The date is approaching
Time to reflect.
The closer I get
A pain enhances

Ive made it this far
Although not a lot of time has passed
No one remembers
this days true meaning

From screaming and crying
Bleeding, almost dying.
Shaking, starving
For a purpose beyond me

This day it approaches
Time never stops
Always moving forward
Never rewind the clock

This day is a memory
A holiday for some
For me it was when
My life truly begun

October 31st, 2016
2 years it will be
Since my life had no meaning
Now I am here

Living and breathing.

Forget the risks
Cut the wrists
Take the fall
If that's what it takes,
just end it all.

you can fold a map
to make ends meet
but you cannot fold
physical miles
to draw me closer to you
im sorry

there are some who want a thinner waist
and others who just don't like the taste
of food they feel they do not deserve

some eat cake with their eyes
while others are busy planning their demise
one wants to see bones, another, headstones

one could love themselves if they were just 40 pounds thinner
"maybe i'll love myself if i just skip dinner"
the other has no appetite, a battle with calories she does not fight

a battle, rather, with herself
to **** herself or stay in living hell
too preoccupied to care what is on the pantry shelf

there are some who want a thinner waist
and others who just don't like the taste
of food they feel they do not deserve

I wonder if you’d want to know
I named all of my demons after you and
they haunt me in my sleep

when I was 14 I fell asleep in April and dreamed of bones and
I’m not sure I’ve really ever woken up since

when I lost 5 pounds I never saw a difference

when I lost 10 my mother said I was looking good

when I lost 20 she told me to stop and handed me food
and I became anemic

when I lost 25 I stopped drinking anything because
I felt water had calories

when I lost 30 my mother held me on her lap
and held my bones together for me

when I lost 35 I started fainting every morning and
the doctors could no longer easily find my blood pressure

when I lost 40 people started to stare and food made me cry

when I lost 45 it hurt to walk and to lay down
it hurt to eat
it hurt to breathe and
I started throwing up my empty stomach

the mind plays tricks on those that decide
nourishment is not needed

Eat.