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5.3k · Aug 2014
On Long Distance Parole,
Alexandria Hope Aug 2014
I wish you’d think about me tomorrow, when you’re closer than before,
Sometimes I start to wonder what border patrol does it for
If there were fences, I would climb them, if there were trenches I would brave them,
But there isn’t anything like that stopping us so darling, why create them?
4.9k · Aug 2014
Everett Tattoo Emporium
Alexandria Hope Aug 2014
"Honestly? I'd just cover that up", he says

Orion's not moving. Stars don't move.
They may die, they may dim, they may traverse galaxies
Change position in the night sky with the seasons
Give me one. good. reason.
To cover up my compass home,
The one good thing, the one beautiful thing,
On this scarred and wretched body?

"We'll put Orion somewhere else, start over"

You're not my mother, ripping out a new piercing
Locking the door on a daughter and her father
Drinking and dating and thinking "start over"
My skin is just my skin, the moles and ink
And decisions are mine to live in
How dare you claim yourself an artist,
yet break down your clientele, your canvas

So Orion's not the problem, sir
It's a debauched attitude toward station
When I follow the stars tonight, I will tell them
Needles have no consideration
3.2k · Nov 2014
Smoking (2013)
Alexandria Hope Nov 2014
Cottony smoke curled under my nails, on hands too clean, clearly, for the task that would send them one day to bones. Perhaps without the cinders and ash burning peacefully away at the underside of my tongue, I’d find the strength to understand. Though in the darkness, one little gnat of color was a world of fascination. My mind withered in the fire and ignited in that small, red-black glow, wrapping into its strings. Wishing I could burn away too, and burn away everything.
It is no wonder, that….
Being toasty in frosty air, unable to feel my toes, and quite unable to care.
Alexandria Hope Nov 2014
They say I can't chase you next
Can't seek out the moon over Mexico
or relive the tears I shed on the plane
home,
I can't feel the tirelessness of our forever
like the hope that dawned and set inside your eyes
I memorized every stitch in the broken couch
and I can still see us there
You're studying, I'm sleeping,
Planting rhubarb and watching our trees grow
Lightning shorted out the reception tower out back
As I sat on the end of our bed, mind blank, and laughed
All the glitter on the stone patio and the shirt left in the rain and the socks hung to dry on a hook you
Forgot
We kneaded pizza dough and watched Roseanne
That I jumped on you in the middle of the storm as you held me,
Kissing while UMF raged
In one loud, still moment
You are stopping me at the towel shack
Finding my legs under the restaurant table
Shoving my mittened hand in your pocket
Asking me to stay
Messaging me
and I know I'll chase you again
I just can't be with you now.
You'll see
2.5k · Jan 2018
Six Years Since Highschool
Alexandria Hope Jan 2018
You remember me from Highschool?
That was six years ago!
I'm nonbinary now, and I'm gay
Dropped out of college, moved to and from LA
I've had four separate jobs
With different levels of pay
I've fallen in and out of love,
In and out of more beds than I'd rather say
I've had cats, and Jury Duty,
I even changed religion, okay?
You remember me now? I don't remember me then!
So spare me the back-when, what can I even say?
It's been six years since Highschool
I don't remember a single day.
2.2k · Nov 2014
Midnight Tea
Alexandria Hope Nov 2014
Resting is never easy, with the stirring of empty thoughts, like clanging little bells and spilling mold from teapots. I sit and drink of folly and greet my guests there, for I’ll never get to resting if I don’t have my fair share. Though the poison may eat me up, I tie wonderland’s ribbon round my neck, and jump the spout into the drink to take my given due. Again I kiss the teacup’s lip and mumble “I love you."
Alexandria Hope Sep 2018
It's a little melancholy.
You awaken feelings which pang and pull,
A soreness from misuse, feelings full of
Memory.
And I am too old now to follow them through
The way I want to
1.2k · Nov 2017
Untitled
Alexandria Hope Nov 2017
Loving me
is a waste
of money
and time
Why don't you
save yourself
for someone
who will love
the way you do
Alexandria Hope Sep 2015
I ******* all of my friends,
I drink all of their wine,
You think I’m an angel but you’ll find out in time
And the rivers run high and the rivers run deep
You want me to bail you out, with promises I choose not to keep
I’m just a fool for self preservation,
Taking self-prescribed drugs for a vacation
From this hole in my mind, now I’ve ****** you off too
Oh well, I’m a demon, now pass the **** *****
I think I'm a ******* Genius™
1.0k · Dec 2014
Origami Heart
Alexandria Hope Dec 2014
The stars on my ceiling turn my room into a galaxy,
Suddenly standing on the precipice of another world
Where little comets race down like snow
It's so cold, outer space is so, so cold
But it's my secluded little world, so here,
Pull on a blanket and grab a mug
Tea steeps much quicker here
And oh, how much deeper we fall in love.
For Creep That Loves You
940 · Feb 2015
How to Love a Liar
Alexandria Hope Feb 2015
I.
You believe them. You tell them otherwise

II.
You write little post it notes, and catalog their promises
You make a calender and put your dates on it in red pen
You smile and expect to cross them out again

III.
You believe in their dreams, but you do not believe in their words
Even when you want to so badly that it hurts

IV.
You reason with yourself, and with them, and with your little red pen
That untruths are just as truthful as outright honesty,
Because honestly, deceit is pure
And who knows that they're lying when they're lying?
If they plan to follow through and say their lies as 'simple' truths
Or if they lie to you and then follow through
So is it really a lie? It's okay, you don't have to feel used

V.
You realize that you love them
Then you consider it more
And the more you think on it, the more that you're sure

VI.
Then days turn into a year, which is only seasons
And their promises become ever more few
Then the seasons break down into months, into days
Into hours

VII.
You're so lost in counting that you forget to fact check

VIII.
You believe them. Without the back of your mind screaming "justice!"
Without bothering to write it all down.
You hear them out, for the first time, and wonder if they ever lied at all
Or if you're just used to being lied to

IX.
And that's when your reality crumbles down
That's when you really love them but lose yourself
If the days you can't remember, and the time you can't forget
Coincide
Maybe there's some hope, a little, that everything was worth it
It's just a phase they went through
but you miss the lies

X.
Because when they tell you it's over
You realize it's the one thing you wish wasn't true.
928 · May 2015
KYRIE ELEISON
Alexandria Hope May 2015
Death walked up to me one night,
Slipped me a cigarette
We sat beneath the stars beneath my dorm room window,
Death said, “I haven’t touched you yet”
The next day I heard the church bells toll,
My colleague from theater, swung free of her bonds
The whole campus chorusing, their Kyrie Eleison
Who could’ve known? Who could’ve known?
I knew, Death walked in her just as it did me,
I watched Death take her aside and haunt her as she desperately tried
To find an anchor, to find solace, well hers and mine became the theater
When I saw Death with her I envied her the company,
Our morbid fixations sought through our scripts, both of us cast
The same character,
Both of us popping pills carefully hidden in little soap boxes,
Boxed up with wine and razors in care packages from the same lover

Death sat with me the other night,
Held a bandage to my wrist and lay me to bed
He lifted his hood, wiped the tears from my eyes,
Begged me to dance again, on ankles slit,
Caressing me as Elisabeth

Now I’ve been kissed,
Kyrie Eleison,
We shared the same stage, once,
Tell me what's waiting there for me
Beyond the mist of Chapel Hill
This was pretty heavy when I wrote it but then I saw the German Musical "Elisabeth" and now it's like, hey Death is pretty swanky let's revisit this poem.
#butseriouslythough #whereismyglitteryDeathsuitor #HurryUp
Alexandria Hope Jul 2016
Preset
What can I get for you this evening?
Preset
Do you happen to have our stubs card?
Preset
Would you like a receipt-
Wait.
Error.
Error.
Preset.
Is there anything else?
Preset
Do you have any rewards on your card?
Would you like me to see if there are any?
Preset
Would you like to use your rewards today, or save them?
Preset
Would you like a receipt?
Preset
Have a wonderful night. Day. Evening. What time is it.
**** why did I preset that phrase...

Hello!
Preset
What can I get for you this... today
Preset
Large....? Soda, popcorn?
Preset
I don't set the prices
Preset
I am a robot. Cashier number 18. I have 10 modes and 30 presets.
Would you like to hear Maltesers BOGO preset?
2 for 6 preset?
Hot Dogs are Out, preset?
I don't have any receipts, please don't yell at me preset
Funny joke based on your N7 jacket or Pokemon Go app preset?
Ha.
Ha.
Preset
I apologize for your wait, give me one moment I'll be right with you-
With you-
With you-
WitH yoU

I missed you.
I'm so glad we're together again.
You look amazing.
How's the studying going?
Is the Greenhouse finished?
I guess we should **** the garden, today.
Teach me to make Rhubarb pie?
You don't know how to dice garlic!
Let's go to sleep.
I love you.
Let's go outside today.
I'd like to make pizza for dinner tonight.
Let's see a movie.
Movies.
Let's lay on the floor with a fort of blankets and pillows and drink wine
And watch movies..
Let's be you and us.
Let's.
LeT's
Go to the movies....
Presets Deleted

Would you like anything to drink, with that?
904 · Oct 2015
City That Never Sleeps
Alexandria Hope Oct 2015
Look, I get it, I was only ever just a nuisance,
I look like a drowned rat, I'm an alcoholic, you're free
I'm living in some stranger's spare bedroom,
And I'm trying to do justice to some guy's song
While my nerves are pulling me in a riptide while I'm singing
But teacher says that I did excellent, and that means everything
So I stay alive, and I **** the last vape off a faulty e-cigarette
And I close my blinds against some girl doing drugs in the soccer field
Because I'm sleeping in a suburb off LA where the lights never go off
Trying to forget trying to sleep on a couch while a friend's roommate
Was getting off, up in Hollywood
City of masks and scripts and chewed up misfits
Well I haven't blacked out drunk in who knows when, that's going for me
And when I met that guy again he told me to hang in there
Because we all know I'm a suicidal game of chicken
Or just a late night gas station casualty waiting to happen
Then somebody tells me they're happy I'm here,
And I don't live with them, and they don't know me,
And I'm pretty sure they don't want to be, involved,
But it makes me feel, maybe sticking around wouldn't be so bad after all.
After all, I can make the headlines one way or another,
....I'll figure out which way tomorrow.
881 · May 2016
Let's Dance Again
Alexandria Hope May 2016
"Your addiction and you are in love,
Not starcrossed"

And it's a tango I'm so familiar with,
Outside my mother's house, or my dorm room,
Or my apartments in Bellevue and Anaheim.
I know the steps, I know the rhythm,
That first drag of a cigarette,
That first sip of plum wine, or ***, or whisky, or beer,
That ancient gut-longing for someone who isn't here
I know the chords to the opening song,
Even to the older, pining songs which are long-gone
Now finely-tuned to my latest loss,
I give up, I give up, and I pay for it
No matter the cost

It could be a waltz, or a samba, but it's just deep-set lust
And though women usually come out on top in Tango,
I know I'll never win

So it's just a tango, that dance with death
Because I can't leave it be, at least *not yet
Last Dance - Raveonettes
Der Schleier fällt - Elisabeth Das Musical
Alexandria Hope Aug 2016
Scuba Diving, 60ft down
No sound, but the pressure in my ears
No feeling but the clammy pallor of my skin underneath this wetsuit,
No feeling but the ocean, dizzy and swayed by currents
Color diluted to greys and browns,
60ft down.
838 · Apr 2015
To the North
Alexandria Hope Apr 2015
Listen to songs of what had been,
I know it's hard, you chose what happened
Waves crash down and close the gateway
When memories flood them wide open
Oh, come home to me, before I sail away

It's a dreary dawn you've settled down in
It's a misty town you call your medicine
Weather and women work your fingers to bone
You swear up and down this is all worth doing
Come home
Close up shop and rest your face in my arms

But you bar the door of your lonely hotel room
Rest easy in your misery and listen to men
Crooning on about love, of what could have been

Maybe you should have brought your raincoat
I can't be your sunshine when it pours, anymore
And you're too stubborn to see what's in front of you
830 · Apr 2015
If I let my loss rule you
Alexandria Hope Apr 2015
Two years old, he totters towards his mutti's skirts
She turns away, for the decanter, and locks him in his room
Oh! He wails, pounding his little fists against the floor,
But she finds him asleep on the rug, clutching an old poppet to his breast
She lifts him to his crib and kisses his sodden cheek, checking her abuse at the door
Her smile is smug, folded away into her adulteration of love.

Five years old and he asks after his sire,
Tracing the beading of her mourning dress, as she kneels with him
As if he were a snake and she was stricken,
she drops him squat on the cold floorboards. Pulls herself within,
Then reaches to him,
Whispering condemnation and condolence
He backs away, burning his hand on the fire grate, the love in his eyes as dim.

When he is seven, the boy takes up a twisted love for architecture, swears he'll become a sailor, far from home
Her eyes are a cooling, somber grey-blue, they alight then smolder with a hiss
The boy's eyes are green, flush with life and innocence
They're his .
as my mother let her sorrows rule me
823 · Apr 2017
Sliver Moon
Alexandria Hope Apr 2017
I know if I close my eyes, I could fall asleep tonight
But the stress is eating me alive
And I know it's not how things work,
That everything feels like a slight

They don't like me because I'm boring.
They don't want to hang out because I'm a burden.
I destroyed second chances beyond repair,
I never did enough
It's like I was never even there

& That jackal-girl in the mirror,
With her glowing eyes and crooked teeth,
Is laughing at me,
menace oozing off that twisted, too-frail body
As she places her hand around the shoulder of the girl I should be
In the reflection, staring back

I know if I close my eyes, I could fall asleep tonight
Chase the shadowmen into the veil
For with so little sleep, I can see them awake or in dream
I dare not, but as them,
I can instead walk the night, and frighten the moon.
793 · Oct 2014
Hello
Alexandria Hope Oct 2014
Now you know that I’m just a borderline
I’ll kick you out when my bloodstreams flow
Even if a firm hand on mine could stem it,
I let you in only to tickle the sinew and marrow
But I love you, true, you’re my only glass case
Needing you to borrow all my pain,
I pinned your wings and made you taste
The bile of my noncommittal pendulum again, again.
Between the tumult of self hatred and desire’s embrace
That dark dysphoria you found in seeing me
Enflamed loss when I left the mire of us
Without a battle calm instilled at the seams
Allowing our hearts in the rolls of our sleeves
We are dangerous.
764 · Nov 2014
Ice Queen (2012)
Alexandria Hope Nov 2014
Here, take the messages
from the air waves. Pin down the wind. He was
full of hot air. They’re all full of it. I need cold.
Their heated arguments made me nauseous.
Northern ice storms, bury me in one. I can weather
it. I can weather anything without a traitorous
stay from the cold… body heat…. None of them
were built to last the winter with me.

                 And look, it’s begun to snow.
752 · May 2015
Yes, All Women
Alexandria Hope May 2015
It's having to say
I'm a lesbian- I'm pregnant- I have a boyfriend
No, I'm not a lesbian because I haven't been with a real man- yes, really, I'm pregnant it's just not showing yet- Yes he does love me he's just not here because he's working
Because I don't like you, please leave me alone, and no do not work in clubs, on the street, anywhere I go...
It's holding onto a **** whistle, mace, and concealed knife when I go anywhere alone, holding my keys between my fingers when walking down dark, unfamiliar streets.
It's being told not to wear a skirt when I go dancing, because someone will slip their hand under it.
It's wearing shorts and having them shove grimy fingers inside anyway
It's using a fake name, sharing fake contact info, claiming a fake residence so that they don't track you
It's being appalled when some guy from the restaurant tracks you down on social media using the name on your credit card
It's being careful not to let him know you like him because he might take that as consent for more
It's work sending us out in groups to take the trash out at night because it's not safe to walk the alleyway behind the building alone
Unless you're one of my male coworkers
It's being groped and slapped in class and having no one, not even the teacher, challenge my attacker because he's a man and it's all in good humor, right?
It's walking across the street to avoid a guy in pace behind you, even in broad daylight. It's your friend stiffening when they pass on the right.
It's looking rude and foolish when you deny them a handshake, a hug, or a reason. Because they're nice, right? They haven't done anything yet, right? Don't they deserve your respect and interest?
No, maybe not all men are bad. But enough of them are that we have the right to fear and use the hashtag #allmen
Because every woman has been harassed, told that his bullying just means he likes you, taught to just take it. Every woman has been in some sort of situation where a man has made her uncomfortable, and society has done nothing about it.
So yes, #Yesallwomen
723 · Aug 2014
Taken
Alexandria Hope Aug 2014
Tastes like salty moonlight air, your shoulder beneath my chin,
Heart warmer than our skin under this cloudy lake
I won't tip you over if you won't push me away-
You're always unzipping the tent as I take all the covers
Your lips curve as the chain links painfully acquired
Less oily, smoothed down by Floridan heat and strawberries
My legs beneath the water slick as the wind in Vancouver,
Feet tangled in a fishing net, pushing me up to find a smile between rows of teeth
In countless countries we've marked each other, vandalized concrete sidewalks and people passing by.
But from this quiet town, taking in the mountain ranges, only one thing comes to mind-
It's lost in the sun peeking through, the flip of your kayak,
My rushed escape,
our I'll-get-you-back
693 · Apr 2015
Cassiopeia
Alexandria Hope Apr 2015
It's cloudy, the ***** is hiding up there,
In her own starry grave, but I know
She's watching me as she has thousands before
And she'll die eons before we see her light go out,
I will never live to that day, though she'll watch me still
I wonder if she's seen my children thrive, watched them age?
In a way I never will, and she's laughing, I know, at time
At my frail mind addled by drug and drink
Will she coddle them? Will she coddle this love I hold?
Will she fight for or against me? Beg me to let go?
If she is not a guardian, she's a poor excuse for an enemy.
And I will always be, eyeing her
Cursing her stars while ever reaching towards them
Mayhaps a symbol of a man I lost. May be the throne I aspire to own
Across the sky from my own Orion,
Carved into my skin
Driving me home.
681 · Aug 2014
Falling Phlox
Alexandria Hope Aug 2014
You made “you and I” not exist
And that’s kinda cool in an aesthetic sense
But when I ****** dry your essence
I could taste only me in your skin

You took the chord and chewed it
Tore it with your incisor and spit it in my teeth
Children of the gourd
Children of the gourd
We swim in eels’ flesh
We mix with organs gutted and bleached
From fish in a factory

My fingernail split the cuticle and fell
Curling into your ear
That all you hear of me is mine on a chalkboard
And in a dream my bones rotted
Dancing against your form and encasing you to me
That my touch is nothing but raw and unwanted
I popped your cornea into the pocket of my cheek
Stole your vision for only that of me
That such a vision is now irritating and blinding

Lover lost I blew you away like dust to the wind
Every light popped and sizzled to show mercy
Then I whispered “to the pain” and cupped a vial of our blood
You made “you and I” not exist
But you drank deep until you drained me
And I could taste only me in your skin.
662 · Feb 2015
You Stole Every Breath
Alexandria Hope Feb 2015
On the night you left
It was a clear, dark sky
But inside my car it was raining
And the engine rolled into a storm
I saw the lights off a coastguard's boat
Heat from my ring, your name engraved with mine
An icy welt melting against my skin
Then you ask me where I've been,
I've been in the hail of Seattle
Throwing tantrums in front of speeding cars
Kissing the railings off every tall bridge
Lifting myself high in the rigging and tipping back-
I've been teaching myself to breathe where the air is thin
Casting my thoughts in a hollow monologue
Gripping the chain around my neck and dreaming
Take me to the atmosphere, anywhere I still exist with someone.
656 · Feb 2019
That Blue Dress
Alexandria Hope Feb 2019
The day I wear my blue dress-
My hair up in a braid.
Those dark blue heels on my feet,
And dark veil held by bridesmaid,

The day I step under the trellis,
To the altar surrounded by men,
The priest, and groomsmen,
That day, beneath the sun, well it's...

The day I'll cry, walking down a white carpet,
Blue sweetpea, forget-me-not, cornflower, in my grasp,
I'll stand before matching eyes, and of his heart
I will only hedge to ask

That he love me, in provision, in familial, in sickness,
In health,
For immer and for the poor side of wealth,
For all our days, and the rest...

That the day I'll be wed,
Not far after the day we'll have met,
I will finally let the one who loves me true,
Be the one where the words, will finally be said.
In the way only we can say "I do"
A special "*******" to the one who will never see that dress, to the one who has, and to the one who said his goal was to get me to wear it.. but not for the wedding it's meant for.
646 · Jan 2017
Note to self:
Alexandria Hope Jan 2017
When you're off hating yourself..
.Make sure you don't make the world hate you, too..
633 · Apr 2016
Memory
Alexandria Hope Apr 2016
How much is a memory?
Burned feet on the hot concrete?
A skinned knee or a papercut?
Maybe it's the wasted nights, or a dead phone,
Lonely nights spent at home
Waiting on something to "be"
Something worth being happy,
Until you find it, and smile,
The one memory that makes it all worthwhile.
632 · Mar 2016
The Teapot is Empty
Alexandria Hope Mar 2016
The table is empty, the chairs are gone,
But I don't have the heart to see it end
I guess I'll have to mask my tears and pretend.
631 · Jul 2015
Come Away to the Water
Alexandria Hope Jul 2015
This haze about me is permeating, it dances in and out of the ebbing waves. Not completely black, though the smokey wisps and shades of black lend the water enough to be so.
Boats rest docked, ever on the schedule of the tides, marked by the men waded out to them. Foot soldiers in shimmering, soft grey suits the color of dove, up to their knees soaked. There is a hooded figure on the dock, not a woman nor a man. They carry a long rowing oar like a staff and stand always upright, vigilant. Without bones to weary or skin to age, only a porcelain mask to face when the time comes.
It isn’t expensive to take the ferry here, not terribly, in any case.
Unlike so many fishing wharfs I’ve seen before, there is no unpleasant odor. It smells of wet wood and lilies, which is curious. There are flowers about, dying roses are continually pushed up to the beach, but those I cannot smell. The lilies I cannot see.
In the water there are small paper boats with a candle each, burning easy in the windless air. The men in the water dodge the wayward boats that have drifted too far, but none of them seem to fear catching fire.
My feet are bare on the hard packed clay beach, I could easily walk in among them, and I wonder if I should go out to help.
Through the distance and dark I can see they carry a heavy box upon their shoulders, it dips dangerously to one side as one man slips.
The hooded figure does not turn as they slip their burden into a waiting boat.

I want to go with it, to see what’s waiting beyond.
Just as if my thoughts are read, I hear a small voice beside me and startle.
They must not see me here, or I will surely be in danger. Only the hooded figure may know me, should I choose to pay.

“You cannot go,” speaks the voice. It is a young girl, russet hair pulled up in a ponytail, though much of it is soaked and sticking. There is a **** upon the side of her head, but that is to be expected.

My mouth twists at the corner in a down turn, my first instinct to rebuke her. My but I am curious, however. “Why don’t you?” I counter, not turning. Never turning.
You must not face those you meet at the docks, nor at crossroads.

She nods appropriately, also staring out at the men as they work the ropes securing the boat to the dock.

“I cannot wake, neither can I depart. I am waiting in the interim.” She broached, a little wistfully. Then with a further turn towards conversation, asks, “what do you suppose they are? Do you suppose they were once-”

“No,” I interject. “No I don’t suppose.” And she smartly shuts her mouth.

If I face her, I’ll know. I’ll look into her eyes and see the water rising and hear her screams and feel the burn of hospital lights. I cannot allow her to see me.

“You cannot go, you cannot wake. You cannot stay.” I wondered aloud. “Have you not the cost to pay?” At this, she almost turns. I slide my gaze further away before I hear her again.

“You are old, you’ve forgotten the true weight of the price.”

The boat is freed and its guide alights it soundlessly. The men turn back towards us to fetch their next charge as I unknowingly hold my breath.
This time the box is much smaller, light enough for one of them to hold in his arms. The other three form a procession up to another waiting boat.

I’ve been too caught up in watching to notice the terror on the girl’s face. There is not much assurance in this place, but here we are.
She doesn’t make any notion that she can hear me as I voice myself, albeit shallowly.

“It isn’t yours.” But it might be, for all I know. For when I finally turn my head at the silence,

She is gone.
629 · Aug 2014
3:15am Whispers
Alexandria Hope Aug 2014
In an instant I've awoken, I don’t really see the sky
I know rain falls from it on the shingles time to time
Little tinny voices are my alarm set on repeat
And it makes me feel so sorry not to wake up on some
Coriander washed London street
Still the smell, our Petrichor perfume, sitting in the air
Reminds me of our mornings, taking in a winter dare

Where I’d not rise easy to rainfall in the bleak misty dawn
Listening instead, your breath against the pillow I now indent upon
617 · Feb 2015
Untitled
Alexandria Hope Feb 2015
I know a guy, never wanted a kid
But he loved his daughter so,
Much so that he was afraid to care for her,
Coddle her, and through the years he
Began to pull away
He blamed her mistakes on her mother,
It was easier that way
He didn't want to see her eyes when he shouted
He couldn't control his threats or his temper
And it made him feel good to get adoration,
No commitment, just a little fee
Did he really love the woman to whom he said,
"I love you more than my wife and child combined"?
Was it warmer than the isolation of sleeping alone in their bed
I know a guy, who never liked children
Even his own, but who would've known?
He never was with them.
616 · Jun 2015
Flutter
Alexandria Hope Jun 2015
They must be blind and numb,
The webs between my thighs,
The maw of my heart
Ice crystallizes the imprints,
Grooves of lips and fingertips
But my blood runs too warm,
I thaw the floes, divert arctic currents
To bring them to me, to drown locked with me
For each promises to swim willingly,
For they see the beauty, think the water as shallow as they
If I go with you? Will you drown me too? No,
Each promising to obey!
Into the depths, beneath the salty foam they grab
For me, force their tongues against the cut of my incisors
Draw blood. My quills draw blood. More poisonous than rockfish
Now, to drown, speared and mute
I beg their promise be kept, it's never any use
Their glassy eyes hold nothing
There's no swimming with them now
616 · Oct 2015
Wintergirls Never Thaw
Alexandria Hope Oct 2015
I want to be beautiful
I want to be bones, 90 pounds, blue
I want to be beautiful,
You'll tell me I'm beautiful when I'm dead, won't you?
Like when it was dawn, covered in fog,
Like when they cut you down, dressed you up, showed you off,
Like when they wrote you stories,
And you were beautiful,
And you were beautiful,
I wanted to be like you,
Tell me how to be just like you
I want to be beautiful,
I want to be with the pretty dead
Don't bother bringing flowers,
They're all here in my head
And you can press me between
the leaflets of my awful poetry
I want to be written down
I want to feel my blood running out
Don't kiss me if I have no pulse
My pulse is bruising my neck
to the point where I can't breathe
I want to be
Oh I want to be
So dress yourself up in a brocade vest
Take me to church, put me up in a pine pew
Give me a wake, I'll rise at midnight
And I'll be addicted to you,
I'll be addicted to you
616 · Apr 2015
Repentance
Alexandria Hope Apr 2015
You might think your battle over,
You might think you won
But I'm still fighting battles,
I know I'm not the only one
So don't sing of conquest
Don't poet out my heart
For you the politics are over,
For me they've yet to start.

And it's a bad business,
To war over love
But we lost the ones dear to us,
We're drawing blood just because
If I lay my sword down, let my armor rust,
Indiscretions and betrayal will never settle,
In the dust left by my travels, it's gotten out of hand
I never meant to leave it to the inheritors of my land
I'll not be a coward, even so I'd rather be
Than to know things thereafter, I'd rather not have known

And you can tell me your stories,
Of fights so long ago
But my fight is far from over,
And it's time to take it home.
Alexandria Hope Jul 2015
She crawled into a little door, her hot tears cast an ocean
Pinnafore and teacakes red as blood and torn
She's alone inside her head, in little orange bottles with gin
And he's the squiggle of lines clambering for attention
A bright cacophony of dreams and warped fixation
Sometimes chained and desolate, sometimes rambling with a grin
It's always him, and he can be quite charming
One's own mind can be a nightmare,
Madness always makes a precious friend
589 · May 2017
Mt. Rainier
Alexandria Hope May 2017
Tonight I chose a path, followed to its end and it was
Closed off
Kept driving down the road, to find another way
Evening air burned sweet as incense over the green water,
Clear and cold snow run-off, up in the mountains
Where otters made their play
A hummingbird came to say hello, singing in my hair as I
Shook my head around to see it, retreating and returning
My car died, I just lay in the sand
Sticking my toes in
That river running down, if I could only bear it
I'd slip into its current, grow leathery fins,
Oh I'd never go back, but for the memory
Across the way, heavy with trees and a rock face
Scorched by fires of travelers passed by
There are antlers, elk and such, oft in the forest
Their hoofprints in the beach I walk
My toes trailing across the rocks, fingers trailing wind
A small stone, caught up from the water, gleaming emerald,
Pocketed
I wish you'd come dream here with me
For I fear it's all just a dream within my head
Later revision may be desired.
588 · Sep 2014
Goodbye
Alexandria Hope Sep 2014
My words are drying up, one by one by the storm inside
Your words, "I need something different"
"you'll find someone else" added to all the lies
Once promises I'd make a home in
Now I haven't seen the world sober in so long,
Why ask me how I'm doing when breaking up with me
Was losing the right to know whether I'm dead or alive.
582 · Apr 2016
93 Degrees
Alexandria Hope Apr 2016
It's a dead end heat, walking along the black asphalt,
Gravity pulling heavy on my ankles, needling my sore shoulders,
As various A/C units kick on, droning against the dead leaves,
Heavy as rushes at the edge of a pond.
I can almost smell the moss and peat and crave the cooler air,
Mouth watering for that earthy atmosphere and paths, outside this blistering concrete,
On and on the days drone on, on and on they fly by, and I'm missing,
Hours spent inside back tracking hours, reminiscing the haze
Over an abandoned playground, or the touch, of a forgotten moment,
Blood slowing, shutting down, circulation sluggish, dead,
Trying to cool down for just a breath
576 · Apr 2016
Fire Opal
Alexandria Hope Apr 2016
Rubies are dun, or red as blood,
Opals are blue, opaque, or fire
I know they burn through me,
7 opals in my favorite necklace,
14 in my favorite bracelet,
3 in my favorite earrings,
I encase myself in the flames, like they define me,
Like my birthstone is as much me as I am the earth,
And my own tainted pyre.
And I burn, burn, through all of the old photographs,
Sending them up to the goddess as ash-
Burn, burn, through old cigar boxes, through liquor bottles
And dried flowers and my father's shirts,
And my father's old camera,
And my father's old ideals for who I was to be,
Someone I will never become,
I tore through it all, razed the past to the ground,
And I blistered my fingers, I tore the love letters,
I put the stories written for me, into the ocean,
I sent my farewell postcards for them, upon the rocky shore,
I cried as I watched them torn and taken,
But nobody loves me anymore,
And I burn, burn, like the brightest of opals,
Green with envy like the jade my father stole
Red with rage like Gerry's birth stone and I
But I've made my choices, after all,
So I burn.
I sneezed on my new laptop so it's mine now.
557 · Jan 2015
"How are you?"
Alexandria Hope Jan 2015
No,

I’m not

okay

I still think about you

each

****

day

Every thing we used to
say

Is still

replaying

in

my

head.
He asked, 4 days after breaking up with me. "How are you?"
I said, "I'm fine"
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