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919 · Apr 2021
Today
Clove Apr 2021
For the first time
in a long time
I can finally say
that I am
truly content
with my current
mindset
and
mental stability.
I'm gonna work at keeping it this way.
667 · Jan 2021
Addiction
Clove Jan 2021
I think about dying
At least once a day
It's gotten to the point
Where I crave death:
To the point where suicide
Doesn't seem so bad and selfish and cruel
But more like a solution to all my problems

Of course, I'd rather die
From natural causes
But the progression is way too slow
So, I'm trying to speed it up a little
By destroying my body in the best possible ways:

-Junk food
-Laziness
-And bad ******* hygiene
You're all welcome to my funeral. I'll be in a glass coffin so everyone can take turns watching my body rot. ♡^♡
597 · Jan 2021
Achy Bones
Clove Jan 2021
the cold seeps into my bones
like tea in a cup of hot water

and like the hot tea
it burns me within
with its touch

i hate it

and as i sit on a warm bus
peering out the window
thinking of you

my hatred only grows
I hate winter
550 · Jan 2021
Mommy
Clove Jan 2021
I miss you mommy

I think about you a lot
About who you were
And what you were
To me

How kind and self-sacrificing you were
How hardworking
How strong
How beautiful and loving and warm and bright

Oh, how I miss you!

But the more I think about you
The more I realize
Just how fragile
You truly were

How your kindness
And self-sacrificing nature
Was the result of abusive parents
Who constantly molested your body and mind,
Spewing lies of you
Being meaningless and unlovable
As they rubbed their sins and selves upon you

Oh, how you wanted to be loved and needed!

How you used hardwork
To gain the fraudulent love and care
Of rotten people,
Who used you to fill their pockets
And laze around on the back of your efforts.

Oh, how they hurt you!

How your strength
Was throwing up walls
To keep them out,
So they could never penetrate
Deep enough into your heart
To ever hurt you again.

Oh, how you feared they would!

And how your
Beauty,
Love,
Warmth and
Brightness
Was who you truly were
And who you promised yourself to be.

For me
My brother
And my dad

For friends and strangers
My cousins, aunts and uncles
And my horrible grandparents

For all of us
Because it made you feel
Loved and needed

And you were
You were so very
Loved and needed

I hope you knew that you were

I miss you mommy
I love you mommy. I need you mommy. I would've done anything for you. I wish you were still alive, even if you had lasting brain damage and kidney failure from covid, I would've taken care of you.
Why did you have to die? Why did you leave me here? Why didn't you take me with you?
I know you didn't want to leave, but knowing it doesn't make me feel any better.
458 · Jan 2021
Happy
Clove Jan 2021
I woke up prepared for an interview I knew would occur
I passed the interview,
Got a good response,
The incentive of good pay,
And a promise of emails to further the process along

I told my brother
He wasn't happy for me

I'm going to tell my dad
He'll be happy for me

I'm going to tell my friend
They'll be happy for me

I wish I could tell my mom
But she's dead

But if she were alive
I know she'd be happy for me
It's nice to be happy
411 · Jan 2021
Yellow
Clove Jan 2021
bright

warm

inviting

Yellow is such a happy color.
So happy, it almost cures my depression.
A lot of people hate the color yellow, but no matter how much they hate you, you'll always be my favorite. No matter what. 💛
334 · Jan 2021
It's Time
Clove Jan 2021
I've spent so much time
Learning from other people's
Choices
Experiences
Mistakes
That I've grown comfortable
Living life vicariously
Through others
Instead of living life
Through me

I think it's time I learn to live
It's my life. Only I can live it.
252 · Jan 2021
Forever for You
Clove Jan 2021
I know you probably hate me
and wish I were dead

But no matter
how much resentment
you hold towards me

I will always love
and care for you

Forever
Wrote this for people in my life who seem to dislike me no matter what I do. Just wanted to let them know that I love and care for them regardless. 💛💛💛
161 · Jan 2021
Plastic Rings
Clove Jan 2021
Why have diamond rings
when I can have you here
beside me?
"Gift" me my weight in gold
and I'll treasure the plastic rings you once
gave for free.
Hand me the world:
I'll hold it close and kiss it
better.
Whisper me a promise of
nothing and I couldn't be any
wetter.
I want you
Clove Dec 2021
I wanted you to hold me
You did

I was sick, but you held me anyway

You got sick too
And died

Now you can never hold me again

If only I didn't ask
If only you didn't listen

If only
I'm sorry

— The End —