My dreams are drying out by the salty shore
I may build sandcastles and rocky bridges until
The waves wash them out again, laughing as the surf
Swallows my ankles,
Forgetting the cuts and the burns and the tattoos
Sand between my toes and sun pink cheeks I may,
Forget I'm trying to hold on so tight, to dreams that easily
Slip away in the morning fog, I might catch them,
In a butterfly net, through the lamp of a lighthouse,
I might catch them like crawdads and lizards and keep them in jars,
To keep me company through lonely nights, like fireflies,
I might just make them stay, but for now they are dying
As short lived as mayflies and as easy to pass as a summer's cold,
Like music in the witching hour, hidden among the hills
Impossible to pinpoint, like thunder, rolling as ancient wars
Sitting here, letting tears seep from my eyes like steam from a kettle,
I wipe them off with a ***** dishtowel and wait
For my dreams to come home, like teenage runaways,
Or selkies upon the moor,
If I make it through tonight, if I make it through high tide,
If I make it through tonight.

Slicked in the let of blood,
Rain softly melting on her face
The earth opened up
And I had no idea, you hit the keys so well
Played me in minor C and let me believe
Kisses that sent me straight to hell, yes
(on a sofa, in the night, with a secret in our eyes)
Would save me

But you've been the death of me,
From which her grip has no release
Meadows of peonies
(and flower crowns and water lilies)
Cigarette ashes for fodder
There are flies in the teeth of all men, but then
My illusions only grow fonder
That you would come find me dancing here,
And join me in laughter again.

Melancholy tongs wind, little music box, tell me the secret
To fields of daisies, that golden gaze,
You lifted me within your arms, I was charmed,
Watched the heat from your hat imprint upon your brow,
We melted along mainstreet, as your song rang through,
Throwing out twirling notes into the falling world
I heard, in the quiet after a chord, we swayed
Reaching for applause like panting dogs on a hot summer's day

I'll never let myself be held soft again,
These shattered slivers of my heart won't glow again
But I'm learning to be happy with the welts from when they shone so bright,
I only want to make it past another night

And maybe in the spring you can find me in the Ocean,
Collecting seashells and singing with the waves,
I'll be a fishwife and my father will take me home,
That moon over the water, murmuring to me low

But I won't say goodbye, not in the end
You don't know my plans, they're cemented in my head
And I'll put our record on when I drive into the dark
Because it's peaceful in the quiet, in the headlights I can
Remember how I used to spark

Until then, please remain,
My precious friend.

I don't remember kissing
you,
I must have made it up in my mind
We stood outside my front porch, hand on the ****
Your eyes wrapped around my belt loops, fingers wavering
I smiled and said "this is my stop"
Between puffs of cigarette smoke
The flies caught between door and screen
I waited but half a second, sad smile waning
Blood dripping into my glass shoes
Unseen,
Were the erratic poems underlining all my nerves
You reached for me
Hand on my shoulder, questions on your breath
My mouth answering back yes,
We're going to take this step
As you leaned in the angry voices in my head drowned out
By the music of your soul beside mine
But the spell broke, somehow
We'll never be entwined
And the secrets got out, somehow
Then you left me behind
So though I know we've kissed many times,
The first and last so vivid
The histories written in my fingertips don't recount living on your flesh
So I don't remember kissing
you,
Or how to return to a life without you in it.

What do you want out of life?
A good husband, or a wife?
Three kids and a trampoline,
Everything just the way it seems,
Want a fancy blender and a soccer van
A 9 to 5 working for the Man
In a suburb, keeping secrets behind closed doors,
Where everybody knows who you voted for
And the only exciting thing
Comes from an article read in a magazine
Say you wanna be white-picket-fenced
A comfy spot to live a life sentence
Spot of land and a wedding band
What do you want out of life?

I unzip all the progress I've made, like a suitcase,
And it all comes tumbling out, every accomplishment,
Every moment I felt a little bit lighter and a little bit better,
I am suffocating. The air is tight and heady and I am choking on it.
I shouldn't be here - shouldn't be here - don't want to be here
Where on earth should I be instead?
It's clammy, I'm queasy, I dread this
Let me throw it all away
Hide my baggage in a dumpster, hide my thrice ****** worries in an
ashtray
Brand name purses of tightly packed I-feel-betters
Lost in luggage claim, their discount replacement from customer service
Just another lie to swallow.
I don't want to wake up again, again, until I have my piece of the world
To own. To fret over. To fill. To be prided on and loved in.
Until then I am a jumble of taut nerves and plans
If no one's got one, then I should have, and
Backpacks, dufflebags, crates, I shouldn't have left my happiness
In things that would arrive too late

My poetry will never be as delicate as a Lang Leav poem
Nobody is going to remember me, as Sylvia Plath
But who am I kidding, as sad or delicate as I've tried being,
I will always be at the core, wild.

I told you I was hurt, bleeding on the inside
I told you I was lost, in the middle of my life

There's times I stayed alive for you
There's times I would've died for you
There's times it didn't matter at all

Will you help me find the right way up
Or let me take the wrong way down
Will you straighten me out
Or make me take the long way around
I took the low road in
I'll take the high road out
I'll do whatever it takes
To be the mistake you can't live without

Standing in the dark
I can see your shadow
You're the only light
That's breaking through the window

Well I'm not gonna give it away
Not gonna let it go, just to wake up someday gone! Gone!
The worst part is looking back
And knowing that I was wrong

I'll do whatever it takes
To be the mistake you can't live without

Full moon o'er me,
Same sky o'er you

Calm, it holds me like a love song
Spice, your scent wraps me like a love song
But the music, O, it permeates low and sad
For these dreams shall leave me short of waking
The night is all we have,
It stays through the wanting, a pause between a key
The wind shall move with ease, betwixt these
Hollow desires of mine
So gather me close, 'fore the night grows long
Melt within the hope, safe, whole and warm
For once, let not the fates divide us, but entwine.

Frail, beautiful butterfly,
Kept inside a net
Carnivorous and short-lived,
Crushed within a palm,
Like a bruised flower petal,
Longing to belong,
Growing inside a season
Trying to stay strong
I am back on watch,
Kept inside a bubble
A bracelet falling off and lost,
Broken, without a latch,
And trampled for my trouble,
I am back on watch,
Dangerous, carnivorous,
Poisonous as plant, grotesque as butterfly
I am strong, vibrant, eclectic, a warning
I think this is why, it's why, and why.
I am carefully guarded, and as easily
Discarded
Though I try, I try, and try
For butterflies only have a season,
As plants flourish and die inside a season,
So this is the reason

Be that *****
The one who strung em up like trysts
Little popcorn kernels in her gums
Be that *****
Who picked them as weeds
And kept the thorns in a back pocket
Be that *****
Who kissed them away as lipstick stains
On a broken mirror packed tightly away
Be that *****
Coddling a text message
As if it were a runaway child
Be that *****
On that summer’s eve
With miles of distance in one hand
Be that *****
Who broke her own **** heart
Trying to glue it back together again

I hear my neighbor's daughter's boyfriend's chevy pull up
I smell her smoke and feel her drink
And wonder if it's the same
for every girl
Well I'm not like you, I hope, but I'm going through the same thing
Puts us both on heartbreak lane
And there's a jr high dance pounding in the background
As we pour another drink
And I wonder if it's the same
for the boys whose lives changed by us
Being their new thing
So I'm sorry if I hurt you,
Down on heartbreak street
Just trying to beat the same as when
We had nothing worth losing

Oh how the Blue-Bird falls from grace,
To be torn apart by bonebirds at the shore.
Were I an Icarus, were I Achilles, but I couldn't be more sure.
That my days were outnumbered by my whims and my follies.
And the blackness of falling, and the grey of the rain.
Ever that I was a danger and a risk, ever that I denied
Is there anyone there, can swear they've nothing to hide?
Then swear it to me now.
Can I but seek my pension through the fires of the 7,
Walk my way out as Orpheus, through the gates of redemption
Or do I make sick of myself, ill and repentant.
Wary to pay any of greed nor of love, monetary nor mention

But of what status and peace of mind I may have bought myself in times before. I wonder, I wonder....

You thought you'd be,
A temporary bandaid,
You tried to help me out for your own sake,
And I thought it was real
But you never wanted to stay part of me
And when you rip yourself away,
I'm going to bleed.

To encumber our mortal minds, and rapt our decaying bodies.
For we are not eternal creatures, but the product of that which came before us,
Of what we hope becomes of our lives, after we have long gone.
In doing so, we fancy ourselves immortal, in this vast, unforgiving, unfeeling state of our own creation.
Immortal in the hereto from the heretocome, not in flesh, but in soul....
We are all of us, searching for the things that make sense.
Yes, and we are all of us, falling short.

There is a day that will not come,
There is an hour I will not meet
There is a morning I shall not rise
There is a night I may transcend sleep
But there will never be a day I do not think of you
There will never be an hour I do not wish for another
There is not a morning I do not cherish for its dawn
There is not a night that will scare away my songs
Tomorrow. For all my tomorrows. Until there is a day,
When all my tomorrows end.

I stand behind enemy lines,
Hiding in the shadows.
"There's no war," they whisper
As they laugh around a fire and cheat at cards-
Old flintlocks and rifles and powder barrels
Uniforms tossed aside, I'm,
Still covered in the grime, hiding the glare from my eyes
Glued to the dirt walls of this trench
"It's almost Christmas", they say
Don't you know what happened in WW1?
How they all went out to shake hands on Christmas day?
I'm in enemy territory, even while they find me and lead me
To the fire, where they take off my soaked coat and insist
There is no war. There is no battle.
But the fight I've fought will never tire-
It's so much easier than opening my eyes
To see that I'm loved, and part of something,
Just to realize....
Who wins the war? The victims or the victors?
I've hated this year since the beginning, I just wish I knew
If next year or the next, or these people and places I miss,
Are worth fighting for.

Everyone who gets close to me, blocks me and runs far away from me
But man, if I didn't ******* warn you guys to begin with

The world can hide in a blanket of cloud,
Beneath a song
A city in a broken heart,
Funny how a memory can change with time
The person you were, left behind
In embrace of the dregs of love
Left over in a perfume bottle swept up
By the winds, change
Follow the scent to days and places past,
Hidden in an hourglass,
Pressed within a page

Last night I had a dream
You left me again,
this time you hesitated.

It's 1'o'clock in the morning,
Trying to write a song to make you cry,
I've got lily of the valley and a great deal of golden rings,
But finery never got your attention, did it
I settle for volumes of poetry, and faded out sunlight and rose-colored cheeks
You're still just as inclined to pick another over me
I can't play wallflower forever, you know, for long after your voice
Rings sallow in my ear
But I can get you drunk, and I can steal all your hugs,
And I can promise you lakes and rivers to swim in, and time to abide by
I can show you great monuments and build you sandcastles
I can burn you your toast, and blacken your coffee,
I can make you sleep soft, I can buy you silk sheets, and kiss away the tears
That I strive, inevitably, to bring to your eyes

Now she tells her jokes to herself and I don't get to hear
And she's somewhere warm and safe, I dream about her there

And I'm out and about like a girl who's on
Her way down to the bottom
No I don't have a problem with her,
But I have a problem with her

'Cause I see you go out, like she's made of stardust
Well I'm only made of stardust and waves,
Let me pull you under, come on and let
Me pull you under

I've got no problem saying I go out to get laid, got my eye
On a way of life, but I could pull you under,
Under,

If you weren't under her
Oh, oh whoa-oh

I could tap-dance on the top of her hourglass figure,
Yeah I know I'm a bit bigger but I don't have a problem
With her figure.
I've got a problem with the fabric she's hanging off it,
It's gonna catch,

Yeah on your chains and your rings, it's gonna catch,
Just like you caught her

No I don't have a problem with her
I have a problem with you

Today you drowned out more than yesterday
Will you ice your lips again?
Will you kiss the mirror, ghosting breath against it
Just to know you’re alive?
Today you almost did it, pulled the silk of water to your neck
And split the seams between your fraying skin
Tomorrow we will sow it up again
But tonight you’ll season guilt with resolve,
Putting both on the steak you gulp down
As greedy as a last meal, one you’d thought you’d never have again
And again.
Tomorrow night I’ll find you here with a blue smile and dented fingers
Gripping the silver fork, as tight as a vice,
As you hope to choke on chicken bones,
And smile so easy
And never think twice.

I just want to commend my wrists
For healing so well
That no one can tell
They were ever slit

My hero has landed back on mars.
His love left written in the stars.
That rebel heart that beats for us-
We've lost so many, I miss you, Bowie.

Clever wit and a bit of poise
That is how I master boys
Slithering, curling at my heels
Promises falling from the mouths of eels
Lies with immeasure, not a thing they care about
If a snake won't hold its tongue, I'll cut it out
With determination she levelly employs,
I am she, master of boys.

Kind precision, and a tad cruel
The girls are whom I rule
Skipping, running at my embrace
Coy suggestions, a fox on the chase
Laughter so sinister, smiles so sincere
When they expose their heart, I'll shoot it clear
With care she freely hurls
I am she, ruler of girls

Patient consideration, ever chaste
My spell over children is done with haste
Innocently stumbling, blind at my skirts
Birds crying out for attention, they know the world hurts
Fixing our mistakes, unaware of their own
Refuse my views and your world will be overthrown
Unable, yet yearning to help them,
I am she, captivator of children

Discerning defiance and a certain edge of humility,
Have I not found a way to draw you to me?
Standing still, gazing into my eyes
Old God who has seen under this guize
Watching, judging, patiently waiting
Do not challenge the power I've been dating!
She gives way, as she is prone to do,
I am she, the one humbled by you

But its etiquette has not.
Then there's its religion, prevalent, instilled.
Farms tilled the way their grandfathers' tilled.
Castles in ruins, or castles renovated,
They want to preserve, or let themselves become jaded,
On the richer histories this country provides,
They create better legends to tell tourists, all lies
"Here's the old world", they cry.
And the economy, the people, the change,
They tie it all up until only a mock-up remains,

And use the term to bind you,
Though you are no lover of mine
Kindred, and companion, we each walk the streets
Longing for the nights that take us far away
Love, for the sake of love, for the sake of feeling loved
For no other reason, do I love you
I cannot gift you casual intimacy, nor friendly kisses,
As my best friends here gift me upon parting.
Though I admit that I love you, love you dearly,
Seeking not to question, but to love, to say that in this world,
There is at least someone whose love is not greedy,
Not dependent, and not a burden of sorrow.
That I may love you, and love you anyway, and love you still,
Though we may not meet again.
That is my love.

So this is still my long refrain
The 1st day of the 2nd month,
I'll turn from the stars and seek Saturn again
And bite the poison lit to my tongue
I'm afraid the shadows are long, racoons quiet in the brush
You better run,
I've outlived all of us
Are you afraid of the sun? Are you still afraid of the sun?
Are you still choking yourself lightly to feel the pain
The women in this family are strong, all the men are dead and gone
I've seen streets die and forests rise once more
I'm not afraid to hide in the brush
My shadow's the biggest of all of us
I'll light it on fire, I'll bring out the light
Nobody's dying. At least not tonight.

The fidget, restless, ache
Starting to diffuse,
New tea from a lemon-wedge strainer
Rough, cheap sheets, earthy brown,
Tame, welcome
Hard bed, steady fan, gently blowing the blinds
Back, forth,
Reading a good book, eyes laze to, fro
Soft music, lavender sleep mask,
The dead heat, heavy air
It's not perfect. It's home

Don't ask me about the future-
I just let go of the past-

I'm floating in melted gun-metal
I'm firing nails into the sky
Alone on this planet of red and she-devil
I'm emerging as a butterfly-
Piano keys of ivory and emerald,
Finished in exotic leather.
Dripping in pearls and ostrich feather-
I play on and on, to the die
That's been cast on a hand-drawn tabletop map
Lined with seafood bibs
I laugh as my lungs turn to dust
And wonder if this is all there ever was-
I'm floating in aluminum, above the skyline
Peering down on this world I create,
The tin-foil stars around me, oh how they shine
But it's not enough to sate.

Goodbye my quinoa islands,
Beaches of grain where my toes sink,
I'm dreaming of better editorials that ran-
While my thoughts brought me over the brink.

It's been three years hasn't it?
But it's been five years now,
My life seems to be caught up in the past, and frequent inconsistency,
Oh I saw you in your robe, clutching your cover on the creaking steps,
Sleepy eyed and asking me to come to bed
And how you chased me, at a dead run, when I fled
You were standing with your girlfriend there,
In the parking lot,
I recognized your car and plate number
I bet you thought I'd forgot
Now it's so clear that I've got to move on,
My heart is aching, racing, for another dance,
So change the **** song
It can't be You Could Be Happy, Torn, or Jennifer
I can't be the past, your thought, yours
The winds are changing, I've read the cards and runes
They say I've got to be moving on from old wounds
I've cut open, sewn and sutured, now do you understand?
I'm a free spirit, gyp and matured, and even though
For once I don't have a plan!
It's exhilarating, my poems reiterated
I'll become the ****** and the feminist you always hated
So watch me go! And long for me at every turn
You'll finally learn what I am and all that you've lost,
Ha, I'll see my regrets come to instant completion

I need to get out of this town
I want to feel alive
I need to feel the fire
Because I'm dead inside

I can't kiss a thing,
Without tasting ash
You're the last good thing
That made my armor crack

Now it's rusting down
And I'm feeling the burn
God I'm chasing this town
A jail I did nothing to earn

I just want the world to believe again
I want the late greats to give way to the latest greats
I want the childhood simplicity of putting stickers on paper
I want to feel the water as I sink in deeper
I want to lounge on a hill without getting hayfever
I want technology to advance and drinking water to be readily available
I want the world to believe again
I just can't leave it like this

I wonder if I'm as lost as they say, if everyone is on the edge of discovering it. The footsteps in the snow are mine alone, you know. As we hike the mountain ***** together. You've put on his face, his jacket. You've warmed your hands to his temperature when you hold mine inside your pocket. And lift your head at just the angle he would, when I point out the breaking clouds. The sun is just on the edge of coming out, turning this icy tread into a blinding canvas above and below us. Just on the verge of turning you into a shadow and reminding me. Ever present, ever longing for you, that you are not here.
That there's somebody else wearing your face. And holding my hand. And wearing your jacket.
There's only one set of footprints here and behind
And where you were there's only me.

Where are you going at 2am?
Left a light on for someone who never came home
Kept alive the herbs in your pocket-
Tried to sit down, tried to walk it off
Your phone is dead when nobody's around
And the whole town is sleeping
I wonder where, you wonder, they've been?
Worrying over an empty bed and a low gas tank
Until 4am, then, I guess the world comes back around
And you lay to rest, all the answers you haven't found