Hypocrisy
Victim I am
Taken I'm not


Purity of the flesh,
of the skin before you,
covered in lines of red.

Expressions of clean
sickens the brain
of ever forgetting the dread.

Desire travels past
stirring up emotions
beckoning days on end

Demons rising
through the shining of silver
and on this we've come to depend

Would it be okay...
if I were to say
just this once
and then i'll be through?

...boy am I a hypocrite.
Thoughts drifting past my mind,
but I made a promise,
and a promise I shall keep.
#red   #painting   #sh  
Addison May
Addison May
Dec 12, 2016

She once thought she was strong,
She once believed she could take it all.

She sat, picking flowers,
giving them to her Mama,
as a sign of happiness and love.

She pranced through the halls,
in her long flow-y gown,
being told she could be whatever she wanted.

She became the little tom boy, with her hat on backwards.
She ran 'round with her brother and friends,
and used him as her role model.

As she grew older, she realized...
She was more like her brother than she expected.
But she's not alone.

He was alone.
He envies what she has,
What he lacked.

She realizes the mistakes,
The terrible things she should've stopped,
and the things she never started.  

He had no one,
She has two.
He told nobody,
She told few.
He was secretive,
but she knew.

She once thought she was strong,
She once believed she could take it all...
she once thought she could give up.

She reminds herself, He didn't.
He had no one, but he stayed strong.

He survived. She tells herself,
So can you.

Haunted by demons
Haunted by demons
Nov 24, 2016

Stop saying my body is "goals"
stop saying i have mesmerising eyes
stop saying my smile is charming
Or that i'm a sweetheart
Stop calling me beautiful

Beautiful girls don't sit at home alone on saturday nights
Beautiful girls don't cry themselves to sleep
And they don't hate what they see in the mirror

beautiful girls get good grades
beautiful girls get a lot of attention from guys
Beautiful girls are friends with everyone
they're not shy
they don't get anxiety attacks over having to make a phone call

Beautiful girls don't obsess over not having washed their hands for an hour
And they don't count calories
beautiful girls don't smile at the ground when they get a compliment
They face the person who complimented them and compliments them back...

Beautiful girls know how to write a proper poem.
a beautiful girl is that girl in the front of the class, who gets straight A's  and doesn't even have to try
She has long blonde hair and blue eyes.
she has straight teeth and a killer smile and all the guys are always around her.
and She's never alone on saturday nights

Sooooo... yea
#beautiful   #ana   #mia   #anorexia   #bulimia   #tw   #sh   #anamia   #triggerwarning   #deepshit  
Haunted by demons
Haunted by demons
Nov 24, 2016

"daddy, i'm so tired all the time.."
of course you are.. you barely eat...
"don't i?"
no you don't... you only just eat enough to survive
you eat less than your 5 year old sister.

"what?"
Yea...



- I don't know why... and i haven't thought about it.
I like my body trust me
But i don't want food
I am hungry, but i don't eat till the hunger has passed i only eat because i have to... if i didn't have to i wouldn't eat.
Eating bores me
Eating makes me feel nonproductive

I haven't thought about the fact that i eat less than my 5 year old sister... and i can't understand why daddy hasn't said anything before now..
And now i can't wait to get on the weight because  i wanna see if he's actually right, that i'm losing weight..
Trust me i'm not trying to... idk why i'm doing this...

just a rant.... what is happening to me? why am i not eating? i'm hungry right now but i don't want any food... nothing sound delicious right now...
#eatingdisorder   #ana   #mia   #anorexia   #selfharm   #ed   #relapse   #sh   #anamia   #bulimie  
Addison May
Addison May
Nov 21, 2016

I see the reflection of light, bounce off the silver.
Holding it in my grasp, clenching my fists tight.

I can't do it
I shouldn't do it

I hear the voice in my head scream louder.
I'm on the verge of tears, though my eyes are completely dry.

Please stay safe Sam. Please.
It will get better, I promise.

I'm now shaking, silver closer to the beige.
Their voice. Their voice is what is keeping me from my art.

You don't understand.
You don't deserve any of this.

The torture pulls at my soul, at my heart.
I throw the silver across the room.

Why am I like this?
I've actually lost my mind for moments at a time

Wrapping myself in a blanket,
Shivering until the starlight overcomes my mind.

and puts it to rest.

Why do I lie and say everything is okay, when obviously I've lost myself?

Never mind, don't answer that. I'm completely fine.
#sh  
Eileen Xu
Eileen Xu
Nov 10, 2016

There is no beauty
In the remains
Of crumbling human. Soft
Tissue upon bruise upon
Broken bone bending
Bending to fit the roses
Bleeding from open wound
Bending to chocolate
Mould seeping from every crack
And crevice.

There is no beauty
In mirrored shards of life
Sharp enough to tear
Through tendon, tearing
Through towns and cities built on
Misery and crushing grief
There is no beauty

No beauty
In glass tears from glass eyes
Crying fallen stars and supernovae
No beauty
In disembodied screams
Lungless cries
Say goodbye to your life
This is real life
There is no beauty in
My life
There is no beauty
In me.

A poem in which I try to tackle the romanticisation of mental illness. It is not a glamorous life, I'll tell you that much.
Addison May
Addison May
Nov 10, 2016

Scarlet, Mahogany, Currant

The palette I am forced to use.

Merlot, Garnet, Crimson

Colors are limitless, unless you are colorblind.

Apple, Ruby, Cherry

I paint with my little silver brush that escapes me from reality

Wine, Blood, Sangria

Red

Poem Inspiration from: Izabella Valero
( http://hellopoetry.com/nonextraordinary-ordinary/ )
#sh  

Fake smiles, but teary eyes.
Alone in my room crying at night.

i'm just gonna hide the scars with a sweater
can't tell them i don't actually feel better.

i'm so sad but i can't tell you why
"i'm just tired" is my favourite lie.

It's almost christmas and everyone's happy
But in winter time i just feel so crappy

I don't know why i feel so bad
truth is i'm just another depressed sociopath

This is the 2. time i've been feeling great all summer and started getting depressed when winter came.... hope it's better next year
#depressed   #ana   #mia   #tw   #selfharm   #ed   #sh   #anamia   #triggerwarning   #socialanxiety  
Eileen Xu
Eileen Xu
Oct 20, 2016

I feel
Disembodied
Dizzy bodied dizzy mind
Busy bodied to pass the time
Empty bodied empty mind.

I feel
A dulling ache beneath my veins
A seismic quake inside my brain
Collateral damage and no remains
Stay still -
And watch it wash like waves
Your cave, safe haven torn away

It plays -
In the places you called home
The heart that stutters between your bones
Silent, slowly, no-one knows.
The blows and bruises on your skin
It always finds some other way in
To make you feel
I feel.

16/10/16
Haunted by demons
Haunted by demons
Oct 16, 2016

I'm afraid of many things..

The usual...
Spiders
Heights
The dark
Strangers
Clowns
Dying
Fire
Flying
And the list goes on...


But the thing i fear the most is that you see me the way i see myself..

#fear   #sad   #depression   #social   #anxiety   #tw   #selfharm   #sh   #relatable   #triggerwarning  
 
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