it’s starting to feel like I enjoy doing things that remind me of you
like being emotionally unavailable
or becoming untranslatable when I tell him something vague about where I’ve been
i’m sure you spoke those words to me
it feels strange now, embodying the lies you fed me
but I’m just as hungry and
All the fresh fruit become rotten eventually

i think I like having casual *** as a way to say *******
******* for making me unable to love
unable to enjoy anyone else
ruining me for everybody
for making me feel like I was hard to love and easy to lose
i still stare at scars and tears flicker through the overlapping years
At what point did my bare skin became stained?
At what point did you carve your name?

you were my storm drained rock
i couldn’t keep it together in the rain
maybe rivers flow through and through
and she led you back to the pacific
It was a specific night;
I came back to the edge of that lake before
The only thing that had changed was I enjoyed it more when I was with you

raindrops trickled on that lake; the reflections blurred
there where blue skies and white clouds before
now it’s you and her
and I just can’t unsee it

Made of milk and bathed in honey,
Eyes like gold,
Nails fine like money,
Teeth like sugar and a smile like dimes,
The Man Of Lace was everything
Everything but mine

I’d love to sleep in her arms
To understand why I leave you there
I bet she doesn’t shy away from phone calls
I sit in the waiting room clenching my teeth
You are in the other corner tapping your feet
No one calls us to bridge the gap that told us we where incomplete
Or dying
they always made us wonder why we weren’t good enough
To be together, obsolete
I know you see it for what it means


It’s daytime in the waiting room and it’s quieter than the screams you’re used to
I wish someone held your hand as you took your first steps
When everyone told you you was weak
I believed you were strong


You’re a mirror I talk to when I want to know me
I ask you to tell them about it if it’s bothering you that much
But your meaning defines your deceit
I don’t blame you for using a fake surname or using a lie to come to terms with the politics of loving no one

I like to think that you govern my emotions
Because there is a party here you’d like to lie about attending
One with a genuine pretence for the future
A bit like our prime minister

She’s wearing a mask just to protect herself from spending time in hospital
It pays well
She knows those floors and walls as well as I do
I was a patient there, she ran the ward
She took my blood and placed it in a tube
I waited to see if it could tell them how much I loved you
It couldn’t
So I didn’t say anything

You make me feel like I could handle a pandemic
You also make me feel sick

She said "I'm falling in love."

I said "I'm falling apart."

curl up into a ball but don’t cry
wear your favourite night gown and make yourself a cuppa
remember the time he stabbed you in the back?
yep that’s why we’re sleeping alone
what arouses your appetite?
we never have to taste that bitterness again
I’ve made up my mind
theres no space in my heart
For you, or anyone to own
A lovely warm cinnamon candle burns on my bedside table
we’re even warmer feeling that we can be our own provider
Play my favourite music, never have to listen to your **** again hah
my heart needed healing it’s a blessing I have to stay at home
it’s safe to say
yep we’re finally moving on💖