Will I fall or will I fly ..
I make my decisions with myself in mind
Cross my heart and hope to die
Fullfil my soul is whats in mind

How old are you ?
Is what the lady at the bar said to me
As I argued with her about integrity
Life and repeated history

How old are you, she said to me
Im 22, yea and I'm that aware and that blue.

How old are you the lady at work said to me
As I explained to her how decisions are merly destiny
How people are repeatitions of what was done to them
And how I shouldn't look like what they think I should look like to impress them
Im 23 and it took a while to love myself
I still don't like it sometimes, but I remind myself

How old are you??
The psycologist said to me
As I told him why and how my brain and emotions tangled up and untangled
How I was merly dating to relay on someone for free and that it wasn't right for either him or me.
I explained to him the exact reasons for anxiety
And how I need control cause I was scared by chios in my family
And how a panic attack can be cured mentally
And how I don't want his pills cause I've seen what it has done to others and I have empathy

I said I'm 23
I'm 23
And why does this scenario keep happening to me

He said you're on the right path
Aware and righteous
Keep it up and you'll see


But I wasn't any different and I still wasnt okay
So how could you say that to me

I dont know if I know better
And that's why you're impressed
But even if I did I dont think I do better
And knowing is not a bliss
Ignorance might be
But I can't know that for sure
Cause I can only truly experience life through me
 
So will I fly or will I fall
I  dont know
But I crossed my heart and promised myself to take control
Cause no one has you but you
And when you die what did you do for you ?

So I'm sorry that I left you
I'm sorry that I dont answer texts
I'm sorry that I went out that night
Even though I knew you were a mess
I'm sorry that I wasn't truly there in you're last days
Even though I knew you needed what you needed
But I couldn't give.  
And now you're in heaven's bliss

I make my decisions with myself in mind
And I'm not here to impress
I'm here to survive
And I've learned from the best
That no one has got you but you
So do what you got to do
Before it's too late.

Sadness doesn't own me
We are merly friends
Sadness tests me more
Now that I've put an end

I said goodbye
And goodnight

What more?

Freedom to dream
It's something I look for

But,

Sadness is my friend
And she stays around

Hugging.

Everytime I ask when?

I no I hurt u in the past with promises to deliver, did things to you to make you cry a river and don't blame you for feeling bitter,

Seriously we owe each other an apology, but when I say apology you act deaf to its terminology,

So what am I supposed to think I screamed its over you didn't even blink

It seems together we've come to this conclusion that the love we had was only an elussion?, was the spats we shared merly confusion?

The passion the love was it really there,
To question who's fault is it really fair
That's  a burden by myself I wouldn't and shouldn't bare

You are the queen of the mascuarde
Your poorly stitched mask so crudely made
Your one pure face, now stretched and torn
To fit the stitches so clearly worn
The comforting aura you once conveyed
Was merly a facade of your lavish parade
All you showed me was never real
You are simply way to pretend to feel

I am not here
my existance is merly an illusion
im nothing but a body
who died worlds ago
im a walking corpse
who feeds off your pain
i breath nicotene
your melencoly is gasoline to my fire.
Ever so gently i run the scaple along my face
in stragatic places
i peel back my skin
like a mime i change faces
i am not me
all that remains to be seen
is the rementants of a former self.
With a needle and thread
i stitch on a smile
a lie i always wear
as the pile of lies keeps growing.
I hear his voice taunting me
i see his manapialive eyes in mine
everytime i look into a mirror
darling come closer
and tell me who you see.

with your heart  open for years
decades pass and you realize that you
still despite the air around you
cannot breath
You open the eyes
to find that you are  far far   away
from everything that you were promised
In the  lovely and bright
we are merly nothing more but a shadow
In this  moon and  darkness
I  think you  will find one  moment
that isin´t yours to capture and frame
we´re all just equally dead
in the presence of god.

How do you write without feeling
How to you express yourself without meaning
If theres No reason
If theres no yearning
If there were no one eager for learning
If no ones speaking and no ones listening
If there's no one thinking
and no one questioning
If there are no tears
No fears
No fists of rage
No love and no hate
Then wouldn't we be left empty?
Are we really destined for this fate?
If there is no meanings and no feelings then there is nothing
Then arnt we left with nothing?
Is this destiny of youthful generations
with seemingly nothing to say
but about "how hot" there precious  little boyfriends are
and about "how grose they are"
because there 105 pounds and 5ft 3 because apparently they should only be 93 lb
Because 105 is apparently just to heavy
Is this destiny set in stone?
Or merly written in the fine print of a ****** contract that no one cared to read?
Is there some loophole we can slip through?
Can we undo the lack of what has been
done?
Or are we condemed
to the sad nothing I keep hearing we've become

I wanna forget of her memory,
But a feeling of her love story.
did no support to my memory,
To forget all of her past glory.
         She was merely my beloved,
         To whom merly I so much loved.
         But a **** time for my lovely beloved,
         That she later became god bestloved.
She meant to my whole world,
And I miss a lot my true gold.
I became now half to my world,
And weep to recall words she told.
         She revealed no more of her sight,
         That adored my life with dark light.
         Solitary a man seeing her in my sight,
         That none thinks I'm a man of right.
Nothing of the world tastes me good,
As her live  memory turnes me mood.
For her  forget to devour even once food,
But all of her live memory taste more good
         She is such my beautous beloved,
        I can't forget ever how she loved.         
         She is such an outlive cute beloved,
         To whom I always decently loved.
She became now a twinkling star,
With a great distinction like pole star.
I feel her really so close not so far,
Thanks to god for being her close not so far...










                  

              
              

..