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I thought
we were once
so close,
knit together
close enough
to know
what's it like,
to be ghost
to each other,
yet wandering
out into our
own colourful
way of life,
just that
we are
chasing
different
colours now.
colours change,
seasons change,
people change,
yet I
remain the same.
I never wanted
to be
what you
turned me into,
but I will
live with it,
for I
don't know
how else to live
with myself.
Dying feels easy, it's the living which is the hard part.
I helped build high walls
Set up defenses as well
Blocking out the pain
It worked for a bit
I don't need you
to question
my decisions,
as I do that
well myself,
a plethora of voices
to account for
no reaction,
maybe one
sanguine voice
will rise,
to drive a change
and take me away
from a desolate
morbid graveyard
to yet deserted
but pristine meadows,
with nothing but
a hope
to grow
rather than
just fade away,
and maybe
that is just enough.
The seed of all this indecision isn't me, I'm perfectly capable of making alright decisions.
Well, maybe not that often.  
But at least I'm in control.
maybe I saw her
at the laundromat
and just missed her,
I was looking for a change,
while she walked
away.
Now my life remains the same.

A cruel penny for my thoughts indeed.
please don't make me
another person you shove,
just let me be free,
out here learning to love.
Love isn't one of the most important lessons in life,
it is the trying
learning
failing
and starting back again.
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