This heart still yearns for you
And all we could have been.
Our love is  now a crash site!
We’re dying at the scene.
The wounds are deep..near fatal.
Too numerous to attend.
We call it now....the final hour.
The bell must toll its end.






.

Will you abandon all hope whilst blood still courses through your veins?
Will you open your mouth to the force fed propaganda swallowed readily by the masses?
Drink from the goblet of lies to sit like a cesspool in your stomach, a stench of rot and decay .
Cross the road to avoid the homeless girl as she counts her pennies , her cold dark hell a kinder place than the horror she avoids .
What do you know as you protest of hardship and horror and pain in the comfort of your four walls?
Emotionally devoid - they've seen to that . Comfortably numb in your own small world .
Immersed in triviality and lifted fleetingly by material niceties , averting your gaze from all that leaves a sour taste in your mouth .
Do you feel fulfilled brother , as you watch the destruction in far off lands ?
Do you not feel sick to your stomach as you turn your gaze from the images on the screen of man destroyed - their bodies lifeless and broken - in the name of war and power and religion .
Do you sleep soundly in your bed with the belief that you are in control ?
Wake up!...You were not born to this world to close your eyes to all that unnerves you.
You think you are safe in your small kingdom - untouchable .
But the ugliness will fill every pore of your being and you will flounder in a sea of guilt that will become a madness that will eat you from within until you too lie broken .

Was your darkest hour when your  first love walked away?
The  first glimpse of the gaping abyss...
Carefully constructed plans and dreams,
Gone...Drifting away on a sea of despair.
Love becomes loss.
Two become one.
Shared goals now solo missions.
Invariably in time one becomes two once more.
The past is stored in the archive of memory.
The first of a lifetime of unfinished stories.
Aborted..abandoned,
But never really forgotten.
Now before you , a crisp  white page.
Awaiting a new chapter.
A new beginning.
Emerging with a newly found sense of self.
A value of oneness.
Born from the pain of separation.
The realisation that two cannot  become one.
The path to individuation is yours to walk alone.

As I gaze across the water I am reminded of the stones I cast as a child.
Interaction with my closely guarded emotions merely skimming, avoiding  the deeper connection with my soul.
As the pebbles cast long ago in childhood, dancing across the sparking, sun drenched ripples of the the river.
Of course I realise now that the stones found their way to the murky depths of the river bed.
A cycle of light and dark, of pleasure and pain.
Patiently awaiting the current to drag them, inch by inch to the light at the waters edge again, trusting in their journey, unquestioning.
The stark realisation cuts deep... Is startling in its clarity.
In darkness one finds strength... and an appreciation for the light when once again it emerges.
Instead through fear of pain and loss one creates  a play in which they are merely actors.
Well versed but stagnant, life scripted, safe, predictable.
I surrender to the darkness.
Within  its shadowy depths lies treasure.

Beneath its sacred branches they dance.
Writhing with carefree rapture as they
Reclaim what they have lost.
Hands outstretched in readiness to release all that does not serve.
Reconnecting to Mother Earth,
Soft light from the fat full moon their only witness.
This gathering of beautiful and wild women,
Naked and euphoric.
United in the knowledge that although man may spill his seed within her secret depths,
It is only from woman’s wondrous cavern that new life springs forth.
She wolf....Passionate and fierce...defender and protector.
Their lips move silently as they join as one in gratitude and realisation.
Finally Surrendering  to the earth in weary slumber,
Enlightened and connected as night makes way for day.

She has marked him..singled him out.
Like a wolf singles out her **** amongst the herd.
She licks her lips, soft pink pout alluring.
She is thirsty, driven in her need for pleasure.
Her breath quickens, eyes intense, inviting, challenging.
She is naked....Soft silhouette of hip and thigh in the half light.
******* small and firm, jutting proud with their rose tipped peaks.
Back arched, graceful curve meandering to buttocks rounded as fruits.
She raises an eyebrow ever so slightly.
An invitation to taste the sweet river of her core.
To dip his fingers in her salty cavern, velvet soft moist pinkness.
Hidden gem within parted white thighs.
He is transfixed in her cool blue gaze.
Drawn by her girlish innocence.
Seduced by her hedonistic desires.
The mix irresistible, drawing him in with her carefree abandon.
He plunges to her salty depths, she writhes and moans with pleasure.
Her cries primeval and unrestrained.
Seeking only the exquisite beauty of coupling that is as old as time.
Feeding the fire within until it burns red hot in its intensity.
Passion a madness that is all consuming.
She cleaves to him in the final thrusts,
Spreadeagled, his body finally overpowering hers.
She surrenders, eyes liquid now, soft and content.
Sated.. at least for now...

Where is the sunshine
I see only rain.
I seek illicit substances
to nullify the pain.
Within this skin I suffer.
The world beyond my reach.
Detached and unconnected
On a lonely desolate beach.

I wondered always what lay beyond that door.
Distant and hazy, shrouded in mystery and cloaked in darkness.
I do not remember the time when that door caught my eye....
A door that others seemed unaware of.. or at least remained  tight lipped on the subject.
One autumn night I grasp the big old handle of that door,
A longing so intense, so all consuming that I can  not deny.
Its hinges stiff, its great oak frame reluctant to yield to my insistent hands.
Teasing me.. testing my resilience.. my resolve.. my drive for pleasure...
The doorway to this dark and well kept secret  is open....and I enter... this forbidden land...
The kingdom where love and ecstasy collide.
I adultturn ... my love is close behind me... I can feel his excitement,
We are naked , skin bathed in moonlight ...
Beautiful silhouette of breast and thigh, smooth plane of belly leading to moist depths throbbing with pleasure ...
He removes the leash... I am free... free to taste forbidden elixir.
He beckons ... hands cup my *******, a mouth covers mine...
My love looks on ... eyes liquid with desire,
My pleasure his ultimate aphrodisiac ....
Lips travel to my velvet core ,
Tongue flicking and caressing until I am gasping for release ....
He rears up before me and I am impaled....
A ride of sheer ecstasy and abandonment...
Pounding like a horse galloping across the moorland... wild and powerful..
I cry out... my body arched against him,this stranger to whom I was offered...
His cries muffled in my breast....his seed seeping deep inside me....
My love smiles an indulgent smile and I return to him...
The leash again in place....
The door awaiting my exit....for now...
Who knows when I will return?....

Scared to love, to feel, to care.
To just let go and know he's there.
Take down the wall I built so high,
Scared to live yet scared to die.

Expectant for loss yet ever hopeful for gain.
Don't want to feel numb but don't want to feel pain.
Craving the warmth of a human touch,
Yet safe is the loner, for loss is too much.

My feet trudge the path of the weary and lost.
The ones who have loved and realised the cost.
The ones who were chosen yet then torn apart,
Left only with sorrow and torn bleeding heart.

From the first  eager gasps of a newborn babe.
Red faced, tiny hands flailing indignantly  as one is ****** into this strange and unfamiliar world.
It is only as the first breath is drawn that consciousness explodes.
The ember that has smouldered in its warm and safe cocoon - ignites.
A new and tiny being, each unique and like no other.
One muses that breath and the soul are one and the same.
After all, without breath life ceases to continue,
The flame becomes a flicker, then once again an ember.
Until it is only ash, cold and grey.
For every first breath, in contrast one draws their last.
The gusty cry of the newly arrived drowns the feeble rattle of the departing.
One soul earthbound while the other soars free as a bird,
Matter becoming energy once more, drifting in the vastness of the ether.

When I open my mouth
Your words spring from my lips.
The song I sing
Has your lyrics...your melody.
The road I walk endless... grinding...
Diminutive in your shadow.
Shed a bitter tear for dreams unrealised
Sense of self eroded , downtrodden,
Soon extinct.....
Rest in peace unique one.
Your differences are not celebrated here.

It's a one way ticket on a sombre journey - destination nothingness.
I take my seat, weary passenger, resigned to my fate.
I ask what madness led me here, to this dark embrace that promises eternal silence.
This beautiful world  has no place for me...
Cast out, unable to thrive, unable to love, oddity, misfit.

They have tried and failed to tame me.
I am the wild animal, the wounded fox, the hunted lion .
The world a cage from which I must escape.
It's bars a prison I cannot endure.

I am the child of stunted growth.
The flower that never blossomed.
The tree that bears no fruit, drawing goodness from the earth to feed only this black void.
This gaping hungry mouth that is never sated , ever ravenous.

Leafless trees pass by my window, reaching out dead fingers as if to mock me.
The earth, hard as iron with no promise of life stirring within it.
Barren and empty as my own womb,
Never to bring forth new life and with it new meaning, new purpose.

Oh life how could you be so cruel?
Sending me into battle with no means of defence.
No armour to shield me, to protect me from harm.
My emotions so thinly veiled - dressed only in the thinnest muslin.

All around me viscous black now,
Inky velvet shadow almost liquid as it puddles around me.
Complete blackness , mesmerising , all consuming.
And then I see her! That shining silvery iridescence filling the sky.
Her light the only promise of a new tomorrow.

It's enough! Destination nothingness must wait.

Dog barks.
Velvet night.
Jasmine breeze.
Moon suspended, ever watchful.
Casting shadows.
Silvery fingers.
Open window.
Bathing the room in an eerie iridescence.
Seizing opportunity.
Natures ******.
Silently forgotten.
The scent of tobacco wafts briefly.
Smoke plumes.
Drifting lazily.
Curling upwards.
Disappearing in the balmy night air.
Footfalls thump.
Woe begotten.
Stillness fades.
Surrendering at last to slumber.

Man is  born unto the  rainbow of opportunity.
The dazzling palate before him as he draws his  first infant breath.
Perfect and untainted, this tiny being as he  enters this vast world.
His only purpose being his very existence.
The sheer wonder of this colourful land in which he finds himself.
A world of moments, of sounds.
Of touch and scents.
Of visual exploration through those eyes that have yet seen no horror.
Skin that has yet to feel physical pain.
Soft and unspoilt as he nurses close to his mother.
Skin not yet a fortress behind which he will hide many ills.
A skin that will learn to shrivel in shame.
Harden in the face of fear, like armour.
And wilt  in the absence of love.
Bloom  turning from rosy red to sepia.
For though man is born unto the rainbow.
The horror of humanity is diligent on his heel.
It’s hulking cape of  blackness, angst and despair.
As man destroys all he has been given in nature.
Turning his hand then against his fellow species.
Born into a roiling sea of corruption, control  and greed.
Where the myriad of healing greens,
Of mysterious purples and creative oranges,  lost forever.
Their brilliance fading like an aged tapestry in sunlight.
Turning to browns and greys.
Leaching their beauty through a lifetime.
Until there becomes only  blackness.
Until his is the dark heart of despair.
Bleached and brittle like driftwood on a desolate beach.
Washed up and empty.
The human condition and its agonies too much to bear.

Wound up tight like cotton on a spool.
Is there an end to pick, pick free.
Do you see a monster when you look at me?
A serpent headed beast set out to destroy.
I am the saboteur,  the destructive attic mouse.
You're patient, I will give you that...
Mood tempestuous as the seas, but you cannot swim.
You won't float in me .... You have no anchor ...
Down like a stone you will go .....
Down to murky depths you never did see...
The depths of me...

Let me introduce myself...my name is Hope.
I am no more than an illusion, an elaborate distraction...
In fact I am an  empty chalice that has yet to overflow.
A vine that bears no tangible fruit.
And yet..Yet you will make bedfellows with Hope in your  earliest years.
From the first crushing disappointment,
The pain and desolation that comes with the loss of a loved one.
And perhaps the most chilling  realisation of all.
The realisation of the horror of humanity that threatens to permeate every fibre of  being.
Awakening to the agony that is the human condition.
As with all ailments we seek to find a cure.
A way of negotiating this ugly world in which we find ourselves.
A protection..a talisman from the depravity that surrounds us.
So hope is  born....nurtured from cradle to grave by each and every one...
As without it the pain would become intolerable.
A poison that creeps until there can only be loss of reason,
A hopelessness and despair so profound that it is intolerable to bear.
Leaving only an eventual plummet into the abyss.

Fear is the mountain
But treasure lies
In its distant summit
Man can only fathom
How to scale the peak

Your love is a dagger sunk deep to the hilt.
Flesh parting like a gaping mouth to expose my bleeding heart within my breast.
You are still here but for how long?
Before you drift away like mist until it was like we never were.
Sailing away like a ship on the ocean , oblivious to my cries.
You are my rock ... My everything, my anchor in this desolate world.
But my soul holds a darkness that  I cannot contain.
Spewing its filthy blackness to taint our perfect love.
Ripping the beauty so fragile from its bed like a hurricane uproots the trees.
Unbidden and uninvited , yet tearing with unbridled fury on its  path.
Leaving nothing but remnants , shards of passion scattered with careless abandon.
Laughing gaily on its journey of destruction.
My skin milk white longs for your touch.
A reminder of the love so pure, a love that demands nothing except to be.
Your hands upon my thighs, parting to make way for your entry.
Your lips upon mine, melting my soul until we are one and the same.
A hunger, a thirst that only you can quench.
Your body cleaving  mine in a joyous rapture.
A memory that lasts long after we are spent .
As I lie in bed beside you in delirious blissfulness.
Do not go sweet love of mine.
To sail away to distant shores,  ever smaller in the distance.
Until you are but a dot on the horizon,
My heart beats still for you.

My world is a fairground.
A terrifying roller coaster ride that never ends.
Stomach lurching, gut wrenching, adrenaline flooding , heart thumping.
You are forced to take a seat ..but I know you detest the thrill seeker.
And yet somehow I have signed you up.

This theme park has a dark side Dear one, within lies chaos too.
To join me is  to balance on the steepest precipice,
The sharpest, thinnest knife edge.
For fear of eruption , explosion - anger like molten lava spilling from the volcano.

I take you high sometimes - up and up.
A fleeting taste of what could be bliss.
Outer shell discarded just for a moment.
A glimpse of the unguarded woman within.

Only to tear you from your stillness.
The Merry go round once more.
Falling! falling! stomach lurching, white knuckle horror.
To love me is a feat indeed .

I dream of a long awaited  freedom.
I find myself alone on a beach.
Pale sands before me stretching to the azure blue of the ocean.
I turn and I notice that there is but a single trail of footsteps in the sand behind me.
The soft golden plain before me untouched, unspoilt, virginal.
I breathe the warm sea breeze and my throat is tight and rasping.
I glance down at my body and discover I am naked.
Vulnerable and unprotected.
My form is thin and fragile and I muse I must have been here for a time.
As if emerging from the deepest slumber, bleary eyed and cloudy of mind.
With a tangible feeling  within of a severance, a long awaited shift.
I squint far in the distance and to my surprise I see a house atop a hill.
I notice that the windows of this house are crisscrossed in iron bars.
There is a long drive leading to a a set of unyielding padlocked gates installed  amidst  high stone walls that surround the property.
I remember then...This is the home of my childhood.
An incarceration felt long after I had flown.
Those same bars and walls carefully recreated and erected in my own life, by my own hand.
I take a final glance and turn away.
The single set of prints in the sand a reminder of my own path , waiting to be trod.
Realisation that the old ways can no longer serve me.
An awareness of the power within me to break free from those who seek to control,silence and limit my growth.
The walls and bars offering not protection, but oppression.
A disconnection and detachment from others and ultimately from oneself.
Waging a war against an invisible enemy until one is but a vessel full  of fear and discontent.
I shall not visit the house on the hill again.
My home shall be without walls and endless as the ocean before me.

Get up! Get out!
You're dying there,
The world is waiting , you're ripe for change.

What's keeping you there in those four walls?
Your rumination souring you like old milk.
You protest of the shackles that bind you.
You fool no one!

Clatter clank goes your heart.
Palms slick as snail slime.
Thoughts racing like a freight train through your head to pounce.
The jackal is again triumphant, lurking in the back only to step in for the **** in the last moment.

You hang up your coat.
Shoulders stooped in defeat.
Fear has won again today.

Beneath the leafless oak she lies.
Her cries now feeble and weak.
As she draws her final breaths the moon looks on.
Her light creating a macabre illumination.
Yellow hair, it's lustrous beauty now dull and caked in blood.
Fingernails in their gaudy red lacquer - torn and broken.
The furrows in the damp earth below her - etchings of terror.
He has already turned his back on her,
He knows it will not be long.
Even in these last moments he is in control.
Leaving a trace of life... a flicker.
A pain filled ebbing away,
Alone - on that cold woodland floor.
Hands and feet bound in gaudy pink twine.
Young life extinguished - snuffed out as casually as a candle.
The wind stirs the fallen leaves on the ground and they dance.
She has a shallow grave of autumnal browns and reds.
For now the trees hold the secret.
Pale slender form,still and silent, hidden in the leaves.

.

My parents they schooled me to plan in advance.
To not live in the moment or leave things to chance.
They convinced me that life was a dangerous game,
And around every  corner lurked sorrow and pain.

My childish innocence stolen away,
My sunshine exchanged for an ever cloudy day.
My hope extinguished and dreams chastised,
Rainbows replaced with brooding skies.

Belly full of anguish and fear and dismay,
These are my gifts I endure each day.
Intricately stitched, deep in my soul,
Nurtured by them , the hands of control .

He works like a slave, six days a week,
To keep the  wolf at bay.
Austerity has hit him hard, his penance  every day.

The "Establishment" says it has no choice,
Tough measures must ensue.
He's considering the food bank for his child is thin and blue.

His dignity is all but lost, like feathers in the wind.
His hope Is torn to ragged shreds,
His eyes are hollowed, tinged with red.

He sheds a tear for all the dreams now shattered shards like glass.
His path a rocky desolate grind,
Secure as smoke rings in his mind.

He knows what dark hell lies ahead, the torture that awaits,
His fragile human life seems cheap,
Once used,  discarded on the heap.

If I could I would take the stars , extract them one by one .
And fashion myself a gown of light for when the darkness comes.
A myriad of twinkling jewels to guide me on my way.
My talisman to keep me safe - protection every day .

If I could I would lie me down in roses Crimson red.
Reminds me that my blood runs warm as I lie there in my bed.
Engulfed in fragrant petals, blanket of soothing calm.
A salve to soothe in times of angst, exquisite floral balm.

If I could I would call the birds from high there in the trees.
Companions true to comfort me, here in my time of need.
Voices clear, an orchestra , United in their song,
Distraction from the darkness in my mind I've known so long.

If I could I would steal the clouds from their home there in the sky,
Detach them from their blue lagoon, soft bed on which to lie.
Comforter of fluffy white to sink down safe and sound,
To save me from the black abyss, ever swirling all around.

If only there was peace, if only there was love.
If only wars weren't fought in the name of God above.

If only man could deal in currency of Art and words and song.....
Instead we tread the empty roads of gain and wealth....it's wrong!

Our souls are cast aside and lost....they wander blindly in the dark.
Awaiting a reunion to soothe a  ragged, aching heart.....

The stillness is absolute - not a sound.
Not a whisper in the trees although I see them sway  in their drunken yet graceful dance.
In the distance blue skies invaded, scores of pairs of wings flapping madly,
Alert to a danger only they can hear.
Zigzag of black bodies, united in their plight.

In my meandering  along the riverbank I see the water rise and fall , each little crest tipped with gold , fleeting dalliance with the sun, now low in the sky, ready to give way to her moonlight sister.

As day surrenders to night I am reminded of the silent films - a feast for one sense only.
Ears rendered useless, hungry eyes soaking up every small detail.
In those moments of stillness a near perfect calm engulfs me.

Only to hover like smoke - opaque for seconds then gone.
Fleeting in our meeting - brief pirouette of joy.
Before my return to melancholia.
I know I shall return to stillness.
It’s just a breath away.

If the definition of ****** is “little death”then
I have died many times.
Languishing in a hazy afterglow of pleasure.
Limbs weak and rendered temporarily useless...like rubber.
Skin flushed  rose, lips full and red.
Smooth contours of breast and hip and collar bone....
Luminous in their beauty....
Illuminated beneath  the watchful gaze of the moon as she peeps through the hastily drawn curtain.
****** to the ****** and wild beauty of fluid bonding.
I have “died “ many times.
And yet I smile an indulgent knowing smile.
Soon I will experience my “little death”once again.

.


In my dreams I am a warrior....Athena  on horseback.
Battle scarred yet with a quiet strength that burns within.
I am a white witch...arms outstretched as I dance beneath the saucer moon.
My lips moving in an incantation that will set me free.
The stars above the only witnesses as I relinquish all that does not serve me.
The manacles that bound in misery now rusted and useless.
Like a caged canary that at last  escapes its imprisonment from its human oppressor.
Wings flapping madly in a joyous first taste of freedom.
I am the water that once was murky and heavy with silt,
Now flowing free..crystal clear and pure.
The storm that has raged for a lifetime now calm..a gentle warm breeze.
The elements of nature stand beside me...my foot soldiers, guardians.
A reminder that I am not alone...
I am at last laid bare....canvas white and new....
The time is now.......let it go....

Love it seems,  possesses many edges.
Is multifaceted in its complexity.
Yet we claim to know it.
To have it even, safe in our grasp.
Smug in our knowing that we have ‘worked this one out’.
Basking in the sunshine that knows no darkness.
Yet before lies the most humbling, the most arduous and often perilous journey,
Side by side with your chosen other.
Where calm and tranquil seas quickly become battlegrounds.
Love lost, strangled in the wilderness of silence.
Communication in its ebb and flow becomes a parched, thirsty river bed.
Love that was once a thriving port,
Back and forth in active trade.
Kindness in exchange for freedom.
Patience in return for loyalty.
A gradual breakdown,
A failure to embrace those qualities that served so well.
Replaced by exchanges in anger, contempt and fear.
In distrust and anxiety and unrealistic expectation.
Until the chasm becomes too wide to safely negotiate,
The risk too great.
Love is jagged...sometimes it cuts like a *****.

I dance the macabre with the Dark One.
He wants to make a grotesque Union .
He has designs on me..
But I am not a willing bride.
He hides the light from me.
Hides the beauty under a black canvas of darkness.

I do not know his name.
But I fear him...
He is pure evil - he is desolation and destruction.
But I was promised... I am his.

He has a grizzly army.
Serpent headed servants gleefully at his bidding.
They are cunningly disguised.
Masquerading  as family and friends.

They made a pact with their dark Master.
Seduced by promise of power, control and wealth .
They are diligent in their pursuit of me.
Their beady, hateful eyes were watching at my birth.


I am the sacrificial lamb,
Their pursuit relentless .
They chase me, hunt me.. The fleeing fox.
The pack baying for my blood.

He waits.. My dark hearted suitor.
Awaiting his captured bride to be....
He licks his lips in anticipation.....
So near to possessing me... Body and soul .

My captors proudly flaunt me.
My fate is all but sealed.
My terror is tangible .. My fear excites them...
They crowd round eagerly, Hungry for my demise.

I see the altar.... A horrifying creation that makes my blood run cold.
A ghastly and sickening masterpiece .
Created from human bones and sinew.
Adorned with black lilies sticky with blood.

They push me.. Poke me.. Their laughter shrill.
He waits... His bony hand outstretched.....
He smells my terror!... It is his aphrodisiac....
He is salivating ... Hungry for our filthy union...

Expectant he waits.... His leering gaze transfixed..
My eyes meet his... And I see evil in its purest form...
Awaiting his eternal bride of darkness.
My fear a crimson blood river that feeds him....

He will not take me... This horned beast of Hell...
My fear the only meal that can sustain him.
I unleash the light...
The clear white light of my soul......

Sickly sweet odour of cheap perfume hangs in the air.
From the third floor widow she stares wistfully to the street below.
Crowded with shoppers, lovers, diners and meanderers.
Clutching brightly coloured bags stuffed with all manner of trivialities.
She turns away, surveying her personal hell.
Crimson taffeta bedding creating a gaudy yet stark centrepiece against stained grey walls.
Where men, one after the other set sail on a voyage paid for by the hour.
A far cry from her childhood dreams - oh the naivety of youth!...
She smiles a bitter smile....her reflection in the mirror tells nothing of the angst deep within.
Of the dreams now crushed...hopes scattered like the petals of a dying rose.
The road ahead desolate and bleak.
No sweet memories to carry with her from the path she walked before.
Emptiness and blackness.. hidden by the thin veneer of the street girl.
The provocative clothing and makeup distraction enough for the men who seek to forget.
Her body a welcome release from their comfortable yet mundane lives.
Caring not for the flicker of sadness and desperation they see in her painted eyes.
Seeking only to quell their own thirst, before their return to middle class suburbia.
Gaze carefully averted from the track marked arm that reaches out to take her fee.
**** already calling her phone, eager for the next client to take his fill.
Needle at the ready to pump her vein full of mind numbing poison.
Desensitised and dehumanised, his control absolute.
She longs for the release that only death can bring.
Even that is beyond her reach, her movements watched around the clock.
Shoulders slumped she replaces the bed sheet.
The door opens and once again she smiles her empty lipstick smile.
****** drenched mind now dull, compliant.
Ravaged body, skeletal thin.. still of use.. for now.
Before she joins the others that were so casually used and discarded.
Their bodies wrapped in black plastic and weighted down with stones.
Cast out to a watery grave.....
In death comes sweet release.

Hair fire red and tousled  beneath my fingers.
The feather touch of her mouth beneath mine.
The rounded softness of femininity yielding to my touch.
My pulse like a freight train in my ears.
Adrenaline flooding my senses until I am drunk with desire.
Her tongue , impossibly pink, slides into my mouth, hesitant at first...
Soft skin flushed and radiant, blue eyes inviting, challenging.
I am the humming bird.. drawn to this sweet elixir.
To delicately taste this female form for the first time.
Soft contours of hip and breast against mine.
Fleeting moment ... and yet it has awakened my senses.
A longing to feel those white fingers upon my *******, to slide between my thighs.
Slippery with passion, my river an ocean on which she must sail.
I smile a wistful smile..... I wait ....... no doubt she will return....

Fat sow, full with capitalist slime child in her belly.
Let the next generation  of evil commence.
Circus in town...  “Roll up, roll up!"to smile with your oppressors.
They are on the sidelines with a chequered board awaiting you the willing pawn.  Bankers, Politicians, Big Pharma......they always win...
Trafficked child crouches ****** and beaten in the shadows of a greasy filthy bedroom.
Man sweats tears for you....seven days for your vanity...whipped by the corporate ******* to whom we are enslaved.

What are you thinking now ? I see a flicker there....moth wings behind your blank eyes.
Your mouth a capsized canoe....
Fluttering of hands... A pair of birds anchored on their earthly mooring...
Little bobbing boat on your throat, up and down in its saliva river...
Black cowhide tap tapping .. Dead animal for your pleasure.. Now manacles that bind you there, rooted like an ancient elm...Rooted as the truth trickles,
Silty sand to the seashells.
Two front doors now, your eyes , that's good to see,
Wide open....hungry animal at feeding time...
Revolution..........

From the first faltering moments of awareness
The eerie, haunting notes of melancholia play softly
Beyond every seemingly endless blue sky
is the eternal abyss
The fate that awaits us all
That which has divided and discriminated
In life now equalised in death
For every flower in full bloom
As It basks in its exquisiteness
Awaits a curtain call of sepia edges
Giving way to browns and greys
Then black..as it returns to the earth
Decaying to nothingnes

I lie  below the moonlit sky.
The ground cold and damp beneath my naked form.  
Skin illuminated by  the moon’s cool and eerie gaze.
A single tear makes a slow trail down a pale and harrowed cheek.
Lost to the angst that threatens to engulf.
At war with the rot that spreads....deeper and deeper.
It has all but devoured me.
Its permeation almost absolute.
It’s wicked fingers needling and gouging my exhausted flesh.
The brutal **** and possession of my soul its ultimate conquest.
Like a forest fire it wages....out of control..insatiable.
Consuming everything in its wake.
Leaching the very life from my weary bones.
I hear a cry...faint...from somewhere distant yet intrinsic and inherent.
A voice ignored, dismissed and disregarded.
I feel a sudden wrench, a loss so profound it takes my breath away.
Fingers grasp empty air as my very essence departs and ascends.
Driven out by toxic demons.
I hear a final plaintive cry as my soul returns to the ether.
Lost to me forever.

Break free from the internal prison....
Seek not what lies ahead which is, at best,  in its present state only fiction.
A dreamt up rumination of imaginary outcome and scripted conclusion.
The past that whispers at the periphery of your mind.
A reminder that poisons and taints the present.
Be content with what you see before you.
The skin you inhabit.
The situation that you find yourself in.
Bask in this glorious moment.
This oneness with all that surrounds you.
The walls of your fortress are of your own making.
Breathe......!
This moment is yours....

War rages between hope and despair.
It is prolonged and ****** to the bitter end.
Until You are barren...empty...your body a ravaged land..
You roam, lost and disillusioned through desolate plains.
Until you are all but consumed...The angst of the human condition ******* your heels.....unrelenting...tormenting.
Like the fox who can run no more...before him a sea of snapping jaws.
At this point he knows the inevitable..
His fate soon sealed in his own spilled blood....

Hooded soldiers stomp a fruitless victory across your weary bones.
The vultures pick clean your carcass...
Greedy beaks play a victory song across your bleached white ribs,
Drawing music from your lifeless bones like the strings of a macabre violin.

In a mere breath you are gone,
Far above this nothingness world from which you now depart.
Your Awakening was ultimately your demise,
At least in the mortal sense..and yet there was a longing.
A longing to fly..free as a bird.
Beyond the departing point of misery.

I lie in the half light, shadow of dusk approaching.
Beside me lie the empty boxes of every prescribed drug I could find.
Confetti of blister packs surrounds me.
Too late now.. It's done!

The telephone lies within my drowsy reach.
Three little numbers.... I picture them in my head... Those three 9's that could still change the outcome .....
My index finger twitches briefly.. I see it.. Then it returns to stillness.

I feel a little sedated now....ever so slightly detached and I think to myself that's  a good thing ..
To drift away on a sea of peace and tranquillity,


I hear the most haunting melody.. Real or imagined I can't tell......then I smile to myself.
As if my exit from this world would be accompanied by beautiful music!
Alas I shall slip from this world unnoticed.. Without so much as birdsong.


I shall leave behind so little to aid remembrance  ..: no real evidence that I was ever here ,
A tinge of sadness in my drug soaked mind....
Not completely anaesthetised yet..still pain there in my heart.

I turn my head.. The telephone eyeballs me...
My finger twitches a second time .
I feel strange now.. Floaty and ethereal ,
The pain has nearly gone away.

I roll clumsily towards the telephone,
It seems to be moving away from me .. The bed is enormous,
I know there's not much time ...
I stare stupidly at the receiver.

Three little numbers....then nothing.
Nothing for quite a long while,
Then the smell of hospitals assuages my nostrils,
Wearing a crisp white sheet.. Not a shroud..

I muse  if my failure to die was a weakness or a strength?
To leave or face a nothingness world...
Perhaps there is no glory in either choice,
Each path as empty and desolate as the other....

Do not be fearful of silence.
A bountiful garden awaits you.
Far from the cacophony of greed and exploitation that surrounds us.
In which to plant the seedlings of desire, creativity and strength.
Solitude  has the power to heal.
To avoid it is to negate oneself.
You are your own caretaker.
In those precious moments lies the chance to return to you.
Silence....the long awaited oasis of plenty.
The bestower of peace and focus.
Be still dear ones......
Take a moment from this corrupt and tainted world in which you find yourselves...
These distractions around you serve only to take you further from yourself.
You are limited only by the bars of your own prison.
The hair shirt of humanity and its horrors is not yours to wear.

In life it seems we are
ultimately powerless in our struggle.
Death is not the end..
it is merely a transition.
Perhaps a long awaited freedom.
Far from the gruelling and meaningless
constraints of mortal existence.

His body covers mine.
I am in another world...there is no history...no future.
I am transfixed in this moment...
***** with its intricate folds, pink and moist, like the dawn flowers heavy with dew.
******* exposed, ******* ***** and communicating their need silently yet with an urgency that speaks a  language only we can fathom.
A warmth that ignites...slow at first..deep in my core.
Radiating with every touch, caress.. until I am a furnace.
A fire that burns, bright and intense.
Every cell in my body flooded with passion and pleasure.
An orchestra that builds to a heavenly crescendo.
Bodies slippery with sweat...lips parted, cry out.
In this moment we are but one and the same.
United in the greatest way of all.

In the shadows she is poised in thought, pen resting against her lips.
She hears the faint click of the closing door and raises her eyes slightly, dark lashes sweeping upwards for a moment in acknowledgement.
The air feels faintly charged. Outside the snow, falling delicately before finally settling like a blanket on the cold winter ground....It’s smooth innocent whiteness ..it’s beauty untouched and yet beckoning alluringly to ravage its perfection with human foot.
As she calls softly now with that same innocence from the shadows. Creamy white shoulder and the merest hint of breast illuminated only by the five branch gothic style candelabra at one end of the battered writing desk.
Flickering ever so slightly in the chill winter drought . The flimsy black negligee she wears no protection on this cold February night. As the shadows dance across her she stretches lazily and her ******* are *****...straining against their thin, silky casing, inviting a hand to tease them through the fabric. Her body is partly covered by a bright Indian style throw, its rich fabric drapes casually across her flank and trails down to expose part of her thigh.
Each flicker and ebb of the candlelight highlighting for a brief moment, a single frame before again being cast into shadow. She shrugs ever so slightly. The blanket falls and she is exposed. With a flick of the fingers the negligee too falls away, in an inky puddle on the floor.
The light dances across that secret place, allowing only a glimpse of the dark triangle nestled between white thighs
She leans forward, tousled hair trailing across her face and deftly rolls a joint.
She lights it and inhales deeply, blowing a thin plume of smoke from her pursed pink lips. It drifts for a moment before being consumed by candle flames, flickering orange then yellow.. it’s core a steady unchanging blue.
There is a feeling of intensity building. The air is charged with a ****** energy.
She has a wild beauty that has been all but lost in the modern western woman.
She knows her power and allure. It has served women since the dawn of time.
She gazes slowly around the room. Her eye does not rest on any particular man for more than a moment.
She need not speak a word. Her hand drifts to that dark promise between her thighs, stroking and rubbing then sliding inside that moist pink opening.
She stands and saunters towards the writing desk. She is fully illuminated now in the candlelight.
She sits on the edge of the worn leather desktop and parts her legs, beckoning the three men to her. Under her spell they move toward and then around her.
She reaches to the first and places his mouth to her breast. The second needs no such introduction, his lips and tongue flicking and caressing the delicate areola.
She parts her thighs once more and allows the third man to enter her, moaning softly as the three explore every inch of her.
Each one in turn enters her, she writhes and moans as they spill their willing seed.
When spent they curl up in various spaces around her in blissful fatigue.
She looks beyond now... He approaches, drunk with desire, hungry to feel the slippery, salty cavern, filled by others moments before as he watched.
His ****** is powerful, met by hers in unashamed pleasure and desire.
Again, for the moment, she is his.

To some the **** is an ugly invader.
To me it is a thing of beauty, determined and single minded,
Tall and proud amongst its colourful, more favoured bedfellows.

Resistive to the attempts of the zealous gardener to destroy it,
Poor relation amongst prize winning blooms.
It's beauty lies not in petals of dazzling rainbow hues,
But in its steadfast determination to fight back, year on year.

The **** is honest and unapologetic for its existence.
It does not await applause from shallow onlookers.
Confident on its journey .

I am the **** , with depths that others cannot see.
I will stand tall when others falter.
Their beauty will fade in time, outer shell that was once their saviour,wilted and dull.
My beauty, like the ****, lies within.

Far beyond our conscious thoughts lies
A yawning void so cavernous, so endless.
A mysterious world that exists,
Snatching loved ones with alarming regularity.
A relentless machine that never sleeps.
For every indignantly drawn first breath of the infant
****** into life from the safety of his mother’s womb,
Is the last weary gasp of one as he departs this world.
And yet he is enlightened in those final moments.
A fleeting moment of joy, of wholeness, of divine understanding.
Accessible only in one’s final transition from life to death.
Limitations of the conscious mind falling away.
The manacles that bound in life, dissolved.
The pain of passing insignificant.
The rapturous and joyous reunion with energy eternal.
United In shared consciousness and an all knowing.
A oneness that evades us in our mortal life.
Now In glorious abundance in death.

In a long forgotten  land I wander.
Sense of time and place have no  meaning here.
I am everything.
I am the sky and the ocean.
The lioness and the diminutive field mouse.
I am all the colours of the rainbow... my beauty radiant.
I am the fire that burns... red hot ember keeper of great and ancient knowledge .
I am the wind that blows across endless desert sands.
The rain that falls on distant mountain peaks.
In this moment the universe and I are one.
Shackles that bind in earthly life dissolved..
The realisation that we are energy eternal.
No mortal shell can contain us ultimately..
soul free at last to return to the birth waters of the ether.

I find myself drifting, drawn deep within myself.
Until I feel completely alone.
A horrifying kind of alone.
The  kind that engulfs and terrifies.
An aloneness that I have learned to hide.
Disguised behind a bright smile and capable nature.
But inside I am crying an ocean.
Endless tears that stain my cheeks when darkness comes.
Anguish that swells and threatens to choke the life from me.
I am afraid in this unconnected place I inhabit.
So very afraid.

When you have flown... far, far away.
Be safe in the knowledge that I will be okay.
Each step I take a milestone on this journey we call ‘ life’.
There’s a rainbow in the distance, beyond this pain and strife.
When you lie in bed at night....don’t cry a tear for me.
For I am on my journey just like you,  I’m breaking free.