tonight I got to see him
oh, he was beautiful
his hair curved to shape his face
his smile perfectly placed

we laughed and smiled
we giggled and danced
all i wanted was to give a kiss
but his heart was a target I've already missed

the night was young and peaceful
happiness floating away into the darkness
he was happy there with me
but with another was where he wanted to be

If you understood
all the feelings someone had
when someone passed
or when someone left

If you understood
someone's reason to keep going
when pain and doubt
crushed their every waking thought

If you understood
that you would never understand
maybe they'd have more comfort
maybe you would have been a better man

If you had kept trying
I'm sure you would have gotten there
to where you would understand
not every thing is for you to understand

If you understood
If you understood
If you understood
If you had kept trying
If you hadn't given up
If you were still here
If you knew what you would never know


If you understood

all i can do
is offer my help
though it's often rejected

i'm a friend
even if
i want to be more

i'm scared
i'm scared because i just graduated
i'm worried
i'm worried because i don't know anything

i'm excited
i'm excited because i can be my own me
i'm happy
i'm happy because soon i'll be moving away

and i'm scared again
i'm really scared
no one told me how to be an adult
i guess no one gets told
but
what do i do with myself now

work is unfulfilling
school too expensive
career unlikely
money too low
depression creeping in
anxiety levels rising
breaths shortening

Today
today I struggled with old feelings
I saw what I use to want
although with me,
was want I want now

so

Tonight
tonight I struggle with mixed emotion
between the then and the now
I will choose the now
but I can never forget the then

why am i depressed
it is not like i'm unfortunate

why do i cause my own suffering
it is not like i have it bad

why am i like this
it is not easy to want to stick around

i want to create a picture
not with my words
but how one normally
paints a ******* picture

it would be so cool
to be able to use a brush
or a pen or any tool actually
but i cannot ******* do it

so i will create a scene
with my writing to show
what i feel and how i see
because i may not be an artist

but i am poet

If sadness were a sport
an athlete I would be.
If running marathons
compared to running water
I might even be winning

If sadness were a sport
my parents might take pride in me
If instead of feet we counted yawns
my intense fatigue would be no bother
an olympian of depression I seem to be

there's music in every breath he takes,
he's steps in-time with his heartbeat.
soft yet excited
his eyes, shimmering somewhat like a star

I reach out to him
but so does she
and her heart matches
the small skipped beats in his laugh

in music theory I learned most things
they come in thirds
well I'm on my second chance at life
this is his second at love

does this mean that
just once more
we both have to break
to possibly look at each other

the way they see each other
but instead of her
I could be the one looking into
the shinning night skies with him

i was told
to write poems that rhyme
so i sit here trying to mold
myself to what they want to find

and as you may
notice i am not very good
at that, leaving me in dismay
i still try to do what i should

sorry I am not what you
want
i really try to do
it but i will never get it right

I know the girl he likes and
she knows me,
I think.
She can paint and draw and sing
but i'm really only me

She's got a nice home
a nice family
a lot of nice things
but most importantly
she has him

at her beck and call,
he goes
I want to warn him
let him know
she's not the niceness she posses

she says she loves him
he believes her
she says she wants to be with him
he thinks it's true
who am i to intervene

he wants to be with her
she doesn't want to be alone
there's a difference there
he wants to love her
she wants company

one day
I'll have the courage
to say the things I want him to know
but until then, he'll wait
and she'll take

our love is like a rope burning at both ends
it is short
it is dangerous
it is bound to disappear

he hurt her.
he hurt her deeply.
she can grow past this
she can repair nearly completely

but he hurt her too
the small one who
does not understand and still hurts
he will never be forgiven