Goldbrown upon the sated flood
The rockvine clusters lift and sway;
Vast wings above the lambent waters brood
Of sullen day.

A waste of waters ruthlessly
Sways and uplifts its weedy mane
Where brooding day stares down upon the sea
In dull disdain.

Uplift and sway, O golden vine,
Your clustered fruits to love's full flood,
Lambent and vast and ruthless as is thine
Incertitude!

Women bent over in a circle
A quilt is being born
Created with precision
of structure, harmony
Geometrically perfect
wedding band,log cabin.

The men are far away
fishing, hunting bisons
A dying fire, logs glowing
Icy winds wisttle under the door
back out through the chimney flue
Strong women, used to dangers
hunger, incertitude
marauding Indians
hidding out in the woods
Tighten up your circle
warm up your fingers
the quilt must be ready
For the new bride of spring
Colette Anne Naegle

copyrights 2009

recurrent moonlit distractions
captured by words
tied down into morsels;
separated and concealed,
contiguous yet sheer greetings
of each other’s skin
had left wanton burns
and gushing streams
of a brooding lover’s propensity
for unsusceptible matters of the heart.

there, he stood,
on the precipice of tomorrows;
ruminating and scrupulous,
forlorn yet never dithering
over mundane and quintessential quandaries
of the tepid gloss of incertitude
dangling off syllables
dictated by sordid agony.

there, he stood,
in the midst of everything;
from the otiose adoration
poured out of empty caskets
to the lenitive shades of his eyes.

with the ripples of moonlight,
the gestalt of doleful flower-like hearts,
there, she stood,
and waited.

maybe we’re just two souls
longing to be found
maybe we’re just two persons
wanting another chance

i lay my soggy crest
on my favorite part on his chest
i listen to the rhythmic sound
of our synchronized breathing whirling me around
oh, how i wish i could just lay here
and keep this moment i endear

i lean closer intimately
and feel his heart throbbing invincibly
i count the beats it creates
as for sleep, he awaits
oh, this serenity is priceless
dear, how i wish we were timeless

i close my eyes and delight in
the musing that we’re about to begin
the rest of our lives together
oh, i wish we can always weather
all the storm we’re about to encounter

and then i thought
maybe i’m now found
maybe he’s my another chance

*she lays her head on my chest
and charms me with the smell of lavender
emanating from the strands of her hair
oh, i wish the smell would stay
if she ever decides to run away

she leans closer
and i nearly constrict her
but she doesn’t seem to mind
oh, i’ll always have this moment on rewind
if she ever wills to leave me behind

she closes her eyes
and i wonder where her mind flies
oh, my little angel in disguise
my unparalleled prize
she takes me on my highs
oh, i hope i can bypass my demise
if she finally states her goodbyes

and then i thought
maybe someone else will find her
maybe she’s someone else’s another chance

Thought you found home when you finally anchored your heart to his, but you only found wilderness inside an empty forest lost long time ago.

I met a man while I am moving on from my past. He was moving on also from his own little heartbreak. Whenever I am with him, I taught myself to never love a man's soul while his heart is aching for someone else's. But he taught me the other way, obliviously.

The ricochet comes. He can't love me back when he wants to. He can't take risks the way I do. He can't choose me when the universe give us the chance.

The ricochet hits me and I am supposed to be dead. But no, I was hit but was never putted into death. I was only shattered into pieces.

My little hopes and biggest fears will chase me to dreams and I have no escape. Nightmares will come every sleep and anxiety will attack me every waking up.

I will stare blankly in a dead air that used to give life to my existence before.

I am shredding tears for no certain reason and my heart is pulled down into the bottom of the sea.

I am loss. I am not found. If hope doesn't exist, then there is no chance I will be found deep down here.

I never had a heart, but when I found this empty long lost forest, when I took the risk when he can't, when I love him despite all his insecurities and incertitude, when I choose him when the universe gave me dozens of choices, I don't have a choice but to have one. For him and only for him.

Boy, I only have one heart but it is still hitched to yours and I don't have any plans to unhitch it.

Let us run freely hand in hand
   in Elysian fields of resplendent grass,
where tranquil existence lies
      beyond skies of incertitude
         whence ambiguity doesn't rhyme,
and empathy's rapport  plays in the hearts
  of all those who cherish the melody of peace,
      swimming in rivers of abundant harmony
    and dance 'pon the ether of communion's serenity*

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right-doing, there is a field,
                                            I'll meet you there...."  Rumi

she cried on a day that should have been celebratory
and I did not have words

she danced an ode written to cumbia
she danced it out with grace
with verbs so fine  
you knew she held the present
at every sway
she did not have words

we walked to food joint next to the bar
rolled out the English language
in exchange for sustenance
“what are words?”

I picked up our food
drunkenly shook out some lingo
and the grey-haired man on the other side of the counter
took a deep breath and stayed silent
“Are words needed ?”

the Kamikaze shots and the tequila made our tongues soft
and our upper palates dry
pouring only thirst, into our youth  

and there,
eyes soaked in meaning
in a circus of incertitude,
the cold wind turned divine flurried our hair

*“we do not have words.”

she descends the stairs
and he remains on the landing
both linger, telepathetic moments
written on that invisible wall
with intimate totals of wonder
militant, the outside try to terrify,
to augment the doubt
lengthen the halves- but
all superstition dies in that second

-c.j.

A part of my skin burns,
the other patch numb with cold.
Torn between the extremes,
I crave water.
Hundreds of gallons of it.
Anticipating it to soothe,
to bless the charred insides.

There’s a puddle under the table
or under my hallucination.
I can’t tell.
I touch it with my face, dreamily.
Each gulp as confusing as the last.
I am not sure how to tell
if it can be a saviour or not.

He took a snapshot of me in the rain
in front of the vacant house where
ghost lifted the dust and
suspended the rocks like a puppeteer.

He called the shot
A Thousand Different Versions of Your Soul
and he swore, if it takes a community to raise a child,
then a thousand different people ******* me up.

I walked back to my house under an umbrella
with the polaroid of my incertitude tucked close to my heart
I pulled down every Vonnegut book from the shelf,
took the Holy Bible from its case,
called Plath up from her grave,
and asked them what the hell my life meant, anyway.

Vonnegut told me to travel to Titan.
There I will fall in love with the beautiful Sirens
and die with the aliens of Tralfamadore.

The Holy Bible told me to carry His cross
to Golgotha,
so He could die for
the salvation from my sins.

Plath told me to keep on writing.
Then I will live until I'm thirty,
and die in with my head in
my kitchen oven.

All provided valid arguments
on why my heart keeps beating
and why the thousand different versions of my soul
haven't crawled out of my throat yet.

goaded by a stereophonic monotone:
a flumine voice waxes with lovelorn dregs.

i heard the plump word of rescue
dangle from the heady decibel of song,
winterward, blue-veined and stillicide.

no more, shall the wind traverse the impasse of the verdigris. the incertitude
of beginnings sigh ultimately.

o people, your darling children soldered
to your denims. o rosefrail and sightless
bannerets — we mourn such coming.
it sleuths with a tangle of fingers
underneath fringes of flesh-warmed
draperies with a different temperament
as moderate as climates in squandered tropics, flows with a truth wishing it
more of the untruth:

never shall return, in faraway lands,
never shall look back and lay in prairies
attenuated, continue to sing oblivion.

Le ciel me parle des mots doux
qui brillent comme des feux rouges
et brûlent dans la poitrine,
piquent sur les champs créés des espères
et des possibilités oubliés.

Peut-être que je suis perdu,
sorti de la maison des conséquences,
rendu malheureux par des phrases simples
et lavé par les eaux de ton étreinte ;
peut-être que je suis oublié,
pas connu par les gens qui se crient
pour l’amour ou la douleur
ou contaminé par le sang bleu
du jour qui reste dans l’air timide.

Peut-être que j’ai peur,
peur de ta regarde, peur d’être  
frappé par tes yeux sympathiques
et éclatants, peur d’être jugé par
le bon dieu de la tristesse,
embrassé par le cœur qui me fait pleurer.

Peut-être que je vis avec
l’incertitude de tes pensés éphémères,
avec l’obligation de ne rien se faire,
avec l’impression de doute sur ta bouche,
avec la sourire malhonnête
qui ne me respecte en plus.

Peut-être que je dois vivre sans toi,
car tu me rends fâché avec ton voix couché,
car tu me montres ton cœur mais
ne me laisse pas de le tenir,
car tu me dis que tu es sincère  
sans avoir assez de témoins,
car tu me fais faim
mais ne me laisse pas manger.

Peut-être que tu n'es pas pour moi ;
Peut-être que tu es vraiment pour toi.  

/

The sky speaks to me sweet words
that shine like red fires
and burn in the chest,
sting on the fields created by hopes
and forgotten possibilities.

Maybe I’m lost,
parted with the house of consequences,
made unhappy by simple phrases
and bathed by the waters of your embrace;
maybe I’m forgotten,
unknown by people who cry
for love or pain
or contaminated by the blue blood
of the day that sits in the timid air.

Maybe I’m afraid,
afraid of your gaze, afraid
of being struck by your lovely
and gleaming eyes, afraid to be judged
by the good God of sadness,
afraid to be kissed by the
heart that makes me weep.

Maybe I’m living with
the uncertainty of your fleeting thoughts,
with the obligation to do nothing,
with the impression of doubt on your mouth,
with the dishonest smile
that doesn’t respect me anymore.

Maybe I have to live without you,
because you enrage me with your cloaked voice,
because you show me your heart but
don’t let me hold it,
because you tell me that you’re sincere
without brandishing enough witnesses,
because you make me hungry
but don’t let me eat.

Maybe you're not for me;
Maybe you’re truly for you.

With hate increased,
My whole decreases
I can't forget, both of us once existed
Now, into a body too small for my big dreams, I'm condensed

In this empty room of mine
Telling myself repeatedly "I'm fine"
Moving silently, invisibly
In an endless mystery
Here comes the tears I cried from
agony

It feels like I am the only one who live with this tragedy
It feels like they're all looking, but I don't want them to see
The inside of me
How am i suppose to be everything they except me to be

Like me , they are not able to abide
I wish that I didn't have to hide
Please come back, I need you by my side
You're the only one who can hear what i really want to say
So inside, days after days,
It stays
I don't know why it happened, why it had to be this way

It haunts me when I think of how it could have been,
When i'm questioning why this happened, what could this possibly mean
This is the questions that I ask
To live away from you is my task
But this is an impossible feat,
My life without you is incomplete
I feel like everyday that passes, I become increasingly erased
I cannot be related
Again, my fears have to be covered

I want to meet myself with someone else's point of view
So my mind will be anew
Oh so desperately, for the look inside my eyes
That I can't disguise

I battle the demons inside, ever since I were five
Keeping them alive
Do they really need to survive?
With incertitude, I ran away from all the pain
shattered soul I have obtain
Oh, so ******, it was clearly impregnated into my brain
Obviously stuck in my head
Am I just trying to prove that i'm not already dead?

I am so deep in my thoughts , i could die drowned by them
Anyway, I am nothing else than a name
Yes, truth just being told,
But I am not that bold
Look in the somber tones
Of these ghastly wounds
I am like you, a listening ear
Turning into rain of tears

If darkness is where I belong
Then why am I afraid?
If this is what I've become
Then what was the choice I made?

A chain links us together, but it's a little broken by the distance between us, and nobody seems to care
Who cares when a thought doth enter?
When I have all, except the power?
I can't dispel the intruder
I am all, except the master

I'm just scared that I might fail, afraid of trying
Instead of standing, I am waiting
I'm stuck in the memory of the past and now i'm screaming
The fear tries to swallow my soul, my tiny acid tears are dripping
Too much dominos behind me are falling
The only thing I can do now is counting the hours that doesn't have an end,
Wondering if the breaks will ever mend

The pain that you has seen in my eyes is now bigger in my heart
But it consoles me that you had a new start
And even if i'm always reflecting the past that I will probably never recover
So the pain that i feel because we cant be together
Even if the reflection of the past is here, Im so glad to hear you confide, however
Even if the past is just a reflection, don't forget that you can tell me
whatever
And i'll always love you the same Wherever,
Forever

Lent,
Conseillez-vous
Munissez-vous de clairvoyance
Seul, pendant un instant
Laisse faire
Concrète
De maniere a obtenir un creux
Tonalité
Très perdu
Portez cela plus ****
Animer vos doigts fissurés
Ouvrez a tête
Enfouissez le son
Apaisé
Flottante
Sur le bord de
L'incertitude
Tomber en amour
Avec les vagues

Sneaks up like a VC assassin
quick, invisible, deadly
the knife slides into your ribs
while you are thinking far away.

A sharp, sudden pain
and then sudden falling away
into a world of hurt.

Emptiness floods your body,
frozen and stuttering
in incertitude.

Ice enters your stunned heart.

It lasts a second, a minute,
an hour, a day a week, a year.

For that interval you gasp
with the hopelessness of life.

You do not want to die,
you only want to feel nothing,
to escape into nothingness.

And then it departs suddenly
and the earth returns to view.

Birds sing and women are beautiful,
the sun winks and you are saved.

Until the next time when
the unseen blade again finds
your soul and chaos blinds
you to life.

Pining chokes me with her own two hands
as I fall to the wayside on her command.
I’ll lay apart on the edge, instead
of perusing quotations prowling through my head.

While fickle sentiments are prone to vex
I’ll shift the blame from left to right
to left again, while vermilion skies
change its hues at the speed of life.

Blows of ambivalence: it all seems hazy.
Ennui settles between the days and
contemplation, wishful thinking
dashed to pieces in different places.

It is necessary to read between these lines
where rhetoric reigns over a void of lies.
In absence of lucidity, please choose by heart
instead of distance, years and petty scars.

In mask and panic, we’re prone to error
as we become more guarded against the night.
Though incertitude may drive us mad,
love still triumphs over apprehension…in actual fact.

in the smell of cigarettes and coffee,
you find comfort,  
and the space to avoid all things that may bound you or your toughwithaleatherjacket ****** front

toxic fumes on your lips,
rise above layers of black eyeliner fake lashes
above your false vitality,
lantern eyes fading, no longer able to find anything but inevitable fatality

dark, amidst despondence and incertitude,
masking our insecurity with smoke and cheep attitudes

take that tab of acid
       get ready for the trip
                                        down
               ­          down
           down

tonight
ill find a new lover to
**** me till im gone
pride too lost to recover
roll me up and smoke me
at least before dawn

waking up to a body i dont knoe
you'd think i'd know better
than to love a starving artist
a shape shifter
a person so sick in the head
no hope
im not talking about the beggar in my bed

Dear Mr. Sunshine,
I always paint you pictures–
Large, sweeping canvases
of my ramblings. Often,
my paintbrush is hazy.
Fogged up with the tropical,
heavy-weight air of future-obsession.
Incertitude-crazy.

Mr. Sunshine,
You are quiet humility.
You are imperfect and simultaneously
You are flawless.
Your kindness is the vastness
of the West. Exceeding.
And lawless.

My Sunshine,
You paint my murky canvas
Adoringly
so yellow.

Sometimes, it’s very difficult to trust you.
The butterflies in my stomach are alive again
But not because of love
This time
It’s because of incertitude
You changed
The sparkle in your eyes is gone
Your smile is so fake
Your chest is so cold
So I know
It’s not my brain
It’s your attitude

In this edge that you push me
I hold on tight to avoid falling down
that abyss of doubts and bitterness

Hard battle which you force me to fight
this one of loving you without boundaries
trying impede lose my dignity and pride

I just want to freely enjoy our love
absolutely devoted to you in body and soul
without those shadows and ghosts

Of course I want you flying pleased and absolutely free
that you only come to me from your desire and freedom
overflowing and jubilant wishing to share your flight with me

You must understand my love

One thing is free and open-minded love relation
and quite another is to be just your partner and refuge
when I also want to be your yearning and agitation

this machine; a father on the front porch
of the universe reading existence's papers lunging at the printed word,
meticulously punctuated ebb and flow
of silence across the giddy trees crossed
by sunlight — the universe knew very
little of the incertitude of tongues
until the pain of all exactness worded
the void into a singular nomenclature:
a stifling and precise, simple, quiver-maimed often fighting through panicked streets and gory waysides. a hoard of no less than silence like a stone dropped
into all that is the world: living.

I just know that I know nothing
Is what I tell myself ever morning
And throught a lifetime of incertitude
It shall help you find amplitude.

I just know that I know nothing
The ignorance is crushing
But recognizing it does no harm
As it makes your life calm.

Not knowing does not make you benighted.
Discerning it makes your soul ignited

Arisen the figure took her breath
but no longer the figure she could behold

Evil brainwork is at hand
her eyes on a stand

She knows why
but dares not penetrate

It is not hard to understand
as it is to uphold

Perplexion of her thought comes
from her incertitude

away from

Sunrise and morning dew
make it crisp to rubber boot

La estancia no esta lejos
and the figure isn't either

She tries to anchor
but it's too late
the ship has sailed and her horse knows

Something sinister in the horizon tempted
for a walk. Looking downhill she thought.
Walking upright she went.

A gazed voice asked
for her direction that to which she replied
a dirt path

Somehow she was taken in foreign dirt.

Word she was lorn.
Word she was torn.
Word she had left God.

L'instabilité
Le manque de peur
Ces sentiments inexplicables
Tout ce qui est relié à l'incertitude
Savoir ce qu'on veut dans la vie
C'est ce qui a changé en moi
Ces derniers mois

Toi qui m'as tout repris jusqu'au bonheur d'attendre,
Tu m'as laissé pourtant l'aliment d'un cœur tendre,
L'amour ! Et ma mémoire où se nourrit l'amour.
Je lui dois le passé ; c'est presque ton retour !
C'est là que tu m'entends, c'est là que je t'adore,
C'est là que sans fierté je me révèle encore.
Ma vie est dans ce rêve où tu ne fuis jamais ;
Il a ta voix, ta voix ! Tu sais si je l'aimais !
C'est là que je te plains ; car plus d'une blessure,
Plus d'une gloire éteinte a troublé, j'en suis sûre,
Ton cœur si généreux pour d'autres que pour moi :
Je t'ai senti gémir ; je pleurais avec toi !

Qui donc saura te plaindre au fond de ta retraite,
Quand le cri de ma mort ira frapper ton sein ?
Tu t'éveilleras seul dans la foule distraite,
Où des amis d'un jour s'entr'égare l'essaim ;
Tu n'y sentiras plus une âme palpitante
Au bruit de tes malheurs, de tes moindres revers.
Ta vie, après ma mort, sera moins éclatante ;
Une part de toi-même aura fui l'univers.
Il est doux d'être aimé ! Cette croyance intime
Donne à tout on ne sait quel air d'enchantement ;
L'infidèle est content des pleurs de sa victime ;
Et, fier, aux pieds d'une autre il en est plus charmant.

Mais je n'étouffe plus dans mon incertitude :
Nous mourrons désunis, n'est-ce pas ? Tu le veux !
Pour t'oublier, viens voir ! ... qu'ai-je dit ? Vaine étude,
Où la nature apprend à surmonter ses cris,
Pour déguiser mon cœur, que m'avez-vous appris ?
La vérité s'élance à mes lèvres sincères ;
Sincère, elle t'appelle, et tu ne l'entends pas !
Ah ! Sans t'avoir troublé qu'elle meurt tout bas !
Je ne sais point m'armer de froideurs mensongères :
Je sais fuir ; en fuyant on cache sa douleur,
Et la fatigue endort jusqu'au malheur.

Oui, plus que toi l'absence est douce aux cœurs fidèles :
Du temps qui nous effeuille elle amortit les ailes ;
Son voile a protégé l'ingrat qu'on veut chérir :
On ose aimer encore, on ne veut plus mourir.

Message inattendu, cache-toi sur mon cœur ;
Cache-toi ! je n'ose te lire :
Tu m'apportes l'espoir ; ne fût-il qu'un délire,
Je te devrai du moins l'ombre de mon bonheur !
Prolonge dans mon sein ma tendre inquiétude ;
Je désire à la fois et crains la vérité :
On souffre de l'incertitude,
On meurt de la réalité !

Recevoir un billet du volage qu'on aime,
C'est presque le revoir lui-même.
En te pressant, déjà j'ai cru presser sa main ;
En te baignant de pleurs, j'ai pleuré sur son sein ;
Et, si le repentir y parle en traits de flamme,
En lisant cet écrit je lirai dans son âme ;
J'entendrai le serment qu'il a fait tant de fois,
Et j'y reconnaîtrai jusqu'au son de sa voix.

Sous cette enveloppe fragile
L'amour a renfermé mon sort...
Ah ! Le courage est difficile,
Quand on attend d'un mot ou la vie ou la mort.
Mystérieux cachet, qui m'offres sa devise,
En te brisant rassure-moi :
Non, le détour cruel d'une affreuse surprise
Ne peut être scellé par toi.
Au temps de nos amours je t'ai choisi moi-même ;
Tu servis les aveux d'une timide ardeur,
Et sous le plus touchant emblème
Je vais voir le bonheur.
Mais, si tu dois détruire un espoir que j'adore,
Amour, de ce billet détourne ton flambeau !
Par pitié ! Sur mes yeux attache ton bandeau,
Et laisse-moi douter quelques moments encore !

I’m a cauldron of ardor and incertitude
A flourishing garden before me
Flowers admired, but not for the touching
I clutch at every word
Incoherent incantations fell accordingly
And bled down my window like tar
As time decelerated, and coalesced in my elixir
If all people held auras like yours
I’d have my cure
But due to lack of the latter,
You are the last essential ingredient
And the only one that matters

Je vous ai promis mon baiser pour ce soir,

En revanche vous m'avez promis la récompense

Certes imméritée, et voici que j'y pense !

Et depuis lors je vis en un si doux et vague espoir !


Mais que pour l'avenir serait donc noir

Si, pendant que je rêve à la bonne bombance

Espérée et promise, et voici que je panse

La blessure que me ferait de ne pas voir


De mes yeux, presque en pleurs dans cette incertitude,

Vos yeux sourire avec plus de mansuétude

Que de coutume avec l'œuvre et de plus l'auteur.


Et j'ai fait ces vers-ci, qu'il fallait que je fisse.

Ne vous faisant d'ailleurs pas d'autre sacrifice

Que de vous plaire un peu, bien qu'un peu radoteur.

WAITING AND DOMINATING INCERTITUDE BY HOLDING ON TO THE DIVINE UNSEEN KNOWLEDGE THAT LOVE AND BENEVOLENCE ARE ALWAYS MINE.WHEN ALL SEEMS DARK AND STANDING STILL, WHEN NO MOVEMENT IS APPARENT; I GO BACK HOME IN ORDER TO SHINE.
I KNOW THAT DEEP DOWN I CAN IGNITE A POWER THAT MAY PRETEND TO BE DORMANT. IT TAKES TIME TO ADJUST TO THIS NEW PARADIGM AND MY BLIND TRUST IS MY WARRANT.
MY HUMAN SIDE BEGS FOR MORE THAN A SIGN, IT WANTS A TANGIBLE CLUE. WHEN ALL IS STILL IN THE 4D I DO NOT WISH TO FEEL SO LOW AND BLUE.
AND THEN I REMEMBER THAT I AM NOT ALONE IN MY PREDICAMENT. I HAVE A HOLY ENTOURAGE CONSTANTLY BY MY SIDE; THE RESCUE FOR ME IS NOW IMMINENT.