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Autumn Lewis May 2018
Dad
You took me in your arms and feel in love
You thought I was a gift from heavens above
I grew and you told me the stories of your life
Then the stress got to your heart and you and mom began to strife
You gave me smiles that will last
I don't really consider the memories past
I now hold on to them and I won't let go
Then she left with my sister and we all felt woe  
I couldn't understand why but now I know
You always told me , "I'm doing the best I can."
I use to believe you and I still sometimes do put you can't ever decide a plan
As time went on we began to drift and no longer can we even talk without yelling
The main issue is our past which we are always dwelling
I wish I could heal you
I wish I could heal me
I wish we didn't have this after all we've been through
I do love you and I do want to be here
But we are too different I fear
For the people with dad's you love but you don't know what to do
Autumn Lewis May 2018
All the people that surround me that suffocate my insecurities  
None of them with new faces just worn and weathered obscurities
Just to notice that I'm here is to much for them to bare
They point and judge and leave no one to spare
I can't wear the mask they put on me
I took off the shackles now I'm free

No longer will the past taught my mind
I see now without blinders but with this I see the genuine people are scarce to find
I hope you will not be afraid because I'm not
To everyone who sees through the facade others put on
Autumn Lewis Apr 2018
Hurt , alone , and taken away
I had no say
I only had them , the gray walls
The prison in my mind , I try to take my time so I could stall
Maybe if I close my eyes and blink , I'll be home again.
Suddenly I'm surrounded by a group of people in a circle and a shrink is asking me , "When?"
When did my life take a turn for the worst?
I stare into silence because I'm afraid if I talk my tears will burst.
I can't control anything at all
I've been here the remaining of the summer and most of the fall.
The drama did not dissipate
It only allowed in more hate.
No one is to be trusted that lesson was will learned.
I wish I had the smiles of the one's I loved and the smell of fresh cut grass oh how I yearned
Hope is what drove me like a well oiled machine.
I would do what they told me to , whether it was to stay in step or to clean.
I couldn't ever have imagined the feeling of freedom I once had and how different it is to be gone.
I'll never take for granted the ability to talk to my family , to wear what I choose , or the beautiful colors the sun creates at dawn.
In the end I did what I had to
I just wish you only knew.
This is my feelings from being sent away and now.
Autumn Lewis Apr 2018
I love the one who makes me laugh for no reason
I love the one I've made it through all the seasons
I love the curve of his smile and the way his eyes grow when he sees me
I love the one who took the bitter out of my heart and replaced it with glee

I will never forget the touch of his skin for the first time
I will never forget the hours we spent on my back porch listening to the wind chimes
I will never forget the everlasting kiss that sealed our fate
I will never forget the words that took away my breath , "Would you want to date?"

I will never forget and always love the one
To my perfect boyfriend and mate I hope forever <3
Autumn Lewis Apr 2018
Let me be me
It doesn't matter if I'm weird or normal
Straight or gay
Pretty or ugly
I don't need your judgement because I already judge myself
The labels I have I own and wear and if you try to put them on me I'll tear them off
Because I am me so l will be me
For every one judged which is EVERYONE
  Apr 2018 Autumn Lewis
Sjr1000
when the moon was
red
The ocean luminescent
she was a starry
eyed girl
with a northern star
and a direction to go

Epiphanies unfold
like ribbons in
the winds

Decisions
they come
in wishful
longing
or
careful planning

Throwing caution to the wind
she took the first boat to
the island.

There he waited, an
apprentice to an ancient art
Preoccupied and isolated

She of the northern
star
had a sense of
direction

Settling into a
parallel universe

They were like
two kiwi bushes
across a fence
3 years later in
vined embrace
Produced the fruit
that never ripened
and over night
was gone.

She took the
last boat back
the northern star was
encased in fog
But
the southern cross
She couldn't miss it.
Autumn Lewis Apr 2018
I love him why won't he believe me?
I kiss him why doesn't he feel it
I hold him closer than anyone yet he can't feel my touch
I trust him with everything in me but he still feels he can't feel the same
There is no one else that can give the same love sick feeling I have when he leaves me
There is no one who I tell what they are feeling just through a message or the way they are talking but him
There is no one who can give me the one true love I felt and meet that night
His heart has no bounds he forgives me even when I have said terrible things and hurt him
I feel like I don't deserve something so precious, vital , and perfect
So why can't I make him believe me?
I hope this will and whenever he feels this way he listens to the words the way I listen to every perfect sentence he says to me as we lay next to each other.
I love you so much
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