there was a time
i used to think
a Persian sunset flushing pink
was beautiful-
now i prefer
say an old marsh
with ruffled fur and
stranded branches,
bleached and queer,
like antlers of some
mythic deer.

everything grows,
no bad thing is forever.

you are two.
you are both warm & cold.
Bright nostalgia for a dark night.
you are dysfunction, like a numb limb;
you are alone but
still ecompassing
what it means to be human.

I am so mad at myself
I want to smack my brain across its face
The thoughts I think are so absurd
my hopes are higher than the stars
This must be why
I often find myself
Crashing down
With such
Great
Force.

i wanted her.
in every ******* way that i could have her.

i wanted to own her just as much as i wanted to belong to her.
Nothing else compared to the way i felt when i was with her.

Nothing even came close.

She made me feel more than alive,
more than just breathing.

She helped me remember what happiness was,
and when i smiled with her it was real.

Every single emotion i never thought i would feel again.
Bad and good.
Anger,
Joy,
Agony,
Passion.

Love

i didn’t even think he would try.
i’d spent my whole life idolizing this man,
and the idea that he would ever cause me pain was something that had never crossed my  mind.

until now.
now that i could see the murderous look
in his eyes
and know,
without a single doubt,
that it was meant for me.

he wanted to hurt me
for what i was and who i loved,
that knowledge caused me more agony
than his hands ever could.

without a word
i knew that he was rejecting me.

hating me
for something that i couldn’t change,
something that
i didn’t want to change.