sculpt you in the palm of my hand
chisel your most fragile features until i feel your raw
coarse frame
let your hair dangle until is grazes my ever so nourishing skin
that aroma...ahh the aroma of fresh cappuccino hinted with
a vanilla scent
you looked gorgeous in that lavender threaded outfit,
glitter and gleam for me my bedazzling
but why?

why did i splash just a hint of coffee on you this morning
help realize
the infinity of persistence
persistent cruelty

You got the face of an angel
Honey  nothing lasts forever
I´ll feed you the lies
It´s all the same
A pleasant  taste of  heartache
You taste like vanillin mixed  with bipolar
Nothing  ever  grows out of pity
darling,
I´ll  cherish the smell
of your decaying  past
in your everly growing collection of perfume
With hints of  dementia and white floral
Once  you fill every  space  with
your  true  love
whos name  you dont mention

Time wasted neck-deep in
idolatry, pretty bottles of
pretty liquids, light gold,
amber, charred oak brown
soaking vanillin and wood
which warms the tongue
perfectly.

I pop my pinky finger in
funny ways, relegating
flow of blood to necessary
extremities only, thumbs
or forefingers or whiny
joints screaming loudly for
sustenance.

There are days in my past
I wish I had skipped,
accidentally sleeping past
my alarms and the sirens
and noises of cars passing
past my window in whichever
home I find myself to wake.

There are days more recently
I have skipped, my mind
spending hours drunkenly
slipping from action to act,
poor me and my problems,
always worthy of an award,
a statuette of broken glass.

I first saw you at the bookstore
Months of texting culminating in that first moment
Days filled with vulnerability and laughter
Hours of silly photos and odd Tik Toks
Bunny videos and cat dramas
Books, games, and basketball
Family, dreams, and needs.

During those first months, I envisioned
how it would feel to meet you
If I would recognize you
If it would feel as natural in person
Would conversation be filtered?
Would we not know what to say?
Would nerves get in the way?

The wait before I saw you was tense
Knotted stomach and sweaty palms
Aimless strolling without seeing
Picking spines off shelves
While my own swivels every time the door opens

Surrounded by vanillin escapes and bitter coffee
Seeing your pink sweater and jeans
The heart calms and breath steadies
Chatter and rustling dissipate
Every crevice of my being thrums
As I watch you approach
Sparks shimmer up my arms
A mirror soul stares back

I first saw you in the book store
Walls filled with happy endings
Hopes and dreams of others' imaginations
Yet those stories I held so dear told me lies.
That I was worthy of a fairytale kind of love
And for a moment it felt real.

Our first hug felt too short
I didn’t want to let you go
Our first kiss left me wanting more
I melted in your arms
Our first misunderstanding dropped me
I didn’t see it coming
Our last conversation left me shattered
I wanted to keep going

But I’ll always have when I first saw you
The outside world ceased to matter
The smallest touch set me aflame
When everything stilled
When all was novel
When all was ardent
When all left me animated
When all left me breathless
When wistful was just a word in a book