Incipit Prohemium Secundi Libri.

Out of these blake wawes for to sayle,
O wind, O wind, the weder ginneth clere;
For in this see the boot hath swich travayle,
Of my conning, that unnethe I it stere:
This see clepe I the tempestous matere  
Of desespeyr that Troilus was inne:
But now of hope the calendes biginne.
O lady myn, that called art Cleo,
Thou be my speed fro this forth, and my muse,
To ryme wel this book, til I have do;  
Me nedeth here noon other art to use.
For-why to every lovere I me excuse,
That of no sentement I this endyte,
But out of Latin in my tonge it wryte.

Wherfore I nil have neither thank ne blame  
Of al this werk, but prey yow mekely,
Disblameth me if any word be lame,
For as myn auctor seyde, so seye I.
Eek though I speke of love unfelingly,
No wondre is, for it no-thing of newe is;  
A blind man can nat Iuggen wel in hewis.

Ye knowe eek, that in forme of speche is chaunge
With-inne a thousand yeer, and wordes tho
That hadden prys, now wonder nyce and straunge
Us thinketh hem; and yet they spake hem so,  
And spedde as wel in love as men now do;
Eek for to winne love in sondry ages,
In sondry londes, sondry ben usages.

And for-thy if it happe in any wyse,
That here be any lovere in this place  
That herkneth, as the storie wol devyse,
How Troilus com to his lady grace,
And thenketh, so nolde I nat love purchace,
Or wondreth on his speche or his doinge,
I noot; but it is me no wonderinge;  

For every wight which that to Rome went,
Halt nat o path, or alwey o manere;
Eek in som lond were al the gamen shent,
If that they ferde in love as men don here,
As thus, in open doing or in chere,  
In visitinge, in forme, or seyde hire sawes;
For-thy men seyn, ech contree hath his lawes.

Eek scarsly been ther in this place three
That han in love seid lyk and doon in al;
For to thy purpos this may lyken thee,  
And thee right nought, yet al is seyd or shal;
Eek som men grave in tree, som in stoon wal,
As it bitit; but sin I have begonne,
Myn auctor shal I folwen, if I conne.

Exclipit prohemium Secundi Libri.

Incipit Liber Secundus.

In May, that moder is of monthes glade,  
That fresshe floures, blewe, and whyte, and rede,
Ben quike agayn, that winter dede made,
And ful of bawme is fleting every mede;
Whan Phebus doth his brighte bemes sprede
Right in the whyte Bole, it so bitidde  
As I shal singe, on Mayes day the thridde,

That Pandarus, for al his wyse speche,
Felt eek his part of loves shottes kene,
That, coude he never so wel of loving preche,
It made his hewe a-day ful ofte grene;  
So shoop it, that hym fil that day a tene
In love, for which in wo to bedde he wente,
And made, er it was day, ful many a wente.

The swalwe Proigne, with a sorwful lay,
Whan morwe com, gan make hir waymentinge,  
Why she forshapen was; and ever lay
Pandare a-bedde, half in a slomeringe,
Til she so neigh him made hir chiteringe
How Tereus gan forth hir suster take,
That with the noyse of hir he gan a-wake;  

And gan to calle, and dresse him up to ryse,
Remembringe him his erand was to done
From Troilus, and eek his greet empryse;
And caste and knew in good plyt was the mone
To doon viage, and took his wey ful sone  
Un-to his neces paleys ther bi-syde;
Now Ianus, god of entree, thou him gyde!

Whan he was come un-to his neces place,
'Wher is my lady?' to hir folk seyde he;
And they him tolde; and he forth in gan pace,  
And fond, two othere ladyes sete and she,
With-inne a paved parlour; and they three
Herden a mayden reden hem the geste
Of the Sege of Thebes, whyl hem leste.

Quod Pandarus, 'Ma dame, god yow see,  
With al your book and al the companye!'
'Ey, uncle myn, welcome y-wis,' quod she,
And up she roos, and by the hond in hye
She took him faste, and seyde, 'This night thrye,
To goode mote it turne, of yow I mette!'  
And with that word she doun on bench him sette.

'Ye, nece, ye shal fare wel the bet,
If god wole, al this yeer,' quod Pandarus;
'But I am sory that I have yow let
To herknen of your book ye preysen thus;  
For goddes love, what seith it? tel it us.
Is it of love? O, som good ye me lere!'
'Uncle,' quod she, 'your maistresse is not here!'

With that they gonnen laughe, and tho she seyde,
'This romaunce is of Thebes, that we rede;  
And we han herd how that king Laius deyde
Thurgh Edippus his sone, and al that dede;
And here we stenten at these lettres rede,
How the bisshop, as the book can telle,
Amphiorax, fil thurgh the ground to helle.'  

Quod Pandarus, 'Al this knowe I my-selve,
And al the assege of Thebes and the care;
For her-of been ther maked bokes twelve: --
But lat be this, and tel me how ye fare;
Do wey your barbe, and shew your face bare;  
Do wey your book, rys up, and lat us daunce,
And lat us don to May som observaunce.'

'A! God forbede!' quod she. 'Be ye mad?
Is that a widewes lyf, so god you save?
By god, ye maken me right sore a-drad,  
Ye ben so wilde, it semeth as ye rave!
It sete me wel bet ay in a cave
To bidde, and rede on holy seyntes lyves;
Lat maydens gon to daunce, and yonge wyves.'

'As ever thryve I,' quod this Pandarus,  
'Yet coude I telle a thing to doon you pleye.'
'Now, uncle dere,' quod she, 'tel it us
For goddes love; is than the assege aweye?
I am of Grekes so ferd that I deye.'
'Nay, nay,' quod he, 'as ever mote I thryve!  
It is a thing wel bet than swiche fyve.'

'Ye, holy god,' quod she, 'what thing is that?
What! Bet than swiche fyve? Ey, nay, y-wis!
For al this world ne can I reden what
It sholde been; som Iape, I trowe, is this;  
And but your-selven telle us what it is,
My wit is for to arede it al to lene;
As help me god, I noot nat what ye meene.'

'And I your borow, ne never shal, for me,
This thing be told to yow, as mote I thryve!'  
'And why so, uncle myn? Why so?' quod she.
'By god,' quod he, 'that wole I telle as blyve;
For prouder womman were ther noon on-lyve,
And ye it wiste, in al the toun of Troye;
I iape nought, as ever have I Ioye!'  

Tho gan she wondren more than biforn
A thousand fold, and doun hir eyen caste;
For never, sith the tyme that she was born,
To knowe thing desired she so faste;
And with a syk she seyde him at the laste,  
'Now, uncle myn, I nil yow nought displese,
Nor axen more, that may do yow disese.'

So after this, with many wordes glade,
And freendly tales, and with mery chere,
Of this and that they pleyde, and gunnen wade  
In many an unkouth glad and deep matere,
As freendes doon, whan they ben met y-fere;
Til she gan axen him how Ector ferde,
That was the tounes wal and Grekes yerde.

'Ful wel, I thanke it god,' quod Pandarus,  
'Save in his arm he hath a litel wounde;
And eek his fresshe brother Troilus,
The wyse worthy Ector the secounde,
In whom that ever vertu list abounde,
As alle trouthe and alle gentillesse,  
Wysdom, honour, fredom, and worthinesse.'

'In good feith, eem,' quod she, 'that lyketh me;
They faren wel, god save hem bothe two!
For trewely I holde it greet deyntee
A kinges sone in armes wel to do,  
And been of good condiciouns ther-to;
For greet power and moral vertu here
Is selde y-seye in o persone y-fere.'

'In good feith, that is sooth,' quod Pandarus;
'But, by my trouthe, the king hath sones tweye,  
That is to mene, Ector and Troilus,
That certainly, though that I sholde deye,
They been as voyde of vyces, dar I seye,
As any men that liveth under the sonne,
Hir might is wyde y-knowe, and what they conne.  

'Of Ector nedeth it nought for to telle:
In al this world ther nis a bettre knight
Than he, that is of worthinesse welle;
And he wel more vertu hath than might.
This knoweth many a wys and worthy wight.  
The same prys of Troilus I seye,
God help me so, I knowe not swiche tweye.'

'By god,' quod she, 'of Ector that is sooth;
Of Troilus the same thing trowe I;
For, dredelees, men tellen that he dooth  
In armes day by day so worthily,
And bereth him here at hoom so gentilly
To every wight, that al the prys hath he
Of hem that me were levest preysed be.'

'Ye sey right sooth, y-wis,' quod Pandarus;  
'For yesterday, who-so hadde with him been,
He might have wondred up-on Troilus;
For never yet so thikke a swarm of been
Ne fleigh, as Grekes fro him gonne fleen;
And thorugh the feld, in everi wightes ere,  
Ther nas no cry but "Troilus is there!"

'Now here, now there, he hunted hem so faste,
Ther nas but Grekes blood; and Troilus,
Now hem he hurte, and hem alle doun he caste;
Ay where he wente, it was arayed thus:  
He was hir deeth, and sheld and lyf for us;
That as that day ther dorste noon with-stonde,
Whyl that he held his blody swerd in honde.

'Therto he is the freendlieste man
Of grete estat, that ever I saw my lyve;  
And wher him list, best felawshipe can
To suche as him thinketh able for to thryve.'
And with that word tho Pandarus, as blyve,
He took his leve, and seyde, 'I wol go henne.'
'Nay, blame have I, myn uncle,' quod she thenne.  

'What eyleth yow to be thus wery sone,
And namelich of wommen? Wol ye so?
Nay, sitteth down; by god, I have to done
With yow, to speke of wisdom er ye go.'
And every wight that was a-boute hem tho,  
That herde that, gan fer a-wey to stonde,
Whyl they two hadde al that hem liste in honde.

Whan that hir tale al brought was to an ende,
Of hire estat and of hir governaunce,
Quod Pandarus, 'Now is it tyme I wende;  
But yet, I seye, aryseth, lat us daunce,
And cast your widwes habit to mischaunce:
What list yow thus your-self to disfigure,
Sith yow is tid thus fair an aventure?'

'A! Wel bithought! For love of god,' quod she,  
'Shal I not witen what ye mene of this?'
'No, this thing axeth layser,' tho quod he,
'And eek me wolde muche greve, y-wis,
If I it tolde, and ye it **** amis.
Yet were it bet my tonge for to stille  
Than seye a sooth that were ayeins your wille.

'For, nece, by the goddesse Minerve,
And Iuppiter, that maketh the thonder ringe,
And by the blisful Venus that I serve,
Ye been the womman in this world livinge,  
With-oute paramours, to my wittinge,
That I best love, and lothest am to greve,
And that ye witen wel your-self, I leve.'

'Y-wis, myn uncle,' quod she, 'grant mercy;
Your freendship have I founden ever yit;  
I am to no man holden trewely,
So muche as yow, and have so litel quit;
And, with the grace of god, emforth my wit,
As in my gilt I shal you never offende;
And if I have er this, I wol amende.  

'But, for the love of god, I yow beseche,
As ye ben he that I love most and triste,
Lat be to me your fremde manere speche,
And sey to me, your nece, what yow liste:'
And with that word hir uncle anoon hir kiste,  
And seyde, 'Gladly, leve nece dere,
Tak it for good that I shal seye yow here.'

With that she gan hir eiyen doun to caste,
And Pandarus to coghe gan a lyte,
And seyde, 'Nece, alwey, lo! To the laste,  
How-so it be that som men hem delyte
With subtil art hir tales for to endyte,
Yet for al that, in hir entencioun
Hir tale is al for som conclusioun.

'And sithen thende is every tales strengthe,  
And this matere is so bihovely,
What sholde I peynte or drawen it on lengthe
To yow, that been my freend so feithfully?'
And with that word he gan right inwardly
Biholden hir, and loken on hir face,  
And seyde, 'On suche a mirour goode grace!'

Than thoughte he thus: 'If I my tale endyte
Ought hard, or make a proces any whyle,
She shal no savour han ther-in but lyte,
And trowe I wolde hir in my wil bigyle.  
For tendre wittes wenen al be wyle
Ther-as they can nat pleynly understonde;
For-thy hir wit to serven wol I fonde --'

And loked on hir in a besy wyse,
And she was war that he byheld hir so,  
And seyde, 'Lord! So faste ye me avyse!
Sey ye me never er now? What sey ye, no?'
'Yes, yes,' quod he, 'and bet wole er I go;
But, by my trouthe, I thoughte now if ye
Be fortunat, for now men shal it see.  

'For to every wight som goodly aventure
Som tyme is shape, if he it can receyven;
And if that he wol take of it no cure,
Whan that it commeth, but wilfully it weyven,
Lo, neither cas nor fortune him deceyven,  
But right his verray slouthe and wrecchednesse;
And swich a wight is for to blame, I gesse.

'Good aventure, O bele nece, have ye
Ful lightly founden, and ye conne it take;
And, for the love of god, and eek of me,  
Cacche it anoon, lest aventure slake.
What sholde I lenger proces of it make?
Yif me your hond, for in this world is noon,
If that yow list, a wight so wel begoon.

'And sith I speke of good entencioun,  
As I to yow have told wel here-biforn,
And love as wel your honour and renoun
As creature in al this world y-born;
By alle the othes that I have yow sworn,
And ye be wrooth therfore, or wene I lye,  
Ne shal I never seen yow eft with ye.

'Beth nought agast, ne quaketh nat; wher-to?
Ne chaungeth nat for fere so your hewe;
For hardely the werste of this is do;
And though my tale as now be to yow newe,  
Yet trist alwey, ye shal me finde trewe;
And were it thing that me thoughte unsittinge,
To yow nolde I no swiche tales bringe.'

'Now, my good eem, for goddes love, I preye,'
Quod she, 'com of, and tel me what it is;  
For bothe I am agast what ye wol seye,
And eek me longeth it to wite, y-wis.
For whether it be wel or be amis,
Say on, lat me not in this fere dwelle:'
'So wol I doon; now herkneth, I shal telle:  

'Now, nece myn, the kinges dere sone,
The goode, wyse, worthy, fresshe, and free,
Which alwey for to do wel is his wone,
The noble Troilus, so loveth thee,
That, bot ye helpe, it wol his bane be.  
Lo, here is al, what sholde I more seye?
Doth what yow list, to make him live or deye.

'But if ye lete him deye, I wol sterve;
Have her my trouthe, nece, I nil not lyen;
Al sholde I with this knyf my throte kerve --'  
With that the teres braste out of his yen,
And seyde, 'If that ye doon us bothe dyen,
Thus giltelees, than have ye fisshed faire;
What mende ye, though that we bothe apeyre?

'Allas! He which that is my lord so dere,  
That trewe man, that noble gentil knight,
That nought desireth but your freendly chere,
I see him deye, ther he goth up-right,
And hasteth him, with al his fulle might,
For to be slayn, if fortune wol assente;  
Allas! That god yow swich a beautee sente!

'If it be so that ye so cruel be,
That of his deeth yow liste nought to recche,
That is so trewe and worthy, as ye see,
No more than of a Iapere or a wrecche,  
If ye be swich, your beautee may not strecche
To make amendes of so cruel a dede;
Avysement is good bifore the nede.

'Wo worth the faire gemme vertulees!
Wo worth that herbe also that dooth no bote!  
Wo worth that beautee that is routhelees!
Wo worth that wight that tret ech under fote!
And ye, that been of beautee crop and rote,
If therwith-al in you ther be no routhe,
Than is it harm ye liven, by my trouthe!  

'And also thenk wel that this is no gaude;
For me were lever, thou and I and he
Were hanged, than I sholde been his baude,
As heyghe, as men mighte on us alle y-see:
I am thyn eem, the shame were to me,  
As wel as thee, if that I sholde assente,
Thorugh myn abet, that he thyn honour shente.

'Now understond, for I yow nought requere,
To binde yow to him thorugh no beheste,
But only that ye make him bettre chere  
Than ye han doon er this, and more feste,
So that his lyf be saved, at the leste;
This al and som, and playnly our entente;
God help me so, I never other mente.

'Lo, this request is not but skile, y-wis,  
Ne doute of reson, pardee, is ther noon.
I sette the worste that ye dredden this,
Men wolden wondren seen him come or goon:
Ther-ayeins answere I thus a-noon,
That every wight, but he be fool of kinde,  
Wol deme it love of freendship in his minde.

'What? Who wol deme, though he see a man
To temple go, that he the images eteth?
Thenk eek how wel and wy

The simple fact of the world is that we don't need anyone
We are built to be self sufficient 
We don't need others to breath 
We don't need others to think
We don't need others to prosper, dominate, 
You don't need school
You don't need pears 
You don't need your parents
No mater your age
We are made so we don't need others to live,

But we are not made to change
In our own heads we can never sift our minds
Chang our ways manipulate the world
All we can be with out others is a neutral being 
Not good or bad just is, not ever making an imprint
When you are maid to not need any one to live 
And so you never try to connect  to others
You failed your self 
Yea you was self sufficient but at what cost
The world will be the same from your birth
To your death 
And no one will know you ever lived

I was like that once never trusting in anyone 
never wishing to confined in anyone
Just survive what evils the gods at be throws at me
I was not happy nor sad 
But I did lose something quite important
That we are not born with
But gain from others love
A reason to live
That's what you lose when you chose to be
Independent 

So yea we don't need any one to live 
But We need some one to live for
So we can live forever

Lost love

I will relate this true unforgettable love story the desert is a forlorn lonely place it runs the gambit stark even sullen and then at
A single turn it enthralls captivates and then the many moods feelings in-between it could really be a telling of human life in so many
Ways my memory of Salt lake is a nice one we were moving to California I remember the climb up the mountain that was some what
Unpleasant I even stopped in Laramie Wyoming had the U Haul checked out it acted like it had a four banger engine would cut out on
The straight a ways and it wasn’t that long ago back then that I put ten cars in the junkyard they were too old and I was two young I
Tried to out run and out do Robert Mitchum when he played a southerner who ran white lighting in Thunder road the time I was driving
A long fifty eight Pontiac without a muffler on the back roads to Herrick town was sort of a reenactment the muffler came off a few
Nights before I don’t understand why my mother left the car behind when she and sis went to Pennsylvania with her sister she even
Took the keys with her talk about lack of trust what can a seventeen year old get into well in a long drawn out search a key was found
And more than usual group of guys were sleeping out why not leave lakers go up and take ma’s car out for a spin start out slow well
Out of the side yard anyway a little more tricking putting it back so past Black desert Ray Cherry’s on the back road to Assumption by
Now the accelerator is stuck to the floor the problem a lead foot anyone have teenagers driving pray good and hard I God and hands
of steel holding the wheel when literally my blood felt like it turned to ice water from the thrill that was now in God’s hands I hit the
small bridge back this way where the road turns back left where there used to be oil well operations right there I was flying low at one
Hundred and fifteen miles an hour soon would be Dukes of hazard air borne all four tires and car at least twenty five through the air
The front tire came down with a hard jarring bang ice water veins and a heavy wide poncho and God kept it upright went down turned
Around lost ten miles an hour of nerve went back one hundred and five miles an hour same little shorter flight but this time we
Landed right on top and in the middle of three chug holes if it had been the tire and it had went in I wouldn’t be writing this or anything else
But the muffler came off with a fine howdy doo as the car banged back on the ground so I gunned the car down by Besons turned it off
And coasted back into the yard went in and told a barley awake grandfather at two thirty in the morning how the county ripped off the
Muffler he fell for it next day I tried it on Ma all I got was right did rack off nice through the hills and bottoms. There is a high that goes with
Speed but there is also is a special quality that emerges out of slow deliberate movement as witnessed by my slow climb up the
Mountain pulling a T bird and a load of furniture more pleasurable on the down grades your still fighting not to over brake but the black
Night the air and the road the trees all enters your conciseness these feelings returned as Yvette set in studio and told her story it is
A story of youth, innocence lost to mindless cruelty it happened with the little dell reservoir shimmering bright under a full moon thats reson
Zack’s mother calls him the man in the moon and the purpose of the trip Zack was into black and white photography he
Wanted to photograph this lovely vision capture it where it would be a favorite item to share with his many friends it would be what
Lived on or at least one tangible part Yvette laid the background of the story how all through high school Zack and her were in all the
Classes together and when she would enter he would all ways make a comment she grew to enjoy and look forward to what he would
say it was tender young love taking it faltering first steps on this night he called and asked her to go she didn’t think anything of it she
Hadn’t done anything special as far as dressing in fact she had washed her hair hadn’t even dried it there is something basic naturally
Raw about a woman with wet hair whatever it is it causes the male heart to beat faster anything is powerful when left untamed. They would flash out to the place this story unfolded the quiet silence the full moon electrifying the water with a glorious sheen and the grass back lit with light causing the gold
Grass to beam without words or action there was a shout coming from nature’s heart and soul it reminded me of the modern western
I read thirty years ago called Goldenrod this perennial plant found in meadows served as the name of the ranch in the story. Yvette says as they
Turned into the final lane that led to the parking she felt a hint of a first kiss in the offing everything was picture perfect and it was nothing
Strange when the white pickup pulled into park that happened all the time at first the stranger kept his distance but he slowly worked
His way toward them finally just feet away he asked them where the path went to they gave him an answer she turned her back she
Said she hoped Zack turned also because at that moment the stranger pulled out a gun and started shooting the first shot killed Zack
He emptied his gun one bullet knocked her down then the shooting stopped then she realized he was reloading in that moment her
Father’s voice spoke in her mind if attacked by a grisly play dead more shots she felt the wind and speed of the bullets pass her head
One on the side caused a ugly exit wound but through it all being shot four times she lay still with her eyes open then the killer touched
Her leg she said she didn’t have a concept of being shot but now it was something that terrified her she thought he was going to ****
Her everyone thinks about that he put his face close to hers she could feel his breath on her neck his purpose was robbery as he went
Through her pockets he withdrew and she heard Zack’s car start later as she retold this two a group in Utah’s Capital building where
She is now a lawyer and a victim’s advocate it must have been strange to get in the person’s car you just killed and have Neil Diamond
Come an and sing. So when the gunfire died down and the night swallowed the terror a future wedding and life with Zack was forever
Gone his spirit dispersed among the stars and his spirit captured and held in natures wonder the new life reality capture was swift since
He left his vehicle his story an immigrant from Uruguay first stop New York then Utah unhappy with life he became obsessed with
Death he just wanted to watch someone die pathetic he was going to then **** himself guess what he had a change of heart got a plea
Deal to avoid the death penalty Zack’s family finally agreed they didn’t want the day twenty years in the future when he would be put
To death then the protesters do like they were doing as timing would have it in Texas at that very time praising almost the killer’s life
And demeaning the victim so he got life without parole then as a true snake has tried five appeals saying he was depressed at the time
This was his last appeal and finally the family has peace, Yvette suffered victims survival syndrome she left her heart on notes she left
On Zack’s grave it showed the depths of love that was dammed far more so than the little Dell ever could be Yvette married but the
Young man in the moon was to powerful a hold so she divorced she does have a seven year old little girl that helps push back the dark
Shadows of that night Zack sister was the one who had the children her one son bears her brother’s name and even looks like him
Yvette’s ending words was she just once to run up and hug Zack and talk to him about that night when love flew away on wounded
Wings to hurt to fly far so in the desert the wind whimpers love denied finds not a heart as its home lost fulfillment blows among the sage
In the eyes of a special woman there is a haunting stare you can read there torment sorrow pathos in the raw she found comfort
In service of helping others this is her and Zack’s story and severe as it is it is also a story of youth that is gone the same as our stories
I want to relate one other special story in this exaggerated time of *** nonsense without love or consequence or responsibility this
Happened in a youthful time of innocence it was moving touching and in one way reflects the time you fell in love this won’t get you
But as the saying says the glory contained in the rose comes by the price of pain from the thorn to walk in the past you can tear a hole
In the heart and soul where tears are stored in abundance I found this out for myself I set down from Carol’s house in tower hill at
a church in the parking lot as I relived those special moments between two people young innocent love that would ignite and through
Days and nights that were to short proved it wasn’t to be what was it I can’t really say but I’m sure you know as well as any of us can
know I know it came from left field not expecting it but it’s all right to cry in a church yard even if you’re my age any time innocence
And love is called or damaged it carries poignant painful waves to roll over you sometimes with other things at play in life they can be
Too much there is a song that says I wouldn’t take anything for my journey now no and neither would I take anything for my memories
Of friends and youth and lost love.

the shot didn't work
noticed to late
cities  empty
hospitals locked
99% dead 1% infected
the world belongs to the dammed and the dead
every sign that we where hear
no reson to miss us

This will cover the darker side I got a firsthand look I went from sleeping on a church
Pew at five years old to dancing with my sister in a tavern for nickels and dimes my dad traded holy fire
For fire water. He had three advantages in this world he was a decent musician an excellent mechanic
Pardon make that four he was a natural at working with heavy equipment this was his strongest suit he
Could have been a prize fighter don’t take my word ask those that went down under his fist especially
His left that was deadly. Fist fights actually sound like they do in westerns my dad and another brave
Man gave me my own show at the north end of the club Avalon on south fifty one not the mist of Avalon
In Camelot unfortunately well two knights were going to do battle in my dad‘s defense in the moral
Sense he didn’t need any defense in the physical this otherwise good man let drink lead him to the
Slaughter my dad did everything he could to prevent a fight there is a reson for the saying that says its better to let sleeping dogs lie when that fails a man takes care of business
They were even courteous one would smack the other in the face and then the other would wait his
Turn I often wonder if I would have been given a turn if dad lost no Buck wasn’t that kind of man. It went
On and on then the blows added up until buck’s legs gave out and he went down in a heap. One more
Telling this was a prize fool we lived in a shack behind the east end grocery my aunt was there and her
Dumb husband came in drunk and tried to fire up on her there I was again with a ring side seat dad and
Sorry brainless stood in the middle of the floor dad’s blow literally drove him across the floor he banged
The screen door it should have just stuck to the wall it slammed with such force all the time uncle was
Running backwards across the porch finally he to after covering the yard to the ditch his feet got all
Tangled up and down he went. That’s been over fifty years ago I can see him like it was minutes ago his
Nose broke forever more it would be crooked and the big round wet spot from the water in the ditch but
What stands out the most was the stupefied look on his face that should happen to ever low class idiot
That raises his hand to a woman.

Let’s get a little lighter sleepies tavern now well it is the last building down from Pizza man on the north
Side if you can’t place it you missed some of the best tenderloins in town we of course had to get ours at
The back door the tenderloin in San Francisco always made me hungry for eddies best cooking. This
Involves rich uncle probation and a long black car with unending chrome and a coloring book Probation
Comes because sleepy an big OAS were competing boot legers this now rich uncle left home at thirteen
And worked for OAS before finding salvation in the navy Sea Bees becoming a crane operator that was
Where my dad excelled in heavy equipment but nobody beats Jack Daniels when you leave Christ
Behind to mention another business uncle’s wife kate owned Meryl Normans and a dress shop in
Neighboring town now the car when I got out my uncle slammed the door the door was completely
Closed problem my fingers of my right hand were now part of the car I can’t explain the thoughts its
Impossible the door is completely shut but my fingers are in there now the feeling part ever hit your
Thumb with a hammer well just take a child have him lay his hand on a piece of hard steel then
Commence banging away with hammer I was having a hard time concentrating but this magic thought just kept a little
Ahead of the pain I had just hit the jack *** uncle had plenty of money for a coloring book and the more
The pain screamed I didn’t scream out loud but I was on the inside. That reminds me of a true rebel’s
Anthem a preacher made his son sit down this is what he heard I might be sitting down on the outside
But I’m standing on the inside like Porky Pig that’s all folks for this time.

Nothing is never going to change
Anything gets better
Nothing ever does
Thing get worse
Worse with time
It doesn't matter how positive you may be
I'm sick of faking a smile
When I feel empty inside
When I don't have a reson to smile
Or to keep holding on.

Every one tells me I'm smart 
But I'm not 
I am not intelligent I'm just observant 
I see why X=Y 
I see why America faught in wwII 
I see why people make fun of me 
And I remember all the **** you've said to me
No I'm not a genius  but I'm smart enough to see though you
You thank your better than me 
Keep on thinking your fashion makes you better 
Keep on thinking that your life is more than mine
I'm smart enough to see that when you rag on me
You alwow your self to believe if you diss me
That the you see in me
The you that you hate to see would not be thair
I can see all the hate in you
I see all the pain in you 

Say all that **** about me
Make it seem that I'm the imperfect one
I use to be like you
Constantly denying who I am 
Never allowing me to be
Always thinking what they think of me 
Only knowing what they known of me
Only cairing what they wishted for me

But I'm not like that any more I see who I am
Not what people cair  to see 
But who I am
Who I want to be
Every aspect I hid befor
All that i wished for no one to know
I do not deny them eny more
I am not who any one thanks I am
I am not what people want me to be
I am not even what I want to be

I am me 
Nouthing more nouthing less
I am who I am
No reson to deny this
And just like I am who i am
You are who you are 
No mater if you deny it
No mater if you hide it
Fact is you was made to be who you are 
No amount of friends can change that fact
And you will see this like I did
You will make friends that do not size you up
No mater how ****** up you seem to be 
They will be their for you
It's just a mater of time before you see who you are

Why do I even bother ?
Oh this is not a poem to sway you with romantic words, no infact i probably won’t share this with whom it belongs.
No more an apology, and reallity check for me!
Oh but that be said without malice for you!
Rather all I do is ***** things up!
Even though I’d try my heart to make sure to get it right with every intention to make your day!
I’d get it wrong I don’t even truly know where I went wrong!
But somehow hurt you i did!
Thats more painfully riviting ro my core far more than you pushing me away!
Many words come to mind from pathetic, useless, idiotic. Waste of human space, and many more, sad to describe anyone as this sadder realising this of oneself!
Should have got right the first time and save everyone the waste of time!
Have had to get my head around not doing anything they call stupid for so long, i honestly strugle to find a reason to carry on!  For what? Why?
And mostly cant say it would stupid, no be thei ly thing i can  think would make sense!
To hurt the one i love no matter what i do ill ***** it up!
Hurting you is an unbearable thought!
How could i live with myself?
Cant see how i can get rhrough that
Let alone this pain!
You mean so much to me!
Ive said is take a bullet for you! (Die for you)
But would rather live for you !
Now if you not there?
Cant see much hope at all !
No where! All rhe general reasons everyone would usually morivate you with, would hold so little weight!
This pain be out of this world i try but  cant expain this be of magnitudes earthquakes couldnt measure on the same scale!
And somehow i try find that reason in fear of hurting other loved ones!
Somehow i rather find hope!
Not the hope youd think though!
Oh no this is hope that my loved ones (famil)  will understand this pain and somehow forgive me for my intention be not to hurt  them, but to find ease finnaly!
Comfort knowing id be not the reson orhers will hurt tomorrow!
Yes dark and dismal thoughts!
Or are they?
Are they not in other ways considerate?
Oh oh i lean to think so..

Her eyes blue
Her hair a soft brown
She is perfect

She doesn't see her worth
She keeps going after the guy that hurt her
Over and Over

I wish she could see how much she is worth
She means the world to me
But she keeps hurtong herslelf for a guy who doesn't love her

I cant stand to see her hurt
She deservs the world
She is tall and smart and beautifull
She is funny and kind and soft
She has soft hands

She's loud but gental
She is a picture perfect girl

All I want is she
She is which I am living
She is which I am happy
She is which I long

She is my Yellow
My Blue
My Red
My Green
My Orange
She is my rainbow
She is my light
She is my stars
She is my galexy
She is my moon

And she is my insomnia
She is my reson
She is my guding hand
And she is the badage of the wounds I give myself
And she is the trash that took the blades
And she is the mended heart break
She is the bottle that I never picked up again
She is the pills I put back in the cabnet
She is...
she
She
SHe
SHE
SHE!!!

It approaches 
That's all that matters
It comes ever closer 
With a speed that none are clear of
But none can live with out knowing the result 
Death is coming
And I feel her hands grasping for my neck

I see her coming 
Not a threat 
But a promise from reality
She is hear to make the balance 
Her presents scatters all
But I wait for her 

My life I wish was worth more
But because of my own mind I never allow my self
To clim
To aprouch the heart of my existence

I sat never grasping 
As death Grasp for me
She is hear and it's all my falt
I have allowed my life pass me by
Just let the sand seep though my hand

I have forgotten the reson I'm hear 
Never venturing
Never gaining 
Just waiting for her to come
To clame what is hers

But as she grasp my through she stops
"why do u not fear me"
She said this to my emotionless face
"all Flea befor me and yet you stair at me
As if  You could cair less if I came"

"I do not fear you 
Since I knew you would come
I do not reglet leveling this place
For I got nothing for me"

She grasped my hand 
She looked in my lifeless eyes
Her eyes was not like mine
But the opposite 
Thouse eyes showed me what I missed
The crush I alow to flote by
The people I pushed away
She showed me what could of been

That crush becoming more
Her braking my heart
My frainds pick the peaces up
And me continuing my life

"I will be back one day" 
She said as her eyes reflected what I could be
But not because of you
I will come for what you owe
But not now"

She left me 
My complete oppiset
And I cried 
Hear I am seeing nouthing but love and life
And all I cared about was the death
The heartache

But she grasped the reality of life
Death knowing more of life 
Than the living

The morning after I cleaned my wound 
Life seemed just the same
But I still herd deth in my head
Tell Me to live
And so I did
I coted my wounds with a jacket 
And seeked what I could not see
With out death

You try so hard to get away from a place
and when you can finally leave
you find a reson to stay!

where do i stand
i stand my ground
i stand to speak my mind
i stand alone watching the hurt
i stand to keep the people i know and love safe
i stand when theres nothing but terror
i stand inthe deepest shadows
i stand when theres nothing even lft fighting for
i stand to lift and picking up when your not strong nought any more
i stand when your fight dsnt have a reson to keep going
i stand tobe there when the end of the world happens


your not alone
cause i have your back
im the one who will take every thing that hurts you
im the one to listen to pick you up to keep you safe

WHERE do you stand
do you stand beside me
or do you let te corrupt society rip you apart

where do i stand i stand with no regrets nor fear i stand strong for any one who need me ill take all the hurt pain weakness you cant hold


(WHERE) do you stand

when a poet
falls in love
bear in mind
that your eyes
will be compared
to the twinkling stars

your smile
like warm honey
on a lazy afternoon

your laugh
like a bee's buzz,
a tingling sensation
down the spine

when a poet
falls in love
the universe splits in two
spiraling down
down
down
until it bursts in color
filled with glitters
and moonlight

when a poet
falls in love
you are the
only one existing
in a bucket full
of soft whispers
and impossible thoughts
the center of gravity
in a world full
of chaos and madness
(you drive the poet insane)

but when a poet
falls out of love
you became a treasure
one that would make
dandelions chase you
even without the breeze

you became the pollen
that bees chase after
your existence
a reson to live

you became the most
beautiful human being

hearts melt
stomachs go uneasy
hands grip
smiles show

you became
the best version
of yourself
when a poet
falls out of love
of you

because for once
you made
a poet feel things
impossible things
and she knows
that someone will too.

i hope you notice that
every time i smile
at you

Im a little drunk right now but who isn't right now. We all in some way are trying to escape from our true emotions to some place we can make Sence of ower lifes in such a Cruel World where the less fortunate are Looked down on and the rich are cherished. Theres a reson why there are drug's to because they are the best and fastest way to escape from reality for those of us who can't deal with the true reality of our lifes they are here for us. Even when no one else is.

She loves the way the silence sways.
All alone with an expressionless face.
She doesn't know if she should cry.
Or be happy shes still alive.
Asks herself everyday, if theres a reason she has to stay.
The reson never comes to her head.
As soon as she wakesup she wants to go back to bed.
She knows reality will never come close to her dreams.
When you look at a person.
They aren't always as they seem

I carry a few specks of love
in a depths of my pockets.
Those are only things she left me with.
Yet i can't find a reson not to love every bit of her

Anger anger tearing me apart losing my controll seeking nothing but revenge. Split ends leave ****** horror that leaves nothing but destruction. Words will set a blaze in it's path. I'm tired of lies you  put down. Blinding the path we follow to breath.  I am a riot I am a war I am a leathel weapon I am your enemy I am your worst night mar I am the reson you can't function I am the reason you will never unleash the beast inside you I am your biggest fear
. I have self control only time to put away is anger threw my ****** shed ways to escape your grips.



I show no resistance but aggression if I can't hold self control only me making your life a living fear and a living he'll

Ciggerets gather on the dashbored
Shot glasses piled high
Windy night
Shivering in your arms
As you hold me tight
No light on your lips
The ciggrett dangles from my mouth
And you hold me
Not judging
Just there
In a moment
That I will Never Forget
You don't care about my vaices
My habits
My pains
You don't give me these things
But you accept
That this is me
And i'm doing all I can to hold on
Thank you dearly
For I love you
For not being the reson I let go