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Ayeshah Sep 2013
He said we'd be happy, in love- together forever.

His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was me waiting for a love that wasn't truly there, a loyalty that only I gave,
empty words- promised after your battery and being choked out.

His Forever was me with many lonely nights and calls of concerned &my; ears listening to you laughing,
saying "i love you woman" yet its not me you've said this to, that was,
10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago.

He said we'd communicate & work things out, be faithful, loyal and always devoted forever.
His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was me being an attentive house wife,mother to his children lover and intimate companion,friend, plus budget keeper and everything else he'd might of needed,
That was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His communication was speaking about me in a disrespectful way just to get sympathy from whom ever would sway his way
His communication was lying to me, lying to our children and everyone it'd seem- about everything,
from his wear about the newborn child and the money we, me & his children went with out,
we struggled when we never had to just so he could court a woman who apparently already has a man.

Sharing things with her and doting on her son, given her what should of been the promises he failed to keep with me.
His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

His Forever was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,
Where he said he'd do anything in his power to make things better,
but that was 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

For Better become For Worse after only 3 to 4 years of marriage.

Until Death Do Us Part, was the death of what could of been something magical.

His Through Sickness& In Health was carried out by his DWI, and me continuously~ standing,supporting him & sticking by.

Yet when I needed him and stuck in the hospital there was no through sickness or in health.

His Forsaking all other, well that was the year before 10 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago,

Within the first year everything seemed perfect the illusion's of what we or I've striven to achieve...
If you're confused that was, 11 years, 8 months, 2 weeks, 4 days, 12 hours, 32 minutes, and 18 sec ago.

I remember holding hands and laughing for sometimes no reason at all,
Walks in the park sometimes down the street just to enjoy each others company.
Laying in bed gazing into each others eyes,hands entwined.

Love letters handwritten of all the lustrous and love felt feelings expressed where words vocally couldn't express,
A wedding day that made him cry and i watched 1 single tear fall from his eye as he said I do.
He didn't and never been that type of man since.

Fist on my face, slapped down choked and ****** assault, lies and stealing what little i had,
jail became his best friend, where he learned to hone his abilities to deceive.

But truth is,
I blamed me for a lot of it until I realized I gave all I can and did my best.
It wasn't me it was him and i had to leave, taking the children with me.

I can say all in all I've learned a painful lessons...

I'm only sad it took me,
10 years,
8 months,
2 weeks,
4 days,
12 hours,
32 minutes,
and
18 sec!*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Aug 2016
I felt  something
Some thing
         staring at me
                         Yeah
                  a thing
not someone
       I glimpsed out the corner of my eye
      and shocked myself
                 when
HE  came  in to view;
          He quickly glared at me
              and
             in that moment  
time stopped still.

                  Dark & beautiful  
         Death
                stood at my door
    it was at 2:48 am
                    ( I've never felt more wanted )
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
Ayeshah Dec 2015
Today like many days now
                                                   for at least
                                                 three hundred & sixty five days
                                         plus some more
                        I've thought about you

    I've thought of
        the many times
               you've made me smile
                  laugh and the few times
                            you've made me cry

                                        Today's an ordinary day
                                        but we've not ever been ordinary
                                more likes extraordinary
                yet I most of the time
didn't have enough in me
to give to you
   I loved you & love you still

                                    See this is my problem
                                                      and­ as I've been told
                                                         most man need to fix something
                                                       ­              No matter if it's emotional
                                                       ­                        mental and or otherwise
                                                       ­                                       You can't fix me
                                                      The support I craved
                                                          ­       you'd give in increments
                                                      ­               but gave none the less
                             Today like many days now
                                     I think about the times
                                                    spent mainly in the car
                                                             ­     how you'd sooth my fears
                                                                ­        or the time we got stuck by  
                                                            ­                          my house
                                                           ­                 but we made the most of it
                                                              ­    as we danced in the rain

                                                 I think of us and what we could of been
                                             if we'd of both let go
                                        just give in
                                yet too much happened
                        to the both of us
                       before we even knew one another
             star-crossed lovers before time met space
        and we drifted together like
a meteor colliding in space
          I often think back
                    on where we'd be
                        if I could of gotten
            myself together
    held my tongue
kept my anger in check
much more

Today like many days now
        for at least three hundred & sixty five days
                                            plus some more
                                                    I've thought about you
                                                            l­ike when we first made love
                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­     I doubt I'll ever forget the shock
                                                           ­                     of finding out you did
                                                             ­                 know enough
                                                          ­                          Your sweet word surely
                                                          ­                       wasn't just
                                                            ­               spoken
                                                          ­          out of lust

                      We made magic and made history
          a part of you & a part of me
     God made these things possible
oh how I think if ONLY

Today like many days now
                        I think of the passion we had
                                                          for one another
                                                         ­         the way you kissed me
                                                      in places that made
                                           my head spin
              sent chills down my spine
   and all over my body

I cried out over & over
              I remember every gentle touch and
                                         for me I'd of liked
                                                       to see you be a bit rough

                                                          ­                   Maybe just maybe
                                                                ­      I should of enjoyed it more
                                                            ­                                   allowed you to
                                                              ­          teach me something new
                                                             ­                              because now a days
                                                                ­                     I think back on it
                                                              ­                  and you knew
                                                            ­         yeah you knew
                                                           all the right things to do
                                     thing's I just wasn't ever used to
                      
                Today like many days now
                   I think of the ways we held each other
                      You more than me
                             have held me through-out
                                  the night
                                      whispering sweet word
                                            as you'd caress me to sleep
                                                       or saving me often from a bad dream
                                                     I  think back and see you in my            
                                            minds-­eye massaging all my pain
                                   and fears away

                                Often times reassuring me you'd never leave
                  I feel cheated out of these thoughts and all the
               beautiful memories we've made
        all the history we had and the many
we would have still
  if only I'd of changed sooner
          or if I'd had given in better
                     If I'd of allowed what you were offering
                                                  things­ would be so different
                                                       ­           I'm glad you're happy
                                                           ­                   content & in love
                                                            ­                     sharing our dream
                                                           ­      with a new lady love
                                                    OH  ­how I wish it was me still
                                      how I used to believe it'd be me again
                         I think on how I've waited jaded for you
         to come home
                 but you never did
                         and wont ever again
                       I'm no longer yours but

                      Today like many
                                      days now
                                                for at least
                                                         three hundred
                                                         ­      & sixty five days
                                                            ­plus some more
                                                                ­ I've thought
                                                                ­         About You
                                                                     Copyright ©
                                                          Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present  
                                                                     All right reserved
I forgive myself even if YOU never do and I also learned to forgive others, its still a work in progress but I'm heading to a better me and glad I've learned these lesson so the next one if ever i find another wont suffer from my bitter contempt. Thankfully I ain't looking for another just enjoying me!
Ayeshah Nov 2015
I love that you see me the real me and don't complain nor try to make excuses for many of  my short comings

I love that when I'm in a state of distress you hold me and let me hide in your embrace

I love that when I don't look my best you always find me the most beautiful  inside & out

I love that on most cold or chilli nights you let me tuck my feet up under your legs without me even asking

I love that you laugh with such a sing song melody I end up cracking up too

I love that even when I've burnt the food you've  said it's the best while making faces with each bite

I love that you're so playful and competitive when we play  cards or any board games even if you've never let me win


I love that forehead kiss you give me everyday wether your coming or going and how you say to me see you later mami

I love that you'll defend my honor no matter the size of the other guy like when the dude tried to get in my face and you told him to leave

I love that you've stood up to your mother to defend me and made it know we're what's best for each other

I love that you listen to me knowing I talk alot and knowing I babble even more when I'm nervous

I love that you quirk your mouth up ever so slightly when you're amused at something I've said

I love that you stare with such sensual  intensity at me when well you know when

I love that you argue with just as much passion as me specially when you feel you're right on a topic we've discussed

I love that only you can make my nightmares go away with a lil cooing and sweet words

I love that in our thrills of love making you stare boldly into my very soul and make my spirit ignite with each stroke of your massive.......

I love that you're not just my best friend and lover but you are my hero my therapy, my provider  advisor my love and everything I've prayed for GOD to give me

I love that you've never uses my past or mental health  against  me and wouldn't  dream of ever putting me down screaming in my face or anything to disrespect  me or harm  me

I love that you're in love with me and love me for all that I am and strive to be and you knowing I love u makes me love that*
ABOUT YOU!*
Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
Ayeshah Jan 2016
You had everything you needed

I couldn't give you all you wanted

but
I've made sure you had everything you needed

What went wrong
was so much more than what's seen on the surface

What's going on is way deeper
than a few hurtful words in the mist of arguments.

I can deal with this yet I refuse

I refuse to repeat this dance with someone new

I've passed this test before and I wont take it again

I'm spiritual tired, soul mind and body

I rather not accept anything from you

No more of me compromising
it's draining every single part of me

You
don't care and even though you see and hear
you're really not listening or paying attention
to key details

You throw blame at my insecurities  

Yes

I have some but I face them
and no matter what

I know
I'm  pretty **** close to amazing
plus
I'm working on me  

I know
I'm mental & emotionally banged up
which is why I have to
STOP  

YES give up on US  

and
keep praying you'll find your way

I only want and need peace

I'll pray for you but as for me

I'm praying
I
FINALLY
live 

 Praying
I gain
wisdom and understanding

Because

I've tried

I really did

but

I've known

even as

I've
come to realize

the truth

too late

That
it is possible
for
me to love

but

not always help

*A Broken Man
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
#love   #fear   #life   #death   #spiritual   #birth
Ayeshah Mar 2010
Abstract love's &
( "Lover's" )
like abstract art-

You see what you want to see
Believe what your gonna believe

I've shared my linguistic
knowledge & observations
too many time to count.
Trying to help & wok this out

Begrudgingly l held onto
this imprisonment called
"loving".

Let it stain & detain me,

Overpower myself & my thinking....
Even allowing this

Abstraction to consume my very soul

The every essence of what I once "was"

My dysfunctional state's
isn't no longer in question...

After the mistreatment(s)
I know there's nothing left.

Suicides a gift- my anchor  
It's my only way out of this-
Abstract "Love"!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Jan 2016
Limbs splayed out

on  the grounds staged

like a play ...


The willow tree's

covering half her body

as if the curtains about

to split & open up...

1.

2.

3 .

ACTION!

(red & blue flashing lights)
**Scene 3 Act III
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
Ayeshah Feb 2010
I'm the Afrocentric Gift
you been waiting and dying to open ..,
Christmas came Early just for you this year,
I'm the Thoughts in ya head,
Mind blowing the
Essences of Sexuality,
Wisdom,
Knowledge
and a
multitude of Feminine Power,
Prowling and
Roaring for your affection,
I'm every Women,
Just not to night
I don't want to share,
Be my one & only..,
I am the
Architects building
the bridges back to ya heart,
My Prominent Black African King,
Mr.**** as ya wanna be..,
I Dreamed of this many times at night & also for some weeks,
Thoughts of you Thought of us become " We"
Teaming up and Doing
What lovers do,
But
I want more,
I want your heart too,
I see it in you,
the artist ;Your words caressing me,
Like painting and drawing,I'm just one of your sculptures..,
But
I'm the centerpiece of this mental non-nocturnal dream,
Your the
Author writing a great masterpiece only I'm the Main character...,
Chapter one we began slowly as our bodies
mesh&entwined...;,
Can you distinguishes between Fantasy,
I'm here and these feelings are real.
Lust so passionate you'd think you
conjured me up from your imagination.,
I'm un reasonable when it comes to you,
I want to give you unquestionable pleasure.
Be the Concubine you desire & you shouldn't have to wait,
Not tonight anyways.,
Come here and let me show you,
Be mines....,
Sacrifice yourself,
Be my love salve and come away with me..,
I want to give you this
Delicious yet delicate sweet
Afrocentric Gift!
Speak into me poetically,
Mentally blowing my mind ,
touching with words as you hurt me gently
Yet pleasing my body..
take me
cuz
right now
I'm for the taking,
I'm ready and waiting,
open me,
for
tonight I'll be your
Latin mist
You Puerto Rican *** ,
Come get drunk off my love,
Let me sooth you
and
caress you into submission.
Take what's been given.
This Mix, and blend it with you ,
dance to my song
as
I open for you.
I'm ready and willing
to be what you want me to be.
Give
me pleasure
release the yearning
deep with in me...
I'm yours ya Afrocentric Gift!
Always me Ayeshah
Copyrights © 1977-2010 Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved.
Ayeshah Jan 2014
I ain't gots no words for you,

none you can take with you as you turn & walk out my life,

but while you be on ya way

how about you tell me

how is it

you expect me to
give up my life & watch my heart bleed,

laid on the ground

stomped on & mashed

in to tiny little pieces?

I ain't gots no words for you,

none to boost your manly ego

so you can strut

strut like a *******
two legged jack-assed' peacock,

but how about you tell me

why you're a liar & think to get mad

when I don't believe you

& even more upset- I'd say *******

now that I no longer trust your action

or whatever it is you

be yapping about

these days

but member

I ain't gots no words

not for you

or your misogynistic bull

on how
I'm pose to cook, clean & never voice a need,

want or desires

long as

I birth your hate and give into your twisted commands.

Hell Naw!!!

I ain't gots no words for you,

not  when your

fist- I've tasted as it collided with my lips,

guessing for me a lovers kiss

was dismissive & none of me got your affection

Not when you've given all you had & shut *****

was the only thing you had left to me

Nor
when I'm down in

womb-like form

holding my knees to chest

while

your standing slightly bent

over me

talking bout

say another motha-******* word

your
hand's balled up

cocked back

ready to strike

I ain't have no words then for you

cuz'

you nearly choked out my life

I ain't gots no words for you,

I ain't gots no words for you,

I
just
ain't gots no words for you,  

  not when you,   

  when you, 

you

Say falsely you "love" me
& I longing for just this fall prey once more
as
I let you
climb in bed & hold me,

spread wide my legs    

Ooo  mmmmm
mmmm aahh oooo


* I know I'm living in your lies
Your My demise.

This life's fading

from my view

which is why

I ain't gots no words for you




(Cuz' finally-You killed me.)*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
The Cycle of Abuse has to end & it starts with

"YOU",

ain't You got something to say?
Ayeshah Jul 2010
this ain't love,

you've tortured my feeling

played on my ever needing lust,

consummated my need

as you relished in

my soulful screaming desire.

Release me tormentor

let me become free

of your wicked deeds

and your wicked ways,

how is this possible

after so long

you've come around

and i melt,

I melt

again & again

becoming this

unrecognizable person...

Longing to be in


your embrace

to feel the torture

start over again

to become victim to your


skillful ways

as you once more


maimed me and tame me ,

NEVER

agaain  is what i once said

But lately


I can't think right I got this need

This greed

Feeding and fueling me..

I don't like where I'm going  

with these thoughts....


Don't like these unwelcoming desires

you've stirred with in me once more...


Bleeding loves

un-concured

lustful lovers

never again is a myth

Cuz I see where I want to be

even if I already know


your no good for me!


This  Ain't  LOVE!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Nov 2014
Again
I  
almost  
let  love's call be answered.

Almost
allowed it back to hurt me once more,
as if my previous pain never left scares.

Almost 
 allowed those feeling to consume me.

You know the one's
that have you
wishing you could be in those arms.

Almost  
let you persuade me back to love's
lustrous hold

as
your lips intoxicated my senses,

the haziness
feeling me up
with a
giddy sort of
"love" struck 
 poison

I've never felt
&
now
long for again....

See 

almost
allowed you to
take control right there!

Almost 
 forgot how much
it'd hurt to fall for you,

even
though you've made
it so easy to do,
you've become so easy to talk to  & listen to,

so acceptable to me,
we've shared and developed a unique
bound
no other will ever share...

I'd speak those
toxic words
which
almost  
always changes
the essence
&
aliments within
that
beautiful friendship.


I  
almost  
let  love's call be answered.

Almost
allowed it back
to
hurt me once more,
as
if my
previous pain never left
scares.


Almost 
 forgot how much it'd hurt to fall...

They've said
we take or accept
the love we think we deserve,

so
I guess
I've never wanted much,

and if  
lies
wold tell
then
It'd say;

I'd accept more
of the same
in abundance,
instead of running away
as only I can.

We
almost
had a world-wind romance

those
types you've might of
seen in a movie,
this endings a bit different,

because
there's not going to be
a happy ever-after  to this
ending.

I can't risk it.

No not again....

I'd be bad for you,

I'm unable to give to your

demands,  which is everything

I'd mandatory ask for

if I were indeed asking,
so remember me.


Remember

what we could of had

well 
 ALMOST !

Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
TO SCARED TO LOVE OR ACCEPTED IT FROM ANY OTHER, GUESS I'M STILL HEALING....
Ayeshah Nov 2017
I'm insatiable  
I'm also soo fragile
with a uniqueness  all my own,
I am not superficial  and yet the contradiction would be paying bills on time and having material things matters  to me,
I have a vibrant will plus my spirits
strong too,
I love hard and fierce
I have ambitious desires  wants needs and goals,
I'm anxious  and have this deep longing,
an unquenchable thirst  almost obsession  like to express who
I truly am
yet
I'm
frighten ..
I want to be held yet don't always like being touched ,
I want conversation  yet like the peace of  quite,
I want to go out yet being in public scares me sometimes.
Somethings  make me shy even if I've done em  plenty of times,
Sometimes
I wanna eat out instead I'll  cook and then eat in bed,
I no longer wish to be a pet owner but no one will take care my half blind and semi deaf dog like me or any of the other 3
Who
like me have social anxiety,  
I like my independence  
but the
contradiction here is
I also
love being clingy  
I like kissing
yet rarely do and
when I do so I don't give my all, I want to learn knew moves  yet feel I know enough.
  I'm expressionistic; it may not be a word but it's the best way to describe  me
I want rough
***
but doubt I can go for hours
may not even last minutes
I also want to go slow ant take my time
learn something as I've previously  said.
I want gentle strong hands to keep me safe in their protectiveness
Let me be free in my mix of independence  & clingy
Accept  me
my tormented  brokenness
&
all my imperfections
I want to be more than why I am now and like most
I'M scared of changed
the scars
Run Deep
deep into my bones
Borne Into My Soul
meshing and mending into my heart
Even deep groves soaked into my broken pieces
like craving
deep into wood
deeper still to my roots
I want someone else to come do the work and fix me
Heal me
but knowing my journey
would make full grown men
run away  
I face this on my own.
I know I have to fix myself and heal
but who ever said
I'd have to do it
*Alone?
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
Ayeshah Mar 2010
He Fights to be the Provider,
Hiding the Pain he Sometimes feels,
Trying to be your Healer,When you both have to seal -Deals ...
In life that give way to many...
Mistakes, He lifts you up when your feeling down,
Holding all he feels deep, Down,
Worries about what you don't have while trying
to make you Laugh,
Sometimes Sitting  up, Late at night thinking
of another way to give everything
Helping you
Through the old wounds of pain caused by another Mans
Abuse,un truths or lies you never forgave,
Taking blame even thou its not in him to hurt
this presious women,
To him You are everything,
Asking Nothing of himself,
When your in pain he leands the help,
taking all your worries away
Pain Skecthed on his face,
You dont Notice, your too stuck in your own
Turmoils, You dont think..., What dose he need,
A Mans Struggles
Is beyound us,We only know what we WANT, As Women
Some of Us don't trust enough or care long as we
Get OUR share..,
We aruge with him,
Fight and fuss,
Making it harder on him to just be a Man
His Struggles,
Not to mention The Father or daddy to some of our kids,
Even when their not even his,We burend you with our self
conclusions and confusions, Make you Pay Everyday
for something you didnt do or Never Could..
Mistreatment is evident as
We give to him
Our own Abuse ...Words Hurt him too,
Even thou he Holds it ALL in
As Girls, Ladies and Women,We concurred you,
With looks of our own Deceptions and lie to get you in our web,
Black Widows Grasping at you, laying you on the plater not really
knowing what "lies" Ahead,
Not All Women but Many of THEM...,
Taking him from Man to the Beast paying for
The ******* by other old peeps family
or the Other Ex's
Not leaving Room for him to be Next,
Or The Best...,
**** His Struggles and let him deal with mines,
Let him see me as I want him to,
his girl we say, His Lady, His wife,
His Baby Momma
With all the strife and Drama,
Causing him to be Not Man but less of Him,
Make him the Next Abuser,
No its not Right but
hey Thats life,
or THE Way you want it to be..
You wanted more of his time,
stopped him from making a Dime or paper,
To Recreate him
Not in God's Image but as You want it..,
Women Listen...
He's
Giving all he can, Working Paying bills..,
In the street or 9to 5 ...,
Doing anything to let You get by,
THIS MAN STRUGGLES.
Yeah he gets a little satisfaction
from all that he's done to just put
that Smile on your face ...,
See his kids say
Hey my Daddys great,
But Given His Struggles His way of doing things..,
its time to sit and think
what it means to be a MAN,  Be Men....,
A Mans Struggle's
We dont talk much about...,ONLY what he do "WRONG"
or what he's NOT willing to Do for you,
You Complain
About what's NOT Given  or  
NOT done (done/doing RIGHT) whats not yours
or what He DONE gone in did AGAIN & AGAIN...
This Song Continues,
And now hes got your Tune Stuck in his Head,
Negatives not Words of Encouragement,
NO  Praises and Thanks for helping Rasie these bad as kids ...,
Putting food and gifts & Roof over ya Heads,
Saving up, time to spend and taking work off...not that its a cost
YOUR willing to make
( cuz Some just Aren't Going to Take it/US Women)
or to even say THANKS,
Some Of us Women just dont Get it,
Can't Say all Women but
I know Plenty of THEM,
Not willing to take his place on any given DAY...
Making him..,
Not a man but worse than sin, taking away his "self"
Esteem and the MAN you ONCE Fell in love with,
is No longer him,
Changing him Again til he's unreal...
Saying "I do" just to Get his Dibbs,
Saying "I love you" just to pay a bill,
STOP WORRYING
ABOUT WHEN HIS NEXT PAY IS,
OR IS HE GOING TO BE THE NEXT
to do what the Ex's did to you...,
ABUSE YOU,
THINK OF THE ....
Love he's giving..,
You as a women and for
giving the realationship a chance,
Wow to just be a ma!,
HIS STRUGGLES,
GOT ME IN a TRANSITION OF FEELING HIM
AND LISTENING TO ALL YOU MEN!...
I  Apologies if this Was ever me
(I bet I did it too acted petty and lost a good Man,)
I AM THANKFUL AND YOUR HEAVEN SENT.
AGAIN TO ALL THE GREAT MEN...
To all you Wonderful MEN...I say AGAIN TY...
I know some of the ****
your in and I feel your pain at times Too,EVEN
if I don't ALWAY Understand You,
Even when I'm Yappying my Mouth...,
Talking a bunch of ****,
I give Thanks to you,
all you men For DEALING with it!
Hench I dedicate this
to You Men
Cuz I can only Guess About.....
A MAN'S STRUGGLES!!!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2016
I don't believe in
what you believe in

I don't even think
the same as you do
There's

There's a reason
you're my ex
and
the reason
we didn't workout

I don't know
how many
times
I have to tell you

How many times
I have to say it

I think of all

the good times we had

and
I cherish all
the fond
memories

even the
bad one's

I don't understand
your concept

or your way of life

and
you definitely
didn't
understand
mines

Nor could you
comprehend
all the
loneliness
you left me in

You didn't
see all the
hurt you caused

I blame
myself
for staying

I blame
myself for
not believing

I blame myself

For wanting to hear
anything
to change our fates

Have my way
&
my own heart's content

The need to be
loved

was
greater
than the risk
of ya
fist

I conceded & consented

I didnt heed
the warnings


After all this time

I don't see you the same

I see the truth
and
what you really are

All the battle scars
of that relationship

We can't repair

In my minds eyes

  I see all the
misinterpreted behaviors

I allowed myself to believe
was something
other than
what you
always
tried to
show
me

I want no more

You've plainly
showed me it wasn't  
in my best interests to stay

Those vows
were only for the
worst
of our misery  

Combative  

Destructive

Compulsive

Yeah
compulsive
me  

You too & you first

Yeah toxins 
 of a toxic 
 misunderstood
relationship

3 times but my 1st  love huh

Makes no sense
Only to me & only to you

Me

Combative  

Destructive

Compulsive

Yeah
compulsive
me

Has anyone
ever asked
why

Have you
NO!

Yet
I'll tell you

It's because

You can't
love me

no one can

My mama
said so
and
I quote

" WHO COULD EVER LOVE YOU"

So you see

there's no
reason to try to speak

The reality is

I've been doome
since birth
and
No one can
change that

Our paths
crossed
again

it was fun

but
I have no answers

for your quest
or questions

cuz
I don't know
how and/ or who

COULD
  how it
feels to
*Love An Ex
(Egypts calling but I can't go!)
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
Ayeshah Aug 2016
Nearest
          Once
               Upon
                       a Time

                    when
I was yours
        and
you
were
      mine

You were
           "this"
                 and
        I was
"that"

NOW
      we're of
             other
thing's ;  
so
this
&
   that
doesn't
         even
      make sense
               anymore...
© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I have this
feeling

I'll not try
to explain it

Deep inside
me*

It's telling
me
not to

*trust
you


I admit it

I've been
hurt a great deal


but seems here

You're
playing a game
only you can

win

You hold all
the major cards


SO
of course
You'll win


Only one's
that'll work


In this game is
the pair of


Jokers

Which doesn't say a lot
then again it says;


I'm the Fool

Not once
but
twice over


I've been a joke before
unbeknownst
to myself


The other players knew
&

They've cease to inform me

SO I've had no choice
to be lead on these string's
forever

&
Danced
to a foreign tune


This time
I'm a Joker
&

long as you're amused

Guess I'll play my part.

Act II Scene VII

© 2015-2077 by Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All rights reserved.
No part of this may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means,without prior written permission of Ayeshah K.C.L.N.
All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts, His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant, Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
As You Like It,
Act II, Scene VII
William Shakespeare
Ayeshah Apr 2013
It's getting late.
We've ran around
all day and he knew from
the time
I called him
early this morning,
how much I wanted to be with him,
I
doubt he took me serious
when
I
told him after
I
get out of class we would
head back to his place...
I
called him on my break
and
told him
I
would be seeing him soon,
he sort of giggled like yeah right
"
Brooklyn"....
I
worked on my assignments
but
my mind was else where.
As
I
typed on my school PC,
I
thought of how good
he'd
feel inside of me
and
I
began to feel myself heating up,
getting a bit wet
between my thighs...
As soon as I could;
I
rushed out of my seat,
down the steps
and
to my car,
doing my best to keep my speed
about
80 mphs.
I
picked him up
just as he got off
the city bus.
He jumps in my car
--
kisses me
on my cheek,
I
couldn't think
my mind was wishing
he'd
kiss me everywhere.
Hi
I
said breathlessly,
he stares at me
with
them beautiful eyes
and
says hey babygirl...
I
love when he calls me that.
We
rush to finish all we had to do
and
once at his place
he cooks
trying to do his best
to
feeds everyone.
While
he's attending to dinner,
I
rush in and out the shower.
I
run to his room
and
wait
--
I'm
ready, heated
and
prepared...
I
lie naked on my back watching out his window
I can feel him enter the room as I'm
staring at a dusky yellowish setting sun.
I
can feel him in the doorway,
his eyes are glazing
over my body...
For a split second
I
feel vulnerable,
weak even.
This
deep
longing
takes over
and
like a she-wolf
I
leap up as if by magic
off his bed.
He's ready for me,
He giggles
knowingly,
and
pushed me down,
He holds me there
as
he lifts my legs up around his shoulders.
He
barres his face in between my thighs.
*******, licking
I
moan so loud,
I
think the neighbors can hear me...
Oh well
he doesn't stop,
only moans out
I LOVE YOU
while his tongue dances
in & out of me,
then
around
my *******.
He's teasing me
--
it's building up...
He
knows
I'm about to burst
--
he's ready for me,
as soon as
I
cry out
he lifts
his head up,
I
arch my pelvis
up to meet his
hard, long, thick,
solid ****,
he slows me down
--
literally
picks me up off
the bed...
In one swift motion,
he's deep inside of me,
I'm airborne,
lifted into
his protective strong arms,
his muscle aren't even taunt
as
he allows me to grind
while he moves
in & out of me,
along with me,
like we're racing
--
trying to beat each other
but somehow we match stroke for stroke...
as my ****** breaks
he's
moving deeper.
I'm ready to burst again.
He watches me
as
he leans over my abdomen;
he caresses my *******,
He takes off his wire frame
glasses.
He looks at me with them eyes
that can melt your soul.
I
feel the warm vapor
of his breath nestling on
my neck..
He licks
in
between
the hollows of my neck,
leaving trails
of his wondrous kisses
down the valley of my cleavage,
******* one
breast
then the other,
moving onward to my *******,
all
the while hes pumping
in and out of me..

"
Oh OOOoo mmm Ahhhh ooOoOo "
I cry out
--
as
his **** becomes ramrod.
I
close my eyes
feeling him stretch me
his rough treatment
turns me on even more,
I
can feel my ***** becoming wetter,
Feeling his **** penetrate deeper than before,
I'm so wet I feel myself over-flowing.
My ***** aching for him to stop but I'm not ready to give up..
We
pause,
then wait for a few seconds...
Our
breathings so hard,
we're gulping for air..
whilst his ***** nestles inside
my quivering ***** ,
my *****
tighten around his ****,
as
I'm listening to
him breathe.
We share a look
--
I'm ready just as he is...
his muscle become taunt
as
he
rigorously
&
vigorously
lifts me like weights
up & down,
while he moves
in and out of me
--
slamming into me
I
feel myself
swells as he fills me up
so completely
with his hard ramrod shaft..
so deep is he
--
I
can't talk, moan or breath,
only whimpers of moans
rant
the sunset evening sky...
softly at first; then
I
finally call out
his name
and
scream: *
yes yes yes O'Yessss
He grunts
and
moans watch
so
I
look down at his priapic ****,
as
I
watch
--
my mind plays a little trick on me
and
I
imagine it entering me
at a magnificent speed,
I'm turned on even more
while watching
this assault on my *****,
while
he continuously thrusting fast,
deep
and
so **** hard
I
can barely
take anymore.
I
watch
and
imagine it entering with
the force of the
explosion.

TO BE CONTINUED.......
maybe another day like;
"April's Fools"
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Dec 2015
heard a song and felt those lyric to my core cuz like Tyrese said:
"I was excited cause I was falling, falling in love with you
now that I've fallen what am I going to do"

I didn't expect it
didn't want it nor did I feel I needed it
what do I do now
I can't accept all that you are
and **** sure can't give you all you're requesting

Seems more like demands every chance you get
I can't say it no other way

Like the great Robert frost
I speak in a colloquial dialect
regardless of my degrees so speak plainly to me
speak in 'slang please

Because
this theory called love
is based on your assumptions
that I should know it
but I dang well don't
I only know as the song says:

"I was excited cause I was falling
falling in love with you
Now that I've fallen
what am I going to do"
I don't know what to do
but I know I'm upset
cause of this song
A song by Tyrese
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
Ayeshah Aug 2010
HE HURT ME IS ALL I CAN REALLY SAY,

HURT ME TO MY VERY CORE WITH HIS MISCONDUCT LYING WAYS AND ACTIONS,

WHICH SPOKE TO ME SO CLEARLY,

I'M LOOSING OUT ON A FATHER TO MY UNBORN CHILD

BUT I SMILE BECAUSE OF THE GIFT HE LEFT
YET WONT SEE,

WITHOUT HIM I'LL STRUGGLE FOR A WHILE

BUT WITH HIM I'D OF DROWNED.

LIFELINE MY *** HE WAS  POSE TO BE

MY KING MY ULTIMATE EVERYTHING.

NOW THROUGH THE ASHES BURNT

BY HIS LIES IM LEFT A BABY AND HE'S ROLLING OUT,

GONE WITH THE WIND

LIKE AIR

I BREATHE HIM IN DEEP AND NOW I'M ALONE ONCE MORE WITH HIS SEED INSIDE OF ME AND JUST TO THINK IT ALL

STARTED WHEN HE PRETENDED TO BE NOTHING LIKE HE CLAIMED HE'D BE OR EVER WAS....

NOTHING MEANS ANYTHING.

SOMEHOW THOU I FELL FOR IT AND FOR HIM TOO

SO HARD SO LONG AND NOW ITS ALL GONE EXCEPT OUR BABY'S GOING TO BE BORN OUT OF LIES!

I'D CRY BUT HE STOLE MY TEARS AWAY TOO!

(I'd go through he in back with him & for him but reality is he wouldn't for me so i have to leave him alone.  sweet lil lair)

ALWAYS ME AYESHAH
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Jun 2014
I can smell you, feel you flowing & moving inside of me.
I count the times I've craved...

the many nights I've longed to touch you, hold you close to my breast, watch you as your eyes look into mines.
I've counted the days weeks & months, counted all this time for a longing-- a yearning...

This time it'll be different, this time it'll work,
I've waited & wanted so long, And in my emptiness.
I've cried, held my pillow close,
so tight as sobs consumed me, taking over my body,

leaving in its wake a mournful craving, this burnt longing...
A taste of what we could be, II can smell you, feel you flowing & moving inside of me.

I count the times I've craved... the many nights I've longed to touch you, hold u close to my breast, watch you as your eyes look into mines.

I've counted the days weeks & months, counted all this time for a longing-- a yearning...

This time it'll be different, this time it'll work,
I've wanted so long and in my emptiness.

I've cried, held my pillow close, so tight as sobs consumed me, talk g over my body, leaving in its wake a mournful craving, this burnt longing...

A taste of what we could be, I've counted each time, for months I've tried to imagine you & imagine the what ifs, on what could of been, with what should be!  

I can smell you, with your baby powdered hair, your lotioned skin, those eyes, bright & beautiful, looking at me, every heart beat I hear echo's with my own.

Like these tears I shed, unleased pain... anguished from these dream's, my living waling nightmares, sorrow so mournful in my barren state!

Eye's puffy-red, knee's aching as I pray, night& day.
Day & night, sleep eludes me, Restlessly  I walk a grove in this carpet, thinking of what coulda been.

Mentally I've gone so low, over & over I ask myself what did I do so wrong...

Sealing my fate so miserably, impelling doom all around me, but I'll go and mourn I'll scream out painfully until I've suffered no more.

Still so still & yet as lifeless as you lay...
I can smell you...
Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
I can smell your baby powdered scent!
For my beloved babies&all; yet to be born or miscarried,still born etc, mommy loves you!
Ayeshah Jan 2014
Your looking for an answer
baby trust me,
he hardly means anything to me now,
with all his hurtful words
and his continuous
putting me down,
what me & him once had doesn't
compare to whats become of us.

You looking for an answer to my past
so I suggest you leave it & him there.

He claimed he wanted friendship,
you were right next to me listening when he said this.

Later as I've told you he tried asking for more,
lied with the so called friendship
but once the truth was out I left him alone.

You know what I'm looking for know too
that I've been dealt a bad hand
and I'm working on myself.

Your pondering  what my next steps may be
and I'm telling you
  I'm taking things day by day,
not rushing
because the last thing
I wish to do is loose our friendship.

You've become a part of me,
a part I refuse to allow anyone else
to come between,
I know you'd fight for me
and
why I'm explaining
that there is no need,
no reason to doubt because
our bound can only
be broken by
you or me.

I love the way you
make me feel,
how you've made me
secure in more ways
then one & how your
  protective of my children,
I love how you listen to me
and how you deal with
my personality disorder
never making fun of me
or of them,
how  you try to tell me jokes
when I'm crying
and
how very patient you've been,
while I'm healing & getting over him,
never over-bearing or pushy,
you've yet to say
one bad thing about me
and I know how you feel,
you know too that it's
been a climb up
heal.

I wont ever ask
you to wait for me
or
to be ready or ask you to go either,
so the answer to your question is
you need to do what is best for you.*

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1990-Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
My friend and companion. I appreciate & Thank you, but I'll not sit by and be the reason your hearts broken or torn, I'm healing and living my life so at this point I'm not looking for a man but if ever I do you will be the 1st to know, I don't know if we'll end up together but least I will always be honest with you and say that the love I do have for you is on another type of level.

Besos & thanks for bringing me back to poetry!
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I'm sad today
I've no reason to be
I'm  mad
my aloofness
isn't due to anyone thing
or a person in particular

These ambiguous feelings
have a way
of causing
havoc on me
my life and relationships

Friends more like foe
I'm finding it so dang hard
to freaking articulate
how I'm feeling
or my reasons behind
what I'm feeling
I liked you a moment ago
In a flash
I now wish
I could strangle you

Impassivity  
maybe
rather say
it's more like frigid

yeah that's the best way
to describe
my bitter resentments
a moment ago I wanted to cook & clean
now
I just want to hide
I don't wish to speak to anyone
See me in whats going on
well we have a very
close acquaintance with madness
I'm so not understood
which is why

I've opted to be more of a recluse
I can be happy
then in a seconds it's gone

Laugh at a joke
then
be strictly upset
any provocation
will work
  I don't need a reason
to
dance in misery
flirt with darkness
or
make love to madness
I'll
find any excuse
to sum it up as love
No matter my mood some
how my mind plays these tricks
it'll finds way
every day to
be upset & hurt

Even when
nothing is wrong
  I'll find ways
that's just how it works

Yet I still wonder why

I'm drowning in regret

I'm sad today

I've no reason to be

Guess it's just one of
them days
Just one of my
Bipolar days
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
**** when one of your many aliments is Bipolar &  PTSD.....
Ayeshah Dec 2010
born Dec 16 2010  Induced  early  cuz of complications but healthy and has all fingers & toes will be here until lungs mature more and weights gained amount needed to go home. sore but happy . no names will be listed if you want to know more please email me and i will send pictures and the rest of information to you (Friend's ONLY) thank you all for being strong for me when i wasn't and for supporting me through all this! i also have a  guy that im talking to he was there while Christopher Cartwright wasn't(the father)  he's a big help and its so weird that our bound and friendship is as strong as it is, it & k helps that we grew up in the same neighborhood  & knew each other threw other family members and friends. My sister on my dad side is so happy and im happy for her!  I have no regrets and I'm happy, just sad alil bit that its over ...i got em out safely then again its a bit tooo early/ pray for em and ty for all the well wishes and support.  i need to rest now its going to be a long day! LOVE YOU ALL TO MY CLOSEST FRIENDS.
*Always me Ayeshah*
Ayeshah Mar 2010
What gives you the right to

judge me,

criticism wasn't asked

so why you

open your mouth,

What's your prerequisite

to make assumption's

& judgments-

Constructive criticism

my ***,

My

ADHD

PT-SD

Dyslexia Anxiety

& dealings with you

caused me a break down,

got me

chronically depressed,

You say you only

want the best for me,

Well shut up & let me be!

pill popping just so my E.E.D.

(Emitted explosive disorder)

wont cause me

to become

sentience

with life

new labels

would say

******

if you keep bothering me

I ain't stupid-

So stop talking down to me

Im not illiterate

******* I read

So let me be

No I don't have TS

(tourette syndrome)

I ******* cuss

cuz I wanna

so shut the hell up

I know right from wrong

I'm no psychopath

Then again

I just might be since

I could give a flying ****

about you

weather you live or die

I wouldn't cry.

Your making it harder

for ya self not me just go way

Doc

Do ya got **** Job,

I don't want to talk anymore

My past is where I left it

Behind me

You deal with it

Cuz

I already did & do

For you that

call your selves

wanting to help....

My OCD

(Obsessive-compulsive disorder)

is personal  

So what if I wash

my hands& ***

3 or more times

I'm not stupid
or deaf

I have

Selective Hearing

Nor am I *******.....

that's how

I say hello

with my *******

I told you,

I'm not *******.....


***** I'm Special!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright
© Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Mar 2010
They touched and caressed,So close and so intimately.
She decided she had enough of feeling awkward
and took control over the situation.
Kala said I notice you been looking at me lately
a little differently and I wanted to know why?
Ai'yahna  let out a little sigh.
Well ever since I kissed you
in the elevator at work things
just hasn't been the same,
Yes I know we kissed
and touched like this but are you only  
bi curious or are you really into me?
Kala said  I wont lie this is my first time
doing anything even close to this.
I've never thought of it before
but I like how I feel when you touch me.
Ai'yahna Says you know I've been thinking
about you for a long long time
now and for me it's different.  
Let me show you what I mean.
Ai'yahna kissed  Kala's  forehead,
the bridge of her nose, than teased
her mouth open as she pulled her head by,
by pulling gently on her hair.  
Ai'yahna Moaned into her mouth as they deepened the kiss,
Sitting in the living room had started
out with champagne and dinner,
a girl's night out.
They're both wearing lingerie
Ai'yahna had on a baby doll nightie,
red&pin;;,
Kala's wearing a blue and purple short set
their toe's have the french tips and pedicure
from earlier when they went to the salon to get a full do up.
Ai'yahna  slides one hand in Kala's top
as she feels her up and down than squeezes
Kala's breast.
Kala bits on her lower lip and tries not to like it so much.
She feel weird but can't understand whats coming over her.
Ai'yahna  than stared kissing her neck biting as
She went further down toward Kala's cleavage,
Kala was only 5'2" with a slim waist and a big ***,
Her breast were about 36.C
Ai'yahna liked her ladies shorted than her 5'7 thick frame,
she too had a big ***, bigger than
Kaala's & her breast were about a 38-40.B
but she didn't have that tiny waist like Kala
She was thick not a big girl but far from small of course
Ai'yahna worked out about
4 to 5 times a day every time she took her
break and for about an hour for lunch.
Ai'yana didn't look butch she carried her weight
well and had a very feminine side
to her just like Kala, the difference's between them was
Everywhere Kala was soft
Ai'yahna was hard tone and firm,
But unlike a man she still had that femininity
about hr and she was still muscular like a woman
should be not counting her arms of course.
Kala started caressing Ai'yahna's back as
Ai'yana moved slowly down Kala's body
Kala couldn't help what Ai'yahna was doing to her,
She felt like she was burn up from the inside out,
Her desire caused her confusion
she shouldn't like it so much but OH God it felt so good,
She'd never been touched kissed
or licked like this by man or woman
and Yes she's dated a chick before
but they never went this far.
Ai'yahna licked
Kala's navel and midriff she teased and taunted her with her hair,
her fingers and teeth,
Up and down and all across her body,
Kala was looking her mind
she tried hard to fight the feelings
that were coming over her,
She wanted to stop it but couldn't form
the words all that came out was a little sigh.
As Ai'yahna moved further down  her body she tensed,
Readying herself for what was about to happen,
Ai'yahna kised than gently bit  down on
Kala's mound right  at the base of her ****,
she than used her teeth to take off
Kala's shorts as she was doing this
Kala began to play with Ai'yahna's ****,
squeezing her ******* with her two
fingers and pulling gentle, than
Kala grabbed a handful and slowly caressed each one
massages and teasing Ai'yahna.
Kala slid one finger inside
Ai'yahna's mouth when she was done taking her shorts off
than pulled her finger out and slid it into her own *****
Teasing Ai'yahna.
Kala said
Watch me and let me watch you,
Ai'yahna slowly danced as she undressed for Kala,
She moved so graceful like a ballerina.
Ai'yahna sat on the bear skin rug and started to
also playing with her own *****, She slowly putting
two-fingers in very very slowly until they were
filling up her hole. she moved them in and out
and Kala watched while taking one hand
and moving it in circle around her ****,
letting the other fingers slide in and out of her *****,
She took them out then shoved them deep
inside herself while Ai'yahna
watched  with abandon desire in her eyes.
Ai'yahna stood up and walked over to where
Kala was sitting on the couch.
She picked her up easy and laid
Kala down on the bear skin rug.
Spreading her legs far apart
Ai'yahna than licked  Kala's hole as
Kala continued to play with herself,
Ai'yahna moved her hands and held
them both above her head with just one
of her own hands while using the other to tease in
and out of Kala's *****.
She knew Kala would probably
put up a fight and she knew too that Kala liked it rough.
Ai'yahna thought to her self she may not be a man
but she'd make t work to have this beautiful woman
as her very own and do her best to please her.
It was so **** hard competing with men
for bi carious women.
Kala did in fact struggle and cried out as she felt
Ai'yahna penetrate her ***** to it's very core,
she likes it rough but wow this was so different
and it felt good more than it hurt-ed.
Ai'yahna ****** on her **** so hard
and bobbed her head up and down like
she was ******* on a **** she liked
and ****** insider her hole
taking her hands away just to spread her open
teasing her ***** as she slide in 2 fingers stretching her hole
and making her tense up as the pressure built and built inside Kala.
Just as Kala was about to ****** and *** her boyfriend walks in.
Neil didn't know what to say at the scene he just walked in on
his chick and another girl was on his floor going at it
and from what he could see the other chick had her fingers
and mouth on his chicks *****.
He could tell Kala was *******
from that sweet look on her face.
She always bit down hard
on her bottom lip to keep from
screaming while she was *******.
It turned him on yet he was fuming ,
To him it was some what like cheating and
His lady would pay for this one way or another.
She pushed up and away from the other woman
and the other woman just smiled and said Hey.
how are you I'm Ai'yahna,
She stood up licked her finger
than ****** one her index and
extended her hand to him.
Neil just looked at the both of them.
He studied Kala's sweet angelic face
as she watched the floor.
He than looked at this
Ai'yahna chick and smiled
she was almost as tall as him well
close enough to suit what he had just thought to do.
He liked her build and her athletic frame,
she still had to look up at him and he liked that a whole lot,
He said Hi. I'm Neil ,Kala's boyfriend....,
Baby he said to Kala.
I knew you had asked about doing this
but I never thought you'd really do it,
I'm shocked,
Kala says sweetie before you go off
please listen.
He laughs and says,
NO you listen.
Kala thought she was in for it now
and looked at the floor again while he talked.
Neil says I want in&right; now!
Ai'yahna smiles while Kala's mouth's drops open,
Neil's stripping and He watches his chick
just stands there with her mouth hanging open.
Ai'yahna walks up to Kala and starts
kissing her passionately.
She than bends down on her knees
and starts lick and again ******* on
Kala's ****,
Ai'yahna than again slide her fingers in Kala's  *****.
Neil walks right up to Kala and grabs her head saying
"**** my ****".
Kaala laughs and does what Neil asked of her to do.
She stops and says wait.
"No" is All Ai'yahna says and
her and Neil pick up
Kala and laying her down again on the bear skin rug.
Ai'yahna again starts her sweet torture on
Kala's ***** while Neil  stuck
his **** a little roughly inside
Kala's mouth.
Kala **** hard and
deep throats
Neils **** taking it all inside
as he rides her face.
He hold the sides of her face as
he pushes his **** in and out her mouth.
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I'm tired of hearing you talk

whining of what can't ever be

Boy please save it

I've heard it all before

Ya sound like a broken record

Repeating yourself over and over

Did you know everything is always "I"

Haven't ya heard there's no "I's" in TEAM

Complaining so much all the time of

What someone has done to "you" or didn't give to you

Did you know

You're always pointing your finger towards what another has done

Complaining how someone else was the one

it's just never because of you

Well blame me if you must

I really don't give a ****

I'm not going to change for you

or do the **** you think I ought to

Sadly you've assumed my life revolves round you

You talk of everything I've done

Like I held you hostage with a gun

As if I can make anyone do a **** thing

This is where we're so completely

different

Your claim of gaining a backbone

as if I've ever stopped you

My faults are my own

I have a daily reminders

So I surely don't need you constantly

making sure I know where I've went wrong

You want friendship  which isn't a problem but

don't make it seems as if I'm begging
for it
or
I'm the whole reason you left

You've planned on it way before the fight

Because I wasn't giving in to your demands

not allowing myself to suffer again

If it's part you and me

Why is it

My flaws are always talked of & pointed out

My deeds always mentioned & not forgiven

I wonder do you ever look to what you've done

You assume you've only hurt me

with your lies  & empty promises

Stole & took some of the best parts of me

Children are like eyes

Their the windows to our souls

So coldly where You
with an empty heart

You walked away
&
Left them in pain

And think things will be different

Forgive and forgotten huh

Well I'll tell you what

When I see a man

The one so long ago
who knew right from wrong
&
Cared enough to be better then this

Maybe I'll change my thinking

But until then You'll

Be just another guy

who fed me & the kids

A bunch of

LIES!

Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
I have too many ppl this can & is more likely directed to, it fits for so many even some woman in my past and some ppl in my present life, i watch listen and see whats what no more believing in anyone's words if their actions don't or fail to be dutiful/fruitful....

Ramblings of a bitterly insane  woman.....
Ayeshah Dec 2013
I need to find the words,

It's hard to say all I long to tell you,

I need to find the words,

A way to express what's inside

of me.

I need to find the words,

Anything would be better

than not opening up at all.

But, how do I tell you

I want you to go slowly-

swiftly into my dewy throbbing

velvety soft petals & take my nectar,

and as you do so, I'd like for you to

kiss my lips making them part on their own

As your tongue rules it's assault  within my mouth,

so seductively & tantalizingly good...

I need to find the words,

It's hard to say all I long to tell you,

I need to find the words,

A way to express what's inside

of me.


I need to find the words,

Anything would be better

than not opening up at all.

But, how do I tell you I want you to

move in sync with me,make the beat

flow & speed up the tempo
just a little, as we dance horizontal.

slip out betwixt my  limbs & spread me wide
with your massive fingers, slide 1, 2 maybe even 3-
inside of what's now become your permanent
playground,

& move in&out; deeply keep up that tempo
and my hips will follow your lead.

As you do this, move your tongue over my rosebud
& lavishly **** the nectar from me.

Lick & flicker over my swollen bud,
a bit faster than before,
mmmm,

I'm longing for you to enter me again,
I long for you to bend me over
& let your will be done...

I need to find the words,

It's hard to say all I long to tell you,


I need to find the words,

A way to express what's inside

of me.


I need to find the words,

Anything would be better

than not opening up at all.


But, how do I tell you


I want you?!!*
(more than air it self?)


Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Feb 2014
This is the part I hate,
                                the part
                          where we divide  
                                             assets,

                                 divide memories,

                                          oh, I remember this CD,

                                        we danced and laughed

                        twirling round and round.


                                                        ­ Would you like half of that,

                            or how about the way our little girl

                                   learned how to ride her first                                          

                                   bike and the time we lost our first child,


                    the many times
      I've bailed you out,

                            the uncountable tears shed
                       for each one of your

                    lies and affairs.


            How do I give you half
         of what's left

                          when you've taken
        the very best of me,

                                like my trust & unconditional love,

                            the way we'd sit with out
        a word,

          our minds spoke to each other,
                               maybe
I can divide the many times
          
            we made love
and you'd finish before I did,                                                             ­                    the many friends
                I've given up

                         because you felt left out,
                              & didn't want them around
                or the many nights of
isolation when you went out...


                    We should
separate  & divide
                           the moments

                                        when sparks flew
                             day one at that BBQ
                       You  & I were best friends,

                           we'd even finished each others sentences,
                               sometimes a gesture a glimpse
                        or a look was all it took,
no words
             and we most times then not understood...

14 years I knew the good man
the best friend, You divided him,
                            
                           Vows said and brown eyes
              held mines for 11 years
                                              8 of them were so blissful,
                                 3 of them were unbearable
after you slept with my best-friend
                  
          because
                      you couldn't compete with me
                                                            ge­tting my education
                      why compete
                                      when you had already won,

                  never were you second
                                                    until you put you self there.
                

I can't believe it's come to this,

                                                 *but I should of expected,
                    since
           you've always had
                                         one foot out the door,
                                  like you
               didn't belong here.


Can you divide
                   the many times
                                           we'd have a fight
                                                   for the most silliest & unimportant things
like who ate the last piece of cake
                                                   or who dranked my apple juice
           the making up was so good.

                                                   How about
                   the times we traveled

            and because of me
you got to go to Canada
                     for father's day June 2008

or travel every where east...


            Let's tally up and separate
                            the times
                                    we've danced to no music

                         or made snow angles,

             the times we spent on
                         a mountain top
                                       cuddled by a camp fire,

                                                      the stories of us
                                isn't pose to be over

                                            but  how
                       can we now
         deduct all this, write it up on sheets of paper


            who gets which memories,
                                          who take with them this much
                                             good & bad history?


            The many love letter's
                                            hand written to each other

                                                long before you ever went to jail,
or the times when
               we'd lay in bed & just laugh
                                                     talking of nothing important,



                can they-- them lawyers calculate
                                            and divide the many miscarriages

                    caused by your stress,

                                or the many times your voice carried hate for me,

                        or the times we've  had *** in the lake,

            the first time on your face
                                       when you seen your first ocean,
                                               & the New York high-rises.


                                 The tear you cried on
                                                            th­e day we were married,
                                         or how about
                            they divide the way you told me
                                                        you no longer loved me
                           you never wanted me
                                     and our marriage has run it's course,

           like most have done and said to me-- you told me

            my best wasn't ever good enough,


how she'll always in your eyes

        be way better than me

but you, still after saying this **** didn't leave...



                        Let's not forget our very first kiss

                                    you sunk it and yet my head reeled.


                                        Can we divide the many nights
            you'd hold me

            for no reason at all
                  or when we first dated & you'd call,

                                            member we talked
                                                          ­on the phone until      
                                  the   break of dawn,    
    our very first fight--
yo *** came to my house
                                   & slept at my door

and promised ever to hurt me.



                Too late
O'too late for regrets when

                    those promises weren't all the way met,


                    because we can't divide

        the lonely nights
   the hitting me and cheating,

                 the hours staying up wondering

if you're alright,
the many times our  
          girls begged me
                      not to leave you.


                    To give daddy just  
one more change, please mommy

                or the many times they've
   felt it was because of them

                         things went from  
  great,
ok,
        to terribly bad,

            or the many
memories of you

                        and that beautiful smile and how

                                            you lit up their world

                     yet sadly teaching them how a man treats a girl,


how for now on anytime
they think their in love

                    it'll be your ****** up
                                   ****** off mistreatment

they'll be reminded of.



                                Remember when  you told our girls you'd

                                    always be there,

                    right here for them & even me,

the many times they'd wake up
from a nightmare
you'd
        sooth all
their worries & doubts,

or even the time's
I'd wake screaming?



                        You'd hold me
tightly & so close,


        but little did I know
the screams
that woke me
                       would be from  the
membrance of

            Us & the disappointment

            I now feel for ever falling
           for you!

Can You Divide?



Always Me K.Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Divorce is such a ugly then, staying  too though can be or become ugly. Best to remember and move on, if you can't move on least let him or her...Time  can heal but it'll feel like it's taken way too long and for some it just wont and you have to face it head on.
Ayeshah Nov 2014
I've never deliberately
caused you pain,

a purpose
you've intentionally

left me in shambles....

Torturous love

fickle lustrous seducer

the root to all my evil misery....

Vulture revolting dictator

handing out punishments

for the way I feel for you.....

Can't you just hold me,
touch me tender

leave me waking
in delicious delirium,

instead of constantly
leaving me -

wanting,
needing & yearning.

I've never deliberately
caused you pain,

a purpose
you've
intentionally

left me in shambles....

Laugh
dead in my face

as
I confessed
my hearts longing...

The past isn't where
I live yet it haunts me

in my present
and
lingers there taunting
reminding me of the doom
I'll never escape....

You've helped me reminisce
captured us
in a time capsule,

where
we'd blissfully engage
on a lover's quest-

to conquer each others internal flame.

Somewhere along the way

the lines blended to where
You've forgot how important

I'm pose to be to you,
to where
I've failed to acknowledge

you have feelings too
and
men do cry
even if its on the inside

We've both forgot how
words leave wounds....

I cry
you leave
I fuss
you drink
I run
you chase

You drive away
I beg you back.....

In circles again & again
this pattern remains.

somewhere within us is still
the gentleman & his lady

this new us
we've accepted
must die
and
we become
the doting couple

let us
learn all over again.

Not this stranger you see
before you

or
someone
I've never seen
behave so reckless

where my utmost desires & feelings no longer are his concern,

bring me back & give me life.....

I've never deliberately caused you pain,

a purpose you've intentionally

left me in shambles....

Torturous love

fickle lustrous seducer

the root to all my evil misery....

Vulture revolting dictator

handing out punishments

for the way I feel for you.....

Can't you just hold me,
touch me tender

leave me waking in
delicious delirium-
come home,
come here & make love to me
or
CAN YOU MAKE THIS MAKE SENSE TO ME?!*

Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
sometimes love or lust isn't enough, but for now it helps...
a lady can dream right?!?
Ayeshah Jan 2014
You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,

wanting or needing a relationship.

Don't get me wrong I was on many sites, still talking it up

to those who'd seem genuinely interested,

yet I've as you now know, went through a lot of disappointments

with the opposite ***, from cheating, abuse, games,

lies and so much more,

well you now know, so no need for more details.

You've come at a time where & when I only needed a friend,

I should of been clear about that instead of continuing
late night conversations of whose ex's hurt who
the most & the things we'd do differently
"if " only(s)....

"If" only you'd come at a time where DBT- counseling,
was almost complete & these insecurity's
left by the lies,doubts, mistrust or broken down communications
from past experiences didn't have me questioning
every single word you say,
plus every one of your actions made.

I've been keeping to myself,
becoming a recluse,
but
from the
Mental Disorders handbook,
I'm listed as
a afflicting person since I've display
a person with a pervasive pattern of  social inhibition,
feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation,
with my avoidance of social interaction.

I'm afflicted with the disorder & I tend to describe me
as ill at ease, anxious, lonely, and generally feel unwanted
plus I fell I'm isolated from others.

I used to go out a lot,
I had a plethora of friends well very good acquaintances,
I've allowed exes to push me into giving them up & now
I find it hard to just open up, find it so difficult to trust.

My supposed best friend slept with my husband
and another of these so called best-friends lied to a few men
that could of become my man.

So women or man- I find it hard to be myself now round them,
round you it was easy to talk to laugh and be completely free,
but I should of told you, I wasn't ready for
late night trips to your home, showers or baths to relax me,
back rubs until you put me to sleep.

Wasn't ready for you and those powerful hugs,
the encouragements
or
pats on the back
for the countless hours studying & getting my 4.0
with all my college classes .

You're a friend well you were & still are,
I should of left it at that.
Should of...

I should of told you,
that I doubt I know what loves is
or 
 if I've ever really owned it, I think I've rented it- a time or so,
but to say that I've been truly loved?

Naw I doubt it,
been infatuated & lusted a lot but love?
again
Naw I doubt it...
You already know I ain't speaking of my children,
pets or family.

Well let us exclude
my mama
cause she's always said to me
"who could ever love you"?

Most of my life I've tried to fill in the blanks of "who"?
"who could ever love me"

I thought I knew, *
but in recent events plus theses last 15 years
I've notice those who came to say they loved me
showed me different & treated me so ugly!

You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,
wanting or needing a relationship.

Your friendship is comforting,
I guess I'm scared, worried of the unknown, all those
"ifs"
and what could be, but I'm afraid, worried-
I already said worried, so worried in fact I've sometimes
put space between us.

I'm so painfully bruised & scarred from inside plus out,
from the age of 6 to now that's 30 years of being  bruised & scarred.

This was pose to be a poem and now it's more like a letter,
You know like "Dear John" or to whom ever,
but the ever only person whose made me make sense of me
seems to be you.

Somehow your in this deeper than I think I am
I'm conflicted, confused,
even though you've yet to do what others have done to me
or what others have put me through.

Think I should say: what I've allowed them to do-
"sometimes"
I've allowed them to do.

I seem to NO- I know I make you pay for what they've done to me,
guess I shall say I've allowed them to do to me knowingly or not...
I'm so disappointed by life & all it's had to offer me,
I've known & at times unbeknown to myself
have taken it out on you,
on others too by staying out their lives...

I apologize, but I'm not sorry,
that to me is something I don't think
I could ever be...

Saying sorry for me means- I'm a sorry person,
flawed-
*YES,

*very much so, becoming a recluse ok
but to be "sorry"    no,
therefore I apologize.


Through  all the ******* and all the mess
you've supported me.


I'm screaming or yelling at you & you've accepted me,
from the nightmares, that wake me & you've heard
my siren crying yelps of despair,
you've held me tightly,
reassuring me it's just a dream that my ex's
along with my childhood/teen molesters plus them ******
can't harm me no more...


You've left the lights on since I'm afraid of the dark
walking me to my room and locking the house up tight,
even at times checking under my bed
see your comforting for me,
at 36 I should be ashamed, yet with you I finally feel free
feel a bit good about me & about you,
says a lot since for a while I've yet to feel ANYTHING!


You've come along during a time where I wasn't expecting,

wanting or needing a relationship.

But now that your
*here" can you please stay?



Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I wake feeling alone

I sleep next to
a live carcass

seems impossible huh

Maybe it's me
I'm  the carcass
just maybe huh

I have no feelings
or
I'm feeling too much
wanting and needing to much

I was told;
"no matter who I'm with
I'll never find happiness"


Maybe this unfeeling
non-understanding Carcass
has it right

Maybe it's me and always has been
I should feel alive and content
only thing I'm feeling is pain and confusion
judged and judgement
every day of my life

I thought being with this so called man
would be a wise investment
figured I'm hard working plus very family oriented

He's hard working but when it comes to family
I don't see it

He doesn't care unless its about him and his,
I never had someone so disloyal and selfish

Maybe that's why I'll never be happy
least not with him
but he's not been the only one to shun me
or disregard my feelings

as if  the words I say make no sense to him
like I'm speaking in a foreign tongue


He seems not to comprehend anything
no matter how many times I've expressed or explained
and I'm so tired of asking *******

Seems to me I'm always begging
& Naw I ain't to proud to beg
but it's become tediously boring
and no-productive

Sick of myself and not liking
whom I've become
no longer am I care free
I'm more pessimistic than ever
& I just want to be alone!


Love?
um I don't think so
I've been in too many relationships
all based on the pretenses
that it was out of "love"

I'm tired
I no longer wish
to be involved

Is it wrong
that I've
given UP?!


And  is it wrong that
I no longer wanna be
with a living Carcass?!?!*


Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
love is dead, relationships dead, trust is dead, everything's dead but we're still breathing and carrying on as if this life we've shared isn't DEAD!
Ayeshah Feb 2010
I'll never love like
I used to LOVE him,
But You knew that,
Didn't You,

Cuz love comes in different
shades of purple's pink's& blue's
Chance's are
I'll never care like

I once did,

Again

You knew that too.
Chance's are
I'll never trust completely
Let me guess umm

YUP

you also knew that?
Chance's are

I'll cry again OR I'll smile again,
I'll live like I did before you or him came in to my Life.
I'll try once more to find my soul mate,

But
Chance's are
Nothing will ever be the Same,
Not with out You,

Not with out Us,
Chance's are

we're stuck right here.
With one another,
Is it so bad
Or do you like it this way.
Am

I your everything

your Nubian Queen
Chance's are
I'm nothing You thought I'd be,

I'm a lady yet Crazy,
You see how I do,
But

Chances are
your already Immune.
Chance's are,
Your not ready

Maybe It's me,
Maybe I'm too scared and scary to be,
More than what

He made me,
Yes I am ashamed,
I let him take away my greatness

And steal away my fame
Made me think
I wanted this for myself,
But
Chance's are

Your gonna help-
Me to change

for the better,
Let me lean on you in this weather,
Let me hold you as you hold me,

Sweet talks,
While shedding our grief.
Chance's are

Your gonna keep
your word un-like Him
Sorry there's

no Comparisons
Chance's are,
You'll claim everything,
Even the seed's of another man's

See now that's what I call a MAN.
The one's who really
love and want that

Woman
and

what ever comes with HER.
Chance's are,
You could be fooling me
but

in time I'll know and I'll see.
Chance's are
I might just be using you,
But for what Boo,

Trust in us cuz,
I now got you too.
Chance's are,
I'll RUN from you,
Too Infected& Effect

From what others used to do,
I might blame you too
For the mess they caused me,
Chance's are
I'm doing this

ALREADY?
Chance's are
I'll let you go too soon

and

miss You the most
Cuz

the love you give to me

WAS

unconditional!,
Even your touche's

were

HEAVENLY

From head to toe!
Chance's are,
I'll beg and plead for your heart
Just to get it and tear it all apart.

With every thing in life thou ain't
It worth the risk cuz
Chance's are
I wont do none of

THIS,
I might just love you for you

like you'll do for me,
I might just give into you

in your time of need,
I might just hold you

and

play with your hair
Maybe braid it or what ever

cuz it's there!
I might just let you heal me til I hurt No Mo,
Even claim

YOUR OWN seed's as my OWN!
I might shut the HELL up and let you win A fight,

Maybe just to have make up *** on Winters cold nights!
I might just be everything your looking for huh?
Maybe cuz you know
Chances Are
Abundant...,

To be right there
NO MATTER WHAT
I wouldn't care.
I might carry you to victory,
We might find pleasure in enjoying the little things,

We might make this a lasting thing.
Something to tell OUR grand kids.
You never know and that's the beauty of it
We still try and even thou LOVE hurts,
How do you KNOW

tomorrow will bring rain or sorrow?
Maybe the sun will Rise  AGAIN

And

you'll fall in love with me.
Take a chance on me cuz ,

Chance's ARE....,

(whatever WE make them!)
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Apr 2010
Softly. so softly-  a  light  breeze  flows,

whipping my cap off my head

cascading my hair as it tumbles

to my shoulders

in soft auburn mahogany curls

Gently so gently kisses from

this brook sprays water

on my coco skin,

Tingling little goose bumps filter along my

body as I lay naked in this meadow,

Blooming  flowers cover parts of me  

picked with  finely tuned  fingers,

expertly capable, flexing over my sensual form
caressing strongly.

hands holding tightly.......

The suns shining down on me

baking me lightly

as cherry & orange blossoms

leaves hang slightly over & cover me  
shading me-

I smell of orange & cherry blossoms

Of lilies & tulips, daisy's & pretty purple violets....
Of earth, metallic scented sweet grass.

My hairs softly, so softly caressing my face

whipped over my shoulders-
the wind picks up softly slowly dies down
gently the breeze comes in goes like my breaths......

In this meadow I am free,
no worries, day dreaming,

Thinking of how
to fulfill within me this need-

This unknown craving I can't explain.

My burning longing
wishful-

regrets....

Freely naked
freely expressionistic

enjoying my very own
safe heaven  
from the world.

hearts beating slow

slowly  slow  slower

fading.............


I'm drifting-  more & more....


Dreaming?

Am I...

Death-  Murderer

Murmuring- Death.....

Dying.......


Death......

Left to die

in this meadow under

Orange & Cherry Blossoms.

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Jun 2014
Close to midnight,

we danced,

our bodies pressed

so close

our heart's felt in sync

with each other,

I could smell your cologne.

I feel your palm on

the small of my back

and

I hug your neck closer,

you lean into me

as we dance

then you loosen

your hold,

only for a little while

and

look deeply into my eyes.

I see so many questions

in those  

sparkling-cinnamon-honey

eyes of yours,

yet unspoken,

as

I go to answer,

rain starts to fall.

  

We laugh

while becoming drenched

and

I melt to you,

you then twirl me around  again,

like children

we consume this moment

savoring this memory.

We both seem to

look at each other

all at once

with out

uttering a single word.

Right then

just like that

I knew you'd

be mines.

Right there

in a flash

I became yours.

I'll never forget

that moment

and

how time seem

to slow down

yet

close to midnight

we

DANCED!

Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
(MY LIFE CHANGED)
Ayeshah Dec 2011
Come to me,
*** with me.
fall into lust
as our
love consumes us,
let me ride you...
Like
tidal-waves
you crash into to me...
Gently
so gently
your filling me,
filling me
until I cry out
begging you to stop
yet
wanting so much more.
*** for me,
come to me.
Holding on,
holding me
tight
mmhmm
tighter...
The
weight of you
all on me
has
me feeling
so
protective,
loved, cherished,
treasured,
accepted
and
so wanted...
Come to me,
*** with me.
Your
kisses trailing
over my body
making me dizzy
leaving me breathless..
*** for me,
come to me.
I
yearned for you too long now,
my body's calling
for more
and
my hungers overflowing.
*** with me,
come to me.
Open
me and play within
like
hide and seek,
the keys deep within.
Kiss me
here-  slide farther....
now kiss me there.
*** for me,
come to me.
I
have a notion to pretend,
role play
and
change this tryst into a romantic
randevú.
I need you.
I'm  begging you
Please
I'm
longing
and
wanting
you....
Meet
me in our bedroom.
let's
retrace our steps,
repeat
what's
recently transpired-
Come to me
*** for me!
Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Jan 2010
I saw You today.
I had no words for you,
You walked past and didn't even notice me.
I heard it threw a friend you was moving,
To find ya self.

I guess like you told me.
I saw her too,
holding your hand & gazing up in to your face.
Shes beautiful.
You always did know how to pick them.
I kept walking thou, But silly me I did turn back.
I had to get on last look,
One last glimpse  of what use to be My everything.

I saw her Today.
She came in to my shop,
I almost hit the floor.

She said she was looking for a dress.

A beautiful off white dress is what she picked out.
Creme colored with pearl tear drops and laces entwined.
the head dress Well she settled for a Crown

I kept my composure ,
Never saying  anything of importance,
I couldn't let her know who I was
or what I meant to you.

Her Mother was teary eyed and so Happy,
I hear her Say
Your the luckiest man in the World.
As She laughed she said She was the lucky one.

I know just what she means,
I too once was lucky to be with you too.
Everything you did was almost too perfection.
I ruined it and Now I'm helping Ya fiance pick out her gown.

I walked home after closing shop,
As I walked in central park I think to myself,
I wish I was her.

I saw you TODAY,
You were running out of the church,
Which was packed,
And everyone was all lined up on the steps,
As you run down towards your limo, You look up.
Smile to me from across the street.

You don't even say Good-bye.
I hope She makes your life complete&happy;!
I hope  YOUR happy,
I hope you have and receive everything you
desire in this life.
I know as these tears fall,
They will one day dry.
I saw You today & all I can tearfully say is.....
Congratulation's!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-2008 All right reserved
Ayeshah Jun 2014
You don't know me,

how could you

when
I've not
allowed

you in

You don't know me

how could you

with walls so
high

You'd be
fool

to try climbing

there built
for reasons
unbeknownst
to you

it's even a mystery to me.


I've built & built for so long
never stopping

proddled along for so many years

propelled

in a direction

I don't know

nor do I wish to stop

for if I'd stopped

You'd conquer me.


You don't know me

how could you

when I've not allowed you in

You don't know me

how could you

with walls so high

You'd be fool

to try climbing  over.


I have no
desires
to be
pained

by love's

sharp tongue

fists
um-trusting
lust
or
by love's

outward snubbing words
OF how
it can do
better

I don't need
love's
pity

or it's
sorrow-filled rejections.


Love's
my down fall

by it's
lies
of
A
happily ever after

which

I've never seen  or ever glimpsed.


So
NO

no thank you
to the many fools

who'd try to climb
these walls I've built.

For I have

NO

wish

of ever being

conquered!

       Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
   K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
Ayeshah Dec 2015
I suspect
I would have
acquiesced
&
quietly  
halfheartedly
allow you
to take
ownership
over
a
contentious heart*

Your
acquisition
of this
wounded
vessel
has been obtained
but
the price
; pain

I've tried
so
many time
to
tell you
I'm
broken
empty
&
bitter.


There
isn't
any
help for
me
and
no room for
my

Contentious
*love
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N
1977-Present  
All right reserved
You'd lose anytime you try to love me; I'm toxic!
Ayeshah Feb 2014
I haven't had you in so long


I cringe when you penetrate me


engorged sleep inside of me


well least I dream this could be



but right now your far from me



and I'm far from you,


same city


same town


but it's hard to give back


what once used to be,



scared to trust again,


I listened,


believed


I had plethora of will


to withstand all things


which could of


  and did come our way,


I trusted you



loved you best


I have to go now

have to forget


pain pleasure tears sweat


in and out


deep, slow


more and more

seemed to be all we ever had


seems if



we weren't *******



we were scrapping.


Tried,


so tired,

I just want to close my eyes



and forget all the negative.


Forget you,


but the massiveness



between your legs


has me craving  you once again.

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright 1977 - Present ©
K.A.C.L.N ©
All right reserved ®
He is that **** GOOD... but doesn't mean he's good for me..... we will possibly see. lol my minds  just doing what it wants, bear with me yall.
Ayeshah Mar 2010
Your just sad,
stupidity of the most flamboyancy
you throw your arrow's

catching others off guard,
showing them the illusionary's

to something fake.


Oh no you don't!!!
I'd **** for much less
but I'd **** you slowly painfully
if you stick me with that!

I'd hurt you and make you suffer

slowly-  meticulously  
like you've made me hurt, cry,
die a bit each time- so many many times.

time after time I failed & fell prey to your games...
your sick mind must be wondering

what next you can do
to me

Baby baby baby...........

I'm no longer blind to your wicked deeds
and all your silly schemes.

I got your number  
and yet you still
think your gonna fool me,
Not this round and never again,

you should be ashamed of yourself
for the misconducts and falsehoods you
and your magical arrow's have
shown so many, not just me.

all kinds of being from ever walks of life,
all around the world.
Your silly & sad really,

and truth be told someone
must have ruined your love long ago

I heard ya momma did you in and for what?

Beauty is only skin deep or so they say.

she must of hated that your love was given
to someone else!

Did  you do it, huh did ya?

Yo you ******  ya momma  
huh?

Your a stupid *******-  yes you,
Kama, Amor, or so they called you
MR CUPID,

I hate everything you claim to stand for
if you understood true love

You'd know ya arrow's cause lust & desire
not love,
not even real infatuations.

you've did your damage
and if you stick me again
I'll **** you!

You don't inspire romantic anythings.

You wreck happy homes
given young girls false hope
false wishing and dreams.

Cupid
you ******* leave me be and go away.


Cupid
stop playing  go on now get outta here!

Cupid.........




’’’’\̵͇̿̿\з=(•̪●)=ε/̵͇̿̿/’̿’̿’̿’̿



Goodbye...

Man I swear.........

Cupid must think I'm
Stupid!

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Sep 2015
I fell down today  and scrapped my knees, Daddy  can you kiss it please...
A cartoon bandaid, a few cookies & lemonade.

I was push today, Daddy she's  way bigger than me, she said cuz I'm black my hairs a weave,

I said I'm mixed and my hair isn't fake, she spit gum in it and pushed me into the bathroom  stall.

Can you help me, teach me how to fight  Daddy I don't want her to beat me up.


I have no where to go,

Daddy can I stay with you please, I've left him for good!

He won't be hitting me anymore,

Daddy  I need to sleep I'm pregnant & haven't had much to eat.

I got a job today and I need bus fare, can I have 4 dollars  please 2 for the bus and 2 to eat...

Daddy I'll be working after school,  at a hotel and I can even get a free room, 

I'll work in the front office and sometimes help the maids but it's ok since I'll now have my own place

I got married today,

Daddy  I know he doesn't  make much and didn't  ask for my hand but Daddy I really love this man...

He took me to the court house and we said I do, you were too sick to come and I didn't want to bother you.

I've moved away,

Daddy and I won't be coming back,

I left my husband since he has a habit of messing around, putting me down and hitting.

Daddy can you call me I need advise I'm married again 3rd time and  pregnant  for the 4th time,

I wish I could visit you maybe next year, right now I have college, work, and my 4th on the way.

I called you today but I've got no answer, we're  here now and I have a present for you Daddy, 

it's been a while and lil sis says you're not doing too well...

I tried to call you today,

I've forgot what your voice sounds like Daddy.

Forgot I can't  call you anymore, 

Daddy you're gone now.

Daddy  the realization  hits me just as hard as that girl  did when she pushed me into the bathroom  stall,

my eyes brim over with tears just like it did when I pushed out 1 of my kids...

I can't talk to you and get your advise,

can't get lemonade & cookies when I fall this time,

I miss all those years we couldn't be together cause I was in foster care, group homes and again once I moved to other  states..

Daddy I've married again have 5 girls  a few lost pregnancies and some really bad marriages,  3 times in fact.

Daddy I've had some messed up relationships along the way as well had a stalker from  New Jersey  even and what a looser he is,

I've moved  to a whoke new state 3 tines now and laat year I was super sick  and yet worse of it was not being able to share any of it Daddy ...

Not being able to call and hear your booming voice tell me how to proceed or you coming to make sure them exes and maybe even that stalker from Jersey  left me be Daddy!

It's been 14 years Daddy and every day I miss you so much,  but right now Id take the advise and tough  love.

No longer married but I'm sure it'll come...

hehehe maybe  4th times my charm,

right now I'm fine as things are I have 2 cars just got a new crappie job a new house and all your grand kids are doing good so far.

Daddy I'm a grandma  isn't thst crazy and my 1st born your  grand daughter's changed her life round, she's coming home to get her son.

Even though I don't see you I know your with me and one day I'll stand on ya feet and allow you to lead me in a finally dance,

I know someday we'll be together again , with Mommy and my grant parents

Daddy!

Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
R.I.P.
Ayeshah Apr 2010
never felt a body so hard,

muscles

rippled every inch of you,

your hands so strong,

molding me to you,

caress deeply massaging my body.

i feel you on top of me-
solid hard pressing down,

touching me here mmm and here.

playing with my pressure points,

dancing over my egregiousness zone.

you've seductively molested
my mind while secretly
tantalized my pleasure zones,

your a walking talking aphrodisiac.

sleek like a dark panther,

flexing your biceps
as you work my body,

teasing me as your pelvis
and manhood softly grinds
up on my buttocks,

where your half sitting.

i feel you rise swelling and all
i can do is lay here guessing,

thinking impure thoughts
of what we could be doing,

your half siting on me,

knees bent
close to my waists,

my arms at my sides

Sorry baby i had to touch you,

feel your power as
you stroke me seductive.

Sweet gentle ****  masseur  

your
technique has me craving  

your hands on my umm hmm,

I want to now feel you between
me
flexing as you probe in me deeply
with your
"Afro"disiacs

flex with in me as you move
in sync with me, harder oh please

YES!

caress my velvety walls as my own muscles

constrict & contracts pulsating from your

*******'tics touch and tense up.

Sir  please, Sir  move deeper
while i move with you.

that's what I want toy say
&
beg of you to do,
thats what I'm thinking

but I wont say a thing.

I'm going to lay here on my stomach-

enjoyably mesmerized  at the care you take

with me &  your expertises

as you massage peace back into me.

relaxing me while i lavishly day dream

of us becoming more then just  a 1 hour  session

of  You the sensual  Masseur

&

I the lustrous  wishful thinking client

whose mind  has already taken
a leave of absence

Only when it comes to you.

Mmm Day Dreaming.......


Always me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Aug 2010
Did I **** him?

I minus well since

I broke his heart....

He broke mines too,

shattered it and jumped on it,

threw it to his wolves

laughing all the wile!

Silly  games

I never wanted to play.

Did I hurt him?


I think its the other way around,
he's taken me off everything

acting like I never existed ,

like what we created never meant a thing,


how funny he's replaced me

but for me he's haunting

my every dream,

Confusions like nightmares

and sadly I feel numb.

so painful is this burden

crushing on inside of me,

to him it's a game where no one's a winner,

he's happy i think or else

he'd do something to fix US!


I blame me more then I blame him

but blame him I do,

it takes two and it was me & you

now
it's just me and your seed.

Easy for him to walk away

but funny before I left

(June)

we created beauty in the name

of our child,

something

he wont ever see or claim...

Well not now,

not when he's playing hard to get back

and harder to have kept

he lets others speak for him and plays
games with my head,

I aint scared

not for myself

but I cry as I laugh cuz he's only fooling

& lately been hurting

him'self....

Did I **** him, hurt him, maimed his pride???

What does your words really mean-  if you can let it
all fall

without a thought or a care?

If he was hurting like me, if i saw a spark in his eye,

I'd consider
more then this;



Regrettable



Painful



Sad


Lonely

GOODBYE!

(wonde­ring Did I hurt him by killing our beautiful love? - I'll never know!)
ALWAYS ME AYESHAH
©1977-present Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N) All rights reserved.
Ayeshah Apr 2015
I knew how I've felt
and its not your fault...



You did love me best,
but I thought all wrong.


I didn't have faith enough to believe-
you'd really do
all you've promised me.
I didn't know the magnitude
of your feeling for me,
nor could Imagine
someone like you
can really want to be with me.


Forever you'd say & I never understood,
couldn't fathom it,
not after all the bitterness in my life.


Someone like you
whose always looking at the positives,
where
I've only focused on the negatives.


I didn't know
that you'd show me
all the possibilities
there was to being loved
so completely!


My hurt consumed me,
I never saw you,
not in the way you've
needed me to.

Too consumed in
my own bitter resentments
to reflect on the agony
being inflected upon you
so much so,
that I've dissipated whatever it were
we could of be and had!


All I could do was
hoard the love you've given,
selfishly cling to it and store it away.


Never did I allow myself
to return the favors of your endearments,
I wasn't able to,
my blindness and hurtful neglect
wouldn't allow me to cave in.


You knew,

I came broken,

confused,

lonely & so used

knew too,

I'd been dealt poorly & left beaten,
bruised
inside,
well as out,
I couldn't risk another let down or set back.


My mind,
nor my heart
wouldn't be persuaded,

I allowed my body to feed off your energy,
allowed you to manifest

within my flowery walls
a safe heaven of ****** bliss.


While I was retaining
the very best parts
of
ME
- away .....


Away from your longing soul

and your

beautiful wondrous heart.

I didn't know

how to let go of my past,
I didn't understand
the beauty of all that you possessed,

someone like you

wanted me for
everything that I am,

good, bad & the very worst

parts of me.

You didn't worry,

long as you had me

all the fibers of my being--

"He"
ie (YOU)
only wished to see me happy,

in love and by your side.


I can't blame you
for letting go,
I can't forget
all the good times and memories
we've shared.

It may just be too late,
yet I'd like to think one day,

maybe next lifetime

perhaps.....


For now

I'll say,

how very

sorry I am

because even
as the words left your lips,

I failed to agree or really understand.

Truth be told
it couldn't be help.
So I hope you'll forgive me,

for I truly,

wholeheartedly,

honestly,

mournfully

- apologetically

Didn't Know!


Always Me Ayeshah ™ ®
         K.A.C.L.N ©
     All right reserved ®
Copyright 1977 - Present
this'll be 1 of my biggest regrets, forgive the bad thats happened and move fwd, big plans and steps towards a new life and new me, i alowing love to shine in and stay awhile. i can never gain loose someone so dear to me. past be ******! pray someday im forgiven if not i forgive myself! thanks for reading  i hope you're loved far greater than i ever could. now i know what I've failed to ever understand and see.
Ayeshah Feb 2013
Did I imagine the look in your eyes?

Did I dream this,

terrible falsehood you've projected me to see?

How can you mean all you've said,

clearly with out speaking?

There  was something in your eyes.

Something we both know you'd rather me see,

but

yet you've failed to fathom a word...

Please don't say it,

I already know what your looks mean...

she's longing  for you,

someone you need & she's important to you,

more than me...

I'm no longer important...

Please just walk out,

leave us be, my children don't need to know

or

see what I've just seen....

Keep going on out my front door,

don't hurt me with this look,

like I've done the dirt.

When you know it's been you all along...

I can even smell her on you,

Go on & start your new life,

Your eyes speak to me

where words can't express,

the magnitude of your deceit

&
I'm sicken because if it...

ashamed & a mess...


When you looked at me,

I should of known this look

  for I've seen it before.

Never did I imagine,

I'd see you look to me with such a look,

not ever again.

Stupid me;

I've forgiven you once...


I thought this was a dream,

I even pinched myself,

but

it's real, it true,
the look tells me

I am destined to walk on

as

your new life begins & the dreams

and

promises you've given  ends,

I've seen this look before and it tells me,

You're looking for more,

but not from me,


not with me...


no not from me.

I guess love isn't in the stars for me,

and

I wish you well on your journey.

Just leave me alone
&
don't look at me anymore!

My heart can't take-

what isn't being said...

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
Ayeshah Mar 2010
(Readers I been going crazy to write  like this for a long time so if it suxs  too bad lol please read its a bit long also 4 those who do ty for reading & commenting)
________________­_______________
She seen his stares since earlier in the ball room & during most of their acquaintance's growing up also when he'd visited her family at her home in Hampshire... She bluntly ignored his many advances while
at the Queen's Ball and she also publicly shunned him in front of  many aristocrats, He asked her even then to be his wife, She flat out said NO! with out going through the proper channels it  "*******" just wasn't done,  Her chaperon Lady Gideon was no where to be found so she did what she thought was best and walked away from him as fast as her small frame would allow.  

She did indeed find Lady Gideon in the kitchens with  the cook in the "Blimey!" broom closet. NOW on this night she'd truly become his and pay for her misdeeds & mistreatment's of him at The Queen's Ball...Duke Lincoln Pierre held his new bride Virgina Abagael Pierre  
tightly as he assaulted her mouth thrusting his tongue in her mouth- parting her lips in a seductive dance, as his hands moved lavishly up & down her buttocks, betwixt her bodice caressing her breast.

Lincoln tried hard to control his need for his new bride,  He was supposed  to be with his "mates" for another hour or so whilst his-  " well now" his wife's maids readied her for their marriage bed.
Lincoln couldn't wait & as he rushed his guest out the door not even
waiting for Jefferey his Butler to do so, He ran taking the steps two at a time, His need for Virgina was more then lust.  He wanted her ever since she shunned him at the Queens ball & as he visited her home--  watching her bloom into womanhood, Tonight she'd pay for his humiliations of that night at the Ball. He burst open the door and bellowed  for the maids to Get OUT!

At once they went running like rats. All except Beatrix stood her
ground and told him in not to kind-of words that  "She" had to prepare Virgina properly and He was acting reckless.
Beatrix  was his nanny & nursery maid, she was  also there when he first open his sparkling  hazel round eyes, God rest "Duckies" soul, His mum, she died in this same bed whilst she gave her last breath for this handsome devil.  His Da,  poor man was getting on in age and this was a wish he left in his will to be fulfilled before he died. "Lin" as she'd called him must fulfill but without scaring the poor chit off.

She unfasten Virgina's stays & hooks as fast as her old hands would allow, before she could help her out of her bodice  "Lin" ushered her out....Well she'd said her peace and exit Lincoln's rooms praying as she left.....
Lincoln kept  up his assault  while Virgina had a look of fear & misunderstanding in her mahogany sapphire eyes, Her small frame was shaking to her very core,  Poor chit but it couldn't be helped he was in a rush to be done with virgins and their silly concepts of love ex specially this "his" new prudent bride,  Yet he wanted to make her come alive, bring out the "bleed'in devil" of lust he knew was trapped deep within Virgina's un tapped core.
Lincoln teased and licked as he removed her clothing, ripping a bit of fabric in is haste, she kissed him back! Shocking his own sense of sensibility.

He picked her up splayed her on the bed and stared at her dark luscious Honey chocolate  creamy coco skin, it shined like a lovely indigo ocean on a summers night.
With carious longing and dread,
it was still an interesting moment Virgina didn't know what to do and as he capture her waist she felt  even more unsure, sensing a thrilling sensation wash over her,  Her new husband Duke Lincoln Pierre kissed her with un-abandon lust Virgina instinctively crawled up to the head board on the bed, as she did so her new husband reached for her in a blink of an eye she was caught in his steel grip, she cried out not for pain but because she had no ideal what he meant to do with her,

Lincoln laughed and made a tsk tsk sound as he pulled himself atop of Virgina.  "My Lady I beseech you please leave off I mean you no harm''
Lincoln proclaimed yet his meek smile said he was lying,
Virgina only stared with her mouth gaped in a perfect lush O shape.  
Her husband undone he own clothes  in a heated rush.  
Once done he stalked towards her kneeling on the bed.  
With Virgina's gaze fixed tranquilly on his stiff shaft, she looked at it apprehensively  she wanted to move away yet her limbs wouldn't allow her to and with banned tears threatening to over flow
she ****** in her breath as her capture Duke Pierre her husband climb a top of her.  

Little did her husband know she'd wanted  him all her life she longed to become his bride but she had no ideal it entailed this rough treatment of her person to gain access.
She'd sit with her own nanny "Liv" short for Olivia  
at Hyde Park watching as his carriage made it's rounds.  She dreamed even then to marry him, his eyes always laughing and He was forever teasing her when He'd visited  her "now" deceased parents lord Duke&Duchess; Harrisburg. She'd dream he were always saving her from dragons and evil villains.

But tonight he seemed the Villain.
As he touched creatively over her she felt flushed, his hands trailed down to her hairline where her tulip was hidden as he proceeded to caress her he felt for her budded rosebud playing teasing  rubbing his fingers with gentleness over her.
He continued until Virgina's head was thrashing wildly left & right on the pillow she was scared and shocked not knowing what was coming over her,  she wanted something--   this need that was growing  building within her, she didn't understand and it made her feel weak with a longing she couldn't comprehend, as he removed his finger & hand a light yet cool breeze cam through the cracked window causing the sensation to slowly subside Lincoln moved down trailing kisses as he went his mouth hovered mere inches above her tight yearning rosebud he bet down and tasted honey as he licked in an out of his new bride, sliding his index finger within her tight silt wile wrapping his mouth around her budding rose, he ******, gently  causing Virgina automatically to lift her legs wrapping her hands in his golden brown hair.

He felt her throbbing shaking and he wanted to laugh because of him she now new what it meant to be pleasured,  Virgina began trembling with a urgency not knowing what her body wanted just that she liked this feeling that washed over her from her toes up to her Honey dark coco head.  Her long brown auburn hair fell in waves of curls around her as she melted to her husbands ministrations.

Lincoln could barely contain his want and in his eyes His new bride was a wanton ready for plucking like a ripe strawberry, His little filly was bucking beneath his demonstration's.
He'd played with the God's wile tempting the devil & now there was Hell to pay...  Sadly for his new ****** bride he could no longer hold back, he wanted to consume her, his control was failing, wreaking havoc on his now intoxicating senses.  

Virgina bucked up towards his mouth letting out a seductive cry breaking Lincoln's last restraints  
He spread her wide held her fast
both his hand on either side of her hips as he lead his shaft within her lustrous wet inviting opening, moving in her swiftly as to not cause any more unnecessary pain,
He felt her maiden-head give way but it was to late t pause, he try not to move slow,
which with half in sympathy he wanted to stop his penetrating ****** yet his need for release in his new ****** brides velvet tight silt kept him urging forward deeper&deeper; within her tight walls.

Virgina let out a piercing scream as she also called out Lincoln's name twas an interesting moment when a fierce jolt consumed both occupants of this lovers den, she cried out as he ******'ed deeper still within his new bride....

No longer did he want to  punish her he felt something chip away at his heart releasing a need to want more then her body as they coiled becoming meshed together in legs & limbs traveling on waves of ******* bliss.
Duke & Duchess Pierre

Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Mar 2010
How to write an English poem

Well this is what I do,

I listen to my dear friend "Jon"

Then I go about copying him.

He says  Good-marrow My to Thy lady

I laugh & reply back Hath thee fared well,

Like I'm in  Shakespeare's  Macbeth.

I love how

He uses "thou" different then myself

I say thou in sense of  "even though"

translations are must

to understanding my friend!

He speaks in

Cockney- crockery riddles

Yet some how I understand.

I doth not speak to make

fun of him

for I love his English gib,

I listen while learning

to write a sonnet since.

How to write an English poem.

I listen to Sir "Jon's"

witty sense of humor  

His cloaked sarcastic'ness

as he talks in general,

Saying such this as

Aroin't thee & Blimey ole chap

as if I know'th what he means.

How to write an English poem

Well frankly it's a pickle of a thing,

I say I doth rightly know lets ask'th

Sir"Jon & see!

He say'ith to me

"change your "****** dialect"....

And

when he's spitting made

He yells

O' God Save the queen.

He also talks of frippery

& ask if I'd like a spot of tea

when asking me questions

he laughs & quotes

such things like ;

" cheeky" little beggar or monkey

as "IF" I

know what he means.

Funny thing is though

Sir "Jon'

never really

******* told me

How to write an English poem

(so answers to every-ones question- I'd say walk around & say top of the morning,
ole chap & blimey, Even things like Bristol Cities & things likes this don't forget your "TH" s  
addressing your selves  a lot & put emphasis on every other syllable  & thing!)

Well dear Sir "Jon"
I am not  a British Bolk  
Just A YANKEE- New Englander
oh & a NuYorican
Ta Boot

So next when  I see You
****** Friend  tell me-  
How to write an English poem !?!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Dec 2010
Every time

We talked

He'd ask me what I thought

Once

He hooked & bated me

He'd send flowers and a card

Every time*

He made love to me and finished off 1st

He's send flowers & a card

Every time

He'd kiss me

When I was feeling at my worst

He'd send flowers & a card

Every time

He told me he loved me & not "her"

He'd send flowers & a card

Every time

He'd stayed out late or came home the next day

He'd send flowers & a card

This time with candy in a box

Every time

He lied & i fall for him again

He'd send flowers candy & a card

This time

with a teddy bear holding the card

Every time

He'd  choked & yelled at me

Then  stormed out

He'd come back with flowers candy a teddy bear & a card

This time on his knees asking me to marry him

Of-course I said yes

Every time

He'd blame me when it was his fought

He'd say how sorry he was

with flowers candy box teddy bears
& a card

This
time he asked me to give him a baby

Natural *


I did giving him  more then one

Every time

He'd *hit
me and tell me to shut my mouth

He'd come back with candy boxes  flowers teddy bears & a card

Promising not to do it again

Obviously

He never kept his promises

& started adding necklaces to those other gifts

Every time

for the longest time

He'd send me

candy boxes, flowers, teddy bears rings necklaces, & cards

Every time

He went to my grave



He'd send


flowers


a tear


&


a card

EVERY   TIME.

(until it was my last time)*

Always me Ayeshah
© 1977- present year(s)
Ayeshah(A.K.K.C.L.N)
All rights reserved
Ayeshah Feb 2010
Excuses & Reasons
sound like the same things
while your
compounding your lies after
trying to hide your deceit.

Conceited just a bit maybe
of late since
You're finally got me fooled,
had me stupidified,
Regrets comforting
knowingly- knowing you
but not really knowing
you at all huh?

All I hear is what you consider "truths",
Was it good,
They way you played me?

Playing around with my heart from the start,
Was because the other girl(s) said NO?

I didn't know it
but my time with you
was about to run out,

As I was getting the run around
You were laughing at me behind my back,
Stabbing me metaphorically.

I never knew how bad your need was,
to be loved not by only one
but by many,
I feel so unsure,

How can we began
when your not even letting me in,

How can you say lets start over
when over & over You lied,

Looking me right in the eyes,
face to face as you
completely use your
reasons & excuses,

There's no need
No use for a YOU & ME.

There's No more US.
You had your fun
but Now your times up,

You had the chance after chance
to come clean but like I
told you
Your can save your
Reasons & All of your Excuses
I'm too Through!
Always Me Ayeshah
Copyright © Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
Ayeshah Sep 2010
Currently I'm locked up, in this stupid hospital, baby on the way and no father in sight.

Sadly its my fault & my fate, love didn't love me, love beat and misjudge me, now thou I had time to think.

Reflect and it's come to the conclusions that we maybe wasn't meant to be.

God how his touch sent me raven mad...

How his kisses drove me to loose myself, his arms strong & tight around me hugging squeezing and caressing me. his  lustful ****** hurting yet I'd beg for more,

his legs entwined with mines and our lips locked while tongues fought to be the main concubine!

Friendship then lovers, lovers becoming boyfriend & girlfriend, then we planned to walk down the aisle. Man & wife!

Trusting in disbelief. until the lies seemed so real...

Until the mornings mingled with night...

Until my body cried out for  peace...

******* release even when I didn't want him to-  he'd plead & take what was now not given.

Hurting from black & blue eyes that never cry,
not anymore.....

God how his touch sent me raven mad... (running  fast  when I could)

How his kisses drove me to loose myself-RESPECT,

his arms strong & tight around me hugging squeezing

MY THROAT  -

caressing me in to submission .

His  lustful ****** hurting- I'd beg him to STOP...

His legs entwined with mines and he wresltes me to the bed...

Our lips locked,

I'd try to bite-  while we fought...

Currently I'm locked up,    in this stupid hospital,

baby on the way and no father in sight.

Have to be here until I give birth....

My love (for him)  was my undoing.....

My curse is siting here staring at these walls....

I'd rather he mistreated me all over again....  Cuz I still sadly love him  

(yet again I now know better)

Love hurt me, mistreated me & used me....

Misjudge me......

Love abused me and took all my will away ....

Left in it's wake-


A Baby's on  HIS  way!


(I don't believe in "love" anymore)


Feb 2011
Always me Ayeshah
Copyright ©
Ayeshah K.C.L.N 1977-Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved
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