Why is it
that I always think of myself
in extremes?

I’m either a queen
or a monster
there is no in-between

When I’m on top of the world
I feel like a queen
ruling over her kingdom

And when I’m trapped in my bedroom
flooded with thoughts
I am a monster in a barbed cage

I look up into the sky
full of soft lights
and blaring darkness

And I count
I count the stars
fluttering against the bold background

It’s a way for me to calm myself
to soothe the overwhelming nerves
shouting at me in a scared voice

It takes my mind,
the scattered and ragged place,
and slowly but surely cleans it

And by the time the sun peeks out
from behind the straying darkness
I’m ready to start over

I had a dream
last night
where I wasn’t me
and me wasn’t I

I was the opposite gender
a man
in medieval times
with a struggle

I was a gay man
which was forbidden
back then
and yet, I was proud of it

I was a man
with a death sentence
for loving someone

I was put to lay
on a velvety couch
with a woman
soothing me with her voice

She had an axe
in her small hands
telling me to
“Lay on your side.”

She lifts the axe
and I feel a familiar dread
I was about to leave the earth
but was met with memories of my lover and I

It happened so fast
I knew I was dead
I knew I had died
for loving someone

I keep floating away
but I can’t help it

It’s all I do
when I think of you

You’re like a drug
that I inject into my veins

You’re addicting
but I don’t care

And I know one day
that you’ll hurt me

But here I am again
lost in the high

You said you loved me
You acted as if
You found the key
To your heart

I was young
And stupid
And allowed you to take the breath out of my lungs
Without thinking twice

My friends hated you
They told me I shouldn't
But you... You're like a flu
And I, the vulnerable child

You gave me roses
Black like the night sky above
And got close to me, allowing our noses
To brush softly, your breath mixing with mine

Our lips lock
For the first time, my first kiss
And you gawk
As we pull away, breathless

Everything was good
My friends were wrong about you
And so I allowed you to take my girlhood
Maybe that wasn't a good idea

You started acting weird
You would avoid, yell, and pester me
And I feared
That I had made a mistake

I broke it off
And I ran
And sobbed and coughed
In my friends' arms

They were right
You were rotten
And though, I thought you were my knight...
I realized I was blinded by the idea of dark love