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Have you ever died from heartache?

Watched as grief spilled
over the edge of love
drowning the very essence
that makes you whole

Have you ever died from heartache?

Sinking into the sea
of emptiness
consumed by the darkness
as your soul fades away

Have you ever died from heartache?

Gasping, grasping, gasping for air
like old black and whites
the only memories of you
have no colour

Have you ever died from heartache?

I will

when she finally takes them
from me
I won’t bear to live
another day
11/17/20
~
Moonlit angels keep turning the wheels of the universe

In conversations with God, they placed the Sun precisely in the centre

Alarum and escapement keep the gear train moving forth:

Astronomical clock, armillary sphere, lunar phases in sidereal time

All patterns of evidence -- releasing our impulses, advancing our hands

~
breathe—
like mint shrub under a drizzle,
Ink clawing it’s way up a quill
Like lemon grass growing
Like steam rising from a cup of tea
Like parchment.

Like confetti circling a cyclone
Like a whip kissing skin
a branch cracking
Like chalk against cement,
Like nails on sandpaper
Like glitter.
breathe—

But sometimes I lie straight on my back
Under a heavy quilt—
let my limbs slump away, let my fingers sink
weakly into sheets
And I think,
this is how we die—
Insipid eyes blanketed by skin
A book incomplete—closed midway, without a mark.
They may tie our chin and skull with a strip of cloth
to prevent our loose jaw from falling open,
this— is how we die

Like the carcass of Morning Glory
hanging— swaying in the wind
Like coal left behind by a burning log,
Like a dusty painting.
Like a moor.

No wings sprout out of our jagged backs
they put us in a box and clothe us in dirt
No earthworms spare our clotted blood
Clouds don’t come bowing down
nor does sky break to shards— for our escape.
solid bricks, we never did mind sleep
nor the warmth or tight embrace of our beds
the world's too big anyway— for our shrinking selves

Silence—
Like a beetle crawling down a leaf
the ocean behind a portrait
Like moon, yawning
Like a folded paper, filled with scribbles
Like dusk.

Like a still child.
a tongueless nightingale up a bough
Like words in a bottled letter.
Like rubble under smoke
Like a palette, unwashed.
Like a bone.
Silence—

And someone knocks under you—
You dig out the coffin and break open its lid
But it’s filled, to the brim, with mud.

And time spirals on—
Pushing us behind, and we fight against it.
A puppet tied to the sky,
wishing to see the end of an abyss
Like a stone under the ocean, dreaming of stars
breathe—
Like a newborn leaf.
breathe—

But the time spirals on—
and we, with the dirt, reunite.
but breathe,
it's just a night.
breathe--
the air hasn't banished-- not yet
not yet

not yet--
...Is terrifying.
Every line feels like a judgement.
...Is beautiful.
Every line feels like a symphony.
...Is art.
Every line feels like a masterpiece.
...Is pain.
Every line feels like a heartbreak.
...Is love.
Every line feels like a dedication.
...Is me.
Every line, every word, every letter feels like my own.
my very favorite thyme plant,
it never went to seed.
Well hey, maybe me either dude
let’s just enjoy the leaves
A heart made of ice
With no cold there is no warmth
I embrace the snow




12/18/2020
Oh love, it feels like I’ve just been punched in the stomache
like the air in my lungs has been replaced with poison
like my body has been taken over by some intergalactic force
as I know your falling asleep talking to  her and not me
your reminiscing and laughing with her
call it jealousy,call it hate, hell call it love
but please don’t  leave
 Dec 2020 Shubhankar Mathur
idk
do not visit my grave and cry, i am not there
i did not die
 Dec 2020 Shubhankar Mathur
basil
sometimes
i wish you were the poet
because sometimes
i just want to be the poem
Morning comes with a narcotic buzz
as I eschew my uniform
for a He-Man T-Shirt and joggers.
A fraught quarter hour is spent
selecting which toy to take in
(the collective judgment can be harsh)
then off into the riotous grin
of the last day of term.
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