When night falls
the suns last rays are too soon forgotten
and the temperature drops
just like my heartbeat

Smiles quickly turn into tears
unspoken words and broken promises
the streets are almost as empty as I am

Try to drown out everything but the sound of the rain
loneliness is my only real best friend
my thoughts are darker than the night sky
and I wonder if I'm still alive

Cut my arms but I still can't feel
maybe reality is the dream
dead but breathing
I'm the ghost of the person I used to be

Wrapped in a blanket of sadness
my tears have become all too familiar
the rain sings me a lullaby
and I pray to never wake up again under this long dead sky

these cold white floors
are never enough
to mirror the purity of your heart
or to capture your hands' warmth

the intricacy weaved on your clothes
and patterns drawn by your feet
can never compare to
the dancing heart you wear on your sleeve

so don't look down
every time you fall
but hold on to their arms
and firm words and calls

to yourself, you're imperfect
to me, you're emboldened:
you don't need to win gold
when you're already golden

No, doctor that's not the problem
You don't understand
I'm putting guns to my head like I don't own my hands
I'm laughing so loud in a crowd with my friends but as soon as I'm home
I feel slightly deranged
There's darkness inside me, doctor,
It's stopping me from living
turning the whole world grey when it used to be so vivid
making me a person that cannot stand to continue living because everything seems pointless and the clock just keeps on ticking
the light is still not coming to the end of my tunnel
Will there always be this black in my vision
I feel like I'm seeing double because one moment
I can't contain myself I'm radiating light
Then all at once the suns sets and I'm struggling to survive the night
Does bliss still exist in this seemingly endless fight
This weight on my chest is reaching a new height
Or rather low, I feel the blackness grow
I just don't know if you can fix me doctor
am I another lost cause
IV's and finger ******
Wrap me up with gauze
You can try to heal me from the outside but it's the inside that is
off

every night i died i saw a new flower in my backyard.
my mind is wired to think that i am no one.
and it's true.
this world is too big,
too big to be living the way i am.
one day i'll be a star in the sky and i'll help make the flowers bloom and i'll sweep away the sadness from your eyes.
every night i saw the colors change from black,
to blue,
to whatever he paints the sky that morning.
the heavy feeling in my eyelids was another reason to stay in bed longer.
i lost myself in the sheets,
trying to run away from myself,
trying harder and harder to wake up as someone else or something else.

everyone is supposed to have a brand
there’s the mom friend
the emo friend
the funny friend
but what am I?
I’m not quite the bookworm brand
not enough sweaters and shyness
and far too many hours on the internet
I’m not quite the movie nerdy girl
not getting contacts and taming my hair
to start dating the star football player
I’m not rude enough to be the rebel
I’m not nice enough to be the good girl
I’m not outgoing enough to be the leader
I’m not smart enough to be the geek
I’m not something enough to be anything

And if that’s true
my brand is nothing
I’m nothing

Step 1: Get out of bed
Step 2: Look in the mirror
Step 3: Practice your smile
Step 4: Eyedrops to hide the red eyes
Step 5: Conceal the dark circles
Step 6: Breathe
The curtains are almost up
Step 7: Lock down the pain
Step 8: Ignore the weight on your chest
Step 9: Silence the screams inside of your mind
Step 10: Choke down the sobs
Step 11: Ignore the stinging in your eyes
Step 12: Swallow past the tightness in your throat
You’ve put on this show a million times
Step 13: Don’t let them see
Times up. Curtains up. Camera rolling