I've wondered how it is you truly feel
A little voice whispering
"This can't be real"
These obstacles close appear too large to see around
Viewing from a distance a detour is found
Questions fly back and forth thrown as darts
Aim but never hit the right body parts
Always quick riling
Slow repair
Running circles barefoot
Your shoes I cannot wear
Through deserts and oceans continue to trudge
Hold hand all the while
Gradually building a grudge
My attempts to please you all fall short
I fail to contribute or submit too vague a report
Head hurting from the flaws I have to fix
Given the choice I'd never pick words over sticks
Because sentences weigh more than stones could
What you speak seldom leaves me feeling good
So you paint my imperfections like a mural on the wall
Makes me want to do the opposite and not deal with them at all
How many mistakes until finally you snap and go
Realize the fact that I realized long ago
That I am not meriting the effort you put in
And components are irreversibly broken within
That more time and energy probably are a waste
The middle of your heart no longer for me holds a place

I listen to a voice inside head telling me to stop
Endorphins flying too high
Skull spinning like top
The lights overhead emit such heat I start to sweat
Hopes soaring like birds I increase my bet
Turning gears in my mind squeaking like hungry mice
Afraid looking at the results
Paying ultimate price
Inviting demons to come take a stroll with me and play
Curtains shut blocking outside
Avoiding light of day
When I glance at the clock I see that hours have gone by
Transported to realm somewhere in the sky
Other individuals do not exist
Just me and this shiny machine
Once I begin it's all or nothing
No such thing as in-between
Eyes glazed I stare at the shapes moving through glass
Hypnotized
Expressionless
Even hitting an impasse
People speak sentences to me but I don't even hear
Words don't bother to enter (much less exit) each ear
Where did stack of money disappear to so fast?
Things are shuffling so quickly
Building too vast
And it's true time flies but dollar bills have wings too
When you're in that moment logic just won't do
It's like being controlled by some invisible puppeteer
Unable to change actions despite how hard you steer
You reflect back and feel stupid for your lack of rationality
Mirror revealing your flawed personality
Only noticing problem after it's too late
When speeding too fast to decelerate
And witness the inescapable facts no amount of panic justifies
Obvious yet still somehow takes you by surprise
Now wishing you had not commenced gambling at all
Your wallet was once thick
How did it shrink so small?!
Because it makes zero difference how much cash you win
Always end up a loser when you do "just one more" spin

I do not know why you do this to me
It's clear I'm not a priority
My eyes open
You prefer them closed
Too late to cover betrayal exposed
To me it's obvious as it can get
Stalling makes me more upset
Either way going to find out
You'll have to confront my pout
The death of consideration at our door
Birthing doubt that loudly roars
Staring at undeniable truth
Witnessing what's in front of me doesn't take a sleuth
My desires to back-burner are pushed aside
Then have the nerve to claim you "tried"
When faced with actions you turn tables
Insisting it's my mindset that is unstable
I've went through cycle over and over hoping it will end
Telling myself to not get angry because it's YOUR money to spend
Even though it's true can't help but feel hurt within
Never learned how to be confident in your ability to win
It must be a lifetime of letdowns and loss
Foolish failures have filled my flesh with frost
Seeming obligated to protect you from your habit
Of course you persist on chasing that white rabbit
As merely mortal you are not to blame
Pull is too severe calling out your name
In your optics a wild glimmer awakens
Want to tame it before your morality is taken
The dawn bridges bad past to promising present's fresh start
Gentle wind whispers words to calm currents crashing in my heart
I follow instincts and they lead to the front door
We would walk together but you don't mirror my strides anymore
And time trickles slower just for having bodies near
I'd live over your shoulder advising choices in your ear
Without fear of flailing or getting lost or stuck
Wandering paths anywhere without giving one ****
I would not hold against you the mistakes recklessly made
Wouldn't be so quick to throw your direction shade
I am a little hasty with my poor attitude
Afraid to fly your leaps of faith I automatically exclude
Rooted in wildflowers intentions sway easily with the breeze
Paint feathers black and white to match piano keys
Borrowed from sunsets is glow warming my ice
Sky calls out a sole last roll of the dice
But the ground quakes beneath our feet
In too much debt to surrender and retreat
A compulsion from a screen formed and it appears it's here to stay
Daring you to raise your bet until there's zero pennies left to play
I carry stress for both our hands
Aching brain responds to negativity's demands
Right this second selfishness has me seeing red
Soon as you mumble "sorry" I'll be holding you in my arms instead

You examine everywhere for reasons to fight
Goal you achieve almost every night
Perfection and purpose put out of reach
Are there other methods to help than preach?
You make known exactly the ways I've done wrong
Can't tell drive to satisfy you is strong
And success a maybe despite trying my best
Do you understand what it's like to be depressed?
Instead of pressure provide pearls of praise
Small portion of patience will go a long ways
What will you trip over next?
Disagreements leave me perplexed
Staring at me as if you're scrutinizing a stranger
Alarm blaring loudly though there is no danger
This life we live occupying to get old
Sighing when shoulder turns away from me cold
I climb expectations but can't quite reach the top
Longing for lighter limbs so I wouldn't tire and stop
Your unfulfilled wishes are all engraved in stone
Won't be pleased until words are carved into each bone
When experiences are good they are beyond great
Light a room with brightness you radiate
Sparks fly from skin's surface moment we touch
Stomach starts rolling the second hands clutch
Stuck to potential so vast at the start
Before bogging under the heaviness of my heart