If I died tomorrow you would be filled with regret
For how you've treated me and made me upset
Then why speak to me the way you do?
When I show nothing but respect to you
What's important?
Family or friends?
Fact you choose the latter offends
The adoration showered onto you-know-who
Makes it hard trusting your point-of-view
Your judgement clouded by superficial attraction
Everyone else gets only a fraction
Of effort you pour into her
Clear which company you'd prefer
Living for her prosperity
No matter the cost
In the end it will be worth the people you have lost
Focused on her favor
Nothing counts more
In return presented her body to explore
Lust over loyalty to those you purportedly love
At least evidence found that during *** you wear a glove
Life is short make sure your decisions aren't made with haste
Do not wait to learn until consequences are faced
Bending backwards to see her smile
In response I rarely see her go the extra mile
She spends money on you
She has dollars to spare
You reciprocate when you don't have enough to share
She has boyfriend
Couple extra on the side
You are one more in rotation
Along for the ride
She's the only girl in which I see you choose to invest
You are an option like all the rest
I maybe wrong
Looking from outside in
This my opinion that I've been holding within
I want you to have all you deserve
Not someone using for a purpose that you serve
And infatuation is making you blind
Closing off to potential romance to find
You put her needs above those longer known
Hell
You put them in front of your own
To say you are whipped putting it lightly
Have more lashes than a slave beaten nightly
When she tells you to jump you reply "how high?"
"How far?"
"How fast?"
Without inquiring why
It makes me sick witnessing how you've changed
Your body for a ventriloquist dummy has been exchanged
Every sentence spoken aloud matches her voice
You pretend as if it stems from your choice
As she is perfect and can do no harm
******* with thieves doesn't raise an alarm?
Do you think she had no clue
What Brian that loser was up to?
Then lying about when you dared to ask
You forgive her though she never took off that mask
Then when tables turn blow things out of proportion
As if both have never taken something
Whether theft or extortion
If you consider that stealing
What about CATs?
Cut off all the vehicles
Did you forget about that?
It makes zero sense
Do whatever you like
We do similar action and you pretend we're not alike
Just waiting for opportunity to take her side
Letting all their indiscretions slide
Contradictions all over every single spot I look
How can you not take into account all the **** THEY took?
I hear no difference except we were intercepted
Doesn't mean our losses should be accepted
Felt unfairly treated because Dan's vehicle damaged
Plus plethora of tools and miscellaneous items that were ravaged
The devastation inflicted upon our property
Amounts to thousand times more than the two items or three
That we grabbed believing it was trash like everything else scattered
Amidst mountains of garbage hard to tell what truly matters
Darkness floods hard when I stare at the ground
I take in the destruction evident all around
It honestly causes stomach to churn sick
Inside brain how does none of that click?
Tried explaining but obviously you don't care
Why should you?
You are not the one who should be living there
To you I'm a fly buzzing in your ear
Only opinion holding weight is Sierra's
That much clear
Her complaints push and pull incurring immediate reaction
Last thing on your love-struck mind is MY satisfaction
You don't take sentences I utter seriously
Shrug off my concerns with a wave
Don't give a **** about me
**** pottery wheel
My future habitat
Daniel's possessions
Who cares about that?!
If unimportant to her it's not meaningful to you
Nothing I do or say can change your point-of-view
You can continue being a hypocrite
Do not expect you to change
Love for you is unconditional
Unlike yours
Cannot be exchanged
Treat me however you consider justified
At least now aware of these syllables I've kept inside
Let me know when you receive ***** back
From around her neck or contained in her backpack
Wherever stashed along with dignity
I'll be happy having my dad back when you are finally free
From self-imposed servitude I'm finding you in
Until day comes I suppose she wins
I do not hate her
How could I despise her for your choice?
You're mimicking her ideas
Verbalized with your voice
And ultimately you have the power to decide
Fear of her absence reason you haven't defied
Either that or brain is fully washed clean
To disillusioned to peek through the smoke-screen
Maybe your head too far up her ***
Discombobulated inhaling noxious gas
Your idolization prevents you thinking straight
All for a person you can't even date
You put your world down just so you can pick hers up
Draining yourself in order to fill her cup
I want to see you become the best you can be
And fear you'll never achieve that if you don't listen to this plea
I'm not expecting to drop her from your life
Simply yearn for you to stop doting as if she is your wife
Hate bringing this up but Mom is surely rolling in her grave
Would beat your *** if she witnessed how you recently behave
I don't recall you being so obsessed with her
Give anything to go back in time to how things were
If she was alive I can with certainty guarantee
If she listened to both perspectives with mine she'd agree
She wouldn't in the first place allow **** to get this far
You and I too acquiescent
Why things are how they are
She would demand you step up and take a stand
Kick them out BEFORE their hoarding got out of hand
But since she bears big ***** and an alright face
Sat by while they took advantage and ruined that space
She'll never amount to half the woman mom was when she was here
Why is her name put on a pedestal and revered?
I suspect you'll never love anyone else the same way
When it came to her requests you didn't hesitate to disobey
I count on one hand the number of times I have heard
Regarding Sierra mouth breathe a negative word
It appears according to you she can do no wrong
With mom had so much trouble getting along
It ***** like betrayal watching you adore
You have the right to be happy once more
But why's that involve a girl half your age?
Is that only method you can use to turn the page?
I cannot help but doubt mom would approve
Her nagging voice in my head will never be removed
So why are you chasing some ***** around?
In mind do you not also hear that sound?
She always was suspicious of connection between you two
She's gone and it appears her suspicions were true
You may not have acted on impulses until she was dead
I feel bad for assuring her it was all in her head
She turned out being correct
A surprise
It is on her behalf that I criticize
She would also ensure you actually followed through
On promises you vowed to me too
Like when you swore I could have the other car
Go back on your word the second we start to spar
Holding leverage over head
A power trip
Threatening to cut me off
Quickly you flip
Don't make offer if it comes with contingencies
Revoking it as soon as some part of you disagrees
With something or other I do or say
Declare commitment then take it back the next day
You're supposed to support because we're family
Not only convenient or if we agree
But will be here for you no matter what
Even if a stubborn pain in the ****
Just yearned to let you know all the thoughts inside my brain
The only way I could think of to explain
No matter what love you to the end
Good will is honestly what I do intend
I miss the way things used to be
Hope that maybe this poem will help you see
I had to write heart onto paper and be real
Now you can comprehend why I feel like I feel

I feel I'm stuck outside your heart
Only a window to peek through
Glass is smudged and *****
Limiting view

But from what little eyes can make out
Appears that you are asleep
Begin to worry my presence
A gift not good enough to keep

I wish I heard sounds of you breathing
The night's silence hits hard
Slicing deeper than freshly sharpened blades
 Caught off-guard

As if on cue-starts to rain
Descending eagerly from the sky
Wait in wet clothes for you to wake up
Widening each weary eye

Winds of uncertainty blow a bit stronger
Hinting future unseen
Daybreak an eternity away
Forced suspension in dismal scene

Unanticipated impatience
For mornings golden glow
Familiar warmth expected to emerge
Your shoulder is still cold as snow

My hopes eventually are destroyed
Denial ripped like a band-aid
Glance directly at me standing there
It's as if there is an invisible barricade

Your expression easy to read
Written on face loud and clear
No denying you are aware of my position
You pretend not to notice I'm here

"I'll quit tomorrow"
Say once again
I spoke those words yesterday too
Would take the easy route out of this
No shortcuts in Hell-I must go through
An excuse not to surfaces
Legitimate or not
Before I know it repeating mistakes
Hit after hit
Shot after shot
Of the places I've visited
Don't think I have ever reached one quite so low
Seeking whatever fleeting remedy
Leaves the least room to grow
You've got to wonder why I make these decisions
Swearing that "this time" I'm done
Got my back pressed against a concrete slab
Simply isn't anywhere else to run
Maybe I have gotten used to the fire
Been so long since my universe went up in flames
May be difficult to see through the smoke
At least that way there's a scapegoat to blame
I cannot claim I don't know any better
After two or three times learned getting sick
Regardless how many nights spent fighting withdrawals
Sobriety never seems to stick
Maybe I should give up on this battle
Surrender war and wave a flag of white
Let demons have their way with my soul
Accept that I'll never be alright
I am exhausted sprinting in circles
Find myself in the exact same place
Watching world spin around me so fast
While own life I only waste

Aches and pains restricted because they're self-inflicted
Sorry for behaving ways that you predicted
Laziness not just sitting still
Don't believe it's wrong that most days I don't do much but chill
Demands left expectations only define explanation
Arm me with explosives then act surprised at detonation
Deodorize your selfishness
Only meet my toes
Keeping track of exact amount each past mistake owes
Cuts leave scars
Words change who we are
It seems like lately you're always too far
Differences make time
Paint ourselves
Keep storing trust on too high of shelves
Heard the message the little birdie didn't say
Glance at your face unravels silence in the way
Knocking at door but you refuse to let me in
Upon a thin line tug back and forth but neither of us can win
My patience at moments is shorter than my bitten fingernails
Over-correcting when trying to even out the scales
The gateway to happiness is one I am eager to explore
Without you next to me what would I even open it for?
Any pursuit seems to be a colossal waste
Facing dead ends
Hasty pointless chase
Day after day repeat the same routine
Bouncing up and down on this infinite trampoline