sadly, since you came back
words are hard to say
thoughts were hard to form

It's sad how I realize it was always them , you and me– never just the two of us.

I believe it's called falling in love because at that time we let down our walls
And let ourselves fall without worry or without doubts– we simply dive or plunge into a sea
And it's our choice if we drown or not

but what if you plunge to sea not knowing how to swim doesn't that make you a fool?
Everybody is a fool for love and that is how you see the proof

I'll love you know matter what, okay?

As the winter nights became colder, so did you

Your love was my favorite lie.
But my mistake was I fell, and I fell hard.
It wasn't a mistake though,
Because you were worth it.
But you've changed.
And you won't let me know you again,
No matter how hard I try.
Your love weakened, mine deepened.
You promised you wouldn't hurt me.
I forgot promises were made to be broken
You made me believe
You were also the one who put me down
I missed you even before you left.
And I should have held you tighter.
Because I know something will always keep us strangers.
You were my favorite almost, love.
Our forever ended sooner than I thought or did it just not exist for us?
Lie to me one last time, love, just one last time.

My darling, if only you knew how much I think of you everyday

How every waking moment I say that I'll see you later
Then jump out of bed
You're almost my reason to live

How everything that I randomly see has a connection with you
Then smile
you really left your mark, not on my mind but heart as well

How every time that I'm alone I stare at a remote place
Then realize I'm thinking of you, again
why is it– how did you do it?

How every night before I go to sleep, after I pray, I imagine a life with you
Then drift to a blissful sleep
you made the bad dreams go away

But really how everytime I'm with you
The whole world becomes a distant place and you're the only oneI want to be with
I really love you

My darling, if only you knew how much I think of you everyday, you'll say I'm obsessed

Here I am
Lying on my bed
Staying awake longer than I should be
I think of life, studies, family, friends, myself, but often of you
I think about possibilities
Of you doing what I'm doing right now
Of us going through hardships together
Of a future with each other
I like thinking of them as much as I do
But doubt creeps in and it eats me whole
Will I be enough?
Am I going through with something worth it?
uncertainty
Then when I fight with hope and see the lighter side,
right before I fall asleep
I guard myself again letting my hopes drop
Saying you will never think of me like I do with you

Tell me what you love
I'd give it all
You want passion?
I'll make fire to ignite your soul
You want sincerity?
I'd look you straight in the eyes and hope to see beyond your soul and answer anything you wish to know
You want material possessions?
I'll surprise you when you least expect it
You want someone else?
I'll set you free
Let you soar high like an eagle
Tell me what you want– I'd give it all
The world is yours
I'll let you try anything and everything
If it's death we shall do it together
A world without you is no better than a world without light
I hope you feel the intensity and let it burn
I hope with that, I have touched your heart
Because with you, I already have the world

Nothing is more precious that you my northern star, my luminescent sky.

You never really had the most beautiful voice,
but it was all I wanted to hear.

I have no time for fair weathered friends.
They don't deserve as much love I give my true ones.

I can never ask you to stay, when all you want is to leave

I worry about goodbyes

Maybe too often that I cause them

I always wonder
When
    Why
        How
           Where

How I would be left behind in my own shadow realm
Embracing solitude
How cold my nights would be without your presence's warmth
And until when would I reminisce every memory we once shared

And what would I do if you never stopped me from leaving when I did was want you to

But in the end I wouldn't care

All there is to blame would be me, myself and I

I have this strange habit of getting left behind.*

I guess it was my fault, I never made myself someone who would be loved.

I guess I spent all my time on you
And yet you have other plans.

But darling
All I wanted was to hold your hand
To have your eyes locked on mine
To have you all to myself
To be mine and mine alone

And now I'm full with guesses, never knowing answers

I now know what they say is true.
Never give your heart away.
Never give your all to a person.

Because at the end–when they leave– you will have nothing left, not even yourself.

People question things they do not know, I guess that's why they're so curious about us

Come see the stars with me
While I lay my head in your chest
Then your arms wrap around me
Let our comfort fill the silence
Let your love replace my sadness

Oh my darling, is it bad to need you tonight?

Things really do change
Which makes me wonder
Will you still be there?

Maybe say you love me one more time
Before I pretend to be fine
Or maybe wish to die

We are such curious beings, always asking the question why.

I know you'll never
notice my stares
guess my thoughts
How come my eyes are sore
when they became like that

But I admit these scars, are getting deeper.

Let me:
Drink this beer to forget the taste of your sweet lips, drowning it with a bitter edge.

Smoke this cigarette to replace the air gone at times you took my breath away
while the nicotine becomes my lungs' drug to remove your scent from my system

*all these vices to forget and end the life planned with you

I don't know
how you ignited this soul
when our flames burned bright
where we first met
why you and me

But I also don't know
how you made feel so vulnerable
when the wind blew our fire
where the darkness crept in
why things came out like this for you and me

*but maybe I do, I just can't admit that they did

I guess it's better to keep our flames between the two of us
But let them see our spark
Let them envy without our consent
I don't need to brag,
I don't need to pity others.
Because I was like then once, bitter.
I don't need to rub it in theirs faces for our love found
Because I am already happy of what we have
I don't need them to know of the things we do
They don't need to know
Maybe it's better this way-our lips sealed, a secret just you and me.

here comes those sleepless nights
tears that brings rest
meals skipped due to appetite lost
bed that is comfort for the weakeness
the fakes smiles,
the pretend of being okay while the world goes on.
the flashbacks of the love now gone.
Things that make you wonder 'why love in the first place when all those happy moments only bring such sorrow'.

'Twas better to have loved than to never have loved at all.
what a horrible truth.

At first it was about the warmth of
our hands intertwined
unknown defined
your arms' embrace
our heads face to face
your eyes' shimmer
our spark's glimmer
the laughter
the comfortable silence that follows after

Everything was perfect.
Everything was magnificent.

But you hated some things that came along with this.

Time passed by and
the smiles you gave lessened
same as the time you had
I tried to talk but you never listened
I felt so bad
The sparkle in your eyes dimmed
The meaning of words cringed

I feel like I am not worth it as much as you said I was.
Even if things are like that,
I still remember your touch and the feelings that comes later.
My heart still beats fast.
I still think of the past.
Then I wonder how our love was sweet.
My eyes still stare at you.
Do you feel that too?

I guess I'll never know.
But don't you wonder what are my thoughts of me and you?
It's almost two years,  we almost made it.

But like they say almost is never enough.

You weren't mine to lose.
But we both knew.
We had promises and dreams.
'Why did you give up' my heart screams.

Baby, do you really mean the things you say?
Because I can't help to feel this way.
You say you love me,
but I can't feel it.
You say you care,
but when I needed you most you weren't there.
You say you miss me,
but you made no effort to be near.
Why not call me or come knocking at my door?

Why is it you say those things and fill me up with hope.
I wished they were true.
I wished you'd show me if it's real.
I would do those things for you
yet you can never do those things for me no matter how much you say you love me.

That's whats wrong with words.
They're all empty promises.
They're all theories needed to be proven.
Easy to say, difficult to prove.

Today you looked me straight in the eyes and told me three words.
Three words that means so deep; so important.
Your voice was filled with tenderness, sincerity and emotion.
Your eyes so serious; so full.
Your simple gestures that tell me "you're mine" .
It makes my heart burst with this sensation.

Today you looked me straight in the eyes and told me you love me.
It was the best part of my day knowing you truly do.

Why live this life?
'It was all I was given'

How do I begin to tell you the story of my old lost love?
When our book has already closed
And our chapters give me paper cuts
How do I reminisce?
When with those ecstatic moments
In a brief span of time
Would hurt when remembered
Like being in snow beautiful but cold
Like being near fire but being inflamed
Like drowning but you see people breathing normally

Plundering into a familiar yet uneasy state
Thats how I am now
now that my love's gone.

I want a love that would go a long way.
Maybe forever is a lie but then we'll discover everyday—everyday falling in love deeper and deeper.
I want us to break down boundaries,
establish realities then maybe, in the future, have a family.
I want our love to be different.
It may not be as sweet nor poetic as others are but with you I know everything will be fine.
I want to prove something, not just words.
Never mind their stares let them see our flames.
Let them burn at our intensity, let them envy our fervor.
I want you to be mine and mine alone.
I want you to
pull me closer
grip me tighter
maybe kiss me someday

O my love let me drown you in the ocean of my undying love.
Let me be your north star as you voyage in these waters.
Your anchor holding you in place when all the world is in chaos.
Your lullaby filling you with pleasant dreams.
Your wings letting you soar the skies.

Before them, we already had those nicknames,
I was already your moon,
And we were already the best.

Then I turned into your everything as you have said.
They started using what we already had.

While they did, we lost ours.
We didn't use them anymore for so long we forgot them.
And I miss being those things to you.
If being your everything means things being like this then take me back—take me back when our love was at its best,
take me where our love started.
When it was innocent, exciting yet passionate.

Let me feel that old love
*Show me, tell me, feel me.

I am okay*
If okay means knowing people are prentending to be friends with you
If it means noticing a lot of things changing
And you, just wanting to eat, sleep and cuddle pillows a lot
If okay means things are not well but you're hoping for the best
yet still expecting the worst
Embracing sadness thats creeping
Breaking into tiny ashes while the world does not care nor does not notice

Then yes I am okay

I don't like dreams
For they are full of lies
Making you hope and feel this delight

Then when you wake up
It makes you yearn for it to be true

Such blissful vivid scenes
Such cruel jokes

It's not yet time oh darling I know
You really can't be there all those times
I need you
But honestly, it would feel better if there's nothing to need at all

It just keeps my hopes up more
And the more it grows, it doubles the pain

In you I found solace
In you I found my weakness but you've also given me strength

And I don't know my heart can take this all anymore

"I know"
I've said this hundreds times
But I don't know why I say it a hundred times more

Not a single astronomer
Would study this super nova
No matter how long it waits
They don't

It continues to hope
But then it burns and explodes
It's ****** by the black hole it, itself has formed

Vines intertwined.
Scattered leaves left behind.
Where can we seek what we need to find.
Beauty and chaos combined,
What is this that makes us blind?
Look around maybe search behind.
Then they'll see something undefined.

When can sorrow never reach our tomorrow?
How can we escape this tragedy happily without agony?
I want to cross galaxies.
Redefine fallacies.

But how?
How can you do what is unknown?
When will you know to dodge what is thrown?

Like lost birds we search
For a branch where we could perch.

My thoughts are already blades
*who needs physical self harm

Mom I wish you were here to say good night
These nightmares are becoming real
The murmurs are getting louder
The claws at dragging in further

Mommy save me
I don't want this anymore

I'll let you point the syringe
Its okay to feel the flow
Of that chemical of peace

Please be aware. Please let me have it.
Please save me make them go away

Your words in forms of whispers
Replacing what I call music
Your breathing warm and deep
Serving as my source of air
Your arms that envelop me
Providing refuge
Your touch that with every linger it
burns
It leaves traces
along those places
a contingence

Something vivid
Something surreal
Something perfect; impeccable


But then at one moment my eyes started to flutter
The vision of you beside me
Disappeared
Then I realized
*I woke up

A farewell never said but felt by the heart
A one way ticket to a world forever apart

What are your sources to the stories about me
that I myself don't know my darling?

Her thoughts loom as vast as the ocean floor
Never escaping a swirl of inadequacies
Evaporating once or twice
yet crashing like waves in the middle of the night

All my life
I've read novels and story books
I've watched them come to life in my tv screen

And just before true love's kiss is about to happen
They cover my eyes

I thought of why's
Are they afraid to let me see how what they say would look like?

Little years added in my life
At times I could see
How they both hold hands and then close their eyes
Sharing something gross at first
Yet magical as you see the silhouette of they're future made but what they called love

For  some time I have dreamed of finding a prince
Though I may not be royalty by blood
I imagine someone who treats me like one

Someone who gently touches my skin in fear I may get hurt
Someone who says nice things
But still joins me with my mischievous tasks
Who'll dance with me through midnight then kiss my hand good morrow
Someone who's my foundation when I become weak
Who'll be the knight of this heart full of bliss

I understand that it may never come true
For reality is no where near fiction
But inside of every one of us
Is a person in hopes of finding what they call true love

No matter how cruel the world could be, hope is the answer that makes us find a better tomorrow

I have decided not to let people take away my happiness
I already know that nothing lasts forever
If people will leave, I'll let them
I believe they were part of my life for a reason
And if it's all at loss
Something better would replace them

I have learned that some people are worth it and some are not

I guess it's all measured by who stayed at your darkest and dwelled in the happiness

You are different, they don't have the heart like yours
So be weary child
For they will not return the same love you give

Sometimes you have to let people go
Specially when you're the only one holding on
Trusting that they will undestand you
But they don't

That will always be life
Choose who is worth it

Go ahead and drown in that shallow well
Let yourself replenish from all those lies
My life would continue to change chapters
With or without you

But if you ask me now
I would prefer without
For I already have enough people I don't want to lose

You being there would not be your loss but mine