i used to convince myself that you were a drizzle, not a hurricane. that you were not a force of nature but a gentle breeze that made my life better. i used that to tell myself that you weren't right for me. and i was wrong. you are not a drizzle, or a gentle breeze. you are a swift kick in the gut, one hell of a powerful blow to my stomach. you were always there and i knew you would be. you were always the one that cared more. always there, until one day, you weren't. you did not ruin my house and soak all of my belongings; but you ruined my insides and left me doubled over throwing up by side of the road right when i needed you most. you left because you were losing me. but i wasn't really gone until you left.

i am tired of talking to adults no i do not want to see a dermatologist or a psychologist or a psychiatrist or a nurse no school counselor i am definitely not having suicidal thoughts and no doctor i do not want to talk about the results of my mental health survey. of course dr. cook i am totally open to the idea of taking an antidepressant dear god i am tired of talking to adults do not want to be diagnosed i do not want to talk about it stop worrying about me, no, 'i am not depressed,' this is my life so thank you for not making me sign a life pact but leave me alone i am not going to cry in front of another strange adult. do not diagnose me. all i want is to be normal, i am tired of the pills. i am done with talking to adults

you will have days where you will feel ugly and won't want to even leave the house. days like this are important because you will leave the house, and maybe in the process you'll learn that appearances aren't nearly as important as you think. one day you will grow old, and it will be okay.
2. some days you will lay in bed and cry for what seems like forever and that's okay as long as you get up after and appreciate the fact that you're happier then than you were ten minutes ago.
3. nobody is perfect and everybody fails at something so try not to be too ******* yourself when you do too because it really truly is not going to make you anything but sadder. try, sincerely, to be as happy as you can possibly be. i love you

if i can't make you snort with laughter on your sad days, do not stay with me. i do not deserve you
if i can't make you giggle like a little ******* your tired days, find someone else, i'm begging you.
if i can't even make you smile on the days that you kind of hate me, then i am not the one for you, i promise.

and if i don't have you feeling otherwise on days where you find that maybe you don't want to be alive,
leave me
leave me.
for there is someone better out there for you

you deserve someone who fills your life with color and makes you happier than you ever thought you could be
if i can't be that for you,
if i can't make you feel that kind of love,
leave me
please leave me.
for there is someone better out there for you
you deserve them

t             t    h        t               s   s i m p l y
h         e           i      h           d    c
e      m                n    a        r      a n n o t
r         o             g        t    o        e
e  a r e    s     s              w          x p r e s s

im not a poet it's just that the low grumble of your voice sounds like music and the warmth of your embrace feels like home no im really not a poet just i can't stop comparing your laugh to a drink of cold water on a hot day and your touch to the sweet fingers of the hand that pulled me off that ledge right as i was about to jump oh i said im not a poet but i look for you in everything and i find you in all the good things in all of us, you are the reference point for every person i meet but they do not compare, they do not come close, my dear, i can compare you to hurricanes and tidal waves and stormy skies but, my dear, nobody and nothing comes close to the wonder that is you