From twelve o’clock this morning
I’ve had the worst of days
I laid in bed thinking
Staring at the ceiling
Thinking about how my eyes weren’t heavy yet
My body was not tired
And all I felt was sick

By one o’clock I threw up twice
But I’m almost certain
I am not sick
All I could do was think
All I could do was think
In circles and loops and swerves

By two o’clock
I was crying
I just wanted to fall asleep
I wanted to be tired again
Feel the sleep press on my eyes
But somehow my body’s signals for homeostasis
Got broken
They aren’t working quite right at the moment

By three o’clock sleep finally came
Finally, finally, finally came
I dreamed of random things
Things that I did not like
Things that made me miss the old me
Naive me
Happy me

By four o’clock I woke up again
And everything was wrong
I walked to the bathroom
Stood facing the mirror to see tears streaking down to my chin
And everything was wrong
My hair
My eyes
Arms and legs
And I saw the outfit
I picked out yesterday
So pretty and comfortable
But right then
It was wrong
I hated it
I hated everything
I hated myself
And everything I stood for
I picked out something else
Something that didn’t make me feel
So… mad
And I parted my hair different
Because the way it was
Was awful
And I hated it
So I changed
I was so mad

By five o’clock
I realized
That sleep was
As good as a dream
So I sat staring
More staring
At nothing but shaded ceiling

By six o’clock I had thirty minutes left
The seconds felt like infinities

By seven I forced myself to get out of bed
Trying to make it a better day
But I still hated everything and to make matters worse
I had to figure out a way
To smile through the day
It was rough

And I’m still waiting for it to get better.

I love looking at your profile
Your jaw
Your eyes
You hair
And I’m stuck in a trance
Of observing your cuteness
While biting my lip
From hesitation
Fighting the urge to kiss you
Until you look over
Noticing that I’m watching
And smile
...It makes it even better.

I hate myself I hate how I think
I wish I could be different every time I blink
I wonder what it's like to be someone else
Because I really don't want to be myself
I would give anything to be like her
“She's going to go far in life because her head's on right”
Yeah but mine is twisted and bruised
Yeah i’ll be fine
Yeah I think i’m sure
But i’m the one who’s not bright
Im stupid
Immature
A mess
Right?

I wish I could just be blessed
I get more sad and sad every day
I just don’t want to live this way
I try so hard but what gets in the way is myself!
I hate you
I hate you
I hate you
I don’t even believe in myself and i’m ready to face my true fate

I’ve disappointed everyone enough and
I just want me to be enough for them
not me
THEM!!

I put it down
next to the piano on the bench
the 8.5 by 11 paper where my problems poured into existence
I watched it sit there
and watched them pass it
was it as invisible as me?

I looked once more
and it was gone
lets see who gets to ignore my issues this time
mom or dad.

in a song he sings
"the world is on fire and no one can save me but you"
but can you really?
dad
lets be honest here you've let me down for as long as I can remember
so cut all that I care about you ****
and just
LEAVE
you know how I said that I hated myself
well I hate you more

I loved you the moment before it
and when you were done
I left you

how evil some may think right?
but you knew what you did
and like a cat I tried to get out
but you caught me
you always do.

you egotistical, sadistic, narcissistic son of a AGHHHGHHHIEWHOGABGILG

play the victim so my ears can rest.
and I won't need to explain.
and you can do what you do best.
and haunt me with the pain.

A poet is no more than a person
A mother
A daughter
A lover  
Someone needing release
Or someone needing to recover


It’s the art they create when that ball of ink or stick of led dances on the canvas they so perfectly prepared.
And when the end result and their purpose become perfectly paired.

I hate myself I wanna die
I hate myself I wanna cry
I find my friends to feel okay
cause I don't wanna be this way

the pressure you give is way to much
and I just want to chill no rush

see if I die won't need to live
my families life can finally begin

they’ll work on the second daughter, she
And shape her into what they need her to be
And once she soars with her success
They’ll claim our broken family is blessed

I told you what I loved to do, and you just didn't care
so why the **** would I share my life and speak to you and bear
out all my feelings on the floor so you can look and stare
and scream the words " I'm disappointed in you" and make it sound real rare.

P.S. I hate science and I'm probably going to fail biology