent, and finally the fall.
Of all of them she wanted,
She couldn't compose the rite
Only to go deeper into the silent life.
Her eyes filled with tears.
Her mouth wide - was sewn shut
With the needle of lies she called - but no help.
They saw the pain, but no one saw the feel,
Of the peel of a heart.

Try to help as she might
It only came down on her small dream life...
Her eyes filled with lies,
Her heart consuming the pain whole,
Her mouth sewn shut.
She tried to call but was afraid
That she might rip the string.

I could **** you for what you've done to me...
You tried to take it all away from me.
You drove me insane from the day I was born...
But now I'm about to DIE and you feel sorry for no one... But... You.

YOU *****, WHYD YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY?
YOU WERE THE CAUSE FOR ALL OF MY PAIN & SUFFERING
But now I'm gone and there's no more "trouble" for your case...
BUT YOU NEVER ******* CARED IN THE FIRST ******* PLACE!!!!

You never really cared about me...
All you cared about was your men and your, ecstasy.
But now your actions are taking hold of me.
So stop pretending... To... Care.

YOU *****, WHYD YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY?
YOU WERE THE CAUSE FOR ALL OF MY PAIN & SUFFERING
But now I'm gone and there's no more "trouble" for your case...
BUT YOU NEVER ******* CARED IN THE FIRST ******* PLACE!!!!

You never saw it coming...
You never felt MY PAIN!!!
IT WILL ALL BE OVER "TOO SOON"
LOCKED UP INSIDE MY MIND!!!!!
THE CUTS ON MY WRISTS
THE BLACK ON MY EYES
DID IT EVER COME TO YOU AS A SURPRISE?!?!?!

I could **** you for what you've done to me.
You took it all away from me...
You took my brother, my best friend, and now my life,
BUT NOW IM DEAD - IM PAST BEING SICK OF THE FIGHTS...
I just thought - maybe I could have won...
But now - I hope for you - NOTHING.
IM DONE.

YOU *****, WHYD YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY?
YOU WERE THE CAUSE FOR ALL OF MY PAIN & SUFFERING
But now I'm gone and there's no more "trouble" for your case...
BUT YOU NEVER ******* CARED IN THE FIRST ******* PLACE!!!!
YOU *****, WHYD YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY?
YOU WERE THE CAUSE FOR ALL OF MY PAIN & SUFFERING
But now I'm gone and there's no more "trouble" for your case...
BUT YOU NEVER ******* CARED IN THE FIRST ******* PLACE!!!!