the distance between us felt further the moment i was in your arms. your words were as empty as the wine bottles on your mantle, your kisses were needles filled with lidocaine.
laying in your bed felt like laying in a coffin. i wasn't really there. you weren't really there, either. the streetlights illuminated these lies we told ourselves in a soft, yellow wash.
i remembered as your breathing slowed that you didn't know my last name. the exposed brick walls taunted me with the whispers of pasts until dawn. the sun rose patiently. you didn't say a word when you walked me to the door.
i've realized love does not exist within the confines of your bedroom. it might not even exist within the confines of your heart.
you told me you were afraid you could never love anyone again. i took that as a challenge like a bird to a glass door. smash, blood, regret.

My car tyres are going bald,
most probably cancer.

That would just be my luck.

I once had a bike that got AIDS.

Please don't ask.


Seeing it just fall about, a nut here,
a bolt there, the broken
spokes, the clunking chain that
would turn no more.
It's rusty revolutions.

Disintegrating in front of my eyes,
like Tom Hanks in Philadelphia.

Seeing a BMX brings it all back.

Once at a car boot sale, I bought 3 car boots
only to find they were broken but
on a positive, someone bought my shoes,
even though they weren't for sale.

I walked home, socks on feet, the rain
seeping through,

the car boots on my back clunking,
I was thinking
life really isn't so bad

Do you cower at the sight
of its slender figure
slowly slithering closer
across the cracked fall leaves?

they crunch under the weight
of your black and green scales
winding your way
c
  l
     o
  s
e
   r

Like a thread
flowing along in the dust
your bright red eyes
pierce my soul like a dagger
and when I fall to the ground
you slide up my chest
until we are face to face

I look you in the eyes
never wavering
never blinking
unmoving
your tongue flickering
mocking me

But I can't take it
My eyes twitch
almost unnoticeable
and the fire in your eyes
seems to get bigger
more powerful

The horns on your head
glowing red
like the devil inside me
And your eyes turn blue
crystal
like the crashing waves
outlining the setting sun
behind it
But my heart has frozen
your eyes cold as ice
pierce my soul like a knife
but I am already dead
.................................

Flying high above the clouds
Just to set out your shroud
Trapped inside with nowhere to go
But suddenly, the plane has gone slow

Skyrocketing to the earth
You wonder if it’s worth
It to die and to never be found

Watching you fly in the air
Plummeting to the ground and you want to help
But you have to stay strapped to your chair
You can hear a dog yelp
From off in the distance
You know there is no more resistance

You know that it is over so you give up the fight
You don’t want to die like a knight
So I decided to write
This poem about your flight
the flight that changed your life
and mine
but not for the better.

Too many times
I’ve wrapped myself in promises
It was all ripped apart at the seams
And i know everyone is reaching desperately for someone else
But I am getting sick of being the only loose thread
I'm losing my heart
I'm losing my mind
I lost you
You are there and i am here
It should have been me
My heart can no longer stay at rest
Knowing a loved one is no longer at their best
Your pain
That i would gladly digest
I come forward to confess

The carelessness in your eyes
It rips me apart
It is a constant reminder of who you no longer are
Your eyes that were gentle and caring towards the world
Vanished,
As did your clarity,
Fogged, by the drink of sins.
Fogged, by the sins you endlessly drink
But now
I am holding you,
Loosely
So that you can breathe
And live
I am holding you,
Loosely
So that the space between us
Is the air that draws us closer
Like a moth to the flame
I am holding you,
Loosely
So that these arms
Form your wall
I am holding you,
Loosely
Because one cannot hold tight to the wind of angel
Loosely
Because our love is not the love held in hands
Our love cannot be possesses, only thought of
I am holding you,
No more.

You're distance
Overwhelmingly hurts my
Under appreciated feelings

Are you blind?
Not quite like I am
Deaf and mute

Is it ever love?

The direction you have looked at
all your life.
Looking for the lost.
Searching for the reasons.
Waiting for your life.
Look opposite that direction.
You will find a kind heart.
It won’t be what you want or need.
But it will be enough
to live your life.
Enough to make you
never want to look back.