~

Why...

Why is it always her

Why is she always the best

Why is she always so much better

So much prettier, smarter, funnier

Why does she get everything

Why can she take away everything I have

Why must she invade my life

Only to steal away the things that bring me happiness

W H Y

Just...Why couldn't it ever had been me?

Why is it always her

That gets to have everything

Why is she the only one that can be happy

~

When emotions well up
Annoyance and anger hits me
Recentment burns
Yearning to be set free

And reluctantly I let it
Slowly seep its way through the cracks
Waiting for the perfect moment
Where it can launch its final attack

Silently it brews
Subtly it shows it way
Be attentive and pick it up
As then we can begin our play

Where we act so innocent
Oblivious to what surrounds
Hands over our eyes
Refusing to make a sound

Let's see what you can do
Tho your actions won't go unanswered
In the end you'll reap what you sow
But until then nobody has to know

Except for me my dear

When the flames around you roar
And you scream out to the sky
There will be nobody left around
Who will listen to your cries

Its funny how things change people
Into beings they use to resent
And when their time comes
Its their turn to repent

And you hear the little whispers
Amongst the friends that you hold dear
No longer knowing the reason
They refused to keep you near

You never could see it though
You were always searching for more
Taking for granted everything you had
There is nobody left to adore

I hold no sympathy
As this was your doing

You reap what you sow


-

I've lost my sense of happiness
I've lost my point in life
As I stare upon my phone screen
Not a single message lights
And I cry and I cry
Dont stop me
From attempting to fill this void
I smile and I smile
Dont fault me
For letting myself be destroyed
I'm alone right now
Watching it all pass me by
As people change and move on
I stand idoly to the side
Its tearing me apart
Demon clawing at my soul
Dragging me down into the abyss
Buried deep below
These chains tightening
Its harder to breath
Don't try and save me
Its pointless as I have the key
Its comforting these shackles
As at least I have a place I belong
When the world around give me no purpose
Its me that has to somehow live on
Even when all the friends I have leave
And I've been beaten and deceived
I've always been alone
There is no one I can trust
A mere passing fancy blinded by lust
And it appears to me I've grown too reliant
On the birds that perch upon my window
Keeping me company but only for awhile
Before flying away back into the sky
Where they belong
Unlike the caged bird with her wings clipped off
Singing softly to those who listen
while the owner merely sits back and watch
In the cage she is happy
As she knows no other life
Unlike the free birds
Who know how to fly

It's been awhile since you've crossed my mind
Since I felt those memories and our lives entwined
Our film playing silently in the back
While our lives continue swiftly, steadily on track

And it's been awhile since I've heard your voice
That obnoxious laugh and those playful jokes
Your music that you so passionately create
Those songs you wrote, beautifully defined fate

And that smile of yours that gleamed like the sun
Paired with deep blue eyes like the raging rivers that run
Those dark brown locks that curled ever so slightly around
And for a moment everything ceases to make a sound

It's been awhile since I walked down our path
Since I entered those classrooms, since we were those outcasts
I haven't listened to our songs or read through our texts
I haven't talked about you or gone to such depths

As I remember more then anything they said
I knew you like non of them ever would
Define toxic, manipulative and wrong
But even if it's so, you're still my favourite song

And I loved you my dear, with a sincerest heart
But from the very beginning it was destine to fall apart
I miss you, and everything that we were
Even if now that period of contentment is only a b l u r

We talked for awhile, only moments ago
And it was as if for a second, time would slow
We talked about your girlfriend and for that I'm truly happy
I'm glad you found somebody perfect for you I say
As I attempt not to be too sappy

No matter the past, present and future
I'm glad you were a key part of my life
You gave me the world even if it were just a night
As in a world that is dark you were my light
And for that I'm eternally grateful

It's been awhile
Even so
I still love you all the same


~

Hunger scares me.

I am scared of the comfort it gives me.

I am scared of the pride I feel each time my stomach rumbles.

I am scared of the success that I feel when I don't eat.

But most of all, I am scared of how ok I am with this hunger.