I want every spec of his gathered stardust
His hands around my waist
I want every inch of the constellations scattered accross his back
Tracing my fingers along each freckle of his to the next
I found the map that guides me home
Each time I'm lost
Hopelessely I was always waiting for someone to help me make the stars align
He did not accept that I was dead as all my blood turned into wine
He is the last star I needed to find in order to connect the dots amongst my own galaxy
It all made sense now
Each page I bled my poetry of pain from the past
All the half loves, shades of grey, fragments of my heart shattered on the floor and rose tinted glass
All of my ghosts, all of the lies, why my stardust never truly collided with anyone else
Each night I spent begging the moon to send me him, all of the lonely nights spent alone in my favourite room, why everything I didn't want revealed the truth
All of my words I wished one day would be appreciated, restless nights kept awake praying that someone like him existed
It was within my chaos I learned I desired a soul like his, he was the calming sound of the rain
Pitter-pattering of trickles down my spine
Wherever his fingertips brush against me
Meeting him was coming home after a long, long, search for a blue moon
Only his love is once in a lifetime, surreal and safe to succumb to.

I still remember
Scattering
Stars
Accross the
Canvas

You once
Caused me
To
Hate

Decorating my
Darkness
Masking it
With
Art

Always
Was my
Strong
Trait

Defeatedly,
I still
Crumbled
At the
Knee
Of your
Black clothes
& Red
Rose.

-it's a good thing I'm a lot stronger now.

I wish we could try again

I still remember
Frollicking in the garden with you
Falling in love with
Magical colorful lights
Your hand entwined in mine

Sweaty palms
Widened pupils &
Your pretty eyes
Infront of mine

A fairytale,
As psychedelic
Trips usually are
That's what you were
One big trip
An illusion
An idea of who
I thought you were

What I thought we were
What I was to you
Wasn't enough
Didn't mean more
Than the next party
We escaped to

It wasn't until
Frollicking in the garden
Past cold fingertips &
Warm coffee sleeves
A beautiful family
Holding hands

Fresh baby face
All theirs to hold
Did I realize
That's what I
Wanted
Instead

-It was within that one moment I wanted to escape to reality for a change.

There is a
Fine-line
Boy
Between
Soaking in
Self-Interest
As your
Standard
Of decisions
& Healthily
Doing you

Is it really
Unhealthy to
Love
With your
Entire
Soul
Or to
Drain
Someones
Instead?

-When I packed my bags I took my empathy with me.

Naked
Under the
ᎷᎧᎧᏁ ☾
Manifesting
My world
Into the ways
I want to

& After I
Shower myself
In the
ｓ ｔ ａ ｒ ｓ ☆
I won't
Come back
To you.

-but I bet it was fun while sαcяιғιcιηg my soul.

Reconnecting
With his
Body was
Like

Stumbling back
Upon the map
That guides me
Home

Each time
I'm lost
His strong
Arms around
My waist

Constellations
In his eyes
Yearning for
His soul
After Being
in your
Embrace.<\♡


ι ωιℓℓ
αℓωαүs
нαvε α
ғιяε ιηsι∂ε
вυяηιηg
ғσя тнαт
мαη.

as I lay awake
robbed by the
ghost
of you
again

I submit to
haunted daydreams
longing
river flowing
wet dreams
fairytale
facade ever
endings

& terrified
of each
corner of
the
universe
we used
to
dance.

she was not herself ever, but my god was she ever clever. her personality was lost by the way, you could tell that during each day-to-day.
she feared every moment she had to speak, her vocal chords ached and always felt weak. she wanted to blend in and disappear, she never knew how to make magic appear.
... It was all an accident. <\♡
the way she
found
fatality
when she
looked for
her
personality.

It was
one
of those
nights

Unfamiliar,
echoes
in the
room

Pure space
four walls
******
to
my
madness.

It comes in waves
One moment
I'm naked
Under the
Moon,

Manifesting
My world
Into ways
I want
To

Next minute
I'm
Ravaging
Through
My
Books
Arranging
Each letter
Until I
Lost
You. <\♡

I want to
dominate
every spec
of your gathered
stardust,

Carefully
unkept are
your
thighs
around my
face

Sweet love
let it
go,
your
explosions
all on
my
waist.♡

My reflection stares back at me as an illusion of who I really am  
These walls create shadows and faces to scare me.
They fight with me through the night, I'm scared one night they will win.
My mind might be falling into insanity, these voices lie & manipulate my personality.
I refuse to give up
Stars & and the moon are still counting on me to shine with them
A different version of myself talks to me in my sleep, only she doesn't think the way I do.
The ghosts in which I am haunted by like to smile at me in the dark, with all of my fears spitting out from their teeth.
They like to possess my dreams, & turn my nights into feeling paralyzed forever.
They hold me down while I am sleeping, & brag how they are stronger than me.


They enjoy ******* the life from me,
ι тнιик тнєу ωαит му ѕσυℓ...

She grew up
As a child,
In love
With
The
Whole
World

Wild,
Untamed
In love
With
Herself

&
Everyone else
Around.
Love
After
Love,

Never
Settling down.
Broken hearts
Being her
Footsteps

Until one
Night
Chasing
Everything
She wished
For,

She got it
All in the
Palm
Of her
Hands,
&
The tables
Turned
Around.

ɓε ૮α૨僵ℓ ωɦαƭ ყσµ ωเรɦ ƒσ૨

It was
all
sort of
a blur,

Dancing
with the weight
of the forest grounds
beneath our feet
All I could remember
come sunrise
was the way her body moved
In a red corset

Laced perfectly
Up her backside.♡

Romance died
& Somewhere
Along the
Way

So did I.

Some traditions were never meant to die. <\♡
Can I meet you again
In a past life time ?

I like determination to discover each & every last spec of eachother's stardust and driving one another to achieve our goals. I like foundation to create a world together on, rather than having a wall seperating our individual worlds. However, I don't mind holding my ground independently, spiritually. I am capable of manifesting my dreams all on my own out of nothing, just not while living in someone else's world. ♡☆▪°

I'll always remember
The way our
Bodies melted together
You on top of me
Sinking in the floor

Mayday parade
Singing us
To sleep
Never will I regret
What I gave
To you

You deserved it.

I gave it to you.

You tried
To love
A girl

On the verge
Of losing
Reality

A stage
In her life
Where

All
She could
Do

Was
Write

As a
Form
Of
Psychiatry.

My reflection stares back at me as an illusion of who I really am, & these walls create shadows & faces to scare me.

тнeѕe ɢнoѕтѕ yoυ leғт вeнιɴd ғor мe ●■○°☆

Innocent,
fresh baby face
all yours to hold
all she wanted
were butterflies
fluttering about
introducing her
to her world
how could you?
an expired corpse
your cheeks blue
sunken in
on a wet
pillowcase
her baby laid
awake dreaming
a warm house,
daddy's arms
wide open
collapsing
a warm
embrace
on our
torn
dysfunctional
sofa.

She had
more
important
things
to
do,
like
gallop
through nature
&
scream
at
the
moon.


12:53am

I want
to
run
away

get
lost in
the
woods

& never be found.

I want
to
kiss
stranger's
cheeks
& read my
poetry
to
the
moon. ✰☾

1:01am

he came into my world unexpected
took my hand in his
& finally he satisfied my desperate need
of cσℓℓι∂ιηg sтαя∂υsт
he proceeded to fill my soul with love
I once was running out of

I will always remember
sitting on my balcony watching
εαcн ρнαsε σғ тнε ᎷᎧᎧᏁ
transpire in ink on your arm
worshipping the moon
speaking to it about you. ☾⋆

I am
controlled
by my
dark side
like
a puppet
on strings

Can not give
any
explanations
to the
insanity
I bring.

My sweet love,
A transformation is going to take place. I am no longer the same girl anymore, I can feel myself changing into a woman with much stronger values. If you do not recognize the energy that drains my soul, people who think they can rearrange my world, the ones who play inside my head and what really wears me down then maybe you're not my love afterall.

Maybe I'm doing it again... allowing my words to be arranged into ways my soul would never abide by. You are my love, I love you. However, on this journey of mine I'm terrified that simply just wont do.

As I feel myself growing into the woman I am meant to be, I've realized there are alot more things I need now. I used to think I would never be able to live without love. Now I have just that & you all to myself, and I'm afraid it just isnt enough. Every other inch of my body is still aching for needs to be met , so here I am with you and its lovely but what about passion.. ?

what about being determined to discover each and every last spec of eachothers stardust & what about driving one another to achieve our goals? I want companionship in worshipping our bodies & not only eachothers but our own. I simply just want someone beside me nurturing me & helping me grow.

I want encouragement in a lover to manifest & create, otherwise i am only  being held back. I am so over putting my life on hold just to sit here and live in your room with you, I can't believe you watched me become so consumed in your life of drugs/alcohol then in the end it's my fault for having us not workout.

I moved here to be with you & you never ensured that I lead a happy life here. I'm sick of hearing "you do you"! Isn't that what people do who are living independently do? What exactly is the point of a partnership if one just gets so consumed in the others life with zero foundation to build a life together on?

In some ways, maybe even most, I am at fault here. I could have made better choices. However, it would have been nice to experience a life with you where I felt wanted in more ways than watching netflix and being a fuckfriend when we go & get trashed for the billionth weekend in a row.

I am so excited to gain control over my own life again & I'm sorry that communication wasn't always my strongest trait, still I would have done more to ensure your happiness. <\♡

I hope maybe you realize one day after I run away and fall in love with myself again that I would have wanted to be so much more for you.
Maybe I'm young and inexperienced & it may have seemed like I depended on you too much, I was only ever in love.

I hope one day when you see the woman I become, you'll realize that. I still hope when this is all over and I'm down by the river living my summer to the fullest that you will reach out and we can start over.

It's just that, I wont come back to sit in your room & be expected to just be happy all on my own.

Don't you see the difference?
Happy alone
Unhappy "together".

<\3

I hope you learned a thing or two.

I have
no patience
to sit
around &
play by
the
rules,
I am
always
anxiously
sitting on
the
edge of
ｓｔａｒｓ. ★☾

depression seeps in
absorbing into
your bones
weighing your
body down
swallowing you whole.
12:38am