"tessa" poems
1.
People say you can tell a lot about a woman's style by what her nails look like.
For my mother, acrylics with baby pink sparkly french-tips.
For the blonde sitting at the nail dryer, coral.
Something about the color
looks strange with her new engagement ring.
She talks about how the second time she hung out with her fiancé
she asked him to paint her nails.
Her mother, who she insists she'll pay for, gets french tips.
They look new and fresh in contrast to her tarnished wedding ring.
The little girl with skinned knees and bug bites sitting in the chair across from me asks for blue polish on her toe nails.
Her mother tells her she should get pink.
2.
The act of women getting their nails done reminds me of warriors being armed for a fight.
long acrylics,
pointed,
rounded,
squared,
all fit for different types of battle.
Pointed for the woman who has to walk home alone at night,
rounded for the woman in the workplace who must work harder than her male co-workers,
and square for the woman at home raising her kids to know that strength and kindness
are the same thing.
3.
The women who work here speak better English than most high school students.
And their accents tell stories that I will never know.
An older woman speaks loudly and slowly,
she treats them as if they do not understand.
She will not speak to anyone but the owner; she wants him to translate what she wants to the salon workers.
What she doesn't realize is
that she is the only person here who doesn't understand.
4.
The little girl's doll is named Tessa.
She tells me that she likes my hair and shoes,
even though she has been told not to talk to strangers
twice in the last hour she has been here.
She asked her mother for change,
we all assume it's for the gumball machine in the corner.
She puts all of it in the charity jar.
I hope this girl never changes.
5. Having bare nails in a nail salon
feels the same as being naked in public.
6.
I feel terrible for laughing at the women trying to walk in those little salon flip-flops.
Some look like ducks,
others look like trained Barbies;
marching
newly polished,
ready for the world to chip away their coating
over,
and over,
and over again.
Feb 4, 2017
Feb 4, 2017 at 5:04 PM UTC
my paris begins with
those early days
as a conscious flaneur
i recall the couple
seated opposite me
on the metro
when i was still innocent
of its labyrinthine complexity
slim pretty white girl
clad head to toe in denim
smiling wistfully
while her muscular black beau
stared through me
with fathomless orbs
and one of them spoke
almost in a whisper
qu'est-ce-que t'en pense
and it dawned on me
yes the young parisienne
with the distant desirous eyes
was no less male than me
dismal movies
in the forum des halles
being screamed at in pigalle
and then howled at again
by some kind of madman
or vagrant who told me
to go to the bois de boulogne
to meet what he saw
as my destiny
menaced
by a sinister skinhead
for trying on tessa's
wide-brimmed hat
getting ****** in les halles
with sara
who'd just seen
dillon as rusty james
and was walking in a daze
sara again with jade
at the caveau
de la huchette jazz cellar
cash squandered
on a gold tootbrush
two tone shoes
from close by
to the place d'italie
portrait sketched
at the place du tertre
paperback books
by symbolist poets
but second hand volumes
by trakl and deleve
and a leather jacket
from the marche aux puces
porte de clignancourt
losing gary's address
scrawled on a page
of musset's confession
walking the length
and breadth of the rue st denis,
what an artist's paradise
(as juliette once wrote me).
Jul 3, 2015
Jul 3, 2015 at 7:23 AM UTC
Look at how amazing he is.
He really takes my breath away.
He is going to do great things, look at what he is already doing for the community.
Why is he with me?
You have nothing to offer him.
Nothing important.
He shines so brightly.
He's a hero.
How could you compete?
You aren't even on the same level as him.
He deserves someone better, someone as wonderful as he is.
You are so needy.
Look at yourself.
Melting and blushing and searching for praise.
This is why everyone else left.
You love too easily and too much.
You are worthless and ugly and slobbish and selfish.
Oh look, now you're crying too.
This happens every time Tessa, you always fall in this same hole.
Did you ever completely climb out?
Hang on a second.
Stop it.
You're overreacting.
How did things come to this?
He held you in his arms last night.
Voluntarily.
That has to mean something.
Calm down.
Stop it.
You are stronger than this.
He chose you, remember?
Stop talking to yourself.
Entertaining the voices in your head is how you mess things up.
Every time life becomes kind to you, you search for the faults.
Why should this be so impossible?
Why aren't you allowed to be happy for once?
You can do this.
You deserve this.
These are the thoughts he vowed to help you stop.
It's time to trust a little, and let him.
Open up.
You're shutting love out again.
You know if he were here, he would hug you sobbing
And tell you to
please, just put down the knife.
Apr 7, 2013
Apr 7, 2013 at 8:36 PM UTC
*Ellie's sailing down the river
Tessa's sitting by the lake
Four of us going separate ways on a hot summer day
Phil's driving up the mountains
Looking for a classic thrill coupled with a few spills
Four of us on our own adventures on a hot summer day*
Aug 2, 2014
Aug 2, 2014 at 3:52 PM UTC
You.
Are.
Beautiful.
I wish you could see
The strength of your own beauty
Freckles, bright blue eyes, wispy strands of hair framing a beloved face
A gentle smile, the kindest of smiles
I love nothing more than a kind smile
Laugh lines and battle scars
They all add up to who you are
And you are beautiful
And you are made all the more beautiful because of what you are inside
Your inner light is so bright
So beautiful
So glowing
You positively sparkle
A peak at your eyes can show you that much
See it there? That little gleam? The glisten of your infinitely beautiful soul?
I see it, you know
We all do
If only you could too
If only you could feel the tender love I feel for you
How much I wish I could make you love yourself as I love you
How all I want is for you to be kind to yourself
Because I know how hard it is to be your own worst enemy
And you, my dear, are too kind to be anyone's enemy
Let alone your own
So I beg you to look a little closer at yourself
And look at all the people who love you, at those who surround you
They're drawn to your gentle, shining, sparkling beauty
Like moths to a beautiful and kind light
You are so precious to all of us
You are a blessing and a gift
You are beautiful
You are beautiful not for just one particular thing,
But for everything
You are beautiful in all that you are
And you are loved
Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 2:38 AM UTC
Today, dreams left behind I fall awake,
still dozed I oust myself
out of dark-doldrums, pummeling eyes
and promise the sun to
visit new campion just birthing its buds
up on the heath.
Today I will reach heights above windy
ridges of mist and fill
both my hands with pocketed crumbs to
feed ragged robins
who before breeding sing as they flaunt
red with bold confidence.
Today, courting sweet Cornish morning
I shall go breakfastless
and match Tessa my dog in chasing her
make-believe meals
of dried seaweed, have some fun plying
beached gulls with cuttlefish
bone while taking leaps to the unknown
on thrift-covered clifftops.
Today I will sand-hop the cloud-shadows
of shifting grey and
voiceless give praise for this boisterous
paradise in which life
thrives, then carpe-ing diem I yawn, get
started and am away.
Feb 8, 2017
Feb 8, 2017 at 6:15 AM UTC
Was there ever a more beautiful sound than your name? To speak it aloud makes my heart ring like a bell. Strange to imagine that, isn’t it – a heart ringing – but when you touch me that is what it is like: as if my heart is ringing in my chest and the sound shivers down my veins and splinters my bones with joy.
Why have I written these words in this book? Because of you. You taught me to love this book where I had scorned it. When I read it for the second time, with an open mind and heart, I felt the most complete despair and envy of Sydney Carton. Yes, Sydney, for even if he had no hope that the woman he loved would love him, at least he could tell her of his love. At least he could do something to prove his passion, even if that thing was to die.
I would have chosen death for a chance to tell you the truth, Tessa, if I could have been assured that death would be my own. And that is why I envied Sydney, for he was free.
And now at last I am free, and I can finally tell you, without fear of danger to you, all that I feel in my heart.
You are not the last dream of my soul.
You are the first dream, the only dream I ever was unable to stop myself from dreaming. You are the first dream of my soul, and from that dream I hope will come all other dreams, a lifetime’s worth.
With hope at least,
Will Herondale
Feb 25, 2016
Feb 25, 2016 at 1:23 PM UTC
If I would have
to write your name
a thousand times,
I would.
My hands would
tire and cramp---
but it would be
a pleasant cramp. A
pleasant
tiresomeness.
For your name is pleasant
and it would be
too much
of a
pleasure
to write it
a thousand times.
Oct 21, 2013
Oct 21, 2013 at 11:36 AM UTC
Until it affects someone we love, We don’t even know it’s there. It’s really not our problem, So why should we care.
The statistics are quite shocking, One in four they say Will suffer from depression In their lives one day.
There’s not much stigma anymore For this serious mental flaw. But no one knows where it will strike, It’s just the luck of the draw.
No one would choose to live with it, And some don’t even try. I see my daughter suffering And all she can do is cry.
Most people turn the other cheek, They’ve been doing it for years. But I must face the pain I see, In my daughter’s tears. -Woody-
Feb 5, 2013
Feb 5, 2013 at 7:44 PM UTC
What are you accomplishing Tessa?
Nothing, everyone
They say
what are you going to do?
I am going to write I say
Are you any good?
No I am the lousiest
I will go nowhere
You should try to do something
that will help you
progress
in the world
No I say
I am content I say
I am done pleasing you
I am not proud of you
they say
I sigh
Exhale another piece of gunk
from my lung
but I can finally breathe
I say
That is all that matters
Sep 26, 2011
Sep 26, 2011 at 12:20 AM UTC
Tessa III
"I believe in human rights," Chet Faker, I am trying to
find your softer side over Bose... Trying hard to forget the
ghastly scare you gave me. Smoking cigarettes and deleting
details I think you shouldn't get too deep into...
Underneath, when swimming, the story is getting more sad.
Explain to me about India, Kamasutra of many pages long,
why your part was left out. Many years have passed, dry blee-
ding the sun in shameful memories, I was on the other side.
Time is becoming a long stretch on the couch, if you remember
how you danced, exploring rhythm and ecstacy, when quietly...
Aug 16, 2019
Aug 16, 2019 at 9:44 AM UTC
Tessa put on
the Mozart Requiem CD
and relaxed
on the old sofa
in her student room.
Molly
was sitting there
beside her
having watched Tessa
move from the sofa
and put on the CD.
How her hips swayed
as she walked
and how
she knelt down slightly
to open
the CD player top
and slip in the CD
a sight of thighs
caught her eyes.
I love this Requiem
Tessa said
I want this
at my funeral
or rather
the first aspect of it
not the whole of course
or people will
have fallen asleep.
Molly smiled
hopefully you've
a wait before that.
Yes I hope so too
Tessa said.
Molly wished
Tessa was sitting
on her bed.
She was last time
she came
and it was a buzz
sitting there beside her
knowing that in
a different world
they could have
made out.
Only Tessa wasn't
into girls
but that boring
boyfriend of hers
whom she said
she loved
but who was probably
having it off
with any girl
willing to
at his university
if she knew him.
I prefer Jazz
Molly said
but won't bother
having any music
or hymns played
at my funeral
as I won't be alive
to hear it.
But you will
be there in spirit
Tessa said.
I don't believe
that nonsense
Molly said
once you're dead
you're dead.
Tessa frowned
how can you
believe that?
How can you
believe nothing?
That's how I am
dead means dead
Molly said.
The Mozart
played on
as Tessa lectured
on about her faith.
Molly watched
her lips speak
and her small *******
move beneath
the tight pink tee shirt
and Molly
thought Tessa
a little teasing flirt.
Jun 15, 2017
Jun 15, 2017 at 3:16 AM UTC
Tessa V
Your talk is big when the axe has fallen. A cavalry blinded
by butterflies and empty eyes, never have seen a real vision.
My talk is small, low ineptitude, etude. I won't fly the skies,
empty or surging with endosperm. Tacit knowledge isn't that
hard for you, is it? Another name will descend in time, maybe
close enough to your century when I am gone and won't be
remembered through symphonies of your love. Human loving
from some other base unknown. Hacking in and out what was
destined for slaughter, which birthright? For less than a penny
to buy a prince or king, or strangeness coming from heaven.
Their talk is big, surprisingly. The hardest thing yet on earth,
was never a small thing for mankind. Easy firing shots, with-
out a warning sign language, I can feel your presence getting
hot again. What I have faced before is you, up close and dan-
gerous, and you know how I feel when unarmed. The end.
Tessa VI
Trust or play simplicity, me or you. Eyes to uncover the deep,
dark mirrors. On account of many charges, this is extreme.
What is love to you? I see the barrel of a gun. The rabbit hole
is what you hate most. And I keep on trying, e.g. like this over-
bearing nerd. I am old, close to you. The pizza is turning cold.
Evenings are labelled, and your anger does not need any
more logs. In fact we have nothing in common, except when
it is bedtime and night matures inside your mind. Lightness of
fantasies, I can't stand it. Fork and knife feeling like a company
on the plate. One that you build, manage, and without me.
If you want the house, Citroen X, the e-motions, you will need
something beyond your own skin. Mediation through invest-
ments are stone and bricks to me. I rather be drunk all night.
Sometimes I wonder are you or are you not a general? I had
a simple dream yesterday, but now I am the jester. A smile...
Aug 17, 2019
Aug 17, 2019 at 2:13 PM UTC
Asking too much from this emptiness, structure and language. Some
love nest between the eyes lies love in complete quietness and iso-
lation, a lonely planet in the distance. Not to want, or a complete loss
of time, or both. From your hips come a tight embrace, gilded in mad
desire from another side of what is life, transferred by frequencies.
Give up defences, dropping of humanities, pyramid of eternal longing
at midday sun, eyes or desolation. We travel on, held by the heels in poi-
son Ivy below, and fly. There is a night deformed by beauty and a living
memory, just keep quiet when you see it or feel it's meteorite burn.
Make me come back asking too much from a lonely hell?
Oct 30, 2019
Oct 30, 2019 at 7:13 PM UTC
Natanya
waves goodbye,
Benny's gone
to his home
after their
overnight
stay in that
cheap London
hotel room.
She walks now
to her home.
Her husband
sitting there
in his own
green armchair
by the fire
thumbing through
a seed book.
He looks up
when she comes
in the room:
how was it?
He asks her
the concert?
She takes off
her black coat,
looks at him:
it was good,
she replies,
she sits down
lights up a
cigarette,
looks at him.
How was your
female friend?
He inquires
good hotel?
It was good,
she replies,
and Tessa
was ok,
Natanya
coolly lies.
What was it
you saw there?
A ballet:
Nutcracker,
she tells him,
thinking of
Benny there
in the bed
next to her
having ******
her 5 times
in the night.
Had dinner?
Hubby says.
Yes we did,
she replies,
her mouth crammed
with her lies.
Oct 22, 2016
Oct 22, 2016 at 4:55 AM UTC
Tessa III
Two people sitting unidentified in cinema seatings missing
reality. If we touched classical screen will be on, two to 20
minutes long. A private facility at home, what is happening?
A million faces said it before, *** can't change things when
silent. It's not about the hurt or pain of memory humanity,
a gut feeling that won't come out. Your bowl of fruit, act sur-
prised. Turning up the dramatic sound, it won't be a smash hit.
I am trying to forget about your special traits. I got talent, you
see... If I go toward the exit first, our secret will self- destruct.
"Houston, we have a serious problem. Re-entry zero burning."
Tessa IV
It's easy once you see it, yours and mine ideology. I
want kindness from you, from me, when we sleep. Bla-
ming is the gravestone when all method is dead. Our
bed is floating and we can't say why. I am capable of change,
another challenge to meet the talisman. Indifference
to use in this sentence upholds the vision, was it virtue,
loneliness? That is the supporting middle that we have.
Friday morning glory, coming in boxes on the table. For-
tune teller in your tealeaves, what is it saying? When will
I be dead? The level of threat has moved to another level.
Tessa V
Weekend readings, a million heads per second. I do the
writing, and so a few hundreds more. The gurkin inside
your oyster, making intention go blue and green. The sun
is what I call the architect. High shadows when looking be-
hind now. A glorious morning, I can just smell the coffee.
I am looking forward to a good saturday this weekend. Dis-
tance between us is a good thing. This lovelife is homeless,
without memory. Let's grow old more decently, talk when
having breakfast, or just be quiet. You know when they say
'a good life', I don't see it in your eyebrows. Oh, please, don't
smile... Sometimes I wonder why they left you, stunningly
beautiful when you were young. What can I say, my charitable
me is a DNA- thing or the Chuckle Brothers. One more thing,
what is it with this metaphor, when you are young with the sun
wrapped around your waist? I am just happy with my readings.
Aug 23, 2019
Aug 23, 2019 at 6:06 AM UTC
Tessa I
It is not a laughing matter, watching life through bro-
ken glass and memory loss in an instant. "You did give
me that horse," death changes everything. Friday after-
noon, like any other day, only more wonderous after my
collapse. Why you kicked me in the head is making me
wonder about a sitcom, cruel and vengeful. Was it love,
Tessa? Or was it Coca- Cola, Miller Beer oats and flakes?
Revenge or consumption? You want my honesty, you are
hijacking Time. Give me something, inspire me, manage this
life you want. I am giving you the secret key to a new start.
Aug 16, 2019
Aug 16, 2019 at 11:38 AM UTC
It was dark outside,
Loud rain drops tampered
on my window,
Smell of wet soil hit the air.
I was sitting in my window
and my mind swirled in
the fictional world.
I could see Harry on his broom,
And Will, Tessa and Jem sitting
together.
Charlie was again writing his diary,
And Jane was reading a book.
Sherlock and Dr. Watson were chasing
a culprit
While avengers were saving the world.
Lucy with her siblings was
ruling the Narnia
While Fred and George were pranking
the other students.
I could see Alice wandering in wonderland,
And I could also see Naomi with the three musketeers arguing.
I could hear Grover playing his pipes,
And Percy and Annabeth were kissing.
Then the rain stopped abruptly,
Bringing me back to the real world,
Leaving me in a state of melancholy.
Apr 6, 2018
Apr 6, 2018 at 7:29 AM UTC
Tessa VI
Sunday morning, I wonder if you are happy. Smart happy,
or just happy. Ten days ago it was about my indiscretions, and
how you engineered the wife- thing up close and dangerous...
I have lost the bird in my hand, in exchange for the pyramids
of Egypt. I also wonder, did you go to church today? Not becau-
se of affection, but for confectionate reasons. Sprinkling here
and there your Bible- religion for the morning. I am not looking
back. We are in the new realities in Real Time, and tomorrow.
About the bird, she was my phoenix with scanty white polished
feathers. For subtlety we scored a very high heaven. The L-
word now lies between the sun and earth. I understand, you
need me and I need you, vision. Love at this stage of age can't
be coincidental, plain and simple. I wonder if you are happy this
morning, when looking at you through the wide window. It
could be telepathic, if life is smart between us. I answer...
Aug 25, 2019
Aug 25, 2019 at 5:05 AM UTC
Tessa Cycle III
1
A whisper, Frederic Raphael and glittering prizes. We are not
patients in this hospital ward, a couple. The prize, I under-
stand is my birthday present... Past salt on my face, like the
dream you get in the night. Behind the palace, your first kiss
stolen. Imagine what time would be like, the future? Whispers
midday in the summer heatwave we will be hiding in the cool-
ness of the river. Time in the clock is flying, your pickup sticks
Mikado solitary game behind the wide hourglass, I am still wai-
ting for the body- sun- eclips. In your secret location, a song
about the garden, what's on the petri dish? Micro tessalation...
Aug 27, 2019
Aug 27, 2019 at 8:54 AM UTC