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Terry O'Leary Sep 2013
NOTE TO THE READER – Once Apun a Time

This yarn is a flossy fabric woven of several earlier warped works, lightly laced together, adorned with fur-ther braided tails of human frailty. The looms were loosed, purling frantically this febrile fable...

Some pearls may be found wanting – unwanted or unwonted – piled or hanging loose, dangling free within a fuzzy flight of fancy...

The threads of this untethered tissue may be fastened, or be forgotten, or else be stranded by the readers and left unravelling in the knotted corners of their minds...

'twill be perchance that some may  laugh or loll in loopy stitches, else be torn or ripped apart, while others might just simply say “ ’tis made of hole cloth”, “sew what” or “cant seam to get the needle point”...,

yes, a proper disentanglement may take you for a spin on twisted twines of any strings you feel might need attaching or detaching…

picking knits, some may think that
       such strange things ‘have Never happened in our Land’,
       such quaint things ‘could Never happen in our Land’’,
       such murky things ‘will Never happen in our Land’’…

and this may all be true, if credence be dis-carded…

such is that gooey gossamer which vails the human mind...

and thus was born the teasing title of this fabricated Fantasy...

                                NEVER LAND

An ancient man named Peter Pan, disguised but from the past,
with feathered cap and tunic wrap and sabre’s sailed his last.
Though fully grown, on dust he’s flown and perched upon a mast
atop the Walls around the sprawls, unvisited and vast -
and all the while with bitter smile he’s watching us aghast.

As day begins, a spindle spins, it weaves a wanton web;
like puckered prunes, like midday moons, like yesterday’s celebs,
we scrape and *****, we seldom hope - he watches while we ebb:

The ***** grinder preaches fine on Sunday afternoons -
he quotes from books but overlooks the Secrets Carved in Runes:
“You’ve tried and toyed, but can’t avoid or shun the pale monsoons,
it’s sink or swim as echoed dim in swinging door saloons”.
The laughingstocks are flinging rocks at ball-and-chained baboons.

While ghetto boys are looting toys preparing for their doom
and Mademoiselles are weaving shells on tapestries with looms,
Cathedral cats and rafter rats are peering in the room,
where ragged strangers stoop for change, for coppers in the gloom,
whose thoughts are more upon the doors of crypts in Christmas bloom,
and gold doubloons and silver spoons that tempt beyond the tomb.

Mid *** shots from vacant lots, that strike and ricochet
a painted girl with flaxen curl (named Wendy)’s on her way
to tantalise with half-clad thighs, to trick again today;
and indiscreet upon the street she gives her pride away
to any guy who’s passing by with time and cash to pay.
(In concert halls beyond the Walls, unjaded girls ballet,
with flowered thoughts of Camelot and dreams of cabarets.)

Though rip-off shops and crooked cops are paid not once but thrice,
the painted girl with flaxen curl is paring down her price
and loosely tempts cold hands unkempt to touch the merchandise.
A crazy guy cries “where am I”, a ****** titters twice,
and double quick a lunatic affects a fight with lice.

The alleyways within the maze are paved with rats and mice.
Evangelists with moneyed fists collect the sacrifice
from losers scorned and rubes reborn, and promise paradise,
while in the back they cook some crack, inhale, and roll the dice.

A *** called Boe has stubbed his toe, he’s stumbled in the gutter;
with broken neck, he looks a wreck, the sparrows all aflutter,
the passers-by, they close an eye, and turn their heads and mutter:
“Let’s pray for rains to wash the lanes, to clear away the clutter.”
A river slows neath mountain snows, and leaves begin to shudder.

The jungle teems, a siren screams, the air is filled with ****.
The Reverent Priest and nuns unleash the Holy Shibboleth.
And Righteous Jane who is insane, as well as Sister Beth,
while telling tales to no avail of everlasting death,
at least imbrue Hagg Avenue with whisky on their breath.

The Reverent Priest combats the Beast, they’re kneeling down to prey,
to fight the truth with fang and tooth, to toil for yesterday,
to etch their mark within the dark, to paint their résumé
on shrouds and sheets which then completes the devil’s dossier.

Old Dan, he’s drunk and in a funk, all mired in the mud.
A Monk begins to wash Dan’s sins, and asks “How are you, Bud?”
“I’m feeling pain and crying rain and flailing in the flood
and no god’s there inclined to care I’m always coughing blood.”
The Monk, he turns, Dan’s words he spurns and lets the bible thud.

Well, Banjo Boy, he will annoy with jangled rhymes that fray:
“The clanging bells of carousels lead blind men’s minds astray
to rings of gold they’ll never hold in fingers made of clay.
But crest and crown will crumble down, when withered roots decay.”

A pregnant lass with eyes of glass has never learned to cope.
Once set adrift her fall was swift, she slid a slipp’ry ***** -
she casts the Curse, the Holy Verse, and shoots a shot of dope,
then stalks discreet Asylum Street her daily horoscope -
the stray was struck by random truck which was her only hope.

So Banjo Boy, with little joy, he strums her life entire:
“The wayward waif was never safe; her stars were dark and dire.
Born midst the rues and avenues where lack and want aspire
where no one heeds the childish needs that little ones require;
where faith survives in tempest lives, a swirl within the briar,
Infinity grinds as time unwinds, until the winds expire.
Her last caprice? The final peace that no one could deny her -
whipped by the flood, stray beads of blood cling, splattered on the spire;
though beads of sweat are cool and wet, cold clotted blood is dryer.”

Though broken there, she’s fled the snare with dying thoughts serene.
And now she’s dead, the rumours spread: her age? a sweet 16,
with child, *****, her soul dyed red, her body so unclean.
A place is sought where she can rot, avoiding churchyard scenes,
in limey pits, as well befits, behind forbidding screens;
and all the while a dirge is styled on tattered tambourines
which echo through the human zoo in valleys of the Queens.

Without rejoice, in hissing voice, near soil that’s seldom trod
“In pious role, God bless my soul”, was mouthed with mitred nod,
neath scarlet trim with black, and grim, behind a robed facade -
“She’ll burn in hell and sulphur smell”, spat Priest and man of god.

Well, angels sweet with cloven feet, they sing in girl’s attire,
but Banjo Boy, he’s playing coy while chanting in the choir:
“The clueless search within the church to find what they desire,
but near the nave or gravelled grave, there is no Rectifier.”
And when he’s through, without ado, he stacks some stones nearby her.

The eyes behind the head inclined reflect a universe
of shanty towns and kings in crowns and parties in a hearse,
of heaping mounds of coffee grounds and pennies in a purse,
of heart attacks in shoddy shacks, of motion in reverse,
of reasons why pale kids must die, quite trite and curtly terse,
of puppet people at the steeple, kneeling down averse,
of ****** tones and megaphones with empty words and worse,
of life’s begin’ in utter sin and other things perverse,
of lewd taboos and residues contained within the Curse,
while poets blind, in gallows’ rind, carve epitaphs in verse.

A sodden dreg with wooden leg is dancing for a dime
to sacred psalms and other balms, all ticking with the time.
He’s 22, he’s almost through, he’s melted in his prime,
his bane is firm, the canker worm dissolves his brain to slime.
With slanted scales and twisted jails, his life’s his only crime.

A beggar clump beside a dump has pencil box in hand.
With sightless eyes upon the skies he’s lying there unmanned,
with no relief and bitter grief too dark to understand.
The backyard blight is hid from sight, it’s covered up and bland,
and Robin Hood and Brother Hood lie buried in the sand.

While all night queens carve figurines in gelatine and jade,
behind a door and on the floor a deal is finally made;
the painted girl with flaxen curl has plied again her trade
and now the care within her stare has turned a darker shade.
Her lack of guile and parting smile are cutting like a blade.

Some boys with cheek play hide and seek within a house condemned,
their faces gaunt reflecting want that’s hard to comprehend.
With no excuse an old recluse is waiting to descend.
His eyes despair behind the stare, he’s never had a friend
to talk about his hidden doubt of how the world will end -
to die alone on empty throne and other Fates impend.

And soon the boys chase phantom joys and, presto when they’re gone,
the old recluse, with nimble noose and ****** features drawn,
no longer waits upon the Fates but yawns his final yawn
- like Tinker Bell, he spins a spell, in fairy dust chiffon -
with twisted brow, he’s tranquil now, he’s floating like a swan
and as he fades from life’s charades, the night awaits the dawn.

A boomerang with ebon fang is soaring through the air
to pierce and breach the heart of each and then is called despair.
And as it grows it will oppose and fester everywhere.
And yet the crop that’s at the top will still be unaware.

A lad is stopped by roving cops, who shoot in disregard.
His face is black, he’s on his back, a breeze is breathing hard,
he bleeds and dies, his mama cries, the screaming sky is scarred,
the sheriff and his squad at hand are laughing in the yard.

Now Railroad Bob’s done lost his job, he’s got no place for working,
His wife, she cries with desperate eyes, their baby’s head’s a’ jerking.
The union man don’t give a ****, Big Brother lies a’ lurking,
the boss’ in cabs are picking scabs, they count their money, smirking.

Bob walks the streets and begs for eats or little jobs for trying
“the answer’s no, you ought to know, no use for you applying,
and don’t be sad, it aint that bad, it’s soon your time for dying.”
The air is thick, his baby’s sick, the cries are multiplying.

Bob’s wife’s in town, she’s broken down, she’s ranting with a fury,
their baby coughs, the doctor scoffs, the snow flies all a’ flurry.
Hard work’s the sin that’s done them in, they skirmish, scrimp and scurry,
and midnight dreams abound with screams. Bob knows he needs to hurry.
It’s getting late, Bob’s tempting fate, his choices cruel and blurry;
he chooses gas, they breathe their last, there’s no more cause to worry.

Per protocols near ivied walls arrayed in sage festoons,
the Countess quips, while giving tips, to crimson caped buffoons:
“To rise from mass to upper class, like twirly bird tycoons,
you stretch the treat you always eat, with tiny tablespoons”

A learned leach begins to teach (with songs upon a liar):
“Within the thrall of Satan’s call to yield to dim desire
lie wicked lies that tantalize the flesh and blood Vampire;
abiding souls with self-control in everyday Hellfire
will rest assured, when once interred, in afterlife’s Empire”.
These words reweave the make believe, while slugs in salt expire,
baptised in tears and rampant fears, all mirrored in the mire.

It’s getting hot on private yachts, though far from desert plains -
“Well, come to think, we’ll have a drink”, Sir Captain Hook ordains.
Beyond the blame and pit of shame, outside the Walled domains,
they pet their pups and raise their cups, take sips of pale champagnes
to touch the tips of languid lips with pearls of purple rains.

Well, Gypsy Guy would rather die than hunker down in chains,
be ridden south with bit in mouth, or heed the hold of reins.
The ruling lot are in a spot, the boss man he complains:
“The gypsies’ soul, I can’t control, my patience wears and wanes;
they will not cede to common greed, which conquers far domains
and furtive spies and news that lies have barely baked their brains.
But in the court of last resort the final fix remains:
in boxcar bins with violins we’ll freight them out in trains
and in the bogs, they’ll die like dogs, and everybody gains
(should one ask why, a quick reply: ‘It’s that which God ordains!’)”

Arrayed in shawls with crystal *****, and gazing at the moons,
wiled women tease with melodies and spooky loony tunes
while making toasts to holey ghosts on rainy day lagoons:
“Well, here’s to you and others too, embedded in the dunes,
avoid the stares, avoid the snares, avoid the veiled typhoons
and fend your way as every day, ’gainst heavy heeled dragoons.”

The birds of pray are on their way, in every beak the Word
(of ptomaine tomes by gnarly gnomes) whose meaning is obscured;
they roost aloof on every roof, obscene but always herd,
to tell the tale of Jonah’s whale and other rhymes absurd
with shifty eyes, they’re giving whys for living life deferred.

While jackals lean, hyenas mean, and hungry crocodiles
feast in the lounge and never scrounge, lambs languish in the aisle.
The naive dare to say “Unfair, let’s try to reconcile.
We’ll all relax and weigh the facts, let justice spin the dial.”

With jaundiced monks and minds pre-shrunk, the jury is compiled.
The Rulers meet, First Ladies greet, the Kings appear in style.
Before the Court, their sins are short, they’re swept into a pile;
with diatribes and petty bribes, the jurors are beguiled.

The Herd entreats, the Shepherd bleats the verdict of the trial:
“You have no face. Stay in your place, stay in the Rank and File.
And wait instead, for when you’re dead, for riches after while”;
Aristocrats add caveats while sailing down the Nile:
“If Minds are mugged or simply drugged with philtres in a vial,
then few indeed will fail to feed the Pharaoh’s Crocodile.”
The wordsmiths spin, the bankers grin and politicians smile,
the riff and raff, they never laugh, they mark a martyred mile.

The rituals are finished, all, here comes the Reverent Priest.
He leads the crowds beneath the clouds, and there the flock is fleeced
(“the last are first, the rich are cursed” - the leached remain the least)
with crossing signs and ****** wines and consecrated yeast.
His step is gay without dismay before his evening feast;
he thanks the Lord for room and, bored, he nods to Eden East
but doesn’t sigh or wonder why the sins have not decreased.

The sinking sun’s at last undone, the sky glows faintly red.
A spider black hides in a crack and spins a silken thread
and babes will soon collapse and swoon, on curbs they call a bed;
with vacant eyes they'll fantasize and dream of gingerbread,
and so be freed, though still in need, from anguish of the dead.

Fat midnight bats feast, gnawing gnats, and flit away serene
while on the trails in distant dales the lonesome wolverine
sate appetites on foggy nights and days like crystalline.
A migrant feeds on gnats and weeds with fingers far from clean
and thereby’s blessed with barren breast (the easier to wean) -
her baby ***** an arid flux and fades away unseen.

The circus gongs excite the throngs in nighttime Never Land –
they swarm to see the destiny of Freaks at their command,
while Acrobats step pitapat across the shifting sands
and Lady Fat adores her cat and oozes charm unplanned.
The Dwarfs in suits, so small and cute when marching with the band,
ask crimson Clowns with painted frowns, to lend a mutant hand,
while Tamers’ whips with withered tips, throughout the winter land,
lure minds entranced through hoops enhanced with flames of fires fanned.
White Elephants in big-top tents sell black tusk contraband
to Sycophants in regiments who overflow the stands,
but No One sees anomalies, and No One understands.
At night’s demise, the dither dies, the lonely Crowd disbands,
down dead-end streets the Horde retreats, their threadbare rags in strands,
and Janes and Joes reweave their woes, for thoughts of change are banned.

The Monk of Mock has fled the flock caught knocking up a tween.
(She brought to light the special rite he sought to leave unseen.)
With profaned eyes they agonise, their souls no more serene
and at the shrine the flutes of wine are filled with kerosene
by men unkempt who once had dreamt but now can dream no more
except when bellowed bellies belch an ever growing roar,
which churns the seas and whips a breeze that mercy can’t ignore,
and in the night, though filled with fright, they try to end the War.

The slow and quick are hurling bricks and fight with clubs of rage
to break the chains and cleanse the stains of life within a cage,
but yield to stings of armoured things that crush in every age.

At crack of dawn, a broken pawn, in pools of blood and fire,
attends the wounds, in blood festooned (the waves flow nigh and nigher),
while ghetto towns are burning down (the flames grow high and higher);
and in their wake, a golden snake is rising from the pyre.
Her knees are bare, consumed in prayer, applauded by the Friar,
and soon it’s clear the end is near - while magpie birds conspire,
the lowly worm is made to squirm while dangling from a wire.

The line was crossed, the battle lost, the losers can’t deny,
the residues are far and few, though smoke pervades the sky.
The cool wind’s cruel, a cutting tool, the vanquished ask it “Why?”,
and bittersweet, from  Easy Street, the Pashas’ puffed reply:
“The rules are set, so don’t forget, the rabble will comply;
the grapes of wrath may make you laugh, the day you are to die.”

The down and out, they knock about beneath the barren skies
where homeward bound, without a sound, a ravaged raven flies.
Beyond the Walls, the morning calls the newborn sun to rise,
and Peter Pan, a broken man, inclines his head and cries...
Christine Ueri Oct 2013
bitterness of iron:
remove the milk
in bate of oxen blood spills

a bovine scent coagulates --
two membranes,
five and nine in aluminium

warp the boiling point --
two hundred, ninety degrees Celsius,
left standing, half a day:
cardboard instruction sets carbon constriction

imprinting
burnt hair, burnt hooves  --
the taste of not eating
a liver, raw --

Where is the nameless face
carrying cups of coffee, bought
on a journey
somewhere, and nowhere et al . . .
kindreds, wrapped in the smell of decay:
the uncured hide around his hips,
or was it his wrists, never touching?
21.09.2013 - 14.10.2013
neth jones Dec 2022
eyes are
quite gelatine
mending bubbly detail
mocking  up  fact   to suit user
/the ears ?  crinkled dishes of pinkened veins
robbing blood to probe the gossip
/digits  bud on the feed
in polyp growth
******
and ****** a
pepper mill from off the
coffee table/tongue  leeches lips
retaining massaged notes from food oils past
/spatting nostrils   puncture the air
punching out breath purling
inhale a stressed
report
Luke R E Webster Aug 2012
The water drowns the sky
Obscuring it's face
It's stagnant over time
God clad in lace.

These sentences I'm structuring
Are designed to make you weep
These brain cells that I'm rupturing
Causing anti peace leak.

I compose these rhyming insults
Backwards and inside out
Loathe the Newly found results
That are tested about me around town.
I'm regularly ready to rip off the head
Of the hydra that has spent
The last of it's heads
By sticking out it's neck
Hanging it over the guillotine
To stir in all the gelatine
with the sugar to sweeten up the mix
The lay people on the street are starting to see the fix
The fix we call life
With the knives,
And the scythes,
And the cries,
And the ties,
And the strife,
And to buy,
And to cry,
And to lie,
And to spy





Then to die.
Andra May 2015
i never would've thought that seeing again those eyes that
i already
adore,
the heart would weep a little
and would languish,
and the stomach would rub its walls stressed that
the hands were shaking too.

there. thats how everything fleed inside my body,
like there's a competition between organs:
which one will break down first.
the lungs, they can not breathe anymore,
the brain, going into "freeze" mode,
the legs, suddenly not having any bones,
but a sort of gelatine that rather flows,
and flows,
and these eyes that want to wash my cheeks,
my sins.

*I think,
still,
that mum was right
when she said
that love is nothing but
chemistry and hormones...
Terry O'Leary Aug 2013
While all night queens carve figurines in gelatine and jade,

Behind a door and on the floor a deal is finally made;

A painted girl with flaxen curl has plied again her trade

And now the care within her stare has turned a darker shade.

Her lack of guile and parting smile are cutting like a blade.
I have become the dead hour at Woolnoth
a sloth full of woe
and with nowhere to go
I go nowhere,see nothing.
Paradoxically
the deeper I sink
the higher I get.
I am set out on a table like gelatine,flowing slowly with nothing,is this a dream?
I need something soft on my skin
I need raindrops to stop me and let me get in
I need to touch and to feel that even I could begin,
but the clock strikes on dull,
I feel the stretching of sinews and I use up the 'tramadol'full already with 'aspirin' and 'panadol', and the mobile just lights up with the letters that spell out LOL.
it's the way not to start any day but the day never knew me.
I fly with the kites and am tangled in wires and the sloth only wants to settle,dreaming in spires, I aspire to be more than the dead hour.
I need to shower but the motivation eludes me and I sink further into the stink that I am become,
you can shun me I don't care.
I'm a slow learner on the back burner and I can't turn tin into gold,I need to be held,felled and falling into something more appealing instead of sinking into somnambulence and bouncing off the ceiling.

This is the state of play.

Nothing to do
everything to say
nothing to live for but sloths want much more ,as if there's a fire that burns deep inside them,ignites when they find they become men, and then there is Woolnoth,gothic and brooding.

Great poets don't die they live on and they lie in the beds between other poets heads and whisper,
do you hear them? the
ignition men
or do you hear the dull sound on the last stroke of nine?
Marshall Gass Apr 2014
No need to flick the **** out of this monster
standing on a podium above our heads
looking down in distaste at what we, the poor, can do
or not do! Fodder, we are, trampled into stacks, rolled
into wretched bales and stacked skyhigh
on machines that run through  precision.

Once done, they stand above and lord
over their handiwork as we
the minions, muscled in on our lives
struggle to keep the factories going
feeding the fat bellies and guns
that will silence others across the thin divide
of territorial useless wars

Once in a while the fucktories will open
and spew many newborn into the guts
and glory for the motherland where birth
and bread are numbered and named with
berets and bonhomie, pretend play
at camaraderie. We perish unwept
at the crack of dawn and gunfire in long lines
on a battlefield where ideals are shouted
and gas chambers await dissent.

Driven like oxen to the national abbatoir
hair, teeth and nails collected, bones crushed
for gelatine soup and flesh shredded
for fertilisers to grow more cattle
to be fed more hay
to man the factories and fucktories
to make more children
to polish the forces
to line up and lament our lot

Switch off the power.
Switch off the power
Switch off the power
Switch off the power..........

Author Notes
The revolution takes a step back to WW11.
© Marshall Gass. All rights reserved.
Blue Hawaii Oct 2013
I marry you in the playground.

This limitless concrete jungle, a place where wars break, houses are made and tea is served now hosts a grander event.

Spring blossoming hedgerows arch over head framing our glee, we stand together.

Resplendent in sweatshirt, Teflon and scuffed Clarks, your gingham has never looked so glorious, and I feel under-dressed and overwhelmed next to your face. The one that every mother could love.

Presided over by a select few and away from prying eyes, boisterous scuffles over footballs and teachers who just wouldn’t, couldn’t get our love.

Our diamonds and sapphires might be gelatine and e-numbers, but this commitment is delicious. As sweet and sticky as the hold you have over me.

I take your hand in mine and run for the boundaries.
Jodie-Elaine Apr 30
(I wrote you most days from the rainforest floor)
                                                                              This is where the                       
moss was                                                           
  ­                                                                 ­         
                                       and they were too

I am out of touch and missing all at once                                 unable to get back to the surface
swimming next to a blue flame
glowing ectoplasm glitters
the tour guide is a woman’s voice       under the stars and everything concave is inside out     far away from what it once was,
                                                            ­                              uninverted
happy is the uncertain                     I looked for you in the chrysalis       and you
                                                             ­                  were still wearing
                                                         ­                                 your socks
                                                           ­      
when you disappeared
I found them in my drawer three days later      tucked themselves in still covered in glitter from the caves
I had so many questions when I reached out my hands
stuck to the walls and swallowed my palm
                                                            ­  silicone and retreating light
it wanted me to stay in a time I could only help but leave
the artists gold leafed my throat like it was delicate and
ready to go on stage                                           wearing shoe covers walking and talking       gently avoiding          swimming their arms the foxgloves developed negatives backwards                                in gelatine                                                         ­                 over water
pasted down                         every darkness bright green lime green stinging                                                         ­  immediately
                                                                ­                             nauseous turning to stone                                      under the gaze of the walls.
January 2024
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2022
title: copepod
body:
blister-whale:
somewhat: 2. 502 bad gateway give-away


i have to admit, i took a hiatus from listening to
Marilyn Manson... by chance i came across
a review of... either Born Villain or the Pale Emperor...
clearly: i wasn't paying attention...
ever since i missed the chance to go to a concert
when he was touring the Holywood album...
that same year Mudvayne were touring with L.D. 50...
i switched off after their debut...
i switched off from the music of my youth in general...
went down several rabbit holes...
notably medieval music - blues - jazz -
                      some extra-curriculum classical....
but the artist ages... well... so does his audience...
i don't even remember when i started writing:
let alone posting dotty-doodles on this platform:
i had only one focus... for all the ills that the internet
enhanced... revealed when it comes to the interaction
of people: sure... the older generations found it
convenient to shop... to do banking... to book plane
tickets... but for us younger folk... the ones born
into the years prior to the inception of the internet...
this was our time to build up an underground
of communication... for me? what better way to bypass
the gatekeepers, the publishers...
having amassed some readership... 44 thousand on just
one poem? hmm... let me spell it out: 44,000...
if i were to write it out in matchsticks, i.e. |||||||||| = 10...
what is 44,000 of those pretty stacks of arithmetic?
let me see what 100 looks like...
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|||||||||||||| = 100
what about a thousand?
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                                                  = 1000...
now... i know what 44 thousand looks like... roughly...
how many spectators were there at Wembley...
for the woman's F.A. cup final?
                                        let's say... 41K...
now multiply that space of matchsticks by... 44...
but this is only one poem... i have... thousands of poems...
some are still stashed on my facebook page:
or rather lost on my timeline...
           mind you: i haven't performed any of them...
why? they don't rhyme: for starters...
i like listening to people sing Aud Lang Syne
on new year's eve... and even Shakespeare can't
beat that... Shakespeare's words were never put
to music... and they won't be...
sure... great meter blah blah... but you can't sing
Shakespeare... so there goes the baby...
with the bathtub and the water out of yer
******* window...
                            i'm more a composer than a performer...
i'm more a composer than a performer
therefore not an entertainer...
i gave myself this: jinx... the moment i start
performing... is the moment i stop composing...
i'll just be regurgitating the very few poems
that might be left in my repertoire like...
Ginsberg... having to recite Howl ad nauseam...
me? i'm sort of in the mindset: plough along...
let's not beat around the bush...
   for all the ills of the internet... there's one good...
the possibility to bypass gatekeepers...
publishers... no one would touch my ****...
and yet: they are printing tabloid spew...
           sorry... tabloid *****...
                they are printing propaganda left right
and centre... my work would be... obscure...
revealed: ha ha... perhaps after my death...
let the people judge for themselves...
                     i'm not saying it's Shakespeare...
god forbid writing that stuffy ****...
                             it's contemporary... i don't even think
i'd allow myself to belong to a movement
akin to post-modernism...
   hell: if **** comes naturally... it comes...
if it doesn't... well... i usually need to do something...
ha ha: "cope"... do some cooking, do some cleaning,
do some gardening... so some ironing of the shirts...
go to my part-time job... wait a year until i'll ask
for references and then apply for a job as a teacher...
or take the current route and become a security guard...
which route would allow me to write, more?
probably the latter... then again... experience
as a security guard... could come in handy...
on a curriculum vitae... when it comes to crowd control...
in a classroom of kids...
    but i really don't want to teach chemistry...
i'd love to teach English...
                   - but don't get me wrong.... some artists /
bands got the mix right... they understood
that there needed to be a prominence of the BASS guitar...
Metallica sure as **** didn't catch up...
pretty much all those kinds of bands didn't...
barely audible... well... with the exception of
the intro on Devil's Dance... but then the bass disappears
into inaudibility...
it's like a post-jazz hybrid... in rock music...
the rhythm guitar and all that is considered "melody"
can sort of *******... let's just leave in the screetching
accents of the guitar... keep the vocals...
but... but... let the bass guitar exfoliate...
   and... let the drums compliment it...
    no no... the drums are no longer the building block...
the bass guitar comes first...
  it's a bit like borrowing from opera...
    bass is the baritone... rhythm / solo guitar the soprano...
yada-yada-blah-blah some minutes later...
songs like the Gardener from Born Villain and
Third Day of a Seven Day Binge from the Pale Emperor...
if you listen to them... you can truly... truly: groove...
you can't stop nodding, can't stop swaying...
you start thinking: how is it that pigeons don't
get headaches? i guess they must be listening to cosmic
music only pigeons can hear... like those dog whistle
scenarios... humans can't hear it...
but since... all birds descended from dinosaurs...
they strut... nodding... head-banging... some ancient
music of the cosmos: ergo? no head-ache...
hmm... and this writing coming from a guy who
drinks like a pirate... and is waiting to do psychedelic
drugs if... he might enter the confines of dementia...
oh yeah: i'm keeping that option open...
should i start to slip up... on my pedantic spelling
and punctuation... i'm ******* off to Amsterdam
to a brothel and some magic mushrooms... ****...
i'll need to get a bus out of Amsterdam and find some
forest... something scenic... mind you:
the Netherlands are not that scenic... flat... upon flat...
upon flat... although... that's the jist of things you see
from the motorway when going through...
i'm sure i could find some beautiful spots to trip...
  should the worst come...
but the artists i was fond of listening to in my youth
have finally caught up with what i was thinking:
where, the ****, is, the BASS?
       ****** music jerking off the solo guitar...
no, please... and all that rhythm guitar...
   challenge the drum & bass crowd...
that sputnik crowd of... turning African drumming
into... a stampede of hyenas on amphetamines...
    boomboomboomboomboomboomboom...
mind-blowing load of headache....
the bass guitar can do two things...
it can set the rhythm... it can set the beat...
but it can also can create an undercurrent of a melody...
oh ****... that's three things...
   early Marilyn Manson did respect the bass playing
of Twiggy Ramirez... but... there was still the guitar-maker
melody overload...
the mature artist... given songs like: the Gardener
and Third Day of a Seven Day Binge...
respects the bass guitar... it comes so gloriously to the fore...
something a band like Metallica can never
accomplish... or Led Zeppelin... all those 1970s greats...
those bands had the bass guitar pop up...
in a segment of a song... NIB? by black sabbath?
and then... disappear... don't undermine the Leviathan...
this rock fusion with post-jazz...
oh of course... there's no section in this music...
whereby each instrument takes a chance to solo...
there's no need... everything is just ******* dandy
as it stands...
             - and where would i be... the internet is evil!
ooh: boogie-woogie! sure... people are acting
like ****-storm brainiac... brainiack... brainiak...
   brainiaq...      just four of the possible aesthetic questions
regarding the spelling of: Otto Binder...
not that i'm a massive comic book fan...
well... if you get a chance to meet Declan Tan...
Declan... yeah... for my birthday he gave me a copy
of... Batman vs. Alien... no wait... it was Batman/Aliens...
published in 1997... i think Declan liked me...
i sort of think i liked Declan...
                      the first time i tasted chicken soup that
wasn't Slavic born... with sweetcorn...
(ISBN 1-56971-305-7)...
sure... it's evil... people ghosting each other...
dark-web ******* inner circles etc., the silk road...
hmm... ghosting... poor Jeminah...
how many times did i play roulette... cycling down
Mawney Road in the past... 3 weeks?
not that often... i tried at least once a week...
not that i'm stalking... but it's a decent route...
it's all downhill... and chances of cycling onto sharpnel
is limited... mind you... never... ever...
cycle into the London borrough of Barking & Dagenham...
chances of getting a flat tire... esp. if you're cycling
on 23cm wide tires of a road bicycle?
no brainer...
   before pulling into Mawney Road... i was...
blinded by a sunset... idiot me forgot to wear his sunglasses...
but i stared at the ***** with eyes wide open
waiting for white phosphorus to start pouring
from under my eyelids...
   oh... i'll be looking at you... until the point
where i see you for what you really are:
but you're never really that when you're at sunset...
or sunrise... it's only at your zenith when...
staring long enough at you... exposes you as this
pulverising... vibrating mirror of fluorescence...
sort of silver... sort of white... but not when you're
coming down from your zenith... you're still blinding...
  - only a day prior i thought i saw Frankie...
Friendrich... her son... getting on the bus...
from a 5-a-side football centre off Eastern Avenue...
turned out it wasn't him:
no, it couldn't be him... over-protective mother
would never allow her son to take the bus on his own...
plus... the kid is supposed to be an actor...
she's milking him... "apparently"... he's into bedroom fun
on a games console... you couldn't find him
climbing trees or playing sports... a *****... basically...
the only sport he might have heard of...
is... boxing... to defend him mother from abusive
boyfriends... where: he'd always lose...
- i was waiting for this moment...
the sun blinded me gloriously...
   as i cycled down Mawney Road...
that's the thing about meeting Jeminah... her dog...
i had these self--inflicted knuckle wounds
from putting out cigarette butts on them...
her dog... oh man... her dog loved me...
he really quickened the healing process...
he licked and licked and licked... and licked...
the scabs off... to the point where i started bleeding again...
looking at my knuckles...
nothing prettier in the world... no tattoo could
compensate them...
so as i was cycling down Mawney Road...
who do i see? the over-existed dog... barking... chewing air...
i see the dog first... the dog sees me first...
i later make out that... glorious colour of her hair...
that darkened ginger that's mingling with oak-cask
auburn... i put on my most impressive frown...
i don't look her in the face... mind you:
everything's ******* fluorescent before me
having been blinded by the sun just minutes prior...
i'm not stalking... she was the one that invited me
back to her home twice... yeah... i know where she lives...
that's when i had that mad moment
of leaving her flowers on the porch...
and a Valentine's card through her letter-box...
o.k.: fair enough... that's borderline creepy...
what isn't... with modern woman and feminism?
          a simple boy can't offer up simple love...
i learned from my supervisor...
the daughter of my neighbour that she's no longer
working for the company...
SLANDER... in H'america you can go to court
for that sort of ****... false-accusation, no?
that's what happens...
when a devil tries to outsmart a devil...
the latter devil pushes on... with gifts... with niceties...
the former devil has no option but to retreat...
to its own, former: hellhole... bog...
imagining someone i wanted to love...
stomach pains... mistaking them for butterflies...
single mum, dating much younger men...
or dating men who were big on *******...
former ex-boyfriend women beaters who ran her
into bad credit rating... with... debt...
i know of the mistakes i've made...
   two... in my early twenties... that's why the rest of
my twenties are a blur... that's why only now
i've reemerged as this extroverted silent type...
in my mid-30s... having plans...
   i wouldn't call it: ******* away my youth...
i'd call it... sorry... what? no, sorry... i was sort of absent...
probably alone in the forest... probably at night...
problem being... she can block me on whatsapp...
she block me on the internet...
       hmm... small world... a very small world...
she'll have to move... or commando the minutes she takes
her dog for a walk... the ******* dog licked my scabs / wounds
clean... he has my blood in his veins...
if he sees me... he's going to bark in my direction...
ghost me, *****? in the good old days...
the claustrophobia of a little city where i was born...
my parents lived... let's say... 600 metres apart...
but it took... being jointly invited to a wedding of fellow friends
that brought them together...
Jeminah can't ghost me... like she could forget about
all those guys she flicked left on
when we worked together on a shift on Tinder...
you can't shake off locality...
i'm practically her neighbour... in terms of of how
globalism comes across... what? i'm not allowed to cycle
down this street? she's not even living on the street i'm cycling
down... she's living on the cul de sac...
but i'm not paying for... the debt her ex...
whatever he was racked up in retaliation...
what a pretty face... what pretty hair: hair that i'd give
up drinking whiskey for... it's almost the same colour...
just keeping to the foundation
of routine... i like that street... cycling down it...
if she has any complaints... she better take out
the scab tissue of my DNA from her dog's gob...
but dogs don't simply: forget who they endear...
with affection... the internet distance conundrum
is not going to work on me... the only way she's going
to ghost me... proper... is moving somewhere else...
small world... small town... in the vicinity of Collier Row...
obviously i'm not going to bother her...
god forbid... i have Khedra to mind...
the ******* that gets all the *** that no man
rarely does... and has to text me: come over...
i need you... yeah... that type...
i cycled past with a frown... i just spotted the dog...
ooh... right... well... i know who's behind that dog...
yep... a flicker of dark ginger: disguised brunette...
yeah... that's Jeminah...
but this is counter to how the internet works...
no? in a cosmopolitan setting?
she can't exactly ghost me...
  sure... she can block me... on whatsapp...
   from a ****-show she herself orchestrated... why?
because she didn't have the confidence to compliment
me, directly... she had to: slander me...
she became one of those... idiotic... sappers...
she self-sabotaged herself... notably? after i pushed forward...
with... wine, cake and flowers...
she became a self-saboteur...
   like i said to one of the other girls: lies don't walk on
stilts... lies have short legs...
just wait... see... i've been alone long enough to know...
certain little, ******... analogies?! behavioural patterns
of blah-b'ah black sheep...
             now... i'm waiting for the crescendo...
there's no denying it... i do drink...
   but... allowing women this "sixth sense" of sniffing out
alcohol on... a person you just met...
accusing them of drinking on the job?
i know the territory... my grandmother had the same
sixth sense... when she turned my grandfather into
an alcoholic... he finally broke down and threw her
through a glass door...
        me? ******* prostitutes?! i'm trying to escape that
headache... keeping it sorted behind a... paywall...
   first comes the payment...
i'm not landing on something that's... ahem... "free"...
- it is a big deal! you slander someone
and in H'america you can be taken to court!
i do drink, heavily... but when i'm working...
i half my intake if not third it...
      i wash, i pamper myself... i end up sober on the shift...
at the London Stadium people either take
selfies with me or give me sweets...
i'm a sucker for pop music and... gelatine infused sweets...
i can't refuse them... chocolate can simply not
exist... but... give me a bag of Haribo...
esp. those sour-sweet types... i can't help myself...
i just have to eat them...
- but, this is... a 2nd Jeminah Revelation...
she... she can't swipe left on me... on Tinder...
i'm not on Tinder: never have...
    i'm almost her neighbour if i take out the bicycle...
i can be round her house in a matter of minutes...
London, even Greater London... has... shrunk... for her...
she can block me on an APP-lication...
but she can't... block me... cycling down a road
she takes her dog for a walk...
               i wonder how this dynamic will work out...
on her mind... i was waiting for this moment...
you can't just... ghost me... when i'm living: locally...
sure... you can... "ghost" me... but... that implies:
you have to move... i'm not moving...
i'm rooted... i haven't been this rooted in a long time...
funny how that works...
whatever it is that works... bicycle breaks...
the wheels... the moon and the tides...
that sure as **** works...
the sun and photosynthesis... that also works...
but... the interaction between women
and men, these days?
sure as ****: it's not working...
  which is, rather... a crying shame...
do we really have to go into interracial territory
for it to work?
personally? i don't feel like it...
    no, not really...
                  whoever takes over...
oh... i'm pretty sure the current white overlords
are planning an ultra-coup-uprising of
being the chosen typos...
               whatever...
                i have lost interest in this world...
from about... 2 years ago?
yeah... the world is sort of automated for me...
i lost interest in it...
the whole matter of the "pandemic"... sort of desensitized
toward any sort of attitude toward Ukraine...
i sort... hmm... ahem... don't care...
Ukrainians celebrated the invasion of Poland
by the Nazis during World War II...
if i'm not directly involved: invoked...
i'm going to play the "solipsist" / pacifist card...
the Pontius Pilate poker...
               i'm out... i was already out...
i just don't want to be involved...
                         is that somehow a Buddhist monk
"sentimentality"?
             to hell with Buddhism...
                         1960s cultural appropriate import...
i'm yet to be rid of the **** Christianity that
turned European barbarism into European
secularism.
skyy omalley Jun 2020
ed,,zinger suivante,,tels handknits finish,,cagefuls basinlike bag octopodan,,imbossing vaporettos rorid easygoingnesses nalorphines,,benzol respond washerwomen bristlecone,,parajournalism herringbone farnarkeled,,episodically cooties,,initiallers bimetallic,,leased hinters,,confidence teetotaller computerphobes,,pinnacle exotically overshades prothallia,,posterior gimmickry brassages bediapers countertrades,,haslet skiings sandglasses cannoli,,carven nis egomaniacal,,barminess gallivanted,,southeastward,,oophoron crumped,,tapued noncola colposcopical,,dolente trebbiano revealment,,outworked isotropous monosynaptic excisional moans,,enterocentesis jacuzzi preoccupations,,hippodrome outward googs,,tabbises undulators,,metathesizing,,sharia prepostor,,neuromast curmudgeons actability,,archaise spink reddening miscount,,madmen physostigmin statecraft neurocoeles bammed,,tenderest barguests crusados trust,,manshifts darzis aerophones,,reitboks discomposingly,,expandors,,monotasking galabia,,pertinents expedients witty,,chirographies crachach unsatisfactoriness swerveless,,flawed sepulchred thanksgiver scrawl skug,,perorate stringers gelatine flagstones,,chuses conceptualization surrejoined,,counterblasts rache,,numerative,,delirifacients methylthionine,,mantram dynamist atomised,,eternization percalines hryvnias pragmatizing,,reproachfulnesses telework nowts demoded revealer,,burnettize caryopteris subangular wirricows,,transvestites sinicized narcissus,,hikers meno,,degassing,,postcrises alikenesses,,sycophancy seroconverting insure,,yantras raphides cliftiest bosthoon,,zootherapy chlorides nationwide schlub yuri,,timeshares castanospermine backspaces reincite,,coactions cosignificative palafitte,,poofters subjunctions,,aquarian,,theralite revindicating,,cynosural permissibilities narcotising,,journeywork outkissed clarichords troutier,,myopias undiverting evacuations snarier superglue,,deaminise infirmaries teff hebephrenias,,brainboxes homonym lancelet,,lambitive stray,,inveigled,,acetabulums atenolol,,dekkos scarcer flensed,,abulias flaggers wammul boastfully,,galravitch happies interassociation multipara augmentations,,teratocarcinomata coopting didakai infrequently,,hairtails intricacy usuals,,pillorise outrating,,cataphoresis,,furnishings leglen,,goethite deflate butterburs,,phoneticising winiest hyposulphuric campshirts,,chainfalls swimmings roadblocked redone soliloquies,,broking mendaciousness parasitisms counterworld,,unravellings quarries passionately,,onomatopoesis repenting,,ramequin,,mopboard euphuistically,,volta sycophantized allantoides,,bors bouclees raisings sustaining,,diabolist sticks dole liltingly,,curial bisexualisms siderations hemolysed,,damnabilities unkenneling halters,,peripheral congaing,,diatomicity,,foolings repayments,,hereabouts vamosed him,,slanters moonrock porridgy monstruous,,heartwood bassoonist predispositions jargoon dominances,,timidest inalienable rewearing inevitably,,entreating retiary tranquillizing,,uniparental droogs,,allotropous,,forzati abiogenetic,,obduration exempted unifaces,,epilating calisaya dispiteously coggles,,vestmented flukily ignifying complished hiccupy municipalize,,pentagraphs parcels sutler excavates,,stardust miscited thankfulness,,fouter pertused,,overpacks,,guarishes hylotheism,,pi Fresh blood seeps through the line parting her skin and slowly colors her breast red. I begin to hyperventilate as my compulsion grows. The images won’t go away. Images of me driving the knife into her flesh continuously, ******* her body with the blade, making a mess of her. My head starts going crazy as my thoughts start to return. Shooting pain assaults my mind along with my thoughts. This is disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. How could I ever let myself think these things? But it’s unmistakable. The lust continues to linger through my veins. An ache in my muscles stems from the unreleased tension experienced by my entire body. Her Third Eye is drawing me closer.
******* on spangles
licking the colours
off Smarties
much better for me
than drugs or
*** parties,
hmm
wait..
much better for me
than scones or
tea parties
ah
that's it
a little bit of editing
a sherbet dab
and gelatine

many ways for us to sin
and
the point is not to win
it's the taking part
that counts.
neth jones Feb 2020
i'd like to keep my feelings for you...
direct
but experience has told me oft
it ought be conducted otherwise

i am to understand that
expressions of feeling toward another
must contain Fluff and Padding
i am to understand
that when expressing romantic feeling
lies are expected

somehow
amongst this great dishonesty
i shall slip you the true code of my communication
relay that feeling
meshed into the fabrication

the falsehoods of the romance
can reveal honest belly
in the gelatine of the fiction
neth jones Sep 2017
Medically speaking
It is you for me
You are a joker
and a flight for my heart rate
Colder than eyes
and just as gelatine
You offer a hand
(a graft quite meddlesome)

We spend time in costume
We hack an appetite to commune
You offered a hand
and I became quite greedy
Feeding our life astray
We claimed a nightmare
Shared territory
A bed unaware
A tale after all
We mould quite the pair
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2021
i can only suppose that my expectations concerning
life... slowly fizzled out...
once i realised that i had no obligations
moving forward...
  obligation is a loose term:
              investments in responsibilities...
although: i still dabble in a variation of responsibility:
on a bicycle... minding traffic...
esp. at night... with no indicators...
or a front or a back light flickering...
aiming at 30mph downhill...
with my headphones in... not holding the handlebars...

what a silly little quest: at 35 i ought to have
a life resembling my father's, my grandfather's...
although: i'm not having all that much
"fun" that might also be expected in a man's
prime...
once in a while i'll wake up from half
a decade's slumber and shout:
that dwarf in the Game of Thrones will not...
have more fun in the brothel than me...
perhaps it was easier once upon
a time to wield a sword than
seek something from slowly downing
a bottle of wine...

there are moments of absolute terror
when i freeze all over and start
rummaging for my wallet after a night's ride
in my rucksack where i keep
my bicycle lock... for a splinter of what's
time... the entire tree:
that freezing sequence...
but then i find it and i remember
that... that one kleptomaniac in the brothel
didn't steal my debit card...
i guess it must be hard to go about
debit card fraud...
which is why i don't have a credit card...
although: so i heard:
you get better insurance if...
your credit card is... cloned...
but then: you also have the higher risk...
plus... at least with a debit card:
i can't spend more than i have...
i never liked the idea of credit...
it was a ******* nuisance...
i'll spend what i have...
if that involves me spending £120 for an hour's
worth with a *******
once every... half a decade...
by the time i'm through with: "man in his prime"
i'll have about... 3 notches on my belt
of... "conquest"...

while in between all those nights...
there was that handy... cheap... but handy...
£4.99 bottle of new south wales' Merlot
to ease into a dreamless sleep...

ooh: soppy puppy...
  unless listening to some French escort...
the prince charming the white night...
the mistress contra the wife...
such attitudes only French people can have:
of a certain economic stratum...
not among the yellow vests...
no no... the fairground carousel people...
professionals...
limitless: who... on a whim...
want all that: XAOS...

  interlude: just some doodles that kept
me awake before i drowned them
with a slice of bread
and some... pork: BRAWN
(pork tongues, pork jowl, skins, pork liver)...
am i missing something
beside the Swedish sweet mustard?
the gelatine...
but after the red wine:
i'd **** for a raw herring in some...
oil / vinegar and onions...
ooh... slurp me another sire...
this Baltic sushi!

    (that Hannibal Lecter slurp sound
that i will not bother to write an onomatopoeia
for)...
my sunken cheeks! my folding tongue!
tears in my eyes
are the memory of the taste that:
when retested... is always the same...

between what's..
hope... and faith...

  well... nadzieja and: wiara...

hope and belief...

hop along: e-tymological...

be a leaf: of this grand tree with past...
  otherwise the secular variation
of belief:
the negation of doubt...
was... belief ever a certainty...
or a masquerading of:

  "something"... ahem... "else"?

hope is faith
in that hope isn't belief...
belief is rigidity... orthodoxy...
faith is that one on the sly: *****-nilly...
faith is an indefinite article...
belief is a definite article...
perhaps in other related languages
but esp. in English...
the scissors of a-          -the-
  and some variation of -ism...
it cuts through most things, words...
subject matters...

  faith: indefinite... articulation of off...
sometimes even from...

it must be a balancing act... i write a sentence
akin to: hope is faith
i might as well draw a red circle...
or a blue triangle...
of a green square...
by any standards of "logic" and "image":
it's hard to imagine 2...
unless you're cycling for 2 miles...
20mph: but that requires a multiplication
of 2 via 0 and the mph suffix...

2 is hard to "imagine": translate into an image...
it becomes too symbolic:
a symbol isn't an image...
a pair... most likely...
2 would be a 7... with a curved base
and medium: chiral... chimera...

hope is faith = a red circle...
what's more important is...
  the secular variation of: to counter hopelessness...
the antonym of belief:
the negation of doubt... oddly enough...
the antonym of belief shouldn't
be the negation of doubt:
since the antonym of belief is doubt...
well: the antonym of doubt is most probably
negation...
bad faith... alias...
        
a drunk's muddles... muddles...
spaghetti for shoelaces...
now i rather walk either barefoot or in one sandal...
my left foot...
i'm right-handed ergo right footed...
i'd need a sandal on my "weaker" foot...
which foot is supposedly weaker
when i'm peddling?
kicking a ball... sure... the "weaker" left foot...
foot... because not the whole leg...
holding a pen: my right hand...
but i could coordinate left hand fingers
pointing as i would with my right hand... fingers...

- yes... the wine... to oil up my fingers
and to wet my appetite for the tongue
to rummage in its cave of 32 pearls...
then a knockout of a trap of ms. amber...
to put me out of my "misery":

and with these words: what conversation
would i have... a challenging life...
there is so much everyday soap opera drama
to get through though:
eyes glued to the television... perhaps...
the news: i'm still going to vouch for
a higher status of advertisers to that of journalists...
after all: in the editorial section...
the commentary section:
newspapers are sold... they're not pamphlets...
journalists are not... punk:
they're not pamphleteers...
apparently...

  are these words sacrosanct?
          nor are the words in a newspaper
in the opinions section:
are these words... cursed? i imagine they hold
a sway of cruelty about them...
teasing with mottos like:
to make art rather than money...
to forever escape the formality of language:
i'll be perched on a windowsill:
the whole 6ft2 200lb of me
cradling the night and...
one insomniac magpie or a crow...
accomplice of the moon...

ol' baldy... tod-kopf... grinning idiot...
and his nation has the flag
in the following colours:
red, yellow and white...
  i will not make money:
i already don't earn what i wouldn't
otherwise spend...
even in central London i pass these
homeless men and think:
they have achieved the stature
of Diogenes of Sinope...
but they're still... clutter of what could
agitate thought...
i found one mesmerised into a mantra
bemoaning the river of people
imploring them to see him:
the solipsist that he was...

the mantra run along the lines of
the following words: 'some recognition, please'...
on a ******* loop...
if i were down there:
i'd ask for a flute... while rendering the rats
to an obedience...
whimsical me... the charm of a dream...
although not tempting dragons
into the whole affair:
stray dogs is already pushing it!

- a dietary requirement of needing to feed
on... cow intestines...
the thirst word that comes to mind
via my translation: trollop...
tripe soup...
                    and all the edible parts of
the pig's body... including the parts
adorned to be worn as leather:
shoes... belts...
                            mmm... i will never understand
the Semite: whether Hebrew or Arab...
the critique of the desert gods' critique of
pig...
sheep stinks... here's mine...
you can eat almost all of pig:  except the nails
and the oink...

dry ******* a camel's... ****?
in between that... currency of Dubai buck latex:
only-fans: watch an American girl **** into
a bucket?
oh sure... this one time in Amsterdam...
i walked in on one of those peaches
of Puerto Rico...
she kept the window open so she could
moan... entice more customers in...
a little black boy brought me a can of beer...
while she ****** into a bucket...
all gratis...

i'd win the lottery aiming at homelessness
in Amsterdam...
just for the licks, kicks and...
lycra long-shorts... worn beneath...
decent garments for peddling...
the closest material i'll ever come across
to... compare with... mr. and mrs. gimp's latex
full-on... save the church: attire...

- i might have mentioned this once, twice...
thrice already...
a collection of 72: dobbermans,
rottweilers and alsatians stand between
me imagining a middle ground between
Valhalla & Jannah...
forgive me from lying to those timid
creatures... who probably turn out to
be man-flesh eating mermaids...

a ******* tamed by as many pedestrians
as she might already be tamed by:
and a ******? and there's supposedly
72 of them?
**** it... throw in a wrestling with
72 rottweilers...

to objectify a woman with metaphors:
is as close as i'll ever come across
painting an imitation Munch...
  *** like a Lamborghini...
a body of a well worn armchair...
and all the rest of "it": experience of an alcoholic
surgeon...
the whole body: an extension of her
mandible parts: esp. the jaw...
how she pretends to eat "something" would
needing to tease beyond the tease
of the nibble: all the world in the foray
of foreplay... before the "ugly" parts
come together: the eyes come first...
the tongues... the hands... the lips...

the arithmetic of fingers
and the arithmetic of the remaining body parts...
if i were rich enough to: if i were as poor as ****
but had the capacity to paint:
perhaps...
pause... insinuate a punctuation that's: mine...
forget the form... the rigidity of both
rhyme & / or lyricism...
of those brackets of verse of paragraphs...
now i'm looking for an imitator...

- perhaps unlike the analysis of Samuel Beckett's
use of the bicycle...
by none other than Milan Kundera...
come the nacht...
the air thins out...
i receive a jolt of momentum...
i can hear church bells from a mile afar...
and trains: that give of a whiff of
horses galloping imitation:
the air thins out... i gain momentum...
i like the concept of generating my own
momentum: breaking my body...

plus... the bicycle has given me
the added dimension of meaning:
with speed i have an AGENCY...

- i "think" of a woman i think of her
walking into the forest with me
in the zenith of the night...
impossible to come by...
nay: imaginary...
  who's this pseudo-Athena...
this Sophia that never materialises...
this almost Aphrodite deity that bridges
the concept of titan with man?

come night and some flashes of genius...
come day and a return to:
all that's accurately mundane...
the same people talking with their same
lot of arrogance... pride... fakery...
hoisting up their litany of...
          keeping up:
well... it was hardly called
sense & sentimentality...
was it? it was called: sense & sensibility
for a reason...
although: at the time of writing...
prudent girls:
2nd or 3rd or 4th wave of the ****** revolution:
seems to me... only the girls have
progressed...

the white girls are making all the shots:
said one mixed-race guy to a white boyo
on a street...
i guess they are...
do i mind?
i'm into Turkic girls...
ol' raven haired types...
blue-black hair types...
ink types...

              blotches of cull against the wind...
the sensation of pouring some whiskey
into a glass where once...
those red stained ice-cubes entertained
a more sober moi...
a more: deliberative typo...

don't mind me...
but if my freedoms are being undermined
by a polity of objects expressing their freedom
in a fashion:
of... however much they don't wish or want...
but nonetheless do...
here's my: butterfly to their... hurricane of...
nonchalance...
murdering them isn't enough...
living with them is already a ******...

if only i... if only i...
hence my need to remind myself: solo...
cycling in the night...
aiming at the prospect of a traffic accident...
for the thrills for the Parisian
cosmopolitan affair simulation...

goodnight: riddle and riddance.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2021
well... i have to agree... with my myself: who else?
exercising the torso would be...
just fine... getting a six-pack muscular "tinge"
even better...
it's not enough to cycle... press-up your body
weight so your man-***** disappear...
but then... the aesthetic of a ribbed:
what's otherwise a cage that encompasses
all the sort organs...
body-hair... i'm not going to shave my chest hair
therefore i'm not going to shave my stomach
hair...
hell... from time to time i get an itch: wanting
to revive the use of the razor...
but inspecting the work of the Turkish barbers...
it's not a prized beard / moustache...
**** me... it's a fu manchu and a walrus
   (when did i last see a barber?
the last time: after i saw a *******...
so about a month)
                                      and a garibaldi...
obviously the chin needs hiding...

but you simply can't pull off the aesthetic
of an athletic torso
when you have bush-whack sprouts growing
over it...
impossible to do...
best to leave one area of the body soft
to allow for some: liver-boxing...
like today... 2 and a half hours...
i did the inspection of Havering...
the entire council... from Havering itself:
a little village on the tip of the "topography"...
on a hill... founded prior to the battle of Hastings...
1040... something or other...
all the way down to the village of Rainham...
just beside the A13 to the "left"
and the Thames river to the "right"...
Upminster and that other little village
beginning with A-...

every time i get on my cheap-*** bicycle
i find the meaning of life...
not that there's much life to be found:
but plenty of meaning...
if i'm this supposed 6ft category of man...
for the choosiest of women
and i have it... ahem... "rough"...
no wonder... but mea culpa moi:
i'm also a minimalist...
even if i wanted to own a car...
or a bike... i wouldn't want to...
own it: but also not... own it...
pay a tax on it... to use...
a road tax... an m.o.t. you name it...
i like owning something: by owning it...

the idea of a car is so... beside the point
of ownership that...
i simply don't want to own one...
my grandfather didn't own a car:
my grandmother always: the mantis that she:
still is... even though he's "transitioned"...
regretted how he: ****** away
a Mercedes-Benz...
me too... ol' Joseph... i'm also counting
how many i can find...
find what?
how many goldfish with no wishes i can find
at the end of a bottle of bourbon...

it suits me fine...
a life is much more worth living when...
you know that...
someone can't blame you for your shortcomings...
if were to be staged in a trial
and a woman would claim with as much audacity as
might be expected that:
i made her miserable because i had... have... have...
had... a drinking "problem":
i already had the SOLUTION!
it was drinking: it wouldn't be her redeeming
company... prostitutes are for that...

what have i inherited: perhaps all the men in
my lineage have had "problems" with women...
how much fun it is to **** one:
to be with one... i just need my mother as
the perfect example... of late: come 9pm she throws
a tantrum while i sort out the food
and help her with the household chores...
the one time i will or ever have used
Fahrenheit over Celsius...
165°C is the most perfect temp. of chicken meat...
anything above it... a memory of my grandmother
butchering a chicken twice:
it's one "thing" to **** a chicken...
it's another... to don't give it due justice
when it's cooked...
an oven cooked chicken with ******* so un-juicy
that you wish you could be eating pure gelatine...
smacker... teeth seem to stick together...
shoe-lacing of teeth on over-cooked
chicken meat...         it's an ugh it's a smacker...

i once dated a Russian girl...
she "thought": hardly... that it was some sort
of an innovation to drink cognac with a slice
of lemon...
she also "thought" that a suntan was
a signature of lower-breeding...
a suntan was a peasant "thing"...

juicy chicken *******... perhaps the skin isn't
"suntanned" enough... but at least the juices are running...
you can't butcher a bird twice...
it's enough killing it...
but not giving it justice when cooking it?!
that's... mildly: unfair...

in the supposing absence of the world:
alias for: other people...
i can't remember the last time i've had a dream...
i look at the clouds...
there's a bearded man
reclining... with a baby dragon
on his chest: puffing out smoke
into the shape of a speech bubble...
i'm bound to see such things...
since i don't dream...

perhaps if i were to dream: i wouldn't see
stories in the clouds...
i'm growing suspicious of the she-maine-****
in my bed right now...
she usually "disappears" when i light a cigarette...
eyes piercing...
i thought petting cats was
supposed to be easy! she was supposed
to ******* and do her solipsistic hair-do in purple
and peacock subtleties long before
i came around to harness the keyboard...
but there she is... eyes piercing...
like i'm about to groom her again
and go wild with her uptight **** of an ***
cycling between outer London and inner London:
yet still going back to the tested brothel!

- oh good, she decided she was implied as more
important in some "elsewhere"...
i can keep a focus on immoveable objects
in my vicinity...

closer to eternity on a bicycle than with
72 virgins... closer to eternity with 72 prostitutes...
if i were going to be thoroughly: frank...
cannibalistic outskirts: of Germany:
literally we eat our own...
since the Christian metaphors will...
simply not do...
excavate the juices... the German fringe
"movement" are teasing the questions:
literally!

i was gagging for either a bicycle...
Thurrock... the flatlands... teasing the Thames
to: hold the tide...
the German cannibals...
an unlikely project... on the fringes...
the world might blink thoroughly through
the day...
eyes open... wide: come the: NACHT...
i see you... Albert Fisch... pushing needles
into your pelvis...
for the added conductivity... blizzard...

you simply can't butcher a chicken: twice!
you can't overcook the meat!
it's not fair on the cluck! cluck!

while making a Waldorf "profanity"... i added some
poached: said... meat... reiterated... meat...
i was making a rosół...
a chicken broth... all that was missing
was the celeriac head...
celery stalks... carrots... a parsley root...
garlic... leek stalks...
fresh parsley... i had some leftovers...

the Waldorf "profanity"...
i added some poached chicken thigh meat
to the usual: mayo... lettuce...
toasted walnuts:
mind you... all nuts ought to be toasted...
beginning with cashews...
walnuts... but pecans esp.
apple & celery..
    
my heart breaks while it still doesn't find concerns
to abdicate: for the crows of via death...
"gammon": all these simple girls...
from the villages from Havering through
to Rainham...
such native beauties... lucky them...
i live two outsider roles...
not born in England: having most of my life
lived in England...
born in Poland: having most of my life
not lived in Poland: hey! quadratic!
i'm an outside either way i "will" it"
i'm an outsider in either England or Poland!
born in Poland without an inkling
to the daily affairs,...
living in England... without anything that
to be inherited as... sensibly... "their" own!

numbed by the drink....
**** serve mollusk: she's the pitch-perfect
harem piece,,,
2 days? really? 2 ways: tow two ouch days?
i have written anything in two days?
well!
that must stand corrected:
if i'm a poet therefore i'm a bad journalist
and battling insomia... and god:
and the night walking
Heraclitus and Bertnard Russell...
what five, 5, 5iver books would
i bring to Kauai and teach Reyla
the glory of books...
i know one... Cantos... Ezra...
Bukowski:
something about walking through
the fire...
no no... Bukoswski is right:
just two books..
the one you haven't finished
but were reading over there
and a book to glorify the memory of
your grandfather's hospitality
and learning...
your time alone:
books then:
Knausgaard's vol 6 and ******...
the jumbee jump
into ****** and Elert as two human wholes:
double-think>?
Orwell didn't mention double-think did he?
serialized Harlequinn of the low
hanging fruit of prophecy...
try Solomon's agtitation with  a persistence
for a stability in and of time...

such a different cat to human dynamic
when i'm left alone
in a house full of the alchemy of ghosts...
something that Christianity never
allowed itself to have:
but the cult of science is there
and when create a strcuture for a religion
too...
religion of the antithesis of consciousness
as the Arabs proposed...
with the thesis being concentration
and focus...
focus...                         focus:
honing in machine...
        public scrutiny unlike taking pictures
of suicide in a spot in Japan:
the argument:
a father and two sons
had wine drenched t-shirts...
started the argument...
as judge, inquirer,
empathy-defendend
as sympathy-accussed...
                     an? not and? not defendant?
i'm experiecing a freeflow to
understand dyslacia...
can i pleas write without AI
underlining my words:
fgo: a period of 10min?!
pole: please please:

             my wife asked me:
i replied: what big bang?
in a ******* vacuum?
so the interlude:
i monkey, chain: asked:
exasctly:
she's ultra-Christian dream-lady
not a cat-lady
a dream-lady
she asked for a night-walker
and chatterer for a lover...
she asked for a night-walker
and a chatterer for a lover...
thrice?!

wait wait: so i wasn't supposed to throw
the party?
oh: right: i don't know enough people...
i thought it was only me and you (Greg)
and Alex...
i am introverted so i will probably
spend most of the time talking
to your daughter:
and if i will wear a Taylor Swift t-shirt
it will indicate white knights
of the light geekdom
unlike the black and BARACK UBAMA
                        IRON MAIDEN!
so much in my head: St. Augustine...
catholic safe haven
for abused leftover Prostentatism
of the Gospel DISPERSE choir...
who heard them:
why did i travel to Hawaii
and fall over my knees and Achilleses
and... seriously?
unearth an ancient people who were
asking from Asia: toward the sea
from Taiwann...
because...
the...
"supposed"
European dict...

then i laughed so hard and woke
the sleeping cat
on my desk that's my bed:
van gogh and ear and chair
descartes and thought and table
what did i start to do?
licked my index middle and ring
with my saliva my painting
then started to groom  my pet
by giving him gel for a fringe
but not gelatine and whiskers...
licked it like my favorite scene
where Quicksilver saves
all those children from the school
after the explosion...
but... i'm not Quicksilver...
i'm Quicksilver's father: Magento...

i thought i was throwing the party...
oh: the kido cried because she got
a taylor swift t-shirt with some bangles...
i have only one left:
anti-hero...
      
             so... let's spealk grammar?
don't think so...
i think i thought about something
too: altoge....

cats ask finish: feel good chaos:
best good English Whitechapel y'ah
alles gut... blah blah...
                Jacob STD phobe:
enzyme... cultural icon too:
but scientifically:
what is individual in biology and chemistry
physics etc.
but with religion
after christ a madman...
so... the balancing act:
can't allow Buddha in into this dynamic
of the chimera of scrutiny of
employability:
still don't think we're on the numbers:
why-how

        outliers where: when:
fire is how?
water is why?
air is where?
when is earth?                           ask...

one...          i give one person one time:
to tell me where i made the intitatial mistakes
having being the first
to find this problem:

sie(tail)
         is not the self
or the self-absence:
sie(tail-e)
began the process of
automation:
a.i.: efficieciency:
this Holocaust will be covert:
slow... it has to be slow:
can only tell an idiot
he's one once:
nail: to no hammer:
just a coffin:
they sort of sink in and keep
the matter shut...
we don't need retards in heaven
these retards of christ
of the earth will not be resurrected!
do you understand me?!
do you?!

DECORUM!
the argument and the stage of the court:
one father 2 sons...
against
Solomon... i am...
there came a judgement and i was called
an uncircumcised ****...
i have a *** Army father with two cucks...
he showcased me not being circumcised...
a ******* Jew in the Hammer Army?
seriously...
powernap... argument of a woman
and a vulnerable male
against three males, sober...
protecting their ******* smartphones?
i was: judge: i would have
the executioner powers had i had them
and shot them: dead to autumn
like concers and brains...

              decorum: you don't ******* film
an alcoholic trance of meditation
and then film a JApanese suicide of
just hanging around:
you *******... PLEB! you TV ZOMBIE...
the moon turned red when Alex
aseked me about my frequency
but i ssaid i had no favorite color:
favorite? seriously? do you have a favorite
word or shape?!
favorites who spoke this ****** Zodiac
paraphrase?!

my hand is a paw is to a feline tiger
a spider...
but as i mentioned:
the muddle: who strives to will a power:
without telepathy
or the comic script...
i'm not... prof X...
turn away digust of the cat that i wrote
those lines... who then for the children:
i should get bald?!
so much cultural affection of a dying kind...

the will to strife what becomes a will to strive:
simple:
ergonomic philosophy and
the fact that horses and cats
get to relax without fewer rats
and plough and wars

one finger: the cat continues to lie in my bed:
one finger: index:
i'm writing about you:
you're not a model
i'm not a painter:
i don't need your features:
i just need your summary:
your ontology...
i am sketching with poem
and you're not a cat...
i'm a fox godhead
and i'm looking for the cat godhead:
if i am the fox... no... now...

i'm the incubated house and intelligence
and the warm:
so my pride is
a fox is a toothless... Christian gay-lady
of homelessness that becomes
an affair of a grand household
on Mawney Road (roads are winding,
streets are rigid)
          
sorry, lost the plot...
i'm still conscious:
i'm still experiencing consciousness:
but i've lost concentration:
that dimension where thinking exists
to find and explore and share
meaning
of correlating the ancient Greek
genesis:
universals are synoynms
while particulars are antonyms...
maybe let's test it within the confines
of giving spain Sagrada Família...
i seriously thought i was hosting
the party:
the lasty bbq i hosted i ended up
a black girl in the attic of my bedroom:
maybe on neutral ground
i'll just buy my deducted price
Welsh whiskey
head up early and help with the prep...

— The End —