Anxiety you used me.

You held me as a prisoner in my head.
You held me hostage.
You made me treat my friends awful so I’ve got nobody now.
You dragged me around making me feel worthless.

You made my life a living hell and I assumed that if pretended everything was fine for long enough then maybe....just maybe I would begin to believe it.

But It’s getting to the point where I don't even like what I see in the mirror.

All I see is a ghost staring back at me with empty eyes.
All I see is the hurt in my smile.
All I see is the mess I am.

I am a problem that can’t be fixed.
I am what’s wrong.

And I will always be what's wrong...

It feels like my stomach is turning the inside out.
It feels like my brain goes dark like the whole world is crashing down on me.

I am broken and I mean that in every imaginable way.
It feels like this huge dark hole is consuming me alive and I don't have any power over it.

It controls me. It controls my thoughts.
My actions.
It controls my life and every time I try to walk away it pulls me right back.

And I have tried so many times but it feels like I'm screaming from the very bottom of my toes to the top of my lungs.

Like I'm screaming and nobody hears me.
It feels like I'm losing myself to the sleepless nights cause the nightmares won't stop.

My mind is racing in circles again.
It will go on and on and on.
Every minute.
Ever hour.
Every single ******* day.
It feels like pain is the only way to break the circle.
Cause for a moment I will feel something.
For a moment I will feel whole…fine.
But only for a moment. Then all I feel is shame.
All I feel is the overwhelming fear of people finding out.
But I'm so tired of hiding all the time.
Tired of hiding the truth.
Tired of pretending to be fine.
Someone is controlling my brain.
Someone is placing these horrifying thoughts and images in my mind.
What's wrong with me.
What am I doing?
It feels like I'm trapped.
Trapped in this mess.
My mess.
I made it.
I gave it fuel.
But it's so exhausting waking up to the same numbness… the same pain every day.
My hero where are you? I think I need saving.