And here it comes again
The lack of breath
Cold fingers
Blurry thoughts
Even if I know I shouldn’t feel like it.
I do.
It’s not an obvious jealously, though.
It’s a terrifying thought of loosing all definitions of love.
All over again.
I’m so afraid I want to run away.
And maybe disappearing is a solution.
After all, if I won’t be here, the love will be just paused, not dead.

It will wait for my return.
You, with a dozen of roses and a soft smile.
Me, healed, ready for a new start.

I should’ve known how this would end
We played the part of distant friends
I knew this would hurt like a metal fist
When I came near & barely felt your kiss
You should’ve seen my hand the other day
Shaking and trembling like a rusty train
When it comes and goes in a fiery blaze
Lungs burn, blood boils, a grueling state
I’m calling around for a saving grace
And with two bruised knees, I’ll try to pray
What was that thing you said to my face?
Honey you’ll find love but not today

“Oh darkness, my friend,
Oh darkness, you see;
Why can’t I transcend,
The darkness in me.”

“Oh my child, you fool,
Oh my child, you see;
I don’t mean to be cruel,
But what’s of that you speak?”

“Oh darkness, so strong,
Oh darkness, I plea;
This has gone for so long,
It’s time I’m set free.”

“Oh my child, calm down,
Oh my child, so meek;
Your mind is my playground,
Your tears are my beach.”

“I am ready for growth,
For my power’s divine;
I take back all control,
That you’ve had on my mind.”

“You don’t have to do this child?
Don’t leave me like this;
I swear that I’m not defiled,
Please close the abyss.”

“My head is so clear now,
Appreciation, anew;
So this is my farewell,
And I bid you adieu.”

“I’ll wait for the next time,
that you might need me again;
I am darkness — I’m always trying,
To pretend as your friend.”

Brendon S. Sawyer
(2019)

A mood can change in the blink of an eye.
Your texts stir up like dissolving lies.
My hands shake to the beat of my thundering heart.
My blood runs cold enough to freeze the pendulum swinging in my head.
My stomach wants to be sick, its letting me know my world is upside down.
The cold sweat consumes me.
Locks me in my head with my whirling thoughts.

When i claw myself out of this madness, i ask who am i?
Who am i to be jealous over an unrequited love?
They could make you happy, surely, i just want you to be happy?

I do want you to be happy.

This love. This hurt. This friendship. This obsession.

This nothingness is leaving no space left for sanity.

A mood can change in the blink of an eye.
I reread your text through blurry eyes.
My hands shake to the beat of my racing heart.
My blood runs cold and the red mist decends over my restraint.
The cold sweat consumes me.
Locks me in my head with my whirling thoughts.

When i claw myself out of this madness, i ask who am i?
Who am i to be jealous over an unrequited love?
They could make you happy, surely, i just want you to be happy?

This love. This hurt. This friendship. This obsession.

This nothingness is leaving no space left for sanity.

Autumn,with the force of rapid thunder
Dawns the sky, clawing the lake asunder
  Beneath our steps
As we leapt
  To,fro,and to again;

Here we burn, trapped to our limboid sojourn
Gasping for air as the Daemon sits without a care
Tracing and chasing the ends of his thinning thread
Connecting to our voodoo dolls, laments of our death
In silent whispers only existant at all by the dents
Where our mouths should be.

This dreaded haunting, this memory looped
With crimson nails the Daemon draws hoops
Pliable as a smoke ring from laughing lips,
The Daemon strings us by his fingertips—
Reminds us we alone created hell on earth—
You can taste it in the kicked up dust,
The unlexical powder that remarks our birth
In this stale heat, our skin starts to crust.

I called you my best yet, you said I was a settlement in a lost bet,
I called you a ***** and wished I drownt you in the wishing well
Where you'd only have other mute spirits left to tell; I set

Out on a ****** scheme that night--
To slit your throat as you awoke and watch you fight
Without a chance.
I watched you in your contorted dance and felt you lift,
Shiver and go stiff
Dying in my arms. But as I sighed I felt invisible red eyes
Settle on us from the willows
Behind the blindness window.

I heard a needle scrape, a scornful moan and a bat's descry.
I knew then I truly was the pawn in a wicked game
Who's evil was signatured in our name.

The devil netted your soul dear, and already had mine.
And as I sat straddled over your limpid frame, frozen in time
And feeling his nails, like worn toolbox screws, along my spine
I oddly thought pleasantly of better times:

Of our first meeting on that autumnal day, when caught in the breeze
And kissing discreetly
Amongst the trees
and along the lake we simontaniously compared to the mythical  Lethe.

I loved you then, oh how I did,
And in return, we'll love forever—
Us, the looping dead.

Melancholy;
Melt in lands
Unholy
In an abyss of

Harm supressed;
Between two palms pressed
Together.
Remind us we are

Desolate;
Descending to a
Solitary fate
Where days

Gloomy;
Glue me
To my memories
Cold cruelty and

Shame;
An attempt at shadowing
The untamed.