you promised
we would
meet each other
one day.
we would go
crab fishing
and drink some wine,
looking at the sunset
a little bit drunk
on the sandy beach.
smelling the salty air.
it was just empty words.
meant everything to me,
and nothing for you.
I am just a bunch
of flowers you
got tired of
watering.
hanged me on your
wall, my flower soul
dried like a desert.
dead from all the promises
you made.
beautiful but forgotten.
and it was so
simple for you
to just buy a
new bunch
of flowers.

and they told me they understood,
but they don't.
they don't know but i can see the growing fear and concern in their eyes when i said
"mama i wanna die."
and if my last breath were today please know that no matter how much i planned for this day,
my death wasn't planned.
cause it comes and goes you see.
there's something,
someone,
hanging the want for life in front of my eyes and there are times where i desperately try to grasp it,
but dad i just can't anymore.
it's not your fault.

i couldn't feel your love even if you told me you loved me a million times.
i couldn't feel the euphoria i was supposed to feel when smiling or laughing anymore.
i'm sorry to keep breaking your heart but my mind was still made up even when recalling "the best day ever" to try to convince myself that this life is worth living.

cause it's not,
for me.
i knew since the day i was born that this was a mistake.
god, made a mistake.
i'm not supposed to be here,
at all.

so send me off peacefully.
clean out my room and move far far away and call it
"starting over".
i know it'll be impossible to forget your son,
your friend,
your brother,
but please,
try.

Brick
        By
            Brick
A house is built
Hour
        By
            Hour
The house becomes a home
Day
        By
            Day
The home turns into memories
Year
        By
            Year
The memories turn into people
Century
        By
            Century
The people turn into stories
Story
        By
            Story
Stories turn into legends
Legend
        After
            Legend
History is changed
Piece
        By
            Piece
Lives are changed
Person
        By
            Person
Love is spread
One Love
        After
            Another
Bricks are purchased
That build houses
That turn into homes
That create memories
That turn into people
That turn into stories
That turn into legends
That change history
And it all started with
Just. One. Brick.

You scream and shout and let pride take over you
you never admit you were wrong and you begin to think of unreasonable stuff
yet you still  love and love because that's morally the right thing to do
Divorce is being a problem  in our country which results to most people  here having a more toxic life than it already is but let me just  tell you,
is your life  worth it?
are your children the reason of your worth?
leaving people to suffer behind, i don't exactly see what you're trying to do.
more  or less, the reason  why i prefer girls  over  boys but you wont even believe that.
i'm sick and tired of your presence everyday i wish you still  work abroad.
i know that's easier said than done...
knowing i'd soon regret ever saying it.
but i really  wish i could  get out of this house regardless if my traditions would  burden me thinking, "why don't you live  with your parents" shaming me because i'm leaving them.
i  can't stand this environment and i don't care about what you say.
i just want to be happy even if it means ending my life in this world  full of hate and chaos.

We're almost touching.
we were walking side by side,
you're talking about cabs in your hometown.
I can feel the gravity of your hand, calling my fingers
whispering "it's alright."

We're touching but not quite.
you held my shoulder to protect me from the passing cars.
and for the first time in a long while, I felt so fragile.
In this world where I find it hard even to breathe,
you believed me.

I almost said it.
All I need is one ounce of strength to tell you every single thing that I have ever felt about you.

I want to find home in your collarbones.
Would you be kind enough to let a stranger in?
I want to seep in your being because I'm cold.
The world is harsh and my cracks are aching.

Almost.

I am sinking.
I am sinking into a whole of darkness,
Where all around me is dark
And black
And people.
People who are moving and smiling and waving.
Hoping to carry on their energy into me,
Giving their best and hopes and wishes in their “I’m so sorry”,
Striving for their positive auras to infiltrate into mine.
But I’m still sinking.
And worrying and stressing and stretching and pulling at my limits,
Which have already broken and fallen in shards,
Long ago.
I sink and sink and watch as the hands above are reaching to pull me out.
Sometimes arms and legs and everything they can do to reach to me.
But I can’t pull myself up.
So there I sink by myself.
But persuading the minds around me that the depth of my troubles,
Is on the ground they stand on.
And I’m fine,
In their minds.
But simultaneously putting on the greatest show of all,
The persona of happiness.

- a.g.

She wears a mask of steel around her face,
That one can never break,
She stashes her feelings behind her smile,
But to discover them would be worthwhile,
She seems fine on the outside,
While she pushes her emotions aside
Onto the platter of feelings that drowns
Beside the superficial wearing crown,
When she just wants to scream
This isn’t the real me

This mask developed over time
From the harsh words she was forced to mime,
The feelings that she had within,
Came about her thick buckskin
No longer can the feelings break through
Bittersweet tears swept away as her spirit bid adieu

- a.g.

walking around i seek
the first time where i feel truly me.
out from the shadows, at last emerging
the suns sweet rays surging
with the energy i feel,
and begin to feel real.

- a.g.

Are you okay?
Are you alright, are you fine, are you good?
Are you adequate, are you decent?
Are you emotionally stable, sleeping without crying, smiling because you want to?
Are you breathing without questioning, are you waking up without trying, are you eating without throwing up?
Are you reading this poem right now and thinking no?
Are you thinking for the first time, will I ever be okay?

You will be okay.
You will be alright, you will be fine, you will be good.
You will be adequate, you will be decent.
You will be emotionally stable, you will sleep without crying, and smile for the happiness blooming inside of you.
You will breathe without questioning, you will wake up to a new day, you will eat easily
You
are going to be okay.
So please smile sunshine
It’s a fine new day
To be okay :)

- a.g.