Ewww
Look at you
You disgusting little girl
Your hair’s a mess
Greasy; pimply; ugly
Teeth not white enough
Eyebrows too thin
Makeup done wrong
Just give up already
Walk to the mirror, tubby
Your thighs too large
Your arms flabby
They say your skinny
Who believes them?
You don’t eat some days
You say you’re not hungry
Plus, it’s too “mainstream”
You love food
That’s your problem
Think back on today *****
You yell at them
You think your life is so hard
You make theirs miserable
Ruin what little happiness they have
Worst sister ever
Why should they ever love you?
You don’t even know what love is!
You think you do
You don’t

You ruined another friendship
You thought you were in love. Ha!
You ruin everything
You’ve ruined yourself
Arms out
Wrists up
Examine the scars
Anger and hurt
Permanently displayed
Scars; burns; signs
The world can see
Just another ******* statistic
You like that, hipster?
Didn’t think so

Oh the labels
Do you want to be classified?
Hipster; depressed; hippie; cutter
How do those even go together?
You confuse people
You don’t even know what you are
What you want
What you want to be
You wear your heart on your sleeve
You dress like a freak
Outrageous clothes
Stupid hair
Trying to make an impression?
Make people remember you?
It’s working
And not in a good way

Are you crying?
Wipe the tears from your eyes, you baby
You cry over everything
The last 48 hours
And yet you smile
You disgust me
You hide it
All too well
Are you faking the tears for attention?
Or are you just plain manipulative?
Manipulative of yourself
Your thoughts; feelings
Disgusting

Oh, stop crying over him!
It’s your fault
Remember?
You broke his heart
Like a twig
The day you broke up with him
You gave up
You quitter
You were scared of his love
Scared of your feelings
They weren’t perfect
So you ran
You’re so messed up
You ruin the good things
The ONLY good things you have
Do you think he’ll want you back?

Then another
He was a great friend
You were scared of him
Of the things that made him him
You cancelled
Again
Lies and blames followed
Mad at each other
You said good bye
And because you’re a stubborn ***
Don’t apologize
Erase him from your memories
Cry over what you had
And lost
You ******* baby

Go “escape”
You dreamer
Escape your reality
Dream big
Then give up
You can’t make it
Isn’t that what you always do?
Blame him; I see
It’s not his fault
You just can’t remember
You have no motivation
No goals
You quit too early
I can’t stand to look at you
You disgust me completely
You’re the leftovers
The flaws no one had room for
ALL wrapped up in you instead
You want to be too many things
Everything you’re not
Can’t just be happy, can you?
You want to be the good girl
Want approval
You want to be the bad girl
Drinking
Smoking
*******
You want to be crazy
Not a care in the world
You want acceptance
You don’t even know
You’re greedy
Jealous
Foolish
You clown
Stop embarrassing yourself
Don’t be proud
It’s not nearly good enough
Stop trying
Maybe one day you’ll get it
We hate you
We all secretly hate
But we hide it because we’re good people
There you go
Just go cry sweetie
Act like everything’s ok
You fake
You poser
You loathful creature
I’d hate to be you
Oh, wait
I am...

I had almost forgotten,
The lines between the lines,
Details in dreary designs,
Perpetual persistent patterns,
Relentlessly resilient repetitions.

Why would you come now?
To remind, reminisce or read,
Reckless racks of reads.
All- knowing knocking knight,
A random reckoning recites.

What are these questions?
You ask, alter and annoint,
These dreadful death dreams,
And plough out pangs of pain,
Of a wilted and withered world.

Can't  allow this anymore,
Lose this loathful lust of yours,
That belittles my boistrous being,
Paint a pretty picture please,
Let go and leave, one last time.

I live in a different universe,
Of my wonderful whimsical wishes,
Floating  over my fantastic fairy tale,
Never nitpicking the neverending nows,
The happy hopeful and happening hows.

Sleeping scared in the darkest night
Waiting for him to return and fight
A feeling of nothingness as my emotion
Towards the thought of another devotion

Crying out silently for my escape
Thinking not of the dreaded ****
May the angels and saints bless my life
And keep me from this wicked strife...

Defiant against a willing soul
Thinking back and losing control
Never knowing of which is right
Learning evil with Satan’s delight

Leaving the lord an empty heart
Secretly being torn apart
Feeling alone with others alike
Anger to everything that’s apparently right

Hatred flowing throughout my veins
Needing support from my metallic chains
Life will never be an amusing game
For myself, a loathful shame.

You’re awfully talkative when you drink too much.
         Painfully silent when you are not.
Why can’t you talk to me without it?
         Resentfully. Am I that woeful to be
         around?
Apologise again.
                                             You didn’t even
                                               acknowledge  
                                        what you did wrong.
Blissfully unaware of your own mistakes
                               or rather
         Blissfully unaware of my existence.

A hole in her heart that can never heal,
She tried everything, but still so empty.
She keeps trying but she’d rather not feel.

Fat! Ugly! Loathful! Why’d you eat that meal?!
The mirror screams at her – she feels *****.
The hole in her heart, unable to heal.

The demons lurk in her heads; surreal.
Starve to be skinny, (skinny means happy)
She tries and tries but she’d rather not feel.

Her walls built so high, solely out of steel.
Everyone will give up eventually.
The big hole in her heart barely did heal.

Scars – fresh and old – under her sleeves conceal
her secrets. She just wants to be free.
She keeps trying but she’d rather not feel.

Nobody actually knew it was real,
But she is me.
That hole in my heart? It never did heal.
But I got what I wanted – I can’t feel.

**(a.p)

she was doleful
loathful
but then
lonely,
scared
and worried.

everything might
reach its end.

he was so near
yet
why does he feel
so distant,
very far away
from me?

tears came down
rolling
trying to reach
for his voice
but he never came.
not again.
and then there was
a

what are you,
a husk of what the world demands,
their expectations and beliefs,
but not all is them

Some are your expectation,
but where are they coming from,
what wastelands are these lunatic ideas from,
spawning an undue end.

Psyche of yours,
moulded through hammers of plenty,
in the fire of false pretenses,
is any of you even real

Do you see the small hints,
your true self, the loathful one,
how long will you sustain such ignorance,
false faces on dead ideas

granting their wish to bring down,
with the grace and might of a maggot,
soul of yours will forever question
where do they start and when you end

beside the
lonely,
busy
streets of
felicity,
i pondered
wondered
and then
discovered
that i was too
naive, too wicked
to say i like you
when i'm not
allowed to.

along those usual
corridors and doors
i wait...
when i needn't have to.

inside the sunlit
room i witness
your smile and
for a while
i get to be happy
and then lonely
knowing i can't
have and hug you
for fate won't let me to.

gratitude always
engulf me
for i have met
such an annoying
yet sweet "you"
not-so-good-looking
not-so-good-sounding
yet full of tragedy "you"
always doleful
but never loathful "you"
filled with cries
yet full of smiles "you"

i know i'm way
too selfish to say
i like you
but i want to
be your friend,
a good, sweet
and caring one at least

on this day
shall i mark
a "supposed" endless
friendship
so steep
and never stark bleak.

am i starting
to lose sight
of what's within?

i am beggining
to reminice
such melancholy
which made me happy,
doleful, loathful and
insane.

yes,
after that night
after that fated
day, that "yesternight"
i was filled with tears,
tears, sadness, tears,
and again,
tears.

What's a bird that doesn't have boots
Looks like a flamingo that flocks
And keeps it's feet up
What's a clock that doesn't tick
That radio can't relate too
That's we look for Radio Free Europe and daylight savings
What's the paper without a President
Counting days when he leaves, ticking time bombs
The bombs' without a clock
Hey Bob meet Charlie
Meet Tango and cash in your walkie-talkies
Cute meet between people who think, it takes two to tango
What's an avian bird that doesn't congregate
A gourmet meal
What's an eagle without the snake's shadow
A prey to the Sun and Moon, the nocturnal death
The snake sleeps with his head in the bagging
The sagging berry that doesn't taste sweet
What's a bird without wings
Is the imagination of the intelligent intellectuals
Looking for talent among ambitious, some have mirages of migration
What's the boot without the footer
A shorter foot, with a missing boot of homeless beggar
What's a barber without a cut
A devil's haircut for the witty purging fearful man
In loathful Vegas lost in its insipid disease
Trees and the malls, the Palio that looks the same as the Patio
Sounds like Caesar's Palace in a word salad
What's rubber with a tip
Some pocket full of things
A change of style, and wallet of wads of cash
Paying for the dinner and the present commitments with the lady in the bleeding ceiling
What about the lights, the gumboots shine in these muddy fishnets

"Now why would ye like me ta be only a *****,
Ye need one that much? Is it the only way ye can make yerself shine?
Stand up prouder than anyone else?
Why would ye like me subjected a ****?
Dejection lost in tis world,
Any town would do... Any time would do...
Ye couldn't make anything and anyone better,
Yer pride was cruel.

Why would ye like me ta be hateful and 'wise',
Standing too proud in the crowd,
Thinking myself what I,'m not...
Standing too low, becoming the filth of your beloved
And loathed... Loathful... Lost, gladly, for the best...

Learning that I must be everything,
No matter what, no matter how I feel...
Why would yer pride be so great and let me lead myself out of Hell? "
Breaking like the lightning crossing the skies on a story night.
"Why would ye want me ta be a *****?
Only a ****** *****?
Ye need one so bad...
Is this the only way ye can feel important?
Why would ye want me ta be a *****?
Is this the only way ye can be better?
Ye want all my life to go wrong.
Maybe this will make ye greater... "