I must have erased this
A hundred times
The truth is
I feared loneliness
As it peaked at bedtime

Someone once spent a fortune
Of time on me
Implanting ideas
I'd amount to nothing
"Just wait and see"
I wasn't worthy of love
Something out of my reach
I worked myself to the bone
To earn nothing
Of what was promised or preached
And one day Someone left,
But I've managed to survive
While those poisonous thoughts
Continued to eat me alive

Time does pass
As wounds heal slowly
My loved ones remind me to laugh
And look after me closely
I'm grateful for them
And for guidance from Above
I can fall asleep peacefully
Knowing I am loved

I'm confident
Someone wouldn't recognize me now
I'm stronger, wiser, less lonely
But I don't question how

For you see, the answer's obvious
Granting me tenacity of a fighter
All along, my strength's been within
Loving myself through words on a typewriter

© JL Smith

Unbridled absolutes
Existentially running free
No one can tell you
What not to believe
Harvest your values
Sharpen your heart
Don't let fears
Tear us apart...

Compassion and mercy
Are known to sustain
Logic and reason
Are one and the same
.....

self importance he did relish
therein lay a swollen ego
was inflated of embellish
all this being held as a cargo

therein lay a swollen ego
so monumental the extent
all this being held as a cargo
of the largest conceited tent

so monumental the extent
it could not be denied at all
of the largest conceited tent
he finding joy in his own thrall

it could not be denied at all
ever putting one's self up first
he finding joy in his own thrall
was no shown quelling of the thirst

ever putting one's self up first
all this being held as a cargo
was no shown quelling of the thirst
therein lay a swollen ego

I am just a mess
Of wonderful contradictions
Like my heart says one thing
But my brain just cant listen
That's what's cold
About living in a world so cold

Days turn to freezing nights
Friday nights turn to starting fights
Your shirts are my sweatshirts
Tucked in a drawer
To help me
Sleep at night
Don't steer to far from the sidewalk
To scared to walk at Night

Ever Since you left
things have gotten a little harder
Try not to think about you
Just to get past it
But every time i see these little couple
looking cute with their boos
It gets a little bit harder
to stop thinking about you

But don't forget
you were my king
I was
your Queen

Our exteriors like gold
and all you did was
scratch me
Had mental breakdowns
every time your your name
had crossed me

In your arms
the only place i ever felt free
your word were the key
the key to my heart
Filled with your lies

But every time i paid the fee
Every time i rebuilt me

And i admit
it had hurt
Cuz i had thought
you were my gift sent--
sent from my guardian angel

But instead
you were the best dressed curse
Sent down as a test
and i had failed
Cuz i fell for you

For a second i thought you were falling too
But on contrary
you turned out to be playing games
Out running rampant on these streets acting strange
i guess that's what happens
when you let your man run on free range

I swear this life is so funny right
Living in a cold world
Every one is in their own inner wars
Losing battles, dodging love, and chasing acceptance
Running towards the closer exit
to scared to be loved
to familiar to what their ex did  

Young girls walking around with their hearts already broken
lowering their voices
trying not to be outspoken
face soaked in
tears
so tired of sulkin

Living in a cold world
our hearts are all frozen
my hearts already broken
I guess tha'ts why i cant stop smoking
i figure if i just keep rollin
i might be able to escape these emotions

My flaws
My fragments
My scars

Living in a world so cold
Living  in a world were
Your self-worth is equal to Instagram likes
Lowering your self worth hoping
He'll reply
But babygirl sometimes
its better to be shy
To shy away from the people that make you cry
the people that make you wanna run away and hide
The people that make you believe it would be easier to die
The problems you can't answer why

Living in a world so cold
It's greatest Contradiction
it's beauty held in it's own mass destruction
Its beauty held in the paths it corrupts
Its defined as beautiful corruption
Recycled, broken pieces
that's beautiful destruction  
Living in a world with wonderful contradictions
It's freedom blooms in it's own restrictions
all facts start with fiction
Our opinouns transform to our definitions
Between all the religion, politicians, and convictions
I don't know if i'm ready for all the
Deceptions, Contradictions, and Obcessions

Living in a world
A world with wonderful contradictions

our eyes burn brightly
in the darkness of forms illusion
and shutter blind in the light of effulgent consciousness

to and fro we go
life and death
life and death
life and death

freed only from vexing yogas
when forms dream
yields delimitation