I don't feel much
I don't remember much
I don't bask in sentiments
or think too much of sentients...

but certain objects do linger on...
some I keep boxed in preciously
bejewelled and polished

the smell of your skin
rubbing against mine
my scent on your shirt
carried by the cold night air
the touch of your hair
soft, comforting...
the warmth of your embrace

how many years ago was it now?...

I feel heavy. Dark. The shadows of my past won't let me go. My demons are forever my companions. There is a constant war within me. I am a very very angry person. Mostly angry at myself. But I harm others in my rage. It's latent. Hidden. You don't see it. Or understand it. But you suffer from it. When I hurt you without thinking, that's the anger inside me. I don't know how to love you. I only know how to bleed. How to break. How to hurt. I am simultaneous a clumsy child and a raging monster. A ravenous wolf and a fear-inspired rabbit. I don't know how to live happy. I don't know how to handle peace. I'm like a lifetime drunk trying to function sober... I don't know how to live without the drug. My drug is pain, and I am lost without it. I feel dark tonight. And I don't know how to move towards the light.

Forever was just
an excuse
to be
close to you.

I used to think I was onto something
Dodging the bed,
Hiding from slumber
I never wanted to miss out
I never missed out on wishing the sun farewell
Welcoming a dark sky
Gawking at the stars
And the ones that fizzled by
Only ever wishing upon them
To see another.
I loved the lights of the city
And the people that were there with me
I thought they were just like me

I never missed out when the sun returned
And it seemed to always greet me
When it poured light through windows
I liked when the birds sang in the morning
As if they also took pleasure in greeting the day
I liked when the streets slowly saw more cars
And people commuting wherever they had to be
I thought they were just like me

I thought I seized every moment
I thought I was living
I thought I was powerful
Like some kind of conqueror
I knew death was to come some day
That was what drove me
I thought day and night whispered life
That I had to listen to all of it
But I was a fool
Or at least a bit hard of hearing
The sun is always lingering
Not to greet anyone
But to let them know that there is less time
It never greets anyone
As it only says farewell
To every passing moment

I better stop these feelings,
Before I stay up all night thinking about you.

I better stop these feelings,
Before my eyes become fixed on you.

I better stop these feelings,
Before I start dreaming about you and I.

I better stop these feelings,
Before our small talks keep on repeating inside my head.

I better stop these feelings,
Before your small gestures  jumble my emotions.

I better stop these feelings,
Before your presence becomes my only happy pill.

I better stop these feelings,
Before you completely occupy both my mind and my heart.

I better stop these feelings,
Before I fall, without you to catch me.

The way he
loves makes a tsunami
look like a stream